"The play is my life--next to you," Sam Wright's Sam was saying to his
father's tenant. He had left The Top before the two visitors arrived,
and as Dr. Lavendar had foreseen, had gone straight to the Stuffed
Animal House....
Helena was in a low chair, with David nestling sleepily in her arms;
Sam, looking up at her like a young St. John, half sat, half knelt, on
the step at her feet. The day had been hot, and evening had brought no
coolness; under the sentinel locusts on either side of the porch steps
the night was velvet black; but out over the garden there were stars. A
faint stirring of the air tilted the open bowls of the
evening-primroses, spilling a heavy sweetness into the shadows. The
house behind them was dark, for it was too hot for lamps. It was very
still and peaceful and commonplace--a woman, a dozing child, and the
soft night. Young Sam, so sensitive to moods, had fallen at once into
the peace and was content to sit silently at Helena's feet.... Then
David broke in upon the tranquillity by remarking, with a sigh, that he
must go to bed.
"I heard the clock strike," he said sadly.
"I think you are a very good little boy," Helena declared with
admiration.
"Dr. Lavendar said I must," David explained crossly. "You're
misbehavious if you don't do what Dr. Lavendar says. Mrs. Richie, is
heaven up in the sky?"
"Why, I suppose so," she said hesitating.
"What do they stand on?" David inquired. "There isn't any floor," he
insisted doggedly, for she laughed under her breath.
Helena looked over at Sam, who was not in the least amused. Then she
kissed the top of David's head. "I wish I could make his hair curl,"
she said. "I knew a little boy once--" she stopped and sighed.
She took the sleepy child up-stairs herself. Not for many guests would
she have lost the half-hour of putting him to bed. When she came back
her mind was full of him: "He hates to go to bed early," she told Sam,
"but he always walks off at eight, without a word from me, because he
promised Dr. Lavendar he would. I think it is wonderful."
Sam was not interested,
"And he is so funny! He says such unexpected things. He told me
yesterday that Sarah 'slept out loud';--Sarah's room is next to his."
"What did he mean?" Sam said, with the curious literalness of the
poetic temperament, entirely devoid of humor. But he did not wait for
an answer; he locked his hands about his knee, and leaning his head
back, looked up through the leaves at the stars. "How sweet the locust
blossoms are!" he said. One of the yellow-white flakes fell and touched
his cheek.
"They are falling so now," she said, "that the porch has to be swept
twice a day."
He smiled, and brushing his palm along the step, caught a handful of
them, "Every night you sit here all alone; I wish--"
"Oh, I like to be alone," she interrupted. As the balm of David's
presence faded, and the worship in the young man's eyes burned clearer,
that old joke of Lloyd's stabbed her. She wished he would go. "How does
the drama get on?" she asked, with an effort.
Sam frowned and said something of his father's impatience with his
writing. "But I am only happy when I am writing; and when I am with
you. The play is my life,--next to you."
"Please don't!" she said; and then held her breath to listen. "I think
I hear David. Excuse me a minute." She fled into the house and
up-stairs to David's room. "Did you want me, precious?" she said
panting.
David opened dreaming eyes and looked at her. He had called out in his
sleep, but was quiet again, and did not need her eager arms, her lips
on his hair, her voice murmuring in his ear. But she could not stop
cuddling the small warm body; she forgot Sam and his play, and even her
own dull ache of discontent,--an ache that was bringing a subtle change
into her face, a faint line on her forehead, and a suggestion of depth,
and even pain, in the pleasant shallows of her leaf-brown eyes. Perhaps
the discontent was mere weariness of the whole situation; if so, she
did not recognize it for what it was. Her fellow-prisoner, straining
furtively against the bond of the flesh which was all that held him to
her, might have enlightened her, but he took her love so for granted,
that he never suspected the discontent. However, watching David, Helena
was herself unconscious of it; when she was sure the little boy was
sound asleep she stole the "forty kisses," which as yet he had not
granted; folded the sheet back lest he might be too hot; drew a thin
blanket over his feet, and then stood and looked at him. Suddenly,
remembering Sam Wright, she turned away; but hesitated at the door, and
came back for one more look. At last, with a sigh, she went downstairs.
"He loves your rabbits," she told Sam; "he has named them Mr. George
Rufus Smith and Mrs. Minnie Lily Smith."
"It is all finished," said Sam.
"What is finished?"
"The drama," the young man explained.
"Oh," she said, "do forgive me! My mind is so full of David, I can't
think of anything else."
He smiled at that. "You couldn't do anything I wouldn't forgive,"
"Couldn't I?"
He looked up at her, wistfully. "I love you, you know."
"Oh, please, please--"
"I love you," he said, trembling.
"Sam," she said--and in her distress she put her hand on his
shoulder--"you don't really care for me. I am so much older, and--there
are other reasons. Oh, why did I come here!" she burst out. "You
displease me very much when you talk this way!" She pushed her chair
back, and would have risen but for his detaining hand upon her arm.
"Will you marry me?"
"No! of course I won't!"
"Why?"
"Because--" she stopped; then, breathlessly; "I only want to be let
alone, I came to Old Chester to be alone. I didn't want to thrust
myself on you.--any of you!"
"You never did," he said wonderingly. "You? Why, there never was
anybody so reserved, so--shy, almost. That's one reason I love you, I
guess," he said boyishly.
"You mustn't love me."
"Will you marry me?" he repeated. "Oh, I know; it is like asking an
angel to come down out of heaven--"
"An angel!"
"Mrs. Richie, isn't it possible for you to care, just a little, and
marry me?"
"No, Sam: indeed it isn't. Please don't think of it any more."
"Is it because you love him, still?"
"Love--_him?_" she breathed.
"He is dead," Sam said; "and I thought from something you once said,
that you didn't really love him. But if you do--"
"My--husband, you mean? No! I don't. I never did. That's not the
reason; oh, why did I come here?" she said in a distressed whisper.
At that he lifted his head. "Don't be unhappy. It doesn't matter about
me." His eyes glittered. "'All is dross that is not Helena'! I shall
love you as long as I live, even if you don't marry me.
Perhaps--perhaps I wouldn't if you did!"
He did not notice her involuntary start of astonishment, he rose, and
lifting his arms to the sky, stood motionless, rapt, as if in wordless
appeal to heaven. Then his arms dropped. "No," he said, speaking with
curious thoughtfulness: "no; you would be human if you could marry a
fool like me." Helena made a protesting gesture, but he went on,
quietly: "Oh, yes; I am a fool. I've been told so all my life; but I
knew it, anyhow. Nobody need have told me. Of course you couldn't marry
me! If you could, you would be like me. And I would not want that. No;
you are God to me. Stay divine."
Helena put her hands over her ears.
"But please, can't you love me? We needn't be married, if you'd rather
not. If you'll just love me a little?"
The innocence of the plea for love without marriage struck her with a
dull humor that faded into annoyance that she should see the humor. It
was an uncomfortable sensation, and she hated discomfort; in her desire
to escape from it, she spoke with quick impatience. "No, Sam, of course
not,--not the way you want me to. Why, you are just a boy, you know!"
she added, lightly.
But Sam threw himself on his knees beside her, and pressed his head
against her skirts. "Oh, are you _sure_, Mrs. Richie? Why, it seems to
me you might--just a little? Can't you? You see, I'm so lonely," he
ended pitifully. His innocent solemn eyes were limpid with tears, and
he looked at her with terrified beseeching, like a lost child.
The tears that sprang to her eyes were almost motherly; for an
impetuous instant she bent over him, then drew back sharply, and the
tears dried in a hot pang of shame. "No, Sam; I can't. Oh, I am so
sorry! Please forgive me--I ought not to have let you--but I didn't
know--yes; I did know! And I ought to have stopped you. It's my fault.
Oh, how selfish I have been! But it's horrible to have you talk this
way! Won't you please not say anything more?" She was incoherent to the
point of crying.
Sam looked out over the dark garden in silence. "Well," he said slowly,
"if you can't, then I don't want to see you. It would hurt me too much
to see you. I'll go away. I will go on loving you, but I will go away,
so that I needn't see you. Yes; I will leave Old Chester--"
"Oh, I wish you would," she said.
"You don't love me," he repeated, in a sort of hopeless astonishment;
"why, I can't seem to believe it! I thought you must--I love you so.
But no, you don't. Not even just a little. Well--"
And without another word he left her. She could not hear his step on
the locust flowers on the porch.