THE CONSQUINSIES.
The shevalliay did not die, for the ball came out of its own accord, in
the midst of a violent fever and inflamayshn which was brot on by the
wound. He was kept in bed for 6 weeks though, and did not recover for a
long time after.
As for master, his lot, I'm sorry to say, was wuss than that of his
advisary. Inflammation came on too; and, to make an ugly story short,
they were obliged to take off his hand at the rist.
He bore it, in cors, like a Trojin, and in a month he too was well, and
his wound heel'd; but I never see a man look so like a devvle as he used
sometimes, when he looked down at the stump!
To be sure, in Miss Griffinses eyes, this only indeerd him the mor. She
sent twenty noats a day to ask for him, calling him her beloved, her
unfortunat, her hero, her wictim, and I dono what. I've kep some of the
noats, as I tell you, and curiously sentimentle they are, beating the
sorrows of MacWhirter all to nothing.
Old Crabs used to come offen, and consumed a power of wine and seagars
at our house. I bleave he was at Paris because there was an exycution
in his own house in England; and his son was a sure find (as they say)
during his illness, and couldn't deny himself to the old genlmn. His
eveninx my lord spent reglar at Lady Griffin's; where, as master was
ill, I didn't go any more now, and where the shevalier wasn't there to
disturb him.
“You see how that woman hates you, Deuceace,” says my lord, one day, in
a fit of cander, after they had been talking about Lady Griffin: “SHE
HAS NOT DONE WITH YOU YET, I tell you fairly.”
“Curse her,” says master, in a fury, lifting up his maim'd arm--“curse
her! but I will be even with her one day. I am sure of Matilda: I took
care to put that beyond the reach of a failure. The girl must marry me,
for her own sake.”
“FOR HER OWN SAKE! O ho! Good, good!” My lord lifted his i's, and said
gravely, “I understand, my dear boy: it is an excellent plan.”
“Well,” says master, grinning fearcely and knowingly at his exlent old
father, “as the girl is safe, what harm can I fear from the fiend of a
step-mother?”
My lord only gev a long whizzle, and, soon after, taking up his hat,
walked off. I saw him sawnter down the Plas Vandome, and go in quite
calmly to the old door of Lady Griffinses hotel. Bless his old face!
such a puffickly good-natured, kind-hearted, merry, selfish old
scoundrel, I never shall see again.
His lordship was quite right in saying to master that “Lady Griffin
hadn't done with him.” No moar she had. But she never would have thought
of the nex game she was going to play, IF SOMEBODY HADN'T PUT HER UP TO
IT. Who did? If you red the above passidge, and saw how a venrabble old
genlmn took his hat, and sauntered down the Plas Vandome (looking hard
and kind at all the nussary-maids--buns they call them in France--in
the way), I leave you to guess who was the author of the nex scheam: a
woman, suttnly, never would have pitcht on it.
In the fuss payper which I wrote concerning Mr. Deuceace's adventers,
and his kind behayvior to Messrs. Dawkins and Blewitt, I had the honor
of laying before the public a skidewl of my master's detts, in witch was
the following itim:
“Bills of xchange and I.O.U.'s, 4963L. 0s. 0d.”
The I.O.U.se were trifling, say a thowsnd pound. The bills amountid to
four thowsnd moar.
Now, the lor is in France, that if a genlmn gives these in England, and
a French genlmn gits them in any way, he can pursew the Englishman who
has drawn them, even though he should be in France. Master did not know
this fact--laboring under a very common mistak, that, when onst out of
England, he might wissle at all the debts he left behind him.
My Lady Griffin sent over to her slissators in London, who made
arrangemints with the persons who possest the fine collection of
ortografs on stampt paper which master had left behind him; and they
were glad enuff to take any oppertunity of getting back their money.
One fine morning, as I was looking about in the court-yard of our
hotel, talking to the servant-gals, as was my reglar custom, in order to
improve myself in the French languidge, one of them comes up to me and
says, “Tenez, Monsieur Charles, down below in the office there is
a bailiff, with a couple of gendarmes, who is asking for your
master--a-t-il des dettes par hasard?”
I was struck all of a heap--the truth flasht on my mind's hi.
“Toinette,” says I, for that was the gal's name--“Toinette,” says
I, giving her a kiss, “keep them for two minits, as you valyou my
affeckshn;” and then I gave her another kiss, and ran up stares to our
chambers. Master had now pretty well recovered of his wound, and was
aloud to drive abowt: it was lucky for him that he had the strength to
move. “Sir, sir,” says I, “the bailiffs are after you, and you must run
for your life.”
“Bailiff?” says he: “nonsense! I don't, thank heaven, owe a shilling to
any man.”
“Stuff, sir,” says I, forgetting my respeck; “don't you owe money in
England? I tell you the bailiffs are here, and will be on you in a
moment.”
As I spoke, cling cling, ling ling, goes the bell of the antyshamber,
and there they were sure enough!
What was to be done? Quick as litening, I throws off my livry coat,
claps my goold lace hat on master's head, and makes him put on my livry.
Then I wraps myself up in his dressing-gown, and lolling down on the
sofa, bids him open the dor.
There they were--the bailiff--two jondarms with him--Toinette, and an
old waiter. When Toinette sees master, she smiles, and says: “Dis donc,
Charles! ou est donc ton maitre? Chez lui, n'est-ce pas? C'est le jeune
a monsieur,” says she, curtsying to the bailiff.
The old waiter was just a-going to blurt out, “Mais ce n'est pas!” when
Toinette stops him, and says, “Laissez donc passer ces messieurs, vieux
bete;” and in they walk, the 2 jon d'arms taking their post in the hall.
Master throws open the salong doar very gravely, and touching MY hat
says, “Have you any orders about the cab, sir?”
“Why, no, Chawls,” says I; “I shan't drive out to-day.”
The old bailiff grinned, for he understood English (having had plenty
of English customers), and says in French, as master goes out, “I think,
sir, you had better let your servant get a coach, for I am under the
painful necessity of arresting you, au nom de la loi, for the sum of
ninety-eight thousand seven hundred francs, owed by you to the Sieur
Jacques Francois Lebrun, of Paris;” and he pulls out a number of bills,
with master's acceptances on them sure enough.
“Take a chair, sir,” says I; and down he sits; and I began to chaff him,
as well as I could, about the weather, my illness, my sad axdent, having
lost one of my hands, which was stuck into my busum, and so on.
At last, after a minnit or two, I could contane no longer, and bust out
in a horse laff.
The old fellow turned quite pail, and began to suspect somethink.
“Hola!” says he; “gendarmes! a moi! a moi! Je suis floue, vole,” which
means, in English, that he was reglar sold.
The jondarmes jumped into the room, and so did Toinette and the
waiter. Grasefly rising from my arm-chare, I took my hand from my
dressing-gownd, and, flinging it open, stuck up on the chair one of the
neatest legs ever seen.
I then pinted majestickly--to what do you think?--to my PLUSH TITES!
those sellabrated inigspressables which have rendered me famous in
Yourope.
Taking the hint, the jondarmes and the servnts rord out laffing; and
so did Charles Yellowplush, Esquire, I can tell you. Old Grippard the
bailiff looked as if he would faint in his chare.
I heard a kab galloping like mad out of the hotel-gate, and knew then
that my master was safe.