_Miscellaneous_
A Rope Without End
Two sailors were winding up a rope, and did not finish as quickly as they
expected.
“Where in the world,” cried one of them impatiently, “is that end?”
“I bet,” returned the other, “they have cut it off.”
The Long Dressing-gown
The wife of a well-known Berliner presented him on his birthday with a
dressing-gown. Agreeably surprised, he tried it on, but found that it
was about six inches too long. In the night a violent storm occurred.
The anxious wife arose and, to pass the time, took the dressing-gown and
shortened it. Then she retired again.
Now, with the family lived a very active sister-in-law, who was in the
habit of rising very early. On this morning she saw the dressing-gown,
and thinking to please her brother-in-law, she took it down and
shortened it six inches more. After breakfast the two ladies went to
market, and the husband, thinking of his dressing-gown, before going
to business, ordered the cook to take it to the tailor, and have it
shortened about six inches. In the afternoon the tailor returned it—a
jacket with tails.
A Suabian Prussian-hater
“We are nowhere, since we joined the Prussians; we must be soldiers, we
must pay taxes, and we must keep our mouths shut!”
“Now, tell the truth, Hans; when were you a soldier? When did you pay
taxes, and when did you ever keep your mouth shut?”
Equal to the Occasion
A clergyman living near Rastock, had an old man, one of his farm-hands,
drive him to Warnemünde to inspect a man-of-war. On the way he talked
about the big vessel they were going to see.
“Oh,” said his farm-hand, “I’ve seen a vessel like that often enough.”
“Where did you ever see a man-of-war?”
“At Portsmouth, when my regiment was shipped.”
“How did you get to Portsmouth?”
“We came there from Quebec. I was stationed in Canada a long time. Lots
of Indians there. They loafed around the streets, even their color wasn’t
like ours.”
“But how did you get there?”
“From Gibraltar, where it’s dreadfully hot, and nothing is there but
stones and rocks. Oh yes, they’ve monkeys and loads of dust.”
“But how in the world did you happen to strike Gibraltar?”
“Went with the Englishmen.”
“And how did you get among the Englishmen?”
The farm-hand scratched his head, grinned, and said: “I ran away from
here, because I did not want to be a soldier.”
The Last Train
“Could you tell me when the last train for Potsdam is going to leave?”
asked a traveler of his neighbor at the station.
“Well,” said he dryly, “I don’t suppose either of us will live to catch
it.”
A Questionable Dish
A German merchant dining with a Chinese Mandarin at Hongkong, seemed to
be very much pleased with the foreign dishes. He had just been enjoying
a roast, when the disquieting thought struck him, that he might have been
dining off a cat, as he had been told that the Chinese ate cats as well
as rats. He determined to find out. But unluckily the Chinaman did not
speak German, and the German did not understand Chinese, so the latter
pointed at the dish saying: “Miau, miau!”
“Wow, wow!” said the Chinaman, shaking his head.
The Host Could Not Leave
At a large evening party, one of the guests stood in a corner yawning.
“Are you very much bored, sir?” asked his neighbor.
“Yes, dreadfully,” was the answer. “And you?”
“Oh I am bored to death too.”
“How would it do, to clear out together?”
“I am sorry I can’t; I am the host.”
Proof Without Doubt
“Say, do you think we need the sun more than the moon?” asked one
corner-lounger of another.
“What a foolish question,” replied the other; “of course we need the
moon more; it’s light enough in daytime anyhow.”
A Question of Numbers
Professor (to a shepherd):—“A shepherd once told me that black sheep eat
a great deal less than the white ones. I supposed he told me a story?”
Shepherd:—“No, not at all!”
Professor:—“Well, how is that?”
Shepherd:—“Why, you know there are a great many more white ones than
black ones.”
Difference of Opinion
A young officer and a clergyman met at a party. The former, intending to
be witty, said: “If I had a stupid son, I would make a clergyman of him!”
The clergyman replied: “How opinions differ! Your sainted father thought
otherwise.”
He Could Not Swim
“Which one of you can swim?” asked a gentleman who wished to be rowed
across the lake. At once a number of boatmen surrounded him, crying:
“I, sir; I!” Only one remained at a distance.
“Can you not swim?” he asked the man.
“No, sir,” answered the boatman.
“Then you are the one to row me over.”
Gave What They Wished
During war time a parson wished to rouse his congregation to more
enthusiastic patriotism, so, when addressing them one day, he cried: “Ha!
Already I see the enemy coming, see him enter your village, burn your
homes, take away your wives and daughters! Yes, they are coming, they are
near; do you see the flags waving? Do you hear the beating of the drums?”
at the same time drumming on the pulpit with both fists. Immediately
the schoolmaster behind the pulpit imitated the blowing of a bugle. The
parson turning around, whispered: “Schoolmaster, what are you doing?”
“I am helping you, sir,” he replied. “I know our farmers. Infantry alone
won’t do; you want cavalry too.”
Located at Last
In one of Munich’s streets, a crowd had gathered around a little lost
boy. He answered all questions as to his name, where he lived, with: “I
don’t know.” There seemed nothing left to do, but to take him to the
police station, when some knowing fellow had a bright thought. He planted
himself in front of the boy saying, “Now you just tell me, sonny, where
do you buy your beer?”
“At the Franziskaner,” was the quick reply. There he was taken and was
soon identified.
A Wife’s Ten Commandments
1. Beware of the first quarrel. When it comes, fight it out bravely to
the end; it is of far-reaching consequence, that you should come out
victorious.
2. Never forget that you are married to a man, not to a God; then his
shortcomings will not surprise you.
3. Do not pester him continually for money, but try to get along with
your weekly allowance.
4. If your husband should not possess a heart, he undoubtedly owns a
stomach; you will be wise, if you try to gain his favor with well-cooked
food.
5. Now and then, not too often, let him have the last word; it pleases
him and you lose nothing by it.
6. Read something besides the death and birth-notices in the paper; it
will surprise him occasionally, that he can talk about current events
and politics at home, without having to go to the tavern for it.
7. Always, even when quarreling, be polite to him. Remember that you
looked up to him before marriage; don’t look down on him now.
8. At appropriate intervals permit him to know more than you do; it will
preserve his dignity, and it will be to your advantage to acknowledge,
now and then, that you are not infallible.
9. Be your husband’s friend, if he is clever; if he is not, try to
elevate him to be yours; never descend to his level.
10. Respect your husband’s relatives, particularly his mother; she has
loved him longer than you have!
Tempi Passati
“I count on your taking part in our charity-concert, Doctor. I have often
had occasion to admire your beautiful voice.”
“I regret exceedingly, sir, but since I have been married I have no
longer a voice.”
Forgot His Name
Professor Schnudlich (to letter-carrier):—“Any letters for me?”
Letter-carrier:—“What is your name?”
Professor:—“My—my—well now, I can’t think of my own name! I am always
forgetting something! And my wife, Frau Professor Schnudlich, is away
too. She could tell it to you instantly.”
The Lion’s Share
“How starved this lion looks, and yet the city allows a lot of money for
their food!”
“Well, I suppose the keeper takes the lion’s share.”
A Pious Wish
Lieutenant:—“Then you refuse me your daughter’s hand, sir? Ah, would that
my grief might soften your heart!”
Banker:—“I am sorry, sir, but in this instance I don’t follow my heart,
but my brain.”
Lieutenant:—“And may I not hope for a softening of the brain?”
The End in Sight
A tradesman punished his erring apprentice, saying, at the same time,
“How much longer are you going to serve the evil one?”
The boy replied, “You ought to know best, master; I believe my time is up
in four months.”
Flattering Likeness
One beautiful summer afternoon, Herr Fraulich decided to take his family
for a drive on the Prater in Vienna. After spending two hours over her
toilet his wife appeared at last, leading their little son.
“Oh Kathi,” cried the husband, when he saw them, “how could you dress the
child up like that! He looks simply crazy! I am not going to take you out
this way. I don’t want people to think that I am parading a monkey.”
On this there was an exchange of sharp words, but finally the husband
gave in and they set out. But on the stairs, Herr Fraulich, to spoil
his wife’s triumph, said, “You may say just what you like, I stick to
it—Franz looks just like a monkey.”
At the house-door they met a friend. She greeted them, kissed little
Franz, and remarked:
“What an angel of a child your Franz is—the very image of his father!”
The Stove Smoked
Servant:—“I am glad you like the room, sir. I hope you don’t mind smoke!”
Gentleman:—“Oh no, I smoke a great deal myself.”
Servant:—“That’s good; the stove here does too.”
A Novelty
Dude:—“Pshaw! Life is stale! I believe I’ll kill myself some day. But
how?”
“Have a thought shoot through your head for once.”
A Wonderful Cure
A gentleman who had trouble with his eyes went to an oculist to have
them examined. The physician took the eye out, put it on the table,
and examined the socket. When he turned around he was horrified to see
the cat in the act of swallowing the eye. He grabbed her, carried her
outside, took out one of her eyes, and returning to the consulting room,
replaced the gentleman’s with the cat’s eye, and told him to come back in
a week.
When the patient returned the oculist asked him if he could see.
“Oh, yes,” he answered; “I can see by day as well as by night.”
“Do you sleep well?”
“So, so! One of the eyes sleeps soundly, but it’s strange, the other
seems to be constantly on the lookout for mice.”
No Apology Necessary
A missionary was invited to a dinner at which the daughters of the house
appeared in low-neck dresses. The host thought it necessary to apologize
for the fashion. “Oh,” said the missionary, “I don’t mind it at all. I
ought to be used to it, having spent ten years among the aborigines.”
More Reliable
Wife:—“I believe you love your pipe better than you do me!”
Husband:—“Well, that doesn’t go out as much as you do!”
Easily Explained
Son:—“Is it true, father, that there are people living on the moon?”
Father (not wishing to betray his ignorance):—“Certainly, son.”
Son:—“But what becomes of the people when the moon wanes?”
Father:—“They wane too.”
A Karlsbad Scheme
“What doctor have you, Rosenthal?”
“What doctor? My neighbor in the next room has a doctor. When he comes
to see him, I listen at the door, and whatever he orders, I do. What need
have I, then, to spend a lot of good money on a doctor?”
A Good Financier
“Will you tell me, my dear friend, how you manage, that you are never
pressed for money, but always have plenty of it?”
“That is very simple; I never pay old debts.”
“But how about the new ones?”
“I let them grow old.”
Why Eve Had no Servant
“There is a great deal of talk about women’s faults, and the reasons why
they need so much waiting upon. The question has even been asked—by a man
of course,—why the dear Lord, in making Eve, from one of Adam’s ribs, did
not make a servant for her at the same time.
“We are able to answer this question satisfactorily. She simply did not
need a servant.
“And why not? Because Adam never came to Eve, lamenting over a pair of
torn socks, asking her to darn them, or with a shirt that had parted
company with its buttons, or with a pair of ripped gloves that wanted
mending at once. Neither did he walk around in the mud smoking cigars and
then come back with boots that needed blacking.
“Neither did he sit yawning behind a newspaper, and, as soon as the sun
went down, ask gruffly: ‘Will supper be ready soon?’
“Instead of this, Adam lit the fire himself, put the kettle on, pulled
the radishes, pared the potatoes, and, in general, did his duty. He was
satisfied with one dish, and did not grumble, if Eve did happen to make
a mess of it for once. They didn’t bother with serviettes, they used a
palmleaf. He didn’t put a boiled shirt in the wash every day. He milked
the cows and fed the chickens. He never brought half a dozen friends to
dinner, when one was not in the least prepared for them. He did not stay
out late at night playing cards; it was not necessary for Eve to sit up
and worry. He didn’t lounge around saloons, while Eve sat at home rocking
little Cain. He never scolded and looked for his slippers in the corner
where ‘he knew’ he had put them. When he took off his boots, he put them
in their place under the fig-tree.
“In short—he did not think that Eve had been created for the sole purpose
of waiting upon him; he did not harbor the fixed idea, that it was
degrading to a man to lighten his wife’s burdens. These are the reasons,
gentlemen, why Eve had no need of a servant.”
Would Suit Exactly
A vivacious woman, who was talking to a statesman about the Woman’s
Rights question, suddenly asked:
“What position would you give me if women filled government positions as
well as the men?”
“I would give you the management of a deaf and dumb asylum.”
“And why?”
“Because those unfortunates would either have to learn to talk or you
would have to learn to keep silent.”
Reason
Reason is the only thing we can lose without ever having possessed it.
There Would Be No Use
Gentleman:—“Don’t you love Heine?”
Old Maid:—“Why should I? The man is dead!”
Good Advice
“Waiter, close those windows; there is a draught, and I am suffering with
rheumatism. I can’t have the door open, either, or my feet get cold, and
don’t you go and wipe those tables, you’ll raise a dust and I have a
cough! My tea must not be strong either, as I am nervous.”
“If I were you, I would go to a hospital and be put in an incubator.”
Appropriate to Men
Gentleman:—“At fifty we may call the ladies ‘old women,’ may we not,
gracious lady?”
Lady:—“Certainly, and many men much sooner.”
A Distinction
Some one says of the residents of Munich: “When they rise in the morning
they are beer barrels, and when they retire at night they are barrels of
beer.”
Cheap Communication
Father (to his son going on a long journey):—“Benjamin, when you arrive
at Krotoschin, you needn’t waste any paper writing a letter. I’ll give
you a stamped envelope addressed to me; you just mail that, and I’ll know
that you arrived safely.”
Son:—“Father, you can save the postage. I’ll mail it without the stamp,
and you just refuse to take it.”
Objected to Her Mother
Mother:—“I wish you would tell me, Franz, why you don’t want to marry
Fräulein Neumann. I tell you, the girl is a pearl.”
Son:—“That is quite possible, but I don’t like the mother-of-pearl.”
His Confession
A thief while at confession, stole the confessor’s watch.
“I have stolen,” declared the thief.
“Then you must give the stolen article back to its owner,” said the
priest.
“I will give it to you.”
“No, I don’t want it.”
“But if the owner won’t take it,” asked the thief, “what shall I do then?”
“Then, in God’s name, keep it,” answered the unsuspecting priest.
A la Munchausen
A:—“Look, on the weather-vane of that church-tower sits a fly.”
B:—“Yes, I see him, and what’s more, he is yawning just now, and has a
hollow tooth in his mouth.”
He Found Them
Three wags met an old Jew. “Good-morning, Father Abraham!” cried the
first. “Good-morning, Father Isaac!” the second. “Good-morning, Father
Jacob!” the third.
“You are mistaken, gentlemen,” said the Jew; “I am neither Abraham, nor
Isaac, nor Jacob; I am Saul, who went to look for his father’s asses, and
I’ve found them, I’ve found them!”
A Horse-thief’s Excuse
“You villain,” said the judge to the horse-thief, just brought before
him, “how did you dare to steal a horse from the street, in the middle of
the day?”
“I steal a horse?” returned the thief. “Let me tell your Honor, that in a
very narrow street a horse stood right in my way. I was in a hurry, and
wanted to drive him on in front of me when a voice cried, ‘Take care,
that horse kicks!’ Then I tried to push past him, and go my way, when
somebody called out, ‘Hold on, that beast bites!’ Now what else could I
do, if I did not want to be bitten, but to jump on him as quickly as I
could? And I had hardly touched the saddle when the impatient horse takes
the bit between his teeth and runs. He took me fourteen miles, and that
is how I came to be here, your Honor. Now did I steal that horse, or did
that horse steal me?”
The Henpecked Husband
Doctor (to a patient whose wife died six months before):—“You may live a
good many years yet, if you are careful.”
Patient:—“That’s all right, Doctor, but just think of the reception my
sainted wife will give me if I keep her waiting so long.”
Without Charm
“Well, Louise, as the wife of such a promising physician, you must lead a
charming life!”
“Oh, yes! a very charming life, to sit all day long, muffled up to my
eyes, in the waiting room, making believe I’m a patient!”
The Janus Statue at Munich
“Oh say, I like this statue!”
“So do I; just think of having two throats, and to be permitted to carry
the door-key!”
Conscientious
“Sarah,” said Moritz one morning to his wife, “Sarah, offer me one
hundred and fifty marks for my hops!”
Sarah:—“Well, I offer you one hundred and fifty marks for your hops.”
Moritz then went to the hop market where a dealer offered him one hundred
marks for his crop.
“What,” cries Moritz, indignantly, “one hundred marks! May the lightning
strike me, if I haven’t already been offered to-day one hundred and fifty
marks.”
In the Laundry
Neighbor:—“What in the world is your husband doing in the laundry all
morning?”
The Poet’s Wife (angrily):—“He is forever writing his poetry on his
cuffs! Now he is hunting in the wash-boiler, for the fourth verse of his
last poem.”
His Love for Lilacs
“My wife is attention personified! Some time ago I happened to mention
that I loved all lilacs—and what do you suppose I saw, when my birthday
came around?”
“Well—a beautiful bouquet of lilacs on the table.”
“No, sir! My wife, in a new lilac dress!”
His Mistake
Herr Schanz, of Berlin, came to W. on a pleasure trip. He stopped at the
hotel “Krone,” and was given a room on the third floor.
That night he started for home feeling a little muddled. He lost his way,
and strayed into the hotel “Kronprince” on the same street, which was
only two stories high. When he reached the second floor and saw the roof
above him, he shook his heavy head incredulously, and shouted down the
stairs, “Say, porter, what kind of a monkey-shine is this? What’s become
of that third story?”
Popularity—A Fable
“You need not be so proud of your flowers,” said the thorns to the
rose-bush. “It is to us you owe the greater part of your popularity!”
Asked Too Much
“What! your parents wish to force you to marry that old banker!”
“Indeed they do, and what is more, they want me to study medicine, as he
is always ailing!”
A Reliable Guide
“Good gracious, fellow, did I not order you to burn all my old
love-letters, and here I find them bound on your table?”
“Please excuse me, Captain, but my cook always wanted a guide for
love-letters, and so I thought yours would do nicely!”
An Adjustment of Accounts
Host (to a stranger who is settling his account):—“I am two marks short
of your change. Let me look at the account again, perhaps I can think of
something else to put down!”
Claims to Greatness
A:—“Who is the gentleman, to whom you were speaking a while ago?”
B:—“Ah, that’s a great man! He is one of the ten-thousand foremost
writers of our day!”
Caught
Gentleman (in a cigar store):—“Can you recommend that brand of cigars,
‘Ne plus Ultra’ with a good conscience.”
Dealer:—“Certainly, sir; they are absolutely perfect and remarkably
cheap.”
Gentleman (smilingly lighting one of them):—“I am very glad to hear you
say so—all the more, since you wrote to me, that they were not fit to
smoke, and not worth half the money I charged you for them. I am the
manufacturer!”
A Shopping Aid
“The best thing for us to do, my dear Edward, will be to get an
automobile. If we ride up to the dry-goods store in one of these, we can
get enough goods on credit, so that we can live well by simply pawning
them.”
The Very Latest
“Since your future husband is so devoted to all kinds of sports, I
suppose you will make your wedding trip in a balloon?”
“Why no, that is out of date,—in a submarine vessel.”
A Select Neighborhood
“The people living in our part of the city are of that class who can pawn
their automobiles during the carnival season.”
Tricks of Fate
“Well, how is your flying-machine progressing?”
“I am sorry to say, it fell into the ocean.”
“And how far along are you with your submarine boat?”
“That flew up into the air!”
Another Consideration
“You must get an automobile, Rudolph!”
“Well, I might get one on credit—but how about the benzine?”
Each Had Its History
A woman lawyer, showing her dresses, said, “In this dress, my dear
friends, I defended the infamous murderer, Muller; in this, the
well-known burglar, Schlosser; in this, the clever green-goods man,
Shlapinski; and in this, I represented the Countess Flirtinski, in her
divorce suit.”
Change of Disposition
A:—“The young Baron seems a very harmless sort of fellow.”
B:—“Not any more—he bought an automobile yesterday.”
Taking Man’s Place
Professor:—“My wife tells me that Fräulein Melanie is fairly in love with
her automobile! Another instance of man being replaced by a machine!”
Adding Insult to Injury
Dealer (who has just been knocked down by an auto):—“What do you think of
that Baron! First, he borrows my benzine, and then he runs over me with
his automobile!”
It Could Accomplish Much
Automobile Dealer:—“I can recommend this motor of twelve horsepower; with
it you can run over the largest furniture van with ease.”
Ill-Luck
“Why was your marriage put off?”
“Because when we autoed to be wedded, we ran over the magistrate who was
to tie the knot.”
Modern Alternative
“Papa, now let me tell you; either you buy me an auto, or I’ll use you as
the comic character in my new novel.”
The Lesser Danger
Brakeman (to couple walking on the ties):—“Don’t you know that it is not
only forbidden, but very dangerous, to walk on the ties?”
“Yes, but not nearly so dangerous as on the highway with all those red
devils running about.”
Extended Payments
“Automobile all right—well built!—How much?”
“Seven thousand, five hundred marks.”
“Yearly payments?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good! I’ll take the auto with me! I’ll pay one hundred marks per annum.
My father and grandfather both lived to be over seventy!”
Much in Demand
“Johann, has my husband returned from his auto ride?”
“No, gracious lady, and the third policeman has just been here, asking
for him.”
A Modern Dowry
Father (to his daughter’s fiancée):—“Besides the necessary outfit, we can
give our daughter only an automobile, a piano, and a camera!”
A Polite Gentleman
“How did you come to buy an auto?”
“Well, it happened this way. I wanted to get some delicatessen for
supper, but made a mistake in the shop door and got into an automobile
place, and as I didn’t want to be so impolite and go off without buying
something, I just took an auto.”
An Obedient Patient
She:—“What does this mean? You just consulted the doctor about your
catarrh and here you sit and drink beer all day long!”
He (smiling cunningly):—“Well, you see the doctor forbid my smoking dry.”
A Bad Position
“If the Baron has so many debts, why doesn’t he find a wealthy wife?”
“Ah, but his debts are so many that one wife wouldn’t do any good at
all!”
Laconic
Young Lawyer:—“Was a client here?”
Clerk:—“One, I think, during the dinner hour; your overcoat is missing.”
The Life-Saver
Housemaid (rushing into the artist’s studio):—“For heaven’s sake, Herr
Pempe, hide yourself—or go away for a time at once! A while ago there
were six or eight gentlemen here, who said they were the ‘hanging
committee’ and wanted you! I had hard work to get rid of them, but they
are coming back soon!”
No Danger
“I hope your lawyer is not going to let the District-attorney intimidate
her!”
“Goodness, no! She is his mother-in-law!”
Inexperienced
Husband:—“What did you do with yourself, dear, while I was at the club?”
Wife:—“I was very industrious, I mended all those horrid holes in your
lion and tiger skins.”
Husband:—“Why my dear child, what were you thinking of! Those holes were
my greatest pride; they represented my best shots!”
Cautious
Cashier:—“To make you feel perfectly secure, I’ll present you with my
photograph.”
Banker:—“Haven’t you one without a beard?”
Not so Bad as Painted
Malicious Painter:—“Just think, I received three orders for portraits
to-day!”
Friend:—“There, now you see, people are not as bad as you paint them.”
An Indirect Cure
Doctor:—“Well, you seem to be quite well again! Did you take my pills
every day?”
Countryman:—“Oh, yes, I took them all right. You see, it was this way,
doctor. My black hen got at the box of pills and ate them all up. So I
killed the hen and ate her, and so I got well again.”
A Practical Savings-bank
“If I take my cod-liver oil nicely, mother always gives me five pfennig.”
“And what do you do with so much money?”
“Oh, mother puts it into my bank and buys more cod-liver oil with it.”
Anonym Did It
Boy (to his father in a picture gallery):—“Father, what kind of a painter
is this ‘Anonym’ whose name is mentioned so often in the catalogue?”
Father:—“What a foolish boy you are! Anonym is a foreign word and means
that the painter wishes to be unknown for the present.”
Father (at home, several hours later):—“It is perfectly dreadful the way
you children meddle with everything; there is no end to your mischief!
Now my beautiful meerschaum pipe has been broken. Who did it?”
Boy:—“Anonym, father!”
A Good Example
Mother:—“Remember, Franz, it is very naughty to lean on your elbows as
you are doing just now.”
Franz (pointing at a picture of the Sistine Madonna hanging in the
room):—“Oh, but mother, those two angels there are doing the same thing.”
Pride of Birth
Little Baroness:—“When people die they go to heaven, do they not? and
when a child dies it goes to heaven too——”
Baroness:—“And is called an angel.”
Little Baroness:—“But, mamma, if one of us should die we would be called
‘von angel,’ of course?”
Logic
Child:—“Mamma is it true that people are made of dust?”
Mother:—“Yes, my dear.”
Child:—“Are the negroes made of coal-dust, then?”
The Wrong Way
A teacher took an apple from one of the pupils, and after awhile,
believing himself unnoticed, ate it. The pupil began to cough. “What is
the matter with you,” asks the teacher.
“Why, my apple went down the wrong way, sir.”
A Good Excuse
Mother (to her six year old son):—“Fritz, how did this happen? Your new
trousers have already several holes in them!”
Fritz:—“Oh, but mother, you can’t expect me to be always looking out for
what goes on behind my back!”