safe back again at Eton in the snug, clean, sanded dormitory of my old
dame. Looking first at my purse and then at the list of necessaries, I
could not resist a sigh on perceiving my _new guinea_{3} to be already
in danger, that it would require some caution to steer clear of the
forest of debt,{4} and keep out of _south jeopardy_,{5} and some talent
to gain the _new settlements_{6} or prevent my being ultimately laid up
in the _river tick_{7} condemned in the _Vice-Chancellor's court_,{8}
and consigned, for the benefit of the captors, to _fort marshal_.{9}
1 The circumstance here alluded to actually occurred some
time since, when G- C-n and Lord C-e nearly shot Dr.
Capplestone of Oriel and his predecessor, Dr. Eveleigh: the
former was expelled in consequence.
2 A list of necessaries consists of all the necessary
culinary articles, tea equipage, brooms, brushes, pails, &c.
&c. &c.
3 New guinea--First possession of income.
4 Forest of debt--payment of debts.
5 South jeopardy--terrors of insolvency.
6 Next settlements--final reckoning.
7 River tick--springing out of standing debts, which only==>
8 Vice-Chancellor's court--creditor's last shift.
9 Fort marshal--university marshal's post, charge themselves
at the expiration of three years by leaving the lake of
credit, and meandering through the haunts of a hundred
creditors.
~154~~ "Rather romantic, but not elegant," said some voices at the door,
which, on turning my head, I discovered to be my two friends, Echo
and Eglantine, who, suspecting the state of the rooms, from the known
character of the previous occupier, had followed me up stairs to
enjoy the pleasure of quizzing a novice. "A snug appointment this, old
fellow," said Echo. "Very airy and contemplative" rejoined Eglantine,
pointing first to the broken window, and after to the mutilated remains
of books and furniture. "Quite the larium of a man of genius," continued
the former, "and very fine scope for the exhibition of improved taste."
"And an excellent opportunity for raillery," quoth I. "Well, old
fellow," said Tom, "I wish you safe through _dun territory_{10} and the
_preserve of long bills_{11}: if you are not pretty well _blunted_,{12}
the first start will try _your wind._" "Courage, Blackmantle," said
Eglantine, "we must not have you laid up here in the _marshes of
impediment_{13} with all the horrors of _east jeopardy_,{14} as if you
was lost in the _cave of antiquity_{15}: rally, my old fellow, for _the
long hope_,{16}shoot past _mounts_
10 Dun territory--circle of creditors to be paid.
11 Preserve of long bills--stock of debts to be discharged.
12 Blunted--London slang for plenty of money.
13 Marshes of impediment--troublesome preparation for the
schools.
14 East jeopardy--terrors of anticipation.
15 Cave of antiquity--depot of old authors.
16 The long hope--Johnson defines "a Hope" to be any sloping
plain between two ridges of mountains. Here it is the symbol
of long expectations in studying for a degree.
~155~~ _Aldrich and Euclid_,{17} the _Roman tumuli_{18} and _Point
Failure_{19} and then, having gained _Fount Stagira_{20} pass easily
through _Littlego Vale_,{21} reach the summit of the _Pindaric
heights_{22} and set yourself down easy in the _temple of Bacchus_{23}
and the _region of rejoicing"{24} "Or if you should fall a sacrifice in
the district of {sappers_,{25} old fellow!" said Echo, "or founder in
_Dodd's sound_,{26} why, you can retreat to _Cam Roads_,{27} or lay up
for life in the _Bay of Condolence_."{28} "For heaven's sake, let us
leave the _Gulf of Misery_," said I, alluding to the state of my rooms,
"and bend our course where some more amusing novelty presents itself."
"To Bagley wood," said Echo, "to break cover and introduce you to the
Egyptians; only I must give my scout directions first to see the old
bookseller{29} and have my _imposition_{30} ready for being absent from
chapel this morning, or else I shall be favoured with another
17 Mount Aldrich, mount Euclid--logic and mathematics.
18 Tumuli raised by the Romans--difficulties offered by Livy
and Tacitus in the studies for first class honours.
19 Point Failure--catastrophe of plucking.
20 Fount Stagira--fount named after the birth-place of Aris-
totle.
21 Littlego Vale--orderly step to the first examination.
22 Pindaric heights--study of Pindar's odes.
23 Temple of Bacchus--merry-making after getting a liceat.
24 Region of rejoicing--joy attendant on success in the
schools.
25 District of sabers--track of those who sap at their quarto
and folio volumes.
26 Dodd's sound--where the candidate will have to
acknowledge the receipt of a certificate empowering him to
float down Bachelor Creek.
27 Cam Roads--retreat to Cambridge by way of a change.
28 Bay of Condolence--where we console our friends, if
plucked, and left at a nonplus.
29 A well-known bookseller in Oxford generally called
imposition G-, from his preparing translations for the
members of the university.
30 Imposition--see prick bill.
~156~~ visit from the _prick bill_."{31} "Agreed," said Eglantine, "and
Blackmantle and myself will, in the meantime, visit Sadler, and engage a
couple of his prime hacks to accompany you."
31 Prick bills--at Christ Church, junior students who prick
with a pin the names of those gentlemen who are at chapel.
Immediately after the service, the bills, with the noblemen
and gentlemen commoners' names, are taken to the dean; those
with the students and commoners' names, to the acting censor
for the week; and the bachelors' bills to the sub-dean, who
generally inform the prick bills what impositions shall be
set those gentlemen who absented themselves from chapel:
these are written upon strips of paper and carried to the
gentlemen by the prick bill's scouts.
Copy of an original imposition.
"Sp 259 particular M M C. P. B."--Signifies translate No. 259
Spectator to the word "particular" by Monday morning at
chapel time.--Prick bill.
[Illustration: page156]
[Illustration: page157]
THE EXCURSION TO BAGLEY WOOD.
Oxford Scholars and Oxford Livery Men--How to insure a good
Horse and prevent Accidents--Description of Bagley Wood--A
Freshman breaking cover--Interview with the Egyptian--
Secrets of Futurity unveiled--Abingdon Beauties--Singular
Anecdote and History of Mother Goose.
~157~~
The ride to Bagley Wood introduced me to some new features of a college
life, not the least entertaining of which was the dialogue before
starting between my friend Eglantine, the livery-stable keeper, and his
man, where we went to engage the horses.
Eglan. (to the ostler) Well, Dick, what sort of a stud, hey? any thing
rum, a ginger or a miller, three legs or five, got by Whirlwind out of
Skyscraper? Come, fig out two lively ones.
Dick. I mun see measter first, zur, before I lets any gentleman take a
nag out o' yard. It's more as my place is worth to act otherwise.
Eglan. What coming Tip-street over us, hey, Dick? ~158~~ _frisking
the freshman_ here, old fellow? (pointing to me). It won't do--no go,
Dick--he's my friend, a _cawker_ to be sure, but must not _stand Sam_ to
an _Oxford raff_, or a Yorkshire _Johnny Raw_.
Dick. I axes pardon, zur. I didna mean any such thing, but ever since
you rode the grey tit last, she's never been out o' stall.
Eglan. Not surprised at that, Dick. Never crossed a greater slug in my
life--She's only fit to carry a dean or a bishop--No go in her.
Dick. No, zur, measter zays as how you took it all out on her.
Eglan. Why, I did give her a winder, Dick, to be sure, only one day's
hunting, though, a good hard run over Somerset range, not above sixty
miles out and home.
Dick. Ay, I thought as how you'd been in some break-neck tumble-down
country, zur, for Tit's knuckels showed she'd had a somerset or two.
Eglan. Well, blister the mare, Dick! there's _half a bull_ for your
trouble: now put us on the right scent for a good one: any thing young
and fresh, sprightly and shewy?
Dick. Why, there be such a one to be zure, zur, but you munna split on
me, or I shall get the zack for telling on ye. If you'll sken yon stable
at end o' the yard, there be two prime tits just com'd in from Abingdon
fair, thorough-bred and devils to go, but measter won't let 'em out.
Eglan. Won't he? here he comes, and we'll try what a little persuasion
will do. (Enter Livery Man.) Well, old fellow, I've brought you a new
friend, Blackmantle of Brazennose: what sort of _praxis_ can you give us
for a trot to Bagley Wood, a short ride for something shewy to _lionise_
a bit?
Livery M. Nothing new, sir, and you know all the stud pretty well
(knowingly). Suppose you try the grey mare you rode t'other day, and
I'll find a quiet one for your friend.
~159~~ Eglan. If I do, I am a _black horse_. She's no paces, nothing
_but a shuffle_, not a _leg to stand on_.
Livery M. Every one as good as the principal of All-Souls. Not a better
bred thing in Oxford, and all horses here gallop by instinct, as every
body knows, but they can't go for ever, and when gentlemen ride steeple
chases of sixty miles or more right a-head, they ought to find their own
horse-flesh.
Eglan. What coming _crabb_ over us, old fellow, hey 1 Very well, I shall
bolt and try Randall, and that's all about it. Come along, Blackmantle.
My friend's threat of withdrawing his patronage had immediately the
desired effect. Horace's judgment in horse-flesh was universally
admitted, and the knowing dealer, although he had suffered in one
instance by hard riding, yet deeply calculated on retrieving his loss by
some unsuspecting Freshman, or other university Nimrod in the circle
of Eglantine's acquaintance. By this time Echo had arrived, and we were
soon mounted on the two fresh purchases which the honest Yorkshireman
had so disinterestedly pointed out; and which, to do him justice,
deserved the eulogium he had given us on their merits. One circumstance
must not however be forgotten, which was the following notice posted
at the end of the yard. "To prevent accidents, gentlemen pay _before
mounting_." "How the deuce can this practice of paying beforehand
prevent accidents?" said I. "You're fresh, old fellow," said Echo, "or
you'd understand after a man breaks his neck he fears no duns. Now you
know by accident what old Humanity there means."
Bagley is about two miles and a half from Oxford on the Abingdon road,
an exceedingly pleasant ride, leaving the sacred city and passing over
the old bridge where formerly was situated the study or observatory of
the celebrated Friar Bacon. Not an object in the shape of a petticoat
escaped some raillery, and scarcely 160~~ a town _raff_ but what met
with a corresponding display of university wit, and called forth many a
cutting joke: the place itself is an extensive wood on the summit of
a hill, which commands a glorious panoramic view of Oxford and the
surrounding country richly diversified in hill and dale, and sacred
spires shooting their varied forms on high above the domes, and
minarets, and towers of Rhedycina. This spot, the favourite haunt of
the Oxonians, is covered for many miles with the most luxuriant foliage,
affording the cool retreat, the love embowered shades, over which
Prudence spreads the friendly veil. Here many an amorous couple have in
softest dalliance met, and sighed, and frolicked, free from suspicion's
eye beneath the broad umbrageous canopy of Nature; here too is the
favourite retreat of the devotees of Cypriani, the spicy grove of
assignations where the velvet sleeves of the Proctor never shake with
terror in the wind, and the savage form of the university _bull dog_ is
unknown.
A party of wandering English Arabs had pitched their tents on the
brow of the hill just under the first cluster of trees, and materially
increased the romantic appearance of the scene. The group consisted of
men, women, and children, a tilted cart with two or three asses, and a
lurcher who announced our approach. My companions were, I soon found,
well known to the females, who familiarly approached our party, while
the male animals as condescendingly betook themselves into the recesses
of the wood. "Black Nan," said Echo, "and her daughter, the gypsy
beauty, the Bagley brunette."--"Shall I tell your honour's fortune?"
said the elder of the two, approaching me; while Eglantine, who had
already dismounted and given his horse to one of the brown urchins
of the party, had encircled the waist of the younger sibyl, and was
tickling her into a trot in an opposite direction. "Ay do, Nan," ~161~~
said Echo, "cast his nativity, open the book of fate, and tell the boy
his future destiny." It would be the height of absurdity to repeat
half the nonsense this oracle of Bagley uttered relative to my future
fortunes; but with the cunning peculiar to her cast, she discovered I
was fresh, and what tormented me more, (although on her part it was
no doubt accidental) alluded to an amour in which my heart was much
interested with a little divinity in the neighbourhood of Eton. This
hint was sufficient to give Tom his cue, and I was doomed to be pestered
for the remainder of the day with questions and raillery on my progress
in the court of Love. On our quitting the old gypsy woman, a pair of
buxom damsels came in sight, advancing from the Abingdon road; they
were no doubt like ourselves, I thought, come to consult the oracle of
Bagley, or, perhaps, were the daughters of some respectable farmer
who owned the adjoining land. All these doubts were, however, of short
duration; for Tom Echo no sooner caught sight of their faces, than away
he bounded towards them like a young colt in all the frolic of untamed
playfulness, and before I could reach him, one of the ladies was rolling
on the green carpet of luxuriant Nature. In the deep bosom of Bagley
Wood, impervious to the eye of authority, many a sportive scene occurs
which would alarm the ethics of the solemn sages of the cloistered
college. They were, I discovered, sisters, too early abandoned by
an unfeeling parent to poverty, and thus became an easy prey to the
licentious and the giddy, who, in the pursuit of pleasure, never
contemplate the attendant misery which is sure to follow the victim
of seduction. There was something romantic in their story: they were
daughters of the celebrated Mother Goose, whose person must have been
familiar to every Oxonian for the last sixty years prior to her decease,
which occurred but a short time since Of ~162~~ this woman's history
I have since gleaned some curious particulars, the most remarkable of
which (contained in the annexed note) have been authenticated by living
witnesses.{1} Her portrait, by a member of All Souls, is admirable, and
is here faithfully copied.
[Illustration: page162]
1 "_Mother Goose_," formerly a procuress, and one of the
most abandoned of her profession. When from her advanced
age, and the loss of her eye-sight, she could no longer
obtain money by seducing females from the path of virtue,
she married a man of the name of H., (commonly called
Gentleman H.) and for years was led by him to the students'
apartments in the different colleges with baskets of the
choicest flowers. Her ancient, clean, and neat appearance,
her singular address, and, above all, the circumstance of
her being blind, never failed of procuring her at least ten
times the price of her posy, and which was frequently
doubled when she informed the young gentlemen of the
generosity, benevolence, and charity of their grandfathers,
fathers, or uncles whom she knew when they were at college.
She had several illegitimate children, all females, and all
were sacrificed by their unnatural mother, except one, who
was taken away from her at a very tender age by the child's
father's parents. When of age, this child inherited her
father's property, and is now (I believe) the wife of an
Irish nobleman, and to this time is unconscious that Mother
Goose, of Oxford, gave her birth. The person who was
instrumental in removing the child is still living in
Oxford, and will testify to the authenticity of the fact
here related. His present majesty never passed through
Oxford without presenting Mother Goose with a donation, but
of course without knowing her early history.
~163~~
Having, as Echo expressed it, now broke cover, and being advanced one
step in the study of the fathers, we prepared to quit the Abingdon fair
and rural shades of Bagley on our return to Oxford, something lighter in
pocket, and a little too in morality. We raced the whole of the distance
home, to the great peril of several groups of town raff whom we passed
in our way. On our arrival my friends had each certain lectures to
attend, or college duties to perform. An idle Freshman, there was
yet three hours good before the invitation to the spread, and as kind
fortune willed it to amuse the time, a packet arrived from Horatio
Heartley. He had been spending the winter in town with his aunt, Lady
Mary Oldstyle, and had, with his usual tact, been sketching the varied
groups which form the circle of fashionable life. It was part of the
agreement between us, when leaving each other at Eton, that we should
thus communicate the characteristic traits of the society we were about
to amalgamate with. He has, in the phraseology of the day, just come
out, and certainly appears to have made the best use of his time.
KENSINGTON GARDENS--SUNDAY EVENING.
Singularities of 1824.
[Illustration: page164]
~164~~
WESTERN ENTRANCE INTO THE METROPOLIS;
A DESCRIPTIVE SKETCH.
General Views of the Author relative to Subject and Style--
Time and Place--Perspective Glimpse of the great City--The
Approach--Cockney Salutations--The Toll House--Western
Entrance to Cockney Land--Hyde Park--Sunday Noon--
Sketches of Character, Costume, and Scenery--The Ride and
Drive--Kensington Gardens--Belles and Beaux--Stars and
Fallen Stars--Singularities of 1824--Tales of Ton--On Dits
and Anecdotes--Sunday Evening--High Life and Low Life, the
Contrast--Cockney Goths--Notes, Biographical, Amorous, and
Exquisite.
[Illustration: page165]
Its wealth and fashion, wit and folly,
Pleasures, whims, and melancholy:
Of all the charming belles and beaux
Who line the parks, in double rows;
Of princes, peers, their equipage,
The splendour of the present age;
Of west-end fops, and crusty cits,
Who drive their gigs, or sport their tits;
With all the groups we mean to dash on
Who form the busy world of fashion:
Proceeding onwards to the city,
With sketches, humorous and witty.
The man of business, and the Change,
Will come within our satire's range:
Nor rank, nor order, nor condition,
Imperial, lowly, or patrician,
Shall, when they see this volume, cry--
"The satirist has pass'd us by,"
But with good humour view our page
Depict the manners of the age.
Our style shall, like our subject, be
Distinguished by variety;
Familiar, brief we could say too--
(It shall be whimsical and new),
But reader that we leave to you.
'Twas morn, the genial sun of May
O'er nature spread a cheerful ray,
When Cockney Land, clothed in her best,
We saw, approaching from the west,
And 'mid her steeples straight and tall
Espied the dome of famed St. Paul,
Surrounded with a cloud of smoke
From many a kitchen chimney broke;
A nuisance since consumed below
By bill of Michael Angelo.{1}
The coach o'er stones was heard to rattle,
1 M. A. Taylor's act for compelling all large factories,
which have steam and other apparatus, to consume their own
smoke.
~166~~
The guard his bugle tuned for battle,
The horses snorted with delight,
As Piccadilly came in sight.
On either side the road was lined
With vehicles of ev'ry kind,
And as the rapid wheel went round,
There seem'd scarce room to clear the ground.
"Gate-gate-push on--how do--well met--
Pull up--my tits are on the fret--
The number--lost it--tip then straight,
That covey vants to bilk the gate."
The toll-house welcome this to town.
Your prime, flash, bang up, fly, or down,
A tidy team of prads,--your castor's
Quite a Joliffe tile,--my master.
Thus buck and coachee greet each other,
And seem familiar as a brother.
No Chinese wall, or rude barrier,
Obstructs the view, or entrance here;
Nor fee or passport,--save the warder,
Who draws to keep the roads in order;
No questions ask'd, but all that please
May pass and repass at their ease.
In cockney land, the seventh day
Is famous for a grand display
Of modes, of finery, and dress,
Of cit, west-ender, and noblesse,
Who in Hyde Park crowd like a fair
To stare, and lounge, and take the air,
Or ride or drive, or walk, and chat
On fashions, scandal, and all that.--
Here, reader, with your leave, will we
Commence our London history.
'Twas Sunday, and the park was full
With Mistress, John, and Master Bull,
And all their little fry.
The crowd pour in from all approaches,
Tilb'ries, dennets, gigs, and coaches;
~167~~
The bells rung merrily.
Old dowagers, their fubsy faces{2}
Painted to eclipse the Graces,
Pop their noddles out
Of some old family affair
That's neither chariot, coach, or chair,
Well known at ev'ry rout.
But bless me, who's that coach and six?
"That, sir, is Mister Billy Wicks,
A great light o' the city,
Tallow-chandler, and lord mayor{3};
Miss Flambeau Wicks's are the fair,
Who're drest so very pretty.
It's only for a year you know
He keeps up such a flashy show;
And then he's melted down.
The man upon that half-starved nag{4}
Is an Ex-S------ff, a strange wag,
Half flash, and half a clown.
But see with artful lures and wiles
The Paphian goddess, Mrs. G***s,{5}
2 There are from twenty to thirty of these well known relics
of antiquity who regularly frequent the park, and attend all
the fashionable routs,--perfumed and painted with the
utmost extravagance: if the wind sets in your face, they may
be scented at least a dozen carriages off.
3 It is really ludicrous to observe the ridiculous pride of
some of these ephemeral things;--during their mayoralty, the
gaudy city vehicle with four richly caparisoned horses is
constantly in the drive, with six or eight persons crammed
into it like a family waggon, and bedizened out in all the
colours of the rainbow;--ask for them six months after, and
you shall find them more suitably employed, packing rags,
oranges, or red herrings.
4 This man is such a strange compound of folly and
eccentricity, that he is eternally in hot water with some
one or other.
5 Mrs. Fanny G-1-s, the ci-devant wife of a corn merchant,
a celebrated courtezan, who sports a splendid equipage, and
has long figured upon town as a star of the first order in
the Cyprian hemisphere. She has some excellent qualities,
as poor M---------n can vouch; for when the fickle goddess
Fortune left him in the lurch, she has a handsome annuity
from a sporting peer, who was once the favoured swain.
~168~~
From out her carriage peeps;
She nods to am'rous Mrs. D-----,{6}
Who bends with most sublime congee,
While ruin'd-----------sleeps.
Who follows 1 'tis the hopeful son
Of the proud Earl of H-----------n,
Who stole the parson's wife.{7}
The Earl of H-----------and flame,
For cabriolets she's the dame,{8}
A dasher, on my life.
Jack T-----1 shows his pleasant face{9};
A royal likeness here you'll trace,
You'd swear he was a Guelph.
See Lady Mary's U------walk,{10}
And though but aide-de-camp to York,
An Adonis with himself,
6 Mrs. D---------, alias Mrs. B-k-y, alias Miss Montague,
the wife of poor Jem B-k-y, the greater his misfortune,--a
well known Paphian queen, one of five sisters, who are all
equally notorious, and whose history is well known. She is
now the favoured sultana of a ci-devant banker, whose name
she assumes, to the disgrace of himself and family.
7 The clerical cornuto recovered, in a crim. con. action,
four thousand pounds for the loss of his frail rib, from
this hopeful sprig of nobility.
8 Mrs. S------, a most voluptuous lady, the discarded chere
amie of the late Lord F-1-d, said to be the best carriage
woman in the park: she lies in the Earl of H-------
--'s cabriolet most delightfully stretched out at full
length, and in this elegant posture is driven through the
park.
9 Captain T------l of the guards, whose powerful similitude
to the reigning family of England is not more generally
admitted than his good-humoured qualities are universally
admired.