Which goes to prove that the society of great folks
is not always a thing to be desired.
The reason why pretty, unhappy Michal no longer heard the
field-trumpet in the courtyard was because Pirka had already sent
off Simplex to seek the beloved of Michal's heart; for the old witch
had already discovered that this beloved was Simplex's bosom
friend--but that was all. For the trumpeter, like the prudent German
he was (an Hungarian, who always carries his heart on his sleeve,
would have blabbed out everything straight off), did indeed let her
know that Michal had been married against her will; but he shrewdly
mentioned no names, and put her off with a few lines when she
pressed him too closely. Let her find out the truth for herself!
What else was she a witch for?
But wicked Pirka knew quite enough already to ruin the poor innocent
creature altogether. For 'tis not so much because they themselves
are already sold to Beelzebub that such hags lay traps for young
ladies, but because they well know that they may fleece to their
heart's content, all whom they have once got into their clutches.
So she gave four of her eight ducats to Simplex to buy him food on
his journey, and told him which was the best way to take, for the
trumpeter had told her this much, that Michal's sweetheart lived in
Transylvania.
Simplex was a good, honest fellow, and he had frequented the schools
long enough to know that the Consistory would probably quash a union
which had been fraudulently contracted; and in the present case the
fraud was patent to everyone, for the wooer who had introduced
himself as a clergyman turned out to be a common hangman. Simplex
meant to inform his bosom friend at once, when Valentine might, if
he liked, take steps to annul the marriage and make the lady his own
lawful wife in the proper way.
And no doubt it was just because Simplex was thus following the path
of truth and justice that he was so wondrously delivered from the
extraordinary dangers which befell him on the way--dangers from
which, perhaps, he would never have escaped at all if he had simply
set out with the evil intention of discovering Michal's sweetheart,
as the witch had supposed when she sent him off.
So he shouldered his trumpet, and had scarcely proceeded more than
an hour's journey through a deep valley, known as the Wolf's Dale,
which lies between rocks so steep and narrow that it is as much as
two mules can do to pass each other therein, when two wild shapes
suddenly pounced out upon him from an ambush, and whirling their
axes over their heads, dictatorially cried:
"Halt!"
The honest trumpeter could not possibly be expected to know who
these people were, for at that time the militia used to dress
exactly like robbers so as to be better able to capture those
gentry. They wore sheepskin caps on their heads; their shirts, which
had first been soaked through with grease and then smoked dry in a
chimney, were as black as ink; belts bristling with knives girded
their loins; they were shod with bast shoes, and in their hands they
carried muskets and long-handled axes.
The waylayers told the trumpeter to wait till their comrades came
up and decided what was to be done with him; if he uttered a
syllable in the meantime, he would immediately be cut to pieces.
Then they whistled, and down from the rocks sprang four similar wild
figures, who took the trumpeter into custody and haled him along
with them.
They forced him to crawl up the steep sides of the narrow rocky
gorge, by means of holes hewn therein at regular intervals, and
serving as footholds and resting-places to venturesome climbers. It
was just like mounting a chimney. Here and there still larger holes
gaped forth from the rocky walls, from the depths of which a
frightful growling resounded. But Simplex's companions bade him fear
nothing. These were only bears' dens, they said. Mother Bruin was
too much engaged at this season in suckling her young to bestow much
attention on those who did not wantonly attack her. Yet Simplex, for
all that, had not the slightest wish to make the acquaintance of a
monster which is, perhaps, a still more dreadful enemy than even a
robber. He knew the habits of the terrible beast, which, when it
meets a man on a narrow path, rises on its hind legs and crushes him
to death in its embrace.
On reaching the top of this perilous ladder, Simplex saw before him
a spacious plateau surrounded by steep rocks. This was the robbers'
lair.
Huge pine-trees stretched down their branches from the rocks, thus
forming a sort of natural canopy over the valley. Out of the cleft
of a granite rock gurgled a merry little brook, half dammed up by
two huge jagged stones. The object of this dam Simplex learned later
on.
The first glance at the spectacle now before him made his eyes
twinkle. This natural chamber was occupied by more than a hundred
robbers. Most of them were sitting round a caldron, which hung
simmering over a large fire, on a iron tripod. One of the robbers
served as cook, another as scullion. The former was cutting up a
sheep, with which he filled the caldron, while the latter stirred
the mess round and round, adding milk instead of water and frequent
handfuls of saffron, cinnamon, and cloves. Truly a bandits' banquet!
Others were squatting on barrels and playing dice. All of them spoke
very low. No one attempted to attack the caldron beforehand, or
stave in one of the many casks of wine, beer, and brandy lying about
the place. The discipline among them was perfect.
In the midst of the rocky place, bales of goods were piled one on
top of the other, just as they are exhibited for sale at fairs and
in market-places. Aloft on this costly throne sat the three robber
chieftains.
They were dressed precisely like their comrades, yet each had his
distinguishing marks, so that Simplex, who had often heard them
described by the country people, was able to identify them at a
glance.
The first of the robber chieftains was Hafran, whose love of pomp
was notorious. His girdle had a fringe of gold ducats, and from the
corners of his hat hung strings of rose nobles, the largest coin
then in vogue. His fingers were covered with gold rings, and the
sheath and handle of his sword sparkled with precious stones. His
gigantic stature was an additional and unmistakable distinction.
The second chieftain was Bajus. He prided himself on a huge
mustache, each end of which terminated in a rose noble. Whenever he
wanted to drink or speak, he had first to stroke back both ends of
his mustache behind his ears.
The third chieftain was Janko. His body was small and thin; no one
would have taken him for a man of monstrous strength. Yet he could
leap from a sitting posture on to the shoulders of the tallest man,
and had even been known to mount a galloping horse, or a wagon going
at full speed, at a single bound. In wrestling, he could have given
odds to Samson himself.
Him, too, Simplex recognized by the hellebore he was munching. For
Janko, like the son of Cambyses, had made a practice of chewing
hellebore from his youth upward, thus securing himself against the
chance of being poisoned; though his own mouth thereby became so
poisonous that all the women whom he kissed fainted instantly, and
all the men whom he bit died. Even now the leaves of a large bunch
of hellebore were sticking out of his mouth all the time he talked
to Simplex, to whom he put these questions:
"Who are you? What's your name? Whence do you come? Whither are you
going? Whom do you serve?"
Simplex put on as nonchalant an air as he was capable of, for fear
is a grievous fault in the eyes of such bandits, but they are always
indulgently disposed toward a man of pluck.
"I am an orphan from Silesia," said he. "I've never had either
father or mother. I don't even know what name I received at my
baptism, but my comrades call me Simplex because they say I am so
very simple. I come from Keszmár, where Master Matthias, the town
crier, has been teaching me the trumpet, and I am on my way to
Saros, where I hope to enter the service of some great lord who
loves music."
The robber chieftain fixed a piercing look on the speaker and never
once left off chewing his hellebore.
"If you come from Keszmár you must have passed the kopanitscha of
Hamar on your way. Did you see the wife of the kopanitschar?"
"Yes, and a wondrously lovely little creature she is."
At these words the eyes of the robber sparkled.
"That woman is my sweetheart! Did you see her husband?"
"Yes, and a very polite old man he is."
"Well, if you know them, go back to them once more. I'll pay your
traveling expenses"--here he proudly jingled the ducats in his
girdle. "Tell them that they are both on my bad books; the woman
because she a little time ago drank mead and danced till morning
with the headman of Leta at the church consecration there; the man
because he lately guided the son of the vihodar of Zeb and his wife
over the mountains, and thus helped them to escape us. Tell them
that I mean to pay them a visit shortly. The woman must then put on
her best humor, and the man must not show his face at all. For if I
once kiss the woman's lips and bite the man's cheek, the pair of
them will have had enough of me for some time to come." At these
words the robber spat out the hellebore, and Simplex perceived that
his mouth and teeth were perfectly yellow. "That is the message you
must deliver to them, trumpeter. For the present, however, you will
remain with us; eat and drink as much as your stomach can hold, and
then show us what you can do with the trumpet. We'll pay for it, of
course."
Poor Simplex rejoiced exceedingly at escaping so well, and having
the prospect of turning an honest penny besides, he loudly and
solemnly protested that he would faithfully deliver the robber's
message.
Meanwhile the sheep's flesh in the great caldron was quite done, and
the robbers sat down to eat. The caldron was lowered on to the
outspread skins, which served as tablecloth and napkin, and the
robbers carved for themselves with their huge clasp-knives. But if
their meat was coarse and their table rude, their drinking vessels
were magnificent. They consisted of gold and silver chalices and
pocals, the spoil of many a church and castle, and as often as a
robber took a draught he drank to the memory of some comrade or
other who had ended a glorious career on the wheel, gallows, or
stake, winding up with a full recital of the deceased's
exploits--_e. g._, how many men he had killed, how many robberies he
had achieved, what lady of quality had been his doxy, and how at the
last he had manfully endured all manner of torments rather than
betray his comrades.
And after each toast Simplex had to blow a long flourish.
And as the feast proceeded, the robbers became more and more
communicative. They began to boast loudly of their own heroic deeds;
how, for instance, they had plundered great caravans, attacked
noblemen's castles, and extirpated everyone therein in a different
sort of way; how they had filled a Jew's mouth with molten lead, and
nearly died with laughter at the queer faces he pulled; how they had
forced a rich miser by torture to discover his hidden treasure; how
they had tied the captured militiamen to the branches of trees and
then torn them limb from limb; and how they had set fire to a church
in which a lot of peasants had taken refuge and burnt them all
alive. Everyone vied with his neighbor in boasting, and tried to
make himself out more ferocious than the rest. And Simplex blew
incessantly with his trumpet, so as to hear as little as possible of
their ghastly stories.
The robbers forced him also to eat and drink with them, and well for
him it was that he had learnt in his student days to hold a full
skin. For he was well aware that so long as he could keep on
trumpeting he was safe. It fared with him as with the piper in the
story, who piped to the wolf to save himself from being eaten up.
Meanwhile night had set in; the rocky chamber was lit only by the
heaps of smoldering logs; the robbers began to dance a wild dance,
and Simplex was forced to mount upon a barrel and play for them with
all his might. They stamped with their feet, roared, howled, fired
off their guns, and so deftly hurled their axes at the barrel on
which Simplex was standing that they all stuck fast in it without
hurting a hair of his head.
He, poor wretch! dared not spring off for the life of him. It was a
perfect pandemonium.
At last Hafran commanded Simplex to sound an alarm.
Simplex blew him an alarm accordingly.
"You rascal!" cried the robber captain, "it was with just such an
alarm as that that they startled us at the Devil's Castle; were you
the devil's trumpeter on that occasion?"
Perhaps the drink which Simplex had already taken had flown to his
head, perhaps he thought it might go worse with him if he did not
make a clean breast of it, at any rate he replied:
"Yes, 'twas I!"
"The devil it was!" cried Hafran furiously. "I'll cut you in two
this very instant. Don't you know that you drove us into the very
jaws of the devil with your d----d trumpet, and that forty of our
comrades went straight to hell in consequence! Stay where you are on
that barrel, that I may cut you in two at a blow!"
With that he drew his broad palash from its sheath, and grasped it
with both hands.
But this time Simplex did not take the matter as a joke, but sprang
down from the barrel and fled to his protector, Janko, who,
laughing with hideous glee, warded off with his sword the strokes
which Hafran aimed at poor Simplex, all the while opening wide his
yellow-stained jaws, which with their yellow fangs looked like the
jaws of a lion.
"Serve you all right!" cried he as he warded off Hafran's blows.
"What! fifty of you to be scared by a single trumpeter! Let him be
in peace! He has to carry a message to my sweetheart. Whoever
touches him is a dead man!"
At this the wrath of Hafran against Simplex subsided, but he
insisted on his leaping over his bare palash, and little as Simplex
felt inclined to jump into the air just then, he had to do it; and
the jest so took the fancy of the robbers that they one and all made
the trumpeter jump over their swords likewise, till at last he
became so tired that he threw himself prone on the ground and
allowed himself to be beaten with the flats of their swords rather
than jump over them any more.
Meanwhile Janko had gone to sleep. It was his custom to slumber in a
sitting position, but he slept so deeply that not even a roaring
lion could have awakened him.
Gradually also the remaining robbers fell down one by one heavy with
drink.
Only Bajus remained sober.
It was a wise provision of the robbers that one of their leaders
should always remain sober; he drank nothing but mead mixed with
water, and mounted guard over the whole band when they had drunk
their fill.
* * * * *
It was already midnight; the moon came forth from behind the rocks
and shone among the dark pine branches.
"Up, you rogues!" cried Bajus, "the banquet is over. Make ready to
depart elsewhere, that we may all be on the right spot at the right
moment in the morning."
At this command all the fires were extinguished one after the other.
When it was quite dark they began to deliberate in whispers which of
their plans should be carried out first.
One plan was to attack the Iglo annual fair in the broad daylight,
set the town on fire, plunder the merchants, and sack the town-hall.
Their second plan was to steal their way into the lair of the
vihodar of Zeb through a secret subterranean passage, capture him
and his son alive, and make them suffer all the tortures which they
had inflicted on their comrades; as for the young woman, they would
cast lots for her.
For a long time they could not come to any agreement.
At last they resolved to attack the Iglo fair; the vihodar they
would leave to some subsequent occasion, especially as they would
first of all have to gain over Barbara Pirka, for otherwise that
evil witch was quite capable of throttling all the assailants one
after the other single-handed.
Simplex listened, and his teeth chattered with fear. What he heard
filled him with joy and terror at the same time--joy because he had
now an additional argument for moving his bosom friend to rescue
Michal from her frightful position; terror lest the robbers might
suddenly remember that they were betraying their horrible secrets to
one who was not of their band. And if they should remember, what
would become of him?
He would have given anything to have been able to creep inside the
crevices of the rocks near which he was cowering, so that the
robbers might not perceive him.
All at once the moon, which had now risen, shone full on the spot
where Simplex stood, and Hafran perceived him.
"What shall we do to prevent this fellow from betraying us?" cried
he, and with that he took him by the collar and dragged him into the
midst of them.
"Strike him dead!" cried Bajus.
Poor Simplex was greatly terrified; he began to piteously implore
them not to do him any harm.
"Silence, fellow!" cried Hafran; "a stout-hearted lad must not
blubber. He must stand firm even when the skin is being flayed from
his body. Whine, and you are a dead man! We'll have no cowards here!
Tremble if you dare!"
"Strike him dead!" repeated Bajus, who was quite sober.
"That'll never do," said Hafran. "We promised Janko that we would
not kill the trumpeter. Besides, the fellow has played well and
entertained us finely. He has made good again all the harm he did
with his cursed trumpet at the Devil's Castle. At the same time we
must not let him go away before us, or he will betray us to the
county train-bands. Let us take him a little way down the road and
smash one of his legs, so that he may not be able to go any further.
In the morning some wayfarer or other will be sure to find him and
take care of him. What do you say?"
But this proposition was anything but satisfactory to Simplex; not
at any price would he hear of having his leg broken.
"Come, come, lad!" cried Hafran, soothingly. "Don't be scared at
such a trifle! A small fracture is an everyday occurrence. The
shepherdess in the hut by the roadside will put it in splints for
you, mutter a charm over it, and you'll be able to dance a jig with
it in no time. Here are twelve dollars to pay your expenses in the
meantime; you wouldn't get as much as that from the county if you
went to law about it."
And they seized poor Simplex by both arms to drag him to the place
where his leg was to be shattered. Then despair suggested the saving
thought of begging the robbers to allow him to blow his own funeral
march, and holding the funnel of his trumpet to the ear of the
sleeping Janko he blew with such force that the robber chieftain
started up from his sleep and leapt his own height in the air.
"Janko! they want to kill me! Don't allow it, Janko!" cried the
agonized wretch.
Janko yawned and stretched himself. Then he roughly repulsed the mob
which surrounded him, and wrapped Simplex in his mantle.
"Fear nothing, my lad! I'll not let them hurt you!"
But the rest became more and more importunate.
"Are you mad, Janko? Will you let him saddle us with the gendarmes
while we are all drunk? They will fall upon us while we are sound
asleep, and then where shall we be? We must either kill him or break
his leg."
"We'll do neither the one nor the other," said Janko; "we'll buy him
off. D--n it! let's be gentlemen! What are you most in need of, my
lad? I see your clothes are in rags. You'd better have it out in
good stout cloth."
With that he lifted up one of the bales of goods and opened it. It
contained scarlet cloth.
He began to measure it with his arm.
"There you have five ells of cloth for your coat and vest. Hafran,
you measure him as much from your share for his hose, and you,
Bajus, give him of yours for a mantle."
They fell to cursing, and curses fell as thick as hailstones; but
Janko left them no peace till Hafran had clipped him off five ells
of green Turkish cloth for his hose, and Bajus had contributed just
as much blue English cloth for his mantle.
"But now he must give back the twelve dollars," remarked Bajus; "if
his leg is not to be broken, he won't require money for mending it."
"Not so," said Janko; "when a gentlemen has given a musician money
he does not ask it back again."
"Well, all right; but at any rate you must also give him six dollars
as we have done."
But Janko could not be made to see this at all.
"Why should I give him money when you've given him some already?
"Then I'll smash one of his legs, for I mean to have value for my
money."
The poor trumpeter tried to put an end to the dispute by instantly
volunteering to return the twelve dollars; but it had like to have
gone ill with him in consequence, for he thereby so deeply wounded
Hafran's pride that the robber chief at once fired his gun at him.
Fortunately Simplex ducked so nimbly that only his cap was grazed.
"What do you take us for, you bumpkin? A gentleman does not ask his
money back again from a musician. Either Janko must give you as much
as I have given you, or I will strike you dead."
So this struggle between ferocity and magnanimity plunged the poor
trumpeter into a dilemma from which there seemed absolutely no
escape. The robbers whirled their axes over his head.
"Listen to me," cried Janko suddenly, "I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll dig a deep ditch, and make the trumpeter get into it. Then
we'll clap an empty barrel over him and peg it down fast, so that he
won't be able to see in what direction we have gone. He must sleep
in the ditch to-day, but to-morrow he may free himself with his ax
and go his way."
This wise accommodation pleased all parties. The robbers forthwith
dug a deep hole in the earth, put Simplex inside it, clapped over
him a cask, the bottom of which had previously been knocked out, and
charged him as he valued his life not to stir from the spot till
dawn of day.
He did exactly as he was bid, and that was very wise of him, for
when everything was perfectly still, and he might well have fancied
the robbers were miles away, a shot suddenly cracked quite close to
him and the bullet perforated the cask. It was a warning that he was
being watched. So there he sat, and there is no knowing how long he
might have remained without budging had not a fresh danger
supervened; the hole in which he sat suddenly began to fill with
water. Higher and higher rose the tide till it reached his very
mouth, and he was forced to pull himself up to the top of the cask
to escape drowning. At last he plucked up courage to look through
the hole which the bullet had made, and he then saw that the whole
of the rocky chamber had been converted into a watershed, and not a
living soul was anywhere visible.
Then he smashed in the side of the cask with his ax, scrambled out
of the hole, which was now completely filled with water, and
immediately grasped the meaning of the robbers' stratagem.
With the above-mentioned improvised weir they had dammed up the
mountain stream, and used its bed as a short cut into the next
valley, for it was passable so long as the water was confined within
the rocky chasm; when the water had risen high enough to overflow
into its bed again, it would of course blot out all traces of their
passage.
But Simplex, without bestowing much thought upon this feat, thanked
the Almighty for so miraculously delivering him from so great a
danger; which deliverance, moreover, strengthened him in the belief
that the errand on which he was bound was a righteous one.
Thereupon, with much fear and trembling, he clambered down the
rock-hewn way by which he had ascended, not forgetting to shout a
good-morning into the hole of the mother bear as he passed.
He naturally omitted to return to the kopanitscha and deliver
Janko's message to the pretty hostess; but he did tell an
oil-merchant, whom he met on the way, the frightful things which had
happened to him and bade him deliver the message at the kopanitscha,
as it was all on his way. The oil-merchant, on the other hand, gave
him a piece of good advice; to wit, that when he came to the town of
Saros he should hand over the bundle which he was carrying on his
back to the mayor, for the plundered merchants had advertised their
wares broadcast, and if people saw and recognized their stolen cloth
on his person they would measure him a jacket which he would not get
rid of his whole life long.
And worthy Simplex followed the advice which was given him. No
sooner had he arrived at Saros than he handed over the costly cloth
stuffs to the town authorities, and the merchants rewarded him with
a ducat and let him go on his way unmolested, as he himself in his
extant memoirs modestly informs us.