5th. Greatly improved catering, on board, _absolutely necessary_. More
hands to wait at table.
6th. Other improvements _essential_, but not necessary to mention here
in detail.
* * *
On board an excursion steamer I would retain the musicians, especially
the cornet; so many persons "come out for a blow" that the absence of
this member of the orchestra would be seriously felt.
* * *
_On board our steamer "The Brighton," to Tenby and back._--I think we
must have had "the Something-ean minstrels," whose performance was so
graphically described by DICKENS in _Pickwick_ as enlivening
Mrs. LEO HUNTER'S garden party, when "three of them grunted
and the fourth howled"; only that, on this occasion, there were about
eight or ten of these minstrel boys from Cardiff, who, having left
their Welsh harps behind them, sat in the centre of the upper deck,
inflicting their delightful melodies on such of the passengers as were
unable to get out of earshot without either going below, where it was
"stuffy," or into the fore part of the vessel. When these Cambrian
Choristers were not singing they indulged in a little rough and ready
play with each others caps, a humorous proceeding that seemed to afford
them almost as much pleasure as did the sound of their own voices, for
the applause with which they greeted every specimen of their skill in
vocalisation was touchingly unanimous. In this demonstration of mutual
approbation I did not notice any passengers taking part.
* * *
Now suppose a party of amateur and comic musicians, a party of
amateur choristers, and a Salvationist chorus all on board at the
same time, and suppose that all these different parties had commenced
simultaneously, each party giving its special form of entertainment,
would life be worth living on board that steamer? Surely the captain,
or the company, could put up a notice that only the paid professional
musicians would be allowed to play and sing on board, and so stop this
Excursionist Babel.
* * *
Advice to passengers by steamboat proposing to land at Lundy
Island--_Don't_. Lundy is a most interesting island, though it doesn't
look it. _Further Advice._--Stay on board and read all about Lundy
Island in your Murray's guide, and, probably, you will then have
acquired far more knowledge of the place than is ever obtained by the
majority who are permitted and even encouraged to crowd the rowing
boats plying between the steamer and the shore. I, _moi qui parle_,
saw the men bailing the water out of these boats as they returned from
shore; saw the men and women jammed up together trying to keep at least
their ankles dry; and if there had only been some playful 'Arries
among the lot, just a lurch to one side, or the other, would at least
have shipped enough water to have drenched them up to the knees, and
then one frightened person might in terror have capsized the boat. I
do not know who regulates these matters, I only describe what I saw
with my own eyes and what struck me as being decidedly perilous. Is it
impossible to build out a pier at Lundy Island? If impossible, cannot
some regulation as to the number every boat is to carry be enforced?[A]
[Footnote A: Since writing this Your Own Torrist is glad to find his
remarks anticipated by the _Western Daily Press_ (Bristol, September
6), which hints at improvements about to be made in the landing of
passengers both at Lynmouth and at the Mumbles. Let the condition of
things be bettered also at Lundy and at Ilfracombe.]
* * *
The perfumes of Ilfracombe (I think I saw the "Perfume d'Ilfracombe"
advertised as sold in bottles at a local hairdresser's) are various
at various times. Always on the Torrs is the perfume perfect. But
in the lower part of the town they are select and peculiar; as
thus:--Early morning, coming from bathing, and passing by hotels and
boarding-houses, appetising perfume of eggs and bacon everywhere, with
that of fried fish thrown in. The perfume in the road by the tennis
courts, where the donkey chairs and cabs stand, is, as may be imagined,
most delightful when all the flys and donkeys are there at midday,
afternoon, and evening. And in the early morning the faint reminiscence
of yesterday's donkey and cab-stand perfume is, it need hardly be said,
most exhilarating and delightful to the unbreakfasted passer-by.
* * * * *
New Version.
(_For the Nursery of the Future._)
There was a New Woman, and what do you think?
She lived upon nothing but paper and ink,
Though paper and ink formed her favourite diet,
This noisy New Woman could never keep quiet!
* * * * *
"CURRANT" RECORDS.--The Cunard steamer _Aleppo_, with a cargo
of 1500 tons of currants on board, has succeeded in raisin' the record
between Patras and Liverpool, having accomplished the voyage in 9 days
21-1/2 hours. This vessel has the honour of being the first in with
the new currant crop, and, as a reward, she will be allowed "enhanced
freights." 1500 tons of currants fully entitle her, we should say, to
"take the cake."
* * * * *