Could I ever have anticipated such happiness! The prince royal has
arrived; the pavilion, the park, and all, were for him, or rather for
me; for they know that he loves me, and to please him, the princes have
invented this pretext for bringing him to Janowiec. Great Heaven! what
will my fate be! I bless the happy accident that brought him here at
nightfall, for otherwise every one must have observed my blushes, my
embarrassment, and that throbbing at my heart which deprived me of the
power of speech and took away my breath; he too would have understood my
joy! I never saw him so tender before; but the future--what will that
be?...
Until now, I have always feigned not to comprehend the meaning of his
words, and have striven to hide from him all that was passing in my
soul; but can I always control myself when I must see him every moment?
Ah! how painful will be the effort!... What torture ever to repress the
best feelings of one's soul! To refuse expression to my thoughts, when
my thoughts are all personified in him.... Notwithstanding my efforts, I
fear lest my heart should be in my eyes, in my voice, in some word
apparently trivial.... God give me courage, for what can my future
destiny be? On what can I rely?... My fate sometimes appears to me so
brilliant, I foresee a superhuman happiness; and then again it seems to
me so dark and menacing that a shudder runs through my whole frame.
I do not know what to decide upon; I do not know whether I should trust
to my heart or my reason. Alas! my reason--I have only fears and
melancholy foreshadowings, which lead me back to the truth when I have
yielded too willingly to the enchantment of such sweet illusions.
If I could confide in any one; if I could find a friend and guide in the
princess! But my attachment to her is too respectful to be tender and
confiding; then she says, perhaps by chance, words which destroy my
desire to make a confidante of her. She blames the prince's character,
and pities the woman who would bind herself to him.... The palatine
gives me no assistance; he doubtless believes my virtue is strong enough
to suffice without aid or counsel.
I will accept all the happiness which Heaven may send me; I will guard
it as a sacred treasure, but I will commit no imprudence, no action
unworthy of my name. God will be my refuge; he will deign to enlighten
me. I passed the whole of last night in prayer. Ah! how sorry I am the
Abbé Baudoin is not here, for each day will be a new trial. The prince
will remain some time at the castle; the princes, his brothers, will
soon join him here, and great projects for hunting have been made.
_May 18th._ evening.
Heaven has been gracious, and my destiny is the happiest of all! I,
Frances Krasinska, in whose veins runs no royal blood, am to be the wife
of the prince royal, Duchess of Courland, and one day, perhaps, may wear
a crown.... He loves me, loves me beyond everything; he sacrifices his
father to me, and overleaps the inequality in our rank; he forgets all,
he loves me!
It seems to me I must be misled by some deceitful dream! Is it indeed
true that I went alone with him this afternoon to walk in the park? The
princess's recent accident was the cause. As she was ascending the
stairs of the pavilion, she made a false step, and was forced to remain
in the saloon with one of the young lady companions. Usually, she does
not leave us a single moment; but as her foot would not permit her to
walk, the princes, he and I, went without her. Prince Martin stopped by
the way to show the prince palatine some of his preparations for the
chase. The prince royal told them he preferred to walk on, and passed my
arm within his own. He was silent during some moments; I was surprised,
for I had always seen him so abounding in wit, and so fertile in
subjects of conversation. He finally asked me if I still persisted in
misunderstanding the motive which had brought him to Janowiec. I
replied, as usual, that the anticipated pleasures of the chase had
doubtless determined him to accept Prince Martin's invitation.
'No,' he said, 'I came for you, for myself, to secure the happiness of
my whole life.'
'Is it possible?' I cried; 'Prince, do you forget your rank, and the
throne which awaits you in the future? The prince royal should wed a
king's daughter!'
He replied: 'You, Frances, you are my queen; your charms first seduced
my eyes, and later, your truth and virtue subjugated my heart. Before I
knew you, I had been always accustomed to receive advances from women;
scarcely had I said a word, when I was overwhelmed with coquetries....
You, who have perhaps loved me more than they, you have avoided me; one
must divine your secret thoughts if one would love you without losing
all hope; you merit the loftiest throne in the universe, and if I
desired to be King of Poland, it would only be that I might place a
crown upon your noble and beautiful brow.'
My surprise, my happiness, deprived me of all power to reply; meanwhile,
the princes rejoined us, and the prince royal said to them:
'I here take you for the witnesses of my oath: I swear to wed no other
bride than Frances Krasinska; circumstances require secrecy until a
certain period, and you alone will know my love and my happiness: he who
betrays me will be henceforth my enemy.'
The princes made the most profound salutations, and expressed themselves
deeply honored by the prince royal's confidence; they assured him that
they would keep his secret most religiously; then, passing by my side,
they whispered in my ear, 'You are worthy of your good fortune,' and
departed.
I stood motionless and dumb, but the prince was so tender, his words
were so persuasive and so eloquent, that I ended by confessing to him
that I had long loved him: I believe one may, without criminality, make
this avowal to one's future husband.... The castle clock at length
struck midnight, that hour for ghosts and wandering spirits; after
midnight their power vanishes.... Can I yet be the plaything of an
illusion?... But no, all is true, my happiness is real, my grandeur is
no dream.... The ring I wear upon my finger attests its truth.
Barbara gave me a ring in the form of a serpent, the symbol of eternity;
the prince royal often fixed his eyes upon it, and now he has had one
made exactly like it, with this inscription: 'Forever,' which he has
exchanged with me for mine. Our first and holy betrothal had no
witnesses but the trees and the nightingales. I will tell no one of this
occurrence, not even the princess.
Alas! Barbara and my parents are also ignorant of it--they have not
blessed our rings; it was not my father who promised me to my betrothed,
nor has my mother given me her blessing!... Alas! my sorrow oppresses
me, and my face is bathed in tears.... Yes, all is true, this must
indeed be life, since I begin to suffer!