Braintree, 9 October, 1775.
I have not been composed enough to write you since last Sabbath, when in
the bitterness of my soul I wrote a few confused lines, since which it
has pleased the great disposer of all events to add breach to breach.
"Rare are solitary woes, they leave a train
And tread each other's heel."
The day week that I was called to attend a dying parent's bed I was
again called to mourn the loss of one of my own family. I have just
returned from attending Patty to the grave. No doubt, long before this
will reach you, you have received a melancholy train of letters, in some
of which I mention her as dangerously sick. She has lain five weeks,
wanting a few days, so bad that we had little hope of her recovery. We
have yet great sickness in the town. She made the fourth corpse that was
this day committed to the ground. We have many others now so bad as to
despair of their lives.
But blessed be the Father of mercies, all our family are now well,
though I have my apprehension lest the malignity of the air in the house
may have infected some of them. We have fevers of various kinds, the
throat distemper as well as the dysentery prevailing in this and the
neighboring towns.
How long, O Lord, shall the whole land say, I am sick! Oh, show us
wherefore it is that Thou art thus contending with us! In a very
particular manner I have occasion to make this inquiry, who have had
breach upon breach--nor has one wound been permitted to be healed ere it
is made to bleed afresh. In six weeks I count five of my near
connections laid in the grave. Your aunt Simpson died at Milton about
ten days ago, with the dysentery.
But the heavy stroke which most of all disturbs me is my dear mother. I
cannot overcome my too selfish sorrow. All her tenderness towards me,
her care and anxiety for my welfare at all times; her watchfulness over
my infant years, her advice and instruction in maturer age,--all, all
endear her memory to me and heighten my sorrow for her loss. At the same
time, I know a patient submission is my duty. I will strive to obtain
it, but the lenient hand of time alone can blunt the keen edge of
sorrow. He who deigned to weep over a departed friend will surely
forgive a sorrow which at all times desires to be bounded and restrained
by a firm belief that a Being of infinite wisdom and unbounded goodness
will carve out my portion in tender mercy to me. Yea, though He slay me,
I will trust in Him, said holy Job. What though His corrective hand hath
been stretched against me; I will not murmur. Though earthly comforts
are taken away, I will not repine. He who gave them has surely a right
to limit their duration, and He has continued them to me much longer
than I deserve. I might have been stripped of my children, as many
others have been. I might,--oh, forbid it Heaven,--I might have been
left a solitary widow!
Still I have many blessings left, many comforts to be thankful for and
rejoice in. I am not left to mourn as one without hope.
Forgive me for thus dwelling upon a subject sweet to me, but I fear
painful to you. Oh, how I have longed for your bosom, to pour forth my
sorrows there and find a healing balm; but perhaps that has been denied
me that I might be led to a higher and a more permanent consolator who
has bid us all call upon Him in the day of trouble.
As this is the first day since your absence that I could write you that
we were all well, I desire to mark it with particular gratitude and
humbly hope that all my warnings and corrections are not in vain.
I most thankfully received your kind favor of the 26th, yesterday. It
gives me much pleasure to hear of your health. I pray Heaven for the
continuance of it. I hope for the future to be able to give you more
intelligence with regard to what passes out of my own little circle, but
such has been my distress that I know nothing of the political world.
You have doubtless heard of the villainy of one who has professed
himself a patriot.[103] But let not that man be trusted who can violate
private faith and cancel solemn covenants, who can leap over moral law
and laugh at Christianity. How is he to be bound whom neither honor nor
conscience holds? We have here a rumor that Rhode Island has shared the
fate of Charlestown. Is this the day we read of, when Satan was to be
loosed?
I do not hear of any inhabitants getting out of town. 'T is said Gage is
superseded and Howe in his place, and that Howe released the prisoners
from jail. 'T is also said, though not much credited, that Burgoyne is
gone to Philadelphia.
I hope to hear from you soon. Adieu, 't is almost twelve o'clock at
night. I have had so little sleep lately that I must bid you good-night.