seemed to feel it tu, for it flung its arms in the dark, and gin us
another blast of his consarned old trumpet. Jest then the lightning came
cutting down agin, and--oh, git out!--it was only the old white horse, a
snorting and a kicking up his heels, in the orchard. I sot down, and
haw-hawed right out, till it was all I could du to catch my breath agin;
then I bust out agin, till par and Judy jined chorus, and we made the
old house ring as if there had been a quilting frolic in it: just then
the clock struck twelve.
"Hurra!" I sung out, "marm, the 23d of April has cum and gone; come,
marm, git up, the storm is blowing over, and the moon haint turned to
blood yit. Hurra!"
I was jest a going to give poor old marm a buss, but par had got her in
his arms a kissing her white face, and a boo-hooing, the old coot, like
a spring colt. So as the buss was all made up, and too heavy for my
mouth, I gin it to Judy. And she handed over a cuff for pay, the
tanterlizing little snapping turtle.
Judy was all sot to rights agin, afore the old horse had got over his
double shuffle.
"Oh dear, only to think that I should a cut up such a heap of factory
cloth, and all for nothing!" sez marm arter a while.
We didn't say much to marm that night, but when par and she got up to go
to bed, she took a slantindicular look at her robe, and then gin a
sneaking squint at us. I couldn't hardly keep from busting right out
agin, but choked in. And par says,--he never seems to mind it--"you can
use it for a night-gown." When the old folks had gone, Judy and I went
into the out room, and seeing as it was Sunday night, and nobody to
interfere, we sot down, and hitching our chairs close together, didn't
get sleepy till nigh about morning, but kept on talking, as chipper as
two birds. I didn't say anything to Judy about coming to York; she is a
sneezer when her dander is once up, and I kinder think it best to come
off, and then write a letter to her arter it is all done. She's allfired
jealous of the York gals, and dreads them that dance like Miss Elssler
as a cat hates hot soap.
I guess I shall cum any how, but not jest yit. I must git in all the
onions fust, and help about the grain some; arter that, you'll see me at
the office as large as life, and twice as nat'ral. Par wont hear a word
on it yit, I'm sartin, he got so allfired uneasy about me and Miss
Elssler, that he sent for me right hum, when I was at the Express
office; he thinks politics and dancing gals about the meanest things
that a feller can hanker arter. But I'll set Captin Doolittle to arguing
the matter with him, and as for marm, I guess she'll feel rather tu
streaked to make much of a fuss about any thing jest now. I meant to cum
the soft sodder over her a leetle any how; so this morning I went out
to my onion bed back of the barn, where the sun comes all day from
morning till night, and I pulled up a harnful of young onions that would
make your mouth water; they had the tenderest green tops you ever see,
and when I held 'em up and shook the dirt off, they looked more like a
harnful of snow drops a blowing out at the wrong eend, than anything
else. I gin these to marm, jest as she was a setting down to breakfast.
She was eenamost tickled to death with them, and I reckon that is one
long step towards York.
Mebby I shall be in York afore you git another letter from these parts
and mebby not, there's no knowing when I can git away.
Yours tu command,
JONATHAN SLICK.
* * * * *
LETTER XXVI.
Jonathan arrives in New York--Travels on the Deacon's Mare--Has Trouble
with the Colt--Embarks from Peck Slip, on Capt. Doolittle's Sloop, to
meet the President--His Introduction--Jonathan's Idea of the Cold
Collation--The Reception--Landing at Castle Garden--Review of the
Troops--The Procession, &c.
DEAR PAR:
Here I am, safe and sound, but about the tiredest critter that you ever
sot eyes on. Afore I got to Bridgeport, I begun to be kinder sorry that
I didn't stand my chance and come on with Captin Doolittle in the sloop,
for the fust thing that I see arter I got tu cousin Smith's in
Bridgeport, was the old sloop a scooting down the Sound like a four
horse team, with all sails sot, and loaded down to the water with garden
sarce. It seemed tu me that I could a'most see Captin Doolittle hisself,
a standing on the deck and a poking fun at me for coming down on the old
mare. The poor colt tu was eenamost tuckered out, and I begun tu feel
sort o' wamblecropped for fear something would happen tu one of the poor
critters afore I got tu York; but my keeping didn't cost nothing, and I
got cousin Smith to put a good feed in one eend of my saddle-bags and
gin the colt a warm drink of milk afore we started in the morning, so we
all three on us jogged on towards Stamford, in party good condition,
considerin'. Our cousin at Stamford warn't tu hum, so I had to put the
old mare and colt up to a tavern, and arter letting into a few of marm's
doughnuts, that lightened one eend of my saddle-bags quite a
considerable, I turned in till morning. The barkeeper made me pay three
York shillings for the horse keeping. My grit riz at it, for the old
mare looked as lank as a shad; but I didn't want to git into a scrape,
so I shelled out, and rode along darning all the cousins to darnation.
What are the varmints good for, if they can't be tu hum when a feller
travels their way?
It was purty well into the morning when I got down to York; the old mare
was eenamost tired out, and I begun to think she wouldn't cut much of a
dash; but jest as we were turning down the Bowery, she got a sight of
one of them consarned great railroad cars, and seemed to take it for a
stable trying to run off; for she gin a snort, stuck her tail right
straight out and her ears right up, and away she streaked it arter the
cars, like a house a fire and no engines to be had. The colt, it come a
whinnering arter, and if we didn't cut a figger, you never saw one in
the multiplication table. My coat tail was a streaming out behind, and I
held on to my bell-crowned hat with one hand while I shook my bridle
with t'other, and stuboyed the old critter along; for I didn't want the
people to think that I was afeard to go as fast as any thing in creation
took a notion to, if it was a steam engine loaded with fire and
brimstun, instead of a harnsome bay mare with a nussing colt.
Jest as we got away down the Bowery, the cars stopped stock still, and
the mare cum up and saw that it was only a box full of folks, she kicked
up her heels till I was eenamost spilt in the street. The colt it come
up and flurished its leetle spindle shanks agin the car, jest as its
mother had afore, and away we went, cutting dirt down Chatham street
like a streak of iled lightning, till I drew the mare up with a snort
and a kick that tapered off into a double shuffle right agin the Express
office.
I jumped off and streaked it into the office, and right up stairs, three
steps at a time.
I walked right into the editor's room, with my hand out, and sez I,
"How do you du?"
Afore he could answer, a clock in the City Hall steeple struck. The
editor, he jumped up, and sez he,
"We're tu late, the boat is off. There's your ticket, Mr. Slick, but
it's of no use now."
I took the paper that he gin me,--it was an invite to meet the
President, and the boat was off.
"Darn me, if I don't ketch up with him!" sez I, and out I went, right
ahead down stairs, with out another word.
"Look a here," sez I to the boy that held the mare, "when the President
comes in, you jest lead my horse down to the landing, and I'll give you
a four-pence-ha'penny, clear silver."
"I'll du it," sez the little chap.
"You'll be a man before your marm," sez I, a turning the corner, to go
the shortest cut to Peck Slip.
Captin Doolittle, was jest a hauling in, but I gin the old bell crown a
swing, and sez I, "Hold on, you consarned old coot, hold on, and hist
sail arter the President."
With that I jumped aboard a boat, and afore I reached the sloop she had
worked about and was ready for a chase. The wind was coming right up the
East River--and the minit I jumped aboard, Captin Doolittle, he and the
black boy gin a hurra, and the way we cut water was a caution to small
craft. We ploughed right ahead, full chisel, down the harbor, till
by-am-by we saw two steamboats a coming towards us, brim full, and a
running over with people--with banners a flying, and colors a
streaming--toot horns a blowing, and fifes a letting off Yankee
Doodle--drums a rattling out "Hail Columbia," and the big paddles a
playing the water up, till it seemed tu kinder ketch fire in the hot
sun, and drop into the waves to get cool agin.
"Captin," sez I, "hist another flag."
The captin, he put his chaw of terbacco into t'other cheek, and sez he,
"I haint got none."
"I guess I have," sez the leetle nigger, a running down into the cabin.
In a minit he cum back with one of the captin's red woollen shirts
fastened to the eend of a bean pole, and he stuck it up on the stern of
the sloop, jest as we cum bearing right down on the two steamboats.
A tall chap with a sort of good natered face, but the darndest fish-hawk
nose that you ever sot eyes on, stood with a lot of fellers on the deck
of the boat that had the most music in it--an old codger, with a blue
coat lined and faced all over with yaller, and a cocked hat right on his
head, with one eend curling up, jest over his nose, like a hen-hawk
ready to pick his eyes out, and with his two legs swallered up in a pair
of black and yaller boots, stood close by the man with the nose.
"Captin Doolittle," sez I, "get out the gun, there's the President."
"What, that old chap with the yaller legs and breast," sez he, "that
looks like an overgrown grasshopper a skipping out of the last century
into this?"
"Jest so," sez I, "that's the President of the United States, I haint no
doubt--so three cheers, and then blaze away!"
The nigger, he went down and brought up the old gun--Captin Doolittle,
he loaded her down purty tight, pushed the charge hum with his ramrod,
shook down the powder in the pan, and arter trying it to his shoulder,
sez he,
"Jonathan, go ahead."
"I took a squint at the leetle nigger tu see if all was ready, and then
I off with my old bell-crown," and sez I, "now"--with that I gin it a
flurrish--"Hurra!!!" I yelled out like the bust of a cannon--"Hurra!!"
sung out Captin Doolittle on the taper eend of my yell--"Hurra!"
squeaked the leetle nigger. With that the old gun banged away, and the
tall man with the nose, he bowed and flurrished his hand at us, and with
that I saw Alderman Purdy, a chap that used to come to the Express
office when I was there afore, and the minit he saw that it was me, the
boat stopped all tu once, and begun tu snort and roll on the water like
a sick porpoise, and some one sung out, "Cum aboard."
Captin Doolittle and the nigger, they let down the boat, and afore I
knew it there I was, standing in the steamboat. The minit I stepped
aboard, the swad of fellers on deck with toot-horns and fifes and drums,
let out a hull thunder storm of music. Captin Doolittle, he banged off
the old gun agin; the leetle nigger, he got up an extra shirt and gin
another leetle hurra; and Mr. Purdy, sez he,
"Mr. Slick, the President wants to see you."
"Wal," sez I, "I haint no objection, only give me time to slick up a
mite."
With that I took out my hankercher and kinder dusted off my new coat and
trousers, and slicked down my hair a leetle, and I follered Mr. Purdy,
right up tu where the President was a standing, in his yaller clothes
and his cocked hat.
"Mr. Tyler, how do you du?" sez I, a taking one hand from my trousers'
pocket, and a holding it out.
The yaller chap, he stepped back a leetle, and the tall coon, with the
nose, he gin my hand a tarnal grip, and sez he,
"Mr. Slick, I'm glad tu see you."
"You're kinder got the advantage of me, I reckon," sez I, but that minit
Alderman Purdy whispered to me,
"Why, it's the President," sez he.
"Gauly oppilus," sez I, "you don't say so!"
"Mr. President, how do you du, and how are all the folks tu hum, about
these times, all purty smart I s'pose?" With that I worked away at the
old chap's hand, with both mine, as if I'd made up my mind tu pump an
office out of him, afore I let go.
"Wal," sez I, "Captin, I hope you mean to stay in York a spell, now
you've got here; some harnsome gals about these diggings jest now, rale
sneezers in the way of beauty--you haint no idee of that sort, nor
nothing have you?" sez I, a giving him a slantindicular squint from one
eye, and a leetle punch in the ribs with the tip eend of my finger, "no
you haint now."
The captin he larfed, and sez he, "Oh no, I'm only making a little
unpremeditated tour a--"
"Jest so," sez I, "an _accidental_ visit."
The captin gin me a squint across his nose, and then I made him a low
bow, and sez I, "Jest so, but the folks seem tu be rather tickled with
sich accidents, don't they?"
This seemed to kinder mollify the captin, and jest as I was a spreading
myself for a new speech, a feller cum up with a great red and green and
white rosy, pinned on to his coat, and he whispered tu the President,
and the President looked round tu me, and sez he,
"Mr. Slick, they tell me that the collation is ready--will you go with
me into the ladies' cabin, and lead down one of my fair friends?"
I made him a prime bow--a rale darnsing school smasher--and, sez I,
"Wal now, I don't know what kind of horned cattle a collation is, but
seeing as it's you, I'll tackle in, if it's only tu git acquainted with
a downright ginuine fair friend of your'n, captin, for folks say that
your friends are purty darned _unfair_ in a gineral way."
"Folks don't du me justice," sez he, a turning red in the gills; "No man
ever had better or devoted friends on arth."
"What there is on 'em," sez I.
The captin didn't seem tu hear me, but he took out his chaw of terbacco
and pitched it over the side of the boat. I dug both hands into my
trousers' pockets, and sez I tu the man with the silk rosy, sez I--
"Come, now, I s'pose it's about time for you and I and the President to
be a movin. Where du you keep that critter of your'n?"
"What critter?" sez he.
"Why, the collation?" sez I.
"Down in the cabin," sez he.
"Wal," sez I, "I hope the varmint is considerable tame; but come on,
whose afeard!"
With that, Captin Tyler and I and the old yaller chap, with a hull swad
of fellers, some on 'em in training clothes, and some on 'em with cocked
hats on, went into a leetle room fenced off from the deck, and there,
jest as sartin as you live, were five or six wimmen folks, right in
amongst all them men, like one clover top tu a hull hive of honey bees,
a lookin as contented as git out. "Wal," think sez I, "If they ain't
scared, I ain't." The President seemed to know 'em, for he put his arm
right under mine so arnest, that he eenamost lifted my right hand out of
my pocket; and, sez he,--
"Ladies, Mr. Slick, of the New York Press."
With that, I took off old bell-crown with one hand, and I put out my
right foot and gin a draw kinder softly into the holler of t'other, and
I bent down like a jack-knife; my eyes had tu kinder roll up a leetle,
to look into the gals', and sez I,--
"Ladies, I hope you're purty well?"
One on 'em kinder got up half way, she was a proper purty woman, and
looked as good natered and kind as a robin red breast in the spring
time, and reached out that harnsome white hand, and smiled sort of
softly, and sez she--
"Mr. Slick, we're happy tu see you."
Another harnsome critter in a checkered frock, a rale ginuine beauty,
without paint or whitewash, she gin her leetle foot a twirl, and was a
beginning tu reel off a curchy, so I jest stuck out my left stomper, and
sot the hinge of my back a going for her; but jest as I was gittin
head's up agin and my arms a swinging back tu their place, I ketched her
a looking at t'other one, and a puckering up them lips of her'n, till
they looked like two red rosberries jest a going to drop off from their
bushes. I settled both hands back in my pockets agin, and stood right up
parpendicular, as a true born American ought tu.
"Marm," sez I, "what do you think of the weather?" and with that, I jest
curled my upper lip and gin her a ginuine grin from one ear tu t'other,
and sez I, "Look a here, marm, if you want tu do this kinder business up
harnsome, take a lesson from me; I ile the jints of my under jaw every
morning. Them screw larfs ain't good for the mouth, you may be sartin of
that."
The critter, she colored all over, till she looked as sweet as a pina,
then a lot of fun bust right into them blue eyes of her'n, and her pesky
leetle mouth begun tu tremble and work itself about, like a red rosy a
trying tu fold itself up into a bud agin; and then she bust right out
into a leetle finefied haw-haw; and two leetle teenty gals, dressed out
in black, they begun to titter like two pigeons on a gutter--pesky sweet
leetle varmints--and a smasher of a woman, that was older than any of
'em, she jined in and larfed sort of easy and nat'ral, as if she'd fed
on nothing but ripe muskmellons for a hull fortnight; and then the
President he jined in, and we had a fust rate haw-haw, right there in
the cabin.
Jest then, a leetle chap, with an allfired swad of yaller hair a
sticking out all round his head, cum in, and the good natered lady in
the gray dress, she hitched on to the President, and a great tall
chuckle-headed feller, dressed out in frock and trousers like a boy,
with gold buttons a glittering all over his bosom, and a streak of gold
a running across his shoulder, he made a dive at the harnsome gal in the
checkered frock, the consarned overgrown coot! but I jest then sidled
right up with my elbow ready crooked, and sez I, a looking as perlite as
all natur, sez I--
"Arter me is manners for you."
The feller looked mad enough tu eat me hull, without vinegar or
sarse--but I didn't seem to mind it. The harnsome gal had clenched her
white fingers over my coat sleeve, as loving as a young grape vine round
a black elder bush; and when I git hitched on to a fust rate gal, all
the fellers in creation may go to old Nick, for what I care. The old
Sogers, they mixed in with us and the fellers with silk rosies, and out
we went, on deck and down stairs. The music, it bust out agin, and one
of the fellers with a silk rose, he yelled out, "Make room for the
President!" so the free-born Americans on deck, they crowded back and
made a lane for us.
"Make room for the President and his sweet," the feller sung out agin.
Think sez I, "That aint fair now; the gal with the President is a nice
critter as ever lived; but darn me if mine aint sweeter than his'n, a
pesky sight,"--so I sung out, and sez I--
"Make room for Jonathan Slick and _his_ sweet;" with that I took a
marching step and went down stairs heads up, and with the gal hanging on
my arm, as independent as a cork-screw. Gaury, but wasn't there a feed,
considering it was nothing but a cold cut--sich hunks of beef, and ham,
and pork, and piles of bread, and bottles of "the critter," you never
sot eyes on, without it was day arter thanksgiving. We all sot down at
one eend of the table, and afore we'd got a single bite, the doors
banged open, and down cum the free-born citizens from on deck, helter
skelter, higgle-te-pigglety, black coats, red coats, blue, green, every
color on arth, and sogers, spartans, tailors, shoemakers--every sort of
two-legged animals under 'em, eating away for dear life, and a drinking
like so many house gutters, right afore the face and eyes of the
President and me, with all the harnsome leetle sweets a setting round
us,--I swan tu man, it eenamost sot me agin my victuals: and the
harnsome gal by my side, she looked kinder scared, as if she hadn't
ought tu be there.
"Try and take a bite, du now!" sez I, a piling some cold pork on her
plate, "it aint a mite rusty, and makes me feel a'most to hum, it tastes
so nat'ral."
She put the leastest mite between them temptin lips, but didn't seem to
eat with a relish yet. "I swan," sez I, a bending down to take a squint
at her face, "I only wish I could git aboard the sloop, and bring you a
prime bunch of young onions. Wait a minit and I'll try?"
"Oh, no, no," sez the sweet critter, "I'd ruther not--don't leave me,
Mr. Slick."
"Darn me, if I du--onions or no onions," sez I, but I felt kinder
disappointed though, for a bunch of white onions, tops and all, would a
ben prime with the cold pork--howsomever, I gin in as a feller ought tu,
when a gal is in the case; but I didn't feel a bit satisfied about the
stomach. When the President got up tu go on deck agin, I looked into the
gal's eyes, and tried not tu feel a hungry.
Oh, par, I wish you'd a ben standing on the deck, with us, when we went
up. It was a tarnation harnsome sight; the water was a blazing with the
sun, and a shining around us, all checkered over with boats, and sloops,
and shipping of all sorts, then right ahead was the hull city of York,
steeples, housen, and wharves, piled together and heaped up with people
a swarming down tu the shore, a hanging over the water, and a climbing
up the masts all along the East and North rivers, like bees in hiving
time. Two allfired big ships sot on the water, right agin the Battery,
with a hull regiment of men, all dressed out in white, a standing up in
the rigging, tu see the President and us cum in. The hills all round
Brooklyn, was kivered thick with folks a hurraing and a flinging their
hats up--and a leetle island that lies close up tu York, was chuck full
and a running over with human live stock.
When we got agin the big ships, the men in the riggin flurrished their
hats, and gin us a thundering loud hurra. The President he took his hat
off, and I and the old yaller chap boosted him up onto a chair, that
everybody might have a good squint at him. Mr. Curtis wanted tu hold on
tu his coat tail, and make believe boost, but the old yaller chap and
I--we shoved him off about the quickest.
"Git out," sez I, "git out! if a President of the United States, can't
stand without the help of a pack of office-holders, he'd better fall tu
once. Here's this old revolutionary soger, and I--the army, and the
people--if we can't keep him up, he'll have tu go tu grass that's all!"
But while we was talking, the two ships blazed away with every darn'd
gun in their sides, and the sailors hurraed agin, and afore we knew it,
a hull thunder cloud of hot smoke cum a pouring over us all--ca-smash
went the chair, and the President he pitched head for'ard, right amongst
the office holders. The old yaller chap and I shook our heads, and begun
to feel a trifle streaked.
"I'm afeard he's a gone shote," sez I, as the old feller put his cocked
hat on agin.
"A _unfortunate accident_," says a feller close by.
"Not so unfortunate as you think for," sez Captin Tyler, a jumping up
and a nussing his nose with one hand, "I've had worse falls than this,
and riz agin arter all. Give us another boost, feller citizens--I stand
ready for a second boost."
The office-holders made believe help him, but Lord a massy! they hadn't
grit enough tu hist a grasshopper out of a bog of swamp grass; but I and
the yaller gineral, though, we sot him up as good as new, afore half the
smoke cleared off.
Jest as all was put tu rights agin, the brass cannon at the eend of our
boat, let off a blast of young thunder. We gin the ship a fust rate
hurra, and the minit we were a done, Captin Doolittle and the nigger,
they got up a small chance of a cheer, and let off the old gun agin
right under our starn. Arter that, we made a curlecue round both the
ships with our music a rolling out and our flags a flying, and Captin
Doolittle he chased right arter with the red shirts a cutting capers
from the bean-poles; and the leetle nigger, he stood on the bows a
rolling his eyes and a blowing away at Yankee Doodle on a crooked fife
like all natur. I swan tu man, it was enough tu set a feller's
patriotism to working like a beer barrel. We gin the ship another hurra
and cut for the Battery, with Captin Doolittle and the sloop a streaking
it right arter; the guns on the little island they bellowed away at us
as we cut by, and the folks on the Battery, they flung up their hats and
hollered eenamost as loud as the guns that kept a roaring every minit,
till by-am-by in we went ca-smash, right amongst the trees and a hull
gineral training of sogers. The President and us we walked ashore and
went right into Castle Garden. It was chuck full of feller citizens and
sogers, and the mayor was a waitin for us to cum up; he measured off a
hull bilin of soft soap to the captin, and then the captin he stuck out
his right arm and gin the mayor back as good as he sent, with a pint cup
full over. Then we went out amongst the trees, the captin he got on tu a
horse all finefied off with gold and shiny leather, and then the leetle
boys that hung on the trees as thick as acorns in the fall, they gin us
a cheer, and jest that minit I see the newsboy a leading my mare right
towards me. I forked over a fourpence-ha'penny and got on tu the
critter, tickled eenamost tu death tu git a chance tu sit down agin.
That mare is clear grit, par, and no mistake; the music, and the guns,
and the shoutin, had sot her blood a bilin, and she danced about like a
two year old colt jest off grass.