_Visits to sick people._
LXXXVI. On the head of visits to sick people, there is much to be
said, as in making them, we should attend not only to the rules of
good-breeding, but to those of charity also; and it is impossible,
if we are wanting in the last of these obligations, for us to comply
with those of the first. Sick people, both with respect to their souls
and bodies, should be treated and dealt by with as much delicacy and
caution, as you would handle an exquisitely thin vessel of glass. A
sick body is affected by, and sensible of the slightest touch; and
an afflicted soul, may be inquieted by such a sensation as cannot be
defined.
LXXXVII. Visiting sick people, is not only an act of urbanity, but
an act of tenderness and humanity also; but in order to constitute
it such an act, it is essentially and absolutely necessary, that the
visit should be so managed, and attended with such circumstances, as
will afford relief and comfort to the sick person. But how many of
these kind of visits are experienced by the poor sick? one may venture
to assert, scarce one in fifty. The prudent part of mankind are but
few in number, but the visitors consists of many. What effect must
his visits have on a sick man, who tires and disgusts one in health
with them? Nor is it sufficient, that he who visits a sick person is
discreet, if his discretion does not lead to instruct him, when, how
much, and in what manner a sick person should be talked to. To know
when he should be talked to, the physician, and those who attend him
should be consulted; how much, in what manner, and on what subject,
must be determined and regulated, by the prudence of the person who
visits him.
LXXXVIII. The how much, is the point which visitors most commonly
mistake. Sick people should be but little talked to, even although
the subject of the conversation is such as they are fond of; for
their attention to what is talked of, is apt to fatigue them, and to
wade those spirits, which would be better employed in resisting the
disease. Thus it in general is better to leave them in that sort of
half slumber, and languid quiet of mind, which by not being disturbed
or interrupted, permits all the ideas that occur to them to pass easily
through the brain.
LXXXIX. With regard to the manner they should be talked to in, it
ought to be such, as by no means should inquiet or disturb them; and
to prevent their being surprized or alarmed, it will be necessary to
talk to them in a low voice. If loud talking is capable of cracking a
head of brass, what effect must it have on a glass one? They should not
be asked many questions, nor should they as little as possible, be put
under a necessity of replying to what is said of them, for from thence
there would result two fatigues, that of reasoning, and that of talking.
XC. The subject of the conversation with a sick Person, should in
general turn upon such things, as he was observed to be most fond of
when in health; for with respect both to the aliments of the soul,
as well as those of the body, I am of opinion, that physicians and
those who attend on, or visit sick people, should have regard to their
appetites and desires, and I am inclined to think, that with respect
to these particulars, there are frequent mistakes made, and especially
with relation to the aliments of the soul, for by making them grateful
to people, there will seldom any inconvenience result, but having
regard to doing this, may be attended with much use and benefit.
Whenever an epidemical distemper prevails in a town or country, it may
not be improper now and then, to talk to sick people on the subject
of that disorder; but in doing this, care should always be taken
to mention to them only those who have been visited with, and have
recovered from the disease; and regard should likewise be had, never to
say a word of such as have died of it; but I have known visitors who
were such blunderers, as scarce to tell a sick person any other news,
than that such a one, or such a one is dead. This tends to make a sick
man very unhappy, for according to the logic of his melancholy, he is
apt to conclude, that his death must be an infallible consequence of
that of the other persons.
XCI. To these general rules, I shall add a remark on two mistakes that
are very commonly fallen into by those who visit sick people. The first
of these is, their beginning upon their entrance into the chamber of
a sick person, if there are three or four of them, to ask him one by
one, how he goes on, and how he finds himself. A man had need have the
patience of Job, to answer such a number of identical questions. Even
in slight illnesses, the pain and uneasiness it gives a man to answer
the same string of questions over and over again, is very evident and
palpable. Therefore the method people should pursue in their visits
to a man who is seriously ill, should be, to ask in a low voice, how
he is of those who attend him. Or the expedient may be had recourse
to, that was practised by a friend of mine, who was of the same
religious order as myself; who when he was once very ill, to avoid this
inconvenience, ordered that every morning, there should be written on a
piece of paper, all the questions that are generally asked by visitors,
together with the answers to them; such as what sort of a night he
had had, whether the pain in his head was abated, whether his thirst
continued, or whether he had taken any nourishment, &c. This paper he
ordered to be stuck with wafers on the side of his chamber door, that
those who came to visit him might read it, in order to prevent their
fatiguing him with a number of those questions.
XCII. The second mistake, is that of all the visitors taking upon them
to be physicians, and to prescribe for the sick person. This is an
affectation practised by many; but when we consider, how abstruse and
how arduous a study physic is, and how long practice and experience it
requires to obtain a competent knowledge of it, and that the greatest
ingenuity is found to be unequal to the acquisition; I say when we
consider all this, must it not appear very absurd and presumptuous,
for every one to pretend to take upon him the office. Thus, whatever a
visitor fancies would be serviceable to the diseased person, either as
food, or medicine, he is continually teasing the sick man, and vexing
the physician with his recommendation of. How often have I seen very
prudent and able physicians, much perplexed to determine what they
should prescribe; and at the same time, have observed a thousand vain
pretenders flourish away, and very self-sufficiently, and much to their
own satisfaction, determine off hand, the medicine the patient should
take! How many times also have I seen these conceited wrong-headed
people, with their importunities, drive an able learned physician out
of his course, who had determined, after well considering all the
circumstances of his patient, to stand still for a little while, and
leave the disease to nature, in order to see which way she would point;
but persecuted and overcome by the pressing instances of the people
we have been mentioning, he is brought to break this resolution, and
to set pen to paper, and prescribe something that he had better have
desisted from ordering! These ignorant folks, are ever exclaiming that
nature should always be assisted. This is a grand aphorism; and one
that all the world pretend to understand; but what such men as we have
just mentioned fancy to be assisting nature, is in reality, and most
commonly, cutting off her legs and arms.