I will not say that my reverse of fortune did not depress me; indeed,
the first blow fell heavily; but that once past, a number of opposing
motives rallied my courage and nerved my heart. My father, I knew,
relied on me in this crisis to support his own strength. I had learned
to care less for extravagant habits and expensive tastes, by living
among those who accorded them little sympathy and less respect. Besides,
if my changed career excluded me from the race of fashion, it opened the
brilliant path of a soldier's life before me; and now every hour seemed
an age, until I should find myself among the gallant fellows who were
winning their laurels in the battlefields of the Peninsula.
According to the duke's appointment of the preceding evening I found
myself, at ten o'clock punctually, awaiting my turn to be introduced, in
the ante-chamber of the Horse Guards. The room was crowded with officers
in full dress. Some old white-haired generals of division had been
coming daily for years past to solicit commands, their fitness for which
lay only in their own doting imaginations; some, broken by sickness
and crippled with wounds, were seeking colonial appointments they never
could live to reach; hale and stout men in the prime of life were there
also, entreating exchanges which should accommodate their wives and
daughters, who preferred Bath or Cheltenham to the banks of the Tagus
or the snows of Canada. Among these, however, were many fine soldierlike
fellows, whose only request was to be sent where hard knocks were going,
careless of the climate and regardless of the cause. Another class
were thinly sprinkled around--young officers of the staff, many of them
delicate, effeminate-looking figures, herding scrupulously together,
and never condescending, by word or look, to acknowledge their brethren
about them. In this knot De Vere was conspicuous by the loud tone of his
voice and the continued titter of his unmeaning laugh. I have already
mentioned the consummate ease with which he could apparently forget all
unpleasant recollections, and accost the man whom he should have blushed
to meet. Now he exhibited this power in perfection; saluting me across
the room with a familiar motion of his hand, he called out--
'Ah, Hinton, you here, too? Sick of Ireland; I knew it would come to
that. Looking for something near town?'
A cold negative, and a colder bow, was my only answer.
Nothing abashed by this--indeed, to all seeming, quite indifferent to
it» he continued--
'Bad style of thing, Dublin; couldn't stand those con-founded talkers,
with their old jokes from circuit. _You_ were horribly bored, too; I saw
it.'
'I beg, my lord,' said I, in a tone of seriousness, the best exchange
I could assume for the deep annoyance I felt--'I beg that you will
not include me in your opinions respecting Ireland; I opine we differ
materially in our impressions on that country, and perhaps not without
reason too. These latter words I spoke with marked emphasis, and fixing
my eyes steadily on him.
'Very possibly,' lisped he, as coolly as before. 'I left it without
regret; you apparently ought to be there still! Ha, ha, ha! he has it
there, I think.'
The blood mounted to my face and temples as I heard these words, and
stepping close up beside him, I said slowly and distinctly--
'I thought, sir, that one lesson might have taught you with whom these
liberties were practicable.'
As I said thus much the door opened, and his grace the Duke of York
appeared. Abashed at having so far forgotten where I was, I stood
motionless and crimson for shame. Lord Dudley, on the contrary, bowed
reverently to his Royal Highness, without the slightest evidence of
discomposure or irritation, his easy smile curling his lip.
The duke turned from one to the other of us without speaking, his dark
eyes piercing, as it were, into our very hearts. 'Lord Dudley de Vere,'
said he at length, 'I have signed your appointment. Mr. Hinton, I am
sorry to find that the voice I have heard more than once within the last
five minutes, in an angry tone, was yours. Take care, sir, that this
forgetfulness does not grow upon you. The colonel of the Twenty-seventh
is not the person to overlook it, I promise you.'
'If your Royal Highness----'
'I must entreat you to spare me any explanations. You are gazetted
to the Twenty-seventh. I hope you will hold yourself in readiness for
immediate embarkation. Where's the detachment, Sir Howard?'
'At Chatham, your Royal Highness,' replied an old officer behind the
duke's shoulder. At the same moment his grace passed through the room,
conversing as he went with different persons about him.
As I turned away, I met Lord Dudley's eyes. They were riveted on me with
an expression of triumphant malice I had never seen in them before, and
I hurried homeward with a heart crushed and wounded.
I have but one reason for the mention of this trivial incident. It is to
show how often the studied courtesy, the well-practised deception,
that the fashion of the world teaches, will prevail over the heartfelt,
honest indignation which deep feeling evinces; and what a vast
superiority the very affectation of temper confers, in the judgment of
others who stand by the game of life and care nothing for the players at
either side. Let no one suspect me of lauding the mockery of virtue in
what I say here. I would merely impress on the young man who can feel
for the deep sorrow and abasement I suffered the importance of the
attainment of that self-command, of that restraint over any outbreak of
passion, when the very semblance of it insures respect and admiration.
It is very difficult to witness with indifference the preference of
those we have once loved for some other person; still more so, when that
other chances to be one we dislike. The breach of affection seems then
tinctured with a kind of betrayal; we call to mind how once we swayed
the temper and ruled the thoughts of her who now has thrown off her
allegiance; we feel, perhaps for the first time too, how forgotten are
all our lessons, how dead is all our wonted influence; we remember when
the least word, the slightest action, bent beneath our will; when our
smile was happiness and our very sadness a reproof; and now we see
ourselves unminded and neglected, and no more liberty to advise, no more
power to control, than the merest stranger of the passing hour. What a
wound to our self-love!
That my cousin Julia loved De Vere, O'Grady's suspicions had already
warned me; the little I had seen of her since my return strengthened
the impression, while his confident manner and assured tone confirmed
my worst fears. In my heart I knew how utterly unworthy he was of such a
girl; but then, if he had already won her affections, my knowledge came
too late. Besides, the changed circumstances of my own fortune, which
must soon become known, would render my interference suspicious, and
consequently of no value; and, after all, if I determined on such a
course, what allegation could I bring against him which he could not
explain away as the mere levity of the young officer associating among
those he looked down upon and despised?
Such were some of my reflections as I slowly returned homewards from
the Horse Guards. As I arrived, a travelling-carriage stood at the door;
boxes, imperials, and cap-cases littered the hall and steps; servants
were hurrying back and forward, and Mademoiselle Clémence, my mother's
maid, with a poodle under one arm and a macaw's cage in the other, was
adding to the confusion by directions in a composite language that would
have astonished Babel itself.
'What means all this?' said I. 'Is Lady Charlotte leaving town?'
'Miladi va partir----'
'Her ladyship's going to Hastings, sir,' said the butler, interrupting.
'Dr. T-----has been here this morning and recommends an immediate change
of air for her ladyship.'
'Is Sir George in the house?'
'No, sir, he's just gone out with the doctor.'
Ah, thought I, this then is a concerted measure to induce my mother to
leave town. 'Is Lady Julia at home?'
'Yes, sir, in the drawing-room.'
'Whose horse is that with the groom?' 'Lord Dudley de Vere's, sir; he's
upstairs.' Already had I turned to go to the drawing-room, when I heard
these words. Suddenly, a faint, half-sick feeling came over me, and I
hastened upstairs to my own room, actually dreading to meet any one as
I went. The blank future before me never seemed so cheerless as at that
moment--separated, without a chance of ever meeting, from the only one I
ever really loved; tortured by my doubts of her feeling for me (for
even now what would I not have given to know she loved me!) my worldly
prospects ruined; without a home; my cousin Julia, the only one who
retained either an interest in me or seemed to care for me, about to
give her hand to the man I hated and despised. 'How soon, and I shall
be alone in the world!' thought I; and already the cold selfishness of
isolation presented itself to my mind.
A gentle tap came to the door. I opened it; it was a message from Lady
Charlotte, requesting to see me in her room. As I passed the door of the
drawing-room I heard Lady Julia and Lord de Vere talking and laughing
together. He was, as usual, 'so amusing,' as my mother's letter called
him--doubtless, relating my hasty and intemperate conduct at the Horse
Guards. For an instant I stopped irresolute as to whether I should not
break suddenly in, and disconcert his lordship's practical coolness by
a disclosure: my better reason prevented me, and I passed on. Lady
Charlotte was seated in a deep arm-chair, inspecting the packing of
various articles of toilette and jewelry which were going on around her,
her cheek somewhat flushed from even this small excitement.
'Ah, dearest John, how d'ye do? Find a chair somewhere, and sit down by
me; you see what confusion we 're in. Dr. Y---- found there was not
an hour to spare; the heart he suspects to be sympathetically
engaged--don't put that Chantilly veil there, I shall never get at
it--and he advises Hastings for the present. He's coming with us,
however--I'll wear that ring, Clémence--and I must insist at his looking
at you. You are very pale to-day, and dark under the eyes; have you any
pain in the side?'
'None whatever, my dear mother; I'm quite well.'
'Pain is, however, a late symptom; my attack began with an--a sense
of--it was rather---- Has Bundal not sent back that bracelet? How very
provoking! Could you call there, dear John?--that tiresome man never
minds the servants--it's just on your way to the club, or the Horse
Guards, or somewhere.'
I could scarce help a smile, as I promised not to forget the commission.
'And now, my dear, how did his grace receive you? You saw him this
morning?'
'My interview was quite satisfactory on the main point. I am appointed
to the Twenty-seventh.'
'Why not on the staff, dear John? You surely don't mean to leave
England! Having been abroad already--in Ireland I mean--it's very hard
to expect you to go so soon again. Lady Jane Colthurst's son has never
been farther from her than Knightsbridge; and I'm sure I don't see why
we are to be treated worse than she is.'
'But my own wish----'
'Your own wish, my dear, could never be to give me uneasiness, which I
assure you you did very considerably while in Ireland. The horrid people
you made acquaintance with--my health, I'm certain, could never sustain
a repetition of the shock I experienced then.'
My mother leaned back and closed her eyes, as if some very dreadful
circumstance was passing across her memory; and I, half ashamed of the
position to which she would condemn me, was silent.
'There, that aigrette will do very well there, I'm sure. I don't know
why you are putting in all these things; I shall never want them again,
in all likelihood.'
The depressed tone in which these words were spoken did not affect me
much; for I knew well, from long habit, how my mother loved to dwell
on the possibility of that event, the bare suggestion of which, from
another, she couldn't have endured.
Just at this moment Julia entered in her travelling dress, a shawl
thrown negligently across her shoulders.
'I hope I have not delayed you. John, are we to have your company too?'
'No, my dear,' said my mother languidly, 'he's going to leave us. Some
foolish notion of active service----'
'Indeed!' said Julia, not waiting for the conclusion of the
speech--'indeed!' She drew near me, and as she did so her colour became
heightened, and her dark eyes grew darker and more meaning. 'You never
told me this!'
'I only knew it about an hour ago myself,' replied I coolly; 'and when I
was about to communicate my news to you I found you were engaged with a
visitor--Lord de Vere, I think.'
'Ah, yes, very true; he was here,' she said quickly; and then perceiving
that my eyes were fixed upon her, she turned her head hastily, and in
evident confusion.
'Dear me, is it so late?' said my mother with a sigh. 'I have some calls
to make yet. Don't you think, John, you could take them off my hands?
It's only to drop a card at Lady Blair's; and you could ask if Caroline
's better--though, poor thing, she can't be, of course; Dr. Y---- says
her malady is exactly my own. And then if you are passing Long's, tell
Sir Charles that our whist-party is put off--perhaps Grammont has told
him already. You may mention to Saunders that I shall not want the
horses till I return; and say I detest greys, they are so like city
people's equipages; and wait an instant'--here her ladyship took a small
ivory memorandum tablet from the table, and began reading from it a list
of commissions, some of them most ludicrously absurd. In the midst of
the catalogue my father entered hastily with his watch in his hand.
'You'll be dreadfully late on the road, Charlotte; and you forget Y----
must be back here early to-morrow.'
'So I had forgotten it,' said she with some animation; 'but we're quite
ready now. Clémence has done everything, I think. Come, John, give me
your arm, my dear: Julia always takes this side. Are you certain it
won't rain, Sir George?'
'I really cannot be positive,' said my father, smiling.
'I'm sure there's thunder in the air,' rejoined my mother; 'my nerves
would never bear a storm.'
Some dreadful catastrophe in the West Indies, where an earthquake had
swallowed up a whole population, occurred to her memory at the instant,
and the possibility of something similar occurring between Seven Oaks
and Tunbridge seemed to engross her entire attention. By this time we
reached the hall, where the servants, drawn up in double file, stood
in respectful silence. My mother's eyes were, however, directed upon
a figure which occupied the place next the door, and whose costume
certainly was strangely at variance with the accurate liveries about
him. An old white greatcoat with some twenty capes reaching nearly to
the ground (for the garment had been originally destined for a much
larger person), a glazed hat fastened down with a handkerchief passed
over it and tied under the chin, and a black-thorn stick with a little
bundle at the end of it were his most remarkable equipments.
'What is it? What can it be doing there?' said my mother, in a Siddons
tone of voice.
[Illustration: 3-081]
'What is it? Corny Delany, no less,' croaked out the little man in the
crankiest tone of his harsh voice. 'It's what remains of me, at laste!'
'Oh, yes,' said Julia, bursting into a laugh, 'Corny's coming as my
bodyguard. He'll sit in the rumble with Thomas.'
'What a shocking figure it is!' said my mother, surveying him through
her glass.
'Time doesn't improve either of us,' said Corny, with the grin of a
demon. Happily the observation was only heard by myself. 'Is it in silk
stockings I'd be trapesing about the roads all night, with the rheumatiz
in the small of my back! Ugh! the Haythina!'
My mother was at length seated in the carriage, with Julia beside
her--the hundred and one petty annoyances to make travelling
uncomfortable, by way of rendering it supportable, around her; Corny had
mounted to his place beside Thomas, who regarded him with a look of as
profound contempt as a sleek, well-fed pointer would confer upon some
mangy mongrel of the roadside; a hurried good-bye from my mother, a
quick, short glance from Julia, a whisper lost in the crash of the
wheels--and they were gone.