(EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.)
_House of Commons, Monday, March 16._--The WINSOME WINSTON, sauntering
in from behind SPEAKER'S Chair when Questions had advanced some way,
startled by strident cheer from Ministerialists and Irish Nationalists.
Opposition angrily replied. FIRST LORD, faintly blushing, found
anchorage on Treasury Bench. Unpremeditated outburst of enthusiasm meant
as welcome back from Bradford, where he reviewed political situation
with force and frankness that recalled his father's platform speeches
delivered in his prime. Demonstration repeated when later he rose to
answer question concerning his department. Fresh storm of cheering from
Ministerialists responded to by defiant shouts from Opposition.
WINSTON evidently the man of the moment.
PRIME MINISTER, happily refreshed by week-end holiday, finds himself
faced by crowd wanting to know all sorts of things that might happen
concurrently with, or subsequent to, proposed temporary exclusion of
parts of Ulster from operation of Home Rule Bill. There were twenty-six
Questions. Assuming minimum number of Supplementaries, there would have
been at least one hundred.
To amazement and vexation of earnest seekers after truth, the twenty-six
querists discovered that they were being bowled over faster than
commonplace nine-pins. As NORMAN CRAIG breathlessly complained, the
PREMIER, having answered a question, did not, as is his custom of an
afternoon, resume his seat, and thus provide opportunity for
supplementary questioner.
This was his method: Taking in hand a sheet of manuscript he recited,
"Number 45. This is a hypothetical question. Indeed, it involves no
fewer than three hypotheses. Numbers 57, 64 and 72 are in the same
category."
Before you knew where you were, bang went four questions. Member after
Member rose to protest. The PREMIER babbled on like the brook.
"The answer to number 46 and to the first part of 70 is in the negative.
The answer to number 48 is in the affirmative. Number 49 in the
negative. I proceed to number 52."
Members held their breath. What could he say about 52? Evidently he
meant to treat it in different fashion.
"Number 52," he continued in the same level voice, as if he were reading
catalogue at picture sale, "refers to a small matter which can easily be
provided for."
Here was batch of another five questions disposed of in barely more than
as many seconds. And to think of all the industry and ingenuity bestowed
upon the preparation of this succession of pitfalls designed for the
engulfing of a ruthless Minister and the dislocation of an iniquitous
Bill!
Situation capped by PREMIER'S refusal to be drawn into minute
description of adjustments, financial and administrative, consequent on
adoption of his proposed amendment of Home Rule Bill. If general
principle were accepted, the rest would follow. If not, why waste time
and divert discussion from main issue to subsidiary and incidental
details? After beating in vain against the indomitable rock standing at
the Table, BONNER LAW, on behalf of enraged Opposition, gave notice of
vote of censure. What day will be given for discussion? he asked.
"The earliest possible date," replied the imperturbable PREMIER.
Here episode ended. Its eruption made it clear that hope of settlement
on grounds prepared a week ago to-day has vanished.
_Business done._--Notice from Front Opposition Bench of vote of censure
on Ministers.
_Tuesday._--POLE-CAREW had rather a bad time of it. Attacked in sharp
succession by land and sea. Began at Question time. He merely asked
whether two divisions and the cavalry brigade in Ireland, which took
part in manoeuvres last year, weren't rather a scrubby lot of immature
boys unfit for public service. To quote exact phrase--"whether the
physical appearance of the men was unsatisfactory; and whether the
effect of the trooping season was to increase the number of immature
boys unfit for active service?"
SEELY wrathfully replied in the negative.
"I must," he added, "profess my astonishment that the hon. and gallant
gentleman should seek by means of suggestions such as are contained in
this question to discourage and belittle the British soldier, to whom he
owes so much."
A loud cheer sent home this rebuke.
Worse still when POLLY put out to sea and came athwart the FIRST LORD.
All he sought was information as to whether the FIRST SEA LORD, having
publicly alluded to the danger of relying exclusively on the fleet to
protect the country from invasion, "subsequently went back on his word."
"A most insulting and unfair remark," said WINSTON. "It will," he
continued, "do nothing but harm if the Navy think the Chiefs whom they
honour and respect are to be subjected to offensive personal attacks of
this character directed against them by ex-military men who have gone
into politics."
"Only let me have five minutes with him, Mr. DEPUTY SPEAKER," said the
ex-military man nervously turning up his coat cuffs.
[Illustration: A TRIFLE THIN.
_WINSTON takes refuge behind REGINALD._]
[On several points connected with the Navy Estimates Mr. CHURCHILL
claimed that the responsibility rested with his predecessor at the
Admiralty.]]
Getting dangerously close to eleven o'clock, at which hour debate, if
continued, must automatically close. WINSTON punctilious in leaving the
five minutes demanded. POLE-CAREW'S retort perhaps scarcely up to
occasion.
[Illustration: ON THE WARPATH AGAINST THE CHARTERED COMPANY.