To all Gentlemen, Ladies, and others, that delight in soft lines.
These are to give notice, that the proper time of the year for writing
pastorals now drawing near, there is a stage-coach settled from the One
Bell in the Strand to Dorchester, which sets out twice a week, and
passes through Basingstoke, Sutton, Stockbridge, Salisbury, Blandford,
and so to Dorchester, over the finest downs in England. At all which
places, there are accommodations of spreading beeches, beds of flowers,
turf seats, and purling streams, for happy swains; and thunderstruck
oaks, and left-handed ravens, to foretell misfortunes to those that
please to be wretched; with all other necessaries for pensive passion.
And for the convenience of such whose affairs will not permit them to
leave this town, at the same place they may be furnished, during the
season, with opening buds, flowering thyme, warbling birds, sporting
lambkins, and fountain water, right and good, and bottled on the spot,
by one sent down on purpose.
* * * * *
N.B. The nymphs and swains are further given to understand, that in
those happy climes, they are so far from being troubled with wolves,
that for want of even foxes, a considerable pack of hounds have been
lately forced to eat sheep.
* * * * *
Whereas on the 6th instant at midnight, several persons of light honour
and loose mirth, having taken upon them in the shape of men, but with
the voice of the players belonging to Mr. Powell's[147] company, to call
up surgeons at midnight, and send physicians to persons in sound sleep,
and perfect health: this is to certify, that Mr. Powell had locked up
the legs of all his company for fear of mischief that night; and that
Mr. Powell will not pay for any damages done by the said persons. It is
also further advised, that there were no midwives wanted when those
persons called them up in the several parts of Westminster; but that
those gentlewomen who were in the company of the said impostors, may
take care to call such useful persons on the 6th of December next.
* * * * *
The Censor having observed, that there are fine wrought ladies' shoes
and slippers put out to view at a great shoemaker's shop towards St.
James's end of Pall Mall, which create irregular thoughts and desires in
the youth of this nation; the said shopkeeper is required to take in
those eyesores, or show cause the next court-day why he continues to
expose the same; and he is required to be prepared particularly to
answer to the slippers with green lace and blue heels.
* * * * *
It is impossible for me to return the obliging things Mr. Joshua
Barnes[148] has said to me upon the account of our mutual friend Homer.
He and I have read him now forty years with some understanding, and
great admiration. A work to be produced by one who has enjoyed so great
an intimacy with an author, is certainly to be valued more than any
comment made by persons of yesterday: therefore, according to my friend
Joshua's request, I recommend his[149] work; and having used a little
magic in the case, I give this recommendation by way of amulet or charm,
against the malignity of envious backbiters, who speak evil of
performances whereof themselves were never capable. If I may use my
friend Joshua's own words, I shall at present say no more, but that we,
Homer's oldest acquaintance now living, know best his ways; and can
inform the world, that they are often mistaken when they think he is in
lethargic fits, which we know he was never subject to; and shall make
appear to be rank scandal and envy that of the Latin poet:
"_----Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus._"[150]
[Footnote 146: A punch nag is a horse well set and well knit, having a
short back and thin shoulders, with a broad neck, and well lined with
flesh ("Farrier's Dictionary").]
[Footnote 147: The puppet-show man.]
[Footnote 148: "The learned and ingenious Mr. Joshua Barnes has lately
writ an eulogium (after the manner of learned men to each other) upon
me; and after having made me his compliments in the behalf of his
beloved Homer, and thanked me for the justice I have done him, in the
'Table of Fame,' has desired me to recommend the following
advertisement: 'Whereas Mr. Joshua Barnes, B.D., her Majesty's Greek
professor in the University of Cambridge, hath some time since published
proposals for printing a new and accurate edition of all Homer's
"Works," enlarged, corrected, and amended, by the help of ancient MSS.
the best editions, scholiographers, &c.: These are to certify, that the
"Iliad" and "Odyssey" are now both actually printed off, only a small
part of the hymns, other poems, and fragments remaining, with the
indexes, Life of Homer, and Prolegomena, which are carried on with all
possible expedition. All gentlemen therefore, scholars and masters of
great schools, that are willing to reap the benefit of subscription,
being ten shillings down, and on the delivery of the two volumes in
sheets twenty shillings more, are desired to make their first payment to
the said Mr. Barnes, now lodging at the printing house at Cambridge,
before the end of March; after which time no more single subscriptions
to be admitted'" (_Tatler_, orig. folio, No. 139). Joshua Barnes
(1654-1712), Greek scholar and antiquary, was educated at Christ's
Hospital and Emanuel College, Cambridge. He was appointed professor of
Greek at Cambridge in 1695. The expenses incurred in the production of
his "Homer" involved him in considerable difficulties. Bentley paid a
doubtful compliment to Barnes when he said that Barnes knew as much
Greek as a Greek cobbler. See the _Spectator_, No. 245.]
[Footnote 149: Mr. Joshua Barnes' new and accurate edition of all
Homer's Works, &c. (Steele).]
[Footnote 150: Horace, "Ars Poet." 359 ("Quandoque bonus," &c.).]
No. 144. [STEELE.
From _Thursday, March 9_, to _Saturday, March 11, 1709-10_.
* * * * *
_Sheer Lane, March 10._
In a nation of liberty, there is hardly a person in the whole mass of
the people more absolutely necessary than a censor. It is allowed, that
I have no authority for assuming this important appellation, and that I
am censor of these nations, just as one is chosen king at the game of
questions and commands:[151] but if, in the execution of this
fantastical dignity, I observe upon things which do not fall within the
cognisance of real authority, I hope it will be granted, that an idle
man could not be more usefully employed. Among all the irregularities of
which I have taken notice, I know none so proper to be presented to the
world by a censor, as that of the general expense and affectation in
equipage. I have lately hinted, that this extravagance must necessarily
get footing where we have no sumptuary laws, and where every man may be
dressed, attended, and carried, in what manner he pleases. But my
tenderness to my fellow subjects will not permit me to let this enormity
go unobserved.
As the matter now stands, every man takes it in his head, that he has a
liberty to spend his money as he pleases. Thus, in spite of all order,
justice, and decorum, we the greater number of the Queen's loyal
subjects, for no reason in the world but because we want money, do not
share alike in the division of her Majesty's high-road. The horses and
slaves of the rich take up the whole street, while we peripatetics are
very glad to watch an opportunity to whisk across a passage, very
thankful that we are not run over for interrupting the machine, that
carries in it a person neither more handsome, wise, nor valiant than the
meanest of us. For this reason, were I to propose a tax, it should
certainly be upon coaches and chairs: for no man living can assign a
reason why one man should have half a street to carry him at his ease,
and perhaps only in pursuit of pleasures, when as good a man as himself
wants room for his own person to pass upon the most necessary and urgent
occasion. Till such an acknowledgment is made to the public, I shall
take upon me to vest certain rights in the scavengers of the cities of
London and Westminster, to take the horses and servants of all such as
do not become or deserve such distinctions into their peculiar custody.
The offenders themselves I shall allow safe conduct to their places of
abode in the carts of the said scavengers, but their horses shall be
mounted by their footmen, and sent into the service abroad: and I take
this opportunity in the first place to recruit the regiment of my good
old friend the brave and honest Sylvius,[152] that they be as well
taught as they are fed. It is to me most miraculous, so unreasonable an
usurpation as this I am speaking of should so long have been tolerated.
We hang a poor fellow for taking any trifle from us on the road, and
bear with the rich for robbing us of the road itself. Such a tax as this
would be of great satisfaction to us who walk on foot; and since the
distinction of riding in a coach is not to be appointed according to a
man's merit or service to their country, nor that liberty given as a
reward for some eminent virtue, we should be highly contented to see
them pay something for the insult they do us in the state they take upon
them while they are drawn by us.
Till they have made us some reparation of this kind, we the peripatetics
of Great Britain cannot think ourselves well treated, while every one
that is able is allowed to set up an equipage.
As for my part, I cannot but admire how persons, conscious to themselves
of no manner of superiority above others, can out of mere pride or
laziness expose themselves at this rate to public view, and put us all
upon pronouncing those three terrible syllables, Who is that? When it
comes to that question, our method is to consider the mien and air of
the passenger, and comfort ourselves for being dirty to the ankles, by
laughing at his figure and appearance who overlooks us. I must confess,
were it not for the solid injustice of the thing, there is nothing could
afford a discerning eye greater occasion for mirth, than this licentious
huddle of qualities and characters in the equipages about this town. The
overseers of the highway and constables have so little skill or power to
rectify this matter, that you may often see the equipage of a fellow
whom all the town knows to deserve hanging, make a stop that shall
interrupt the Lord High Chancellor and all the judges on their way to
Westminster.
For the better understanding of things and persons in this general
confusion, I have given directions to all the coachmakers and
coach-painters in town, to bring me in lists of their several customers;
and doubt not, but with comparing the orders of each man, in the placing
his arms on the doors of his chariot, as well as the words, devices and
ciphers to be fixed upon them, to make a collection which shall let us
into the nature, if not the history, of mankind, more usefully than the
curiosities of any medallist in Europe.
But this evil of vanity in our figure, with many, many others, proceeds
from a certain gaiety of heart, which has crept into men's very thoughts
and complexions. The passions and adventures of heroes, when they enter
the lists for the tournament in romances, are not more easily
distinguishable by their palfreys and their armour, than the secret
springs and affections of the several pretenders to show amongst us are
known by their equipages in ordinary life. The young bridegroom with his
gilded cupids, and winged angels, has some excuse in the joy of his
heart to launch out into something that may be significant of his
present happiness: but to see men, for no reason upon earth but that
they are rich, ascend triumphant chariots, and ride through the people,
has at the bottom nothing else in it but an insolent transport, arising
only from the distinction of fortune.
It is therefore high time that I call in such coaches as are in their
embellishments improper for the character of their owners. But if I find
I am not obeyed herein, and that I cannot pull down these equipages
already erected, I shall take upon me to prevent the growth of this evil
for the future, by inquiring into the pretensions of the persons who
shall hereafter attempt to make public entries with ornaments and
decorations of his own appointment. If a man, who believed he had the
handsomest leg in this kingdom, should take a fancy to adorn so
deserving a limb with a blue garter, he would justly be punished for
offending against the most noble order: and, I think, the general
prostitution of equipage and retinue is as destructive to all
distinction, as the impertinence of one man, if permitted, would
certainly be to that illustrious fraternity.