Whereas Mr. Bickerstaff, by a letter bearing date this 24th of February,
has received information, that there are in and about the Royal Exchange
a sort of persons commonly known by the name of "whetters,"[119] who
drink themselves into an intermediate state of being neither drunk nor
sober before the hours of 'change, or business, and in that condition
buy and sell stocks, discount notes, and do many other acts of
well-disposed citizens; this is to give notice, that from this day
forward, no whetter shall be able to give or endorse any note, or
execute any other point of commerce, after the third half pint, before
the hour of one: and whoever shall transact any matter or matters with a
whetter (not being himself of that order) shall be conducted to
Moorfields[120] upon the first application of his next of kin.
N.B. No tavern near the 'Change shall deliver wine to such as drink at
the bar standing, except the same shall be three parts of the best
cider; and the master of the house shall produce a certificate of the
same from Mr. Tintoret,[121] or other credible wine-painter.
Whereas the model of the intended Bedlam[122] is now finished, and that
the edifice itself will be very suddenly begun; it is desired, that all
such as have relations, whom they would recommend to our care, would
bring in their proofs with all speed, none being to be admitted of
course but lovers, who are put into an immediate regimen. Young
politicians also are received without fees or examination.
[Footnote 114: See No. 99.]
[Footnote 115: "Republic," ii. 359.]
[Footnote 116: "De Officiis," iii. 9.]
[Footnote 117: "Bell. Cat." ad fin.]
[Footnote 118: "The Paul's scholar's copy-book, containing the round and
round-text hands, with alphabets at large of the Greek and Hebrew, and
joining-pieces of each. Embellished with proper ornaments of command of
hand. By John Rayner, at the Hand and Pen, in St. Paul's Churchyard,
London. Published for the use of schools. Sold by the author, and
Jonathan Robinson, at the Golden Lion, in St. Paul's Churchyard. Price
1_s._" (No. 135, Advertisement). Rayner's book was dedicated to the
Master and Wardens of the Mercers' Company, and was reissued in 1716 (W.
Massey's "Origin and Progress of Letters," 1763, part ii. p. 120).]
[Footnote 119: See No. 141.]
[Footnote 120: Bedlam.]
[Footnote 121: See No. 131.]
[Footnote 122: See No. 125.]
No. 139. [STEELE.
From _Saturday, Feb. 25_, to _Tuesday, Feb. 28, 1709-10_.
----Nihil est, quod credere de se
Non possit, cum laudatur Dis aequa potestas.
JUV., Sat. iv. 70.
* * * * *
_Sheer Lane, February 27._
When I reflect upon the many nights I have sat up for some months last
past in the greatest anxiety for the good of my neighbours and
contemporaries, it is no small discouragement to me, to see how slow a
progress I make in the reformation of the world. But indeed I must do my
female readers the justice to own, that their tender hearts are much
more susceptible of good impressions, than the minds of the other sex.
Business and ambition take up men's thoughts too much to leave room for
philosophy: but if you speak to women in a style and manner proper to
approach them, they never fail to improve by your counsel. I shall
therefore for the future turn my thoughts more particularly to their
service, and study the best methods to adorn their persons, and inform
their minds in the justest methods to make them what Nature designed
them, the most beauteous objects of our eyes, and the most agreeable
companions of our lives. But when I say this, I must not omit at the
same time to look into their errors and mistakes, that being the
readiest way to the intended end of adorning and instructing them. It
must be acknowledged, that the very inadvertencies of this sex are owing
to the other; for if men were not flatterers, women could not fall into
that general cause of all their follies, and our misfortunes, their love
of flattery. Were the commendation of these agreeable creatures built
upon its proper foundation, the higher we raised their opinion of
themselves, the greater would be the advantage to our sex; but all the
topic of praise is drawn from very senseless and extravagant ideas we
pretend we have of their beauty and perfection. Thus when a young man
falls in love with a young woman, from that moment she is no more Mrs.
Alice such-a-one, born of such a father, and educated by such a mother;
but from the first minute that he casts his eye upon her with desire, he
conceives a doubt in his mind, what heavenly power gave so unexpected a
blow to a heart that was ever before untouched. But who can resist Fate
and Destiny, which are lodged in Mrs. Alice's eyes? After which he
desires orders accordingly, whether he is to live or breathe; the smile
or frown of his goddess is the only thing that can now either save or
destroy him. By this means, the well-humoured girl, that would have
romped with him before she received this declaration, assumes a state
suitable to the majesty he has given her, and treats him as the vassal
he calls himself. The girl's head is immediately turned by having the
power of life and death, and takes care to suit every motion and air to
her new sovereignty. After he has placed himself at this distance, he
must never hope to recover his former familiarity, till she has had the
addresses of another, and found them less sincere.
If the application to women were justly turned, the address of flattery,
though it implied at the same time an admonition, would be much more
likely to succeed. Should a captivated lover, in a billet, let his
mistress know, that her piety to her parents, her gentleness of
behaviour, her prudent economy with respect to her own little affairs in
a virgin condition, had improved the passion which her beauty had
inspired him with, into so settled an esteem for her, that of all women
breathing he wished her his wife; though his commending her for
qualities she knew she had as a virgin, would make her believe he
expected from her an answerable conduct in the character of a matron, I
will answer for it, his suit would be carried on with less perplexity.
Instead of this, the generality of our young women, taking all their
notions of life from gay writings, or letters of love, consider
themselves as goddesses, nymphs, and shepherdesses.
By this romantic sense of things, all the natural relations and duties
of life are forgotten, and our female part of mankind are bred and
treated, as if they were designed to inhabit the happy fields of
Arcadia, rather than be wives and mothers in old England. It is indeed
long since I had the happiness to converse familiarly with this sex, and
therefore have been fearful of falling into the error which recluse men
are very subject to, that of giving false representations of the world
from which they have retired, by imaginary schemes drawn from their own
reflections. An old man cannot easily gain admittance into the
dressing-room of ladies; I therefore thought it time well spent, to turn
over Agrippa, and use all my occult art, to give my old cornelian ring
the same force with that of Gyges, which I have lately spoken of.[123]
By the help of this, I went unobserved to a friend's house of mine, and
followed the chamber-maid invisibly about twelve of the clock into the
bed-chamber of the beauteous Flavia, his fine daughter, just before she
got up.
I drew the curtains, and being wrapped up in the safety of my old age,
could with much pleasure, without passion, behold her sleeping with
Waller's poems, and a letter fixed in that part of him, where every
woman thinks herself described. The light flashing upon her face,
awakened her: she opened her eyes, and her lips too, repeating that
piece of false wit in that admired poet:
_Such Helen was, and who can blame the boy,
That in so bright a flame consumed his Troy?_[124]
This she pronounced with a most bewitching sweetness; but after it
fetched a sigh, that methought had more desire than languishment, then
took out her letter, and read aloud, for the pleasure, I suppose, of
hearing soft words in praise of herself, the following epistle:
"MADAM,
"I sat near you at the Opera last night; but knew no entertainment
from the vain show and noise about me, while I waited wholly intent
upon the motion of your bright eyes, in hopes of a glance, that
might restore me to the pleasures of sight and hearing in the midst
of beauty and harmony. It is said, the hell of the accursed in the
next life arises from an incapacity to partake the joys of the
blessed, though they were to be admitted to them. Such I am sure
was my condition all this evening; and if you, my deity, cannot
have so much mercy as to make me by your influence capable of
tasting the satisfactions of life, my being is ended, which
consisted only in your favour."
The letter was hardly read over, when she rushed out of bed in her
wrapping-gown, and consulted her glass for the truth of his passion. She
raised her head, and turned it to a profile, repeating the last lines,
"my being is ended, which consisted only in your favour." The goddess
immediately called her maid, and fell to dressing that mischievous face
of hers, without any manner of consideration for the mortal who had
offered up his petition. Nay, it was so far otherwise, that the whole
time of her woman's combing her hair was spent in discourse of the
impertinence of his passion, and ended, in declaring a resolution, if
she ever had him, to make him wait. She also frankly told the favourite
gipsy that was prating to her, that her passionate lover had put it out
of her power to be civil to him, if she were inclined to it; "for," said
she, "if I am thus celestial to my lover, he will certainly so far think
himself disappointed, as I grow into the familiarity and form of a
mortal woman."
I came away as I went in, without staying for other remarks than what
confirmed me in the opinion, that it is from the notions the men inspire
them with, that the women are so fantastical in the value of themselves.
This imaginary pre-eminence which is given to the fair sex, is not only
formed from the addresses of people of condition; but it is the fashion
and humour of all orders to go regularly out of their wits, as soon as
they begin to make love. I know at this time three goddesses in the New
Exchange;[125] and there are two shepherdesses who sell gloves in
Westminster Hall.[126]
[Footnote 123: See No. 138.]
[Footnote 124: "Under a Lady's Picture" (Waller's Poems: "Epigrams,
Epitaphs," &c.).]
[Footnote 125: See No. 26.]
[Footnote 126: See No. 145. Part of Westminster Hall was devoted to
shopkeepers' stalls, where toys, books, &c., could be brought. Tom Brown
("Amusements," &c. 1700) says: "On your left hand you hear a
nimble-tongued painted sempstress with her charming treble invite you to
buy some of her knick-knacks, and on your right a deep-mouthed crier,
commanding impossibilities, viz., silence to be kept among women and
lawyers."]
No. 140. [STEELE.
From _Tuesday, Feb. 28_, to _Thursday, March 2, 1709-10_.
----Aliena negotia centum
Per caput, et circa saliunt latus--
HOR., 2 Sat. vi. 33.
* * * * *
_Sheer Lane, March 1._
Having the honour to be by my great-grandmother a Welshman, I have been
among some choice spirits of that part of Great Britain, where we
solaced ourselves in celebration of the day of St. David. I am, I
confess, elevated above that state of mind which is proper for
lucubration: but I am the less concerned at this, because I have for
this day or two last past observed, that we novelists have been
condemned wholly to the pastry-cooks, the eyes of the nation being
turned upon greater matters.[127] This therefore being a time when none
but my immediate correspondents will read me, I shall speak to them
chiefly at this present writing. It is the fate of us who pretend to
joke, to be frequently understood to be only upon the droll when we are
speaking the most seriously, as appears by the following letter to
Charles Lillie:
"MR. LILLIE, "London, _February 28, 1709/10_.
"It being professed by 'Squire Bickerstaff, that his intention is
to expose the vices and follies of the age, and to promote virtue
and goodwill amongst mankind; it must be a comfort, to a person
labouring under great straits and difficulties, to read anything
that has the appearance of succour. I should be glad to know
therefore, whether the intelligence given in his _Tatler_ of
Saturday last,[128] of the intended charity of a certain citizen of
London, to maintain the education of ten boys in writing and
accounts till they be fit for trade, be given only to encourage and
recommend persons to the practice of such noble and charitable
designs, or whether there be a person who really intends to do so.
If the latter, I humbly beg Squire Bickerstaff's pardon for making
a doubt, and impute it to my ignorance; and most humbly crave, that
he would be pleased to give notice in his _Tatler_, when he thinks
fit, whether his nomination of ten boys be disposed of, or whether
there be room for two boys to be recommended to him; and that he
will permit the writer of this to present him with two boys, who,
it is humbly presumed, will be judged to be very remarkable objects
of such charity.
"Sir,
"Your most humble Servant."
I am to tell this gentleman in sober sadness, and without jest, that
there really is so good and charitable a man as the benefactor inquired
for in his letter, and that there are but two boys yet named. The father
of one of them was killed at Blenheim, the father of the other at
Almanza. I do not here give the names of the children, because I should
take it to be an insolence in me to publish them, in a charity which I
have only the direction of as a servant, to that worthy and generous
spirit who bestows upon them this bounty, without laying the bondage of
an obligation. What I have to do is to tell them, they are beholden only
to their Maker, to kill in them as they grow up the false shame of
poverty, and let them know, that their present fortune, which is come
upon them by the loss of their poor fathers on so glorious occasions, is
much more honourable, than the inheritance of the most ample ill-gotten
wealth.
The next letter which lies before me is from a man of sense, who
strengthens his own authority with that of Tully, in persuading me to
what he very justly believes one cannot be averse:
"MR. BICKERSTAFF, "London, _Feb. 27, 1709_.
"I am so confident of your inclination to promote anything that is
for the advancement of liberal arts, that I lay before you the
following translation of a paragraph in Cicero's oration in defence
of Archias the poet, as an incentive to the agreeable and
instructive reading of the writings of the Augustan age. Most vices
and follies proceed from a man's incapacity of entertaining
himself, and we are generally fools in company, because we dare not
be wise alone. I hope, on some future occasions, you will find this
no barren hint. Tully, after having said very handsome things of
his client, commends the arts of which he was master as follows:
"'If so much profit be not reaped in the study of letters, and if
pleasure only be found; yet, in my opinion, this relaxation of the
mind should be esteemed most humane and ingenuous. Other things are
not for all ages, places and seasons. These studies form youth,
delight old age, adorn prosperity, and soften, and even remove
adversity, entertain at home, are no hindrance abroad; don't leave
us at night, and keep us company on the road and in the country.' I
am,
"Your humble Servant,
"STREPHON."
The following epistle seems to want the quickest despatch, because a
lady is every moment offended till it is answered; which is best done by
letting the offender see in her own letter how tender she is of calling
him so:
"SIR,
"This comes from a relation of yours, though unknown to you, who,
besides the tie of consanguinity, has some value for you on the
account of your lucubrations, those being designed to refine our
conversation, as well as cultivate our minds. I humbly beg the
favour of you, in one of your _Tatlers_ (after what manner you
please), to correct a particular friend of mine, for an indecorum
he is guilty of in discourse, of calling his acquaintance, when he
speaks of them, 'Madam': as for example, my cousin Jenny Distaff,
'Madam Distaff'; which I am sure you are sensible is very unpolite,
and 'tis what makes me often uneasy for him, though I cannot tell
him of it myself, which makes me guilty of this presumption, that I
depend upon your goodness to excuse; and I do assure you, the
gentleman will mind your reprehension, for he is, as I am,
"Sir,
"Your most humble
"Servant and Cousin,
"DOROTHY DRUMSTICK.
"I write this in a thin under-petticoat,[129] and never did or will
wear a farthingale."
I had no sooner read the just complaint of Mrs. Drumstick, but I
received an urgent one from another of the fair sex, upon faults of more
pernicious consequence:
"MR. BICKERSTAFF,
"Observing that you are entered into a correspondence with
Pasquin,[130] who is, I suppose, a Roman Catholic, I beg of you to
forbear giving him any account of our religion, or manners, till
you have rooted out certain misbehaviours even in our churches;
among others, that of bowing, saluting, taking snuff, and other
gestures. Lady Autumn made me a very low curtsy the other day from
the next pew, and, with the most courtly air imaginable, called
herself 'Miserable sinner.' Her niece soon after, in saying,
'Forgive us our trespasses,' curtsied with a gloating look at my
brother. He returned it, opening his snuff-box and repeating yet a
more solemn expression. I beg of you, good Mr. Censor, not to tell
Pasquin anything of this kind, and to believe this does not come
from one of a morose temper, mean birth, rigid education, narrow
fortune, or bigotry in opinion, or from one in whom Time had worn
out all taste of pleasure. I assure you, it is far otherwise, for I
am possessed of all the contrary advantages; and hope, wealth, good
humour, and good breeding, may be best employed in the service of
religion and virtue; and desire you would, as soon as possible,
remark upon the above-mentioned indecorums, that we may not longer
transgress against the latter, to preserve our reputation in the
former.
"Your humble Servant,
"LYDIA."
The last letter I shall insert is what follows. This is written by a
very inquisitive lady; and I think, such interrogative gentlewomen are
to be answered no other way than by interrogation. Her billet is this:
"DEAR MR. BICKERSTAFF,
"Are you quite as good as you seem to be?
"CHLOE."
To which I can only answer:
"DEAR CHLOE,
"Are you quite as ignorant as you seem to be?
"I. B."
[Footnote 127: The trial of Dr. Sacheverell, which extended from
February 27 to March 23, 1710. A Tory pamphlet, "A Letter to the Rev.
Dr. Henry Sacheverell, by Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq.," 1709, appeared in
January 1710. Another pamphlet was called "The Character of Don
Sacheverello, Knight of the Firebrand, in a Letter to Isaac Bickerstaff,
Esq., Censor of Great Britain."]
[Footnote 128: See No. 138.]
[Footnote 129: See No. 136.]
[Footnote 130: See No. 129.]
No. 141. [STEELE.
From _Thursday, March 2_, to _Saturday, March 4, 1709-10_.
* * * * *
_Sheer Lane, March 3._
While the attention of the town is drawn aside from the reading us
writers of news, we all save ourselves against it is at more leisure. As
for my own part, I shall still let the labouring oar be managed by my
correspondents, and fill my paper with their sentiments, rather than my
own, till I find my readers more disengaged than they are at
present.[131] When I came home this evening, I found several letters and
petitions, which I shall insert with no other order, than as I
accidentally opened them, as follows:
"SIR, _March 1, 1709-10._
"Having a daughter about nine years of age, I would endeavour she
might have education; I mean such as may be useful, as working
well, and a good deportment. In order to it, I am persuaded to
place her at some boarding-school, situate in a good air. My wife
opposes it, and gives for her greatest reason, that she is too much
a woman, and understands the formalities of visiting and a
tea-table so very nicely, that none, though much older, can exceed
her; and with all these perfections, the girl can scarce thread a
needle: but however, after several arguments, we have agreed to be
decided by your judgment; and knowing your abilities, shall manage
our daughter exactly as you shall please to direct. I am serious in
my request, and hope you will be so in your answer, which will lay
a deep obligation upon,
"Sir,
"Your humble Servant,
"T. T.
"Sir, pray answer it in your _Tatler_, that it may be serviceable
to the public."
I am as serious on this subject as my correspondent can be, and am of
opinion, that the great happiness or misfortune of mankind depends upon
the manner of educating and treating that sex. I have lately said, I
design to turn my thoughts more particularly to them and their service:
I beg therefore a little time to give my opinion on so important a
subject, and desire the young lady may fill tea one week longer, till I
have considered whether she shall be removed or not.[132]
"Chancery Lane, _February 27, 1709_.
"MR. BICKERSTAFF,
"Your notice in the advertisement in your _Tatler_ of Saturday
last[133] about 'whetters' in and about the Royal Exchange, is
mightily taken notice of by gentlemen who use the coffee-houses
near the Chancery office in Chancery Lane; and there being a
particular certain set of both young and old gentlemen that belong
to and near adjoining to the Chancery office, both in Chancery Lane
and Bell Yard, that are not only 'whetters' all the morning long,
but very musically given about twelve at night the same days, and
mightily taken with the union of the dulcimer, violin, and song; at
which recreation they rejoice together with perfect harmony,
however their clients disagree: you are humbly desired by several
gentlemen to give some regulation concerning them; in which you
will contribute to the repose of us, who are
"Your very humble Servants,
"L. T., N. F., T. W."
These "whetters" are a people I have considered with much pains, and
find them to differ from a sect I have heretofore spoken of, called
"snuff-takers,"[134] only in the expedition they take in destroying
their brains: the "whetter" is obliged to refresh himself every moment
with a liquor, as the "snuff-taker" with a powder. As for their harmony
in the evening, I have nothing to object, provided they remove to
Wapping or the Bridge-Foot,[135] where it is not to be supposed that
their vociferations will annoy the studious, the busy, or the
contemplative. I once had lodgings in Gray's Inn, where we had two hard
students, who learned to play upon the hautboy; and I had a couple of
chamber fellows over my head not less diligent in the practice of
backsword and single-rapier. I remember these gentlemen were assigned by
the benchers the two houses at the end of the Terrace Walk, as the only
places fit for their meditations. Such students as will let none improve
but themselves, ought indeed to have their proper distances from
societies.
The gentlemen of loud mirth above mentioned I take to be, in the quality
of their crime, the same as eavesdroppers; for they who will be in your
company whether you will or no, are to as great a degree offenders, as
they who hearken to what passes without being of your company at all.
The ancient punishment for the latter, when I first came to this town,
was the blanket, which I humbly conceive may be as justly applied to him
that bawls, as to him that listens. It is therefore provided for the
future, that (except in the Long Vacation) no retainers to the law, with
dulcimer, violin, or any other instrument, in any tavern within a
furlong of an inn of court, shall sing any tune, or pretended tune
whatsoever, upon pain of the blanket, to be administered according to
the discretion of all such peaceable people as shall be within the
annoyance. And it is further directed, that all clerks who shall offend
in this kind shall forfeit their indentures, and be turned over as
assistants to the clerks of parishes within the bills of mortality, who
are hereby empowered to demand them accordingly.
* * * * *
I am not to omit the receipt of the following letter, with a nightcap,
from my valentine;[136] which nightcap I find was finished in the year
1588, and is too finely wrought to be of any modern stitching. Its
antiquity will better appear by my valentine's own words:
"SIR,
"Since you are pleased to accept of so mean a present as a nightcap
from your valentine, I have sent you one, which I do assure you has
been very much esteemed of in our family; for my
great-grandmother's daughter who worked it, was maid of honour to
Queen Elizabeth, and had the misfortune to lose her life by
pricking her finger in the making of it, of which she bled to
death, as her tomb now at Westminster will show: for which reason,
myself, nor none of my family, have loved work ever since;
otherwise you should have had one as you desired, made by the hands
of,
"Sir,
"Your affectionate
"VALENTINE."
"_To the Right Worshipful Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., Censor of Great
Britain, and Governor of the Hospital erected, or to be erected, in
Moorfields._
"The petition of the inhabitants of the parish of Goatham in the
county of Middlesex;
"HUMBLY SHEWETH,
"That whereas 'tis the undoubted right of your said petitioners to
repair on every Lord's Day to a chapel of ease in the said parish,
there to be instructed in their duties in the known or vulgar
tongue; yet so it is (may it please your Worship) that the preacher
of the said chapel has of late given himself wholly up to matters
of controversy, in no wise tending to the edification of your said
petitioners; and in handling (as he calls it) the same, has used
divers hard and crabbed words; such as, among many others, are
'orthodox' and 'heterodox,' which are in no sort understood by your
said petitioners; and it is with grief of heart that your
petitioners beg leave to represent to you, that in mentioning the
aforesaid words or names (the latter of which, as we have reason to
believe, is his deadly enemy), he will fall into ravings and
foamings, ill-becoming the meekness of his office, and tending to
give offence and scandal to all good people.
"Your petitioners further say, that they are ready to prove the
aforesaid allegations; and therefore humbly hope, that from a true
sense of their condition, you will please to receive the said
preacher into the hospital, until he shall recover a right use of
his senses.
"And your petitioners," &c.
[Footnote 131: The whole attention of the town in March 1710 was devoted
to the Sacheverell trial. See Nos. 140, 142, 157.]
[Footnote 132: See No. 145.]
[Footnote 133: See No. 138.]
[Footnote 134: See No. 35.]
[Footnote 135: The foot of London Bridge. There was a tavern, famous in
the seventeenth century, called "The Bear at the Bridge-foot," below
London Bridge.]
[Footnote 136: See No. 137.]
No. 142. [STEELE.
From _Saturday, March 4_, to _Tuesday, March 7, 1709-10_.
* * * * *
_Sheer Lane, March 6._
All persons who employ themselves in public, are still interrupted in
the course of their affairs: and it seems, the admired Cavalier Nicolini
himself is commanded by the ladies, who at present employ their time
with great assiduity in the care of the nation, to put off his day till
he shall receive their commands, and notice that they are at leisure for
diversions.[137] In the meantime it is not to be expressed, how many
cold chickens the fair ones have eaten since this day sennight for the
good of their country. This great occasion has given birth to many
discoveries of high moment for the conduct of life. There is a toast of
my acquaintance told me, she had now found out, that it was day before
nine in the morning;[138] and I am very confident, if the affair holds
many days longer, the ancient hours of eating will be revived among us,
many having by it been made acquainted with the luxury of hunger and
thirst.
There appears, methinks, something very venerable in all assemblies: and
I must confess, I envied all who had youth and health enough to make
their appearance there, that they had the happiness of being a whole day
in the best company in the world. During the adjournment of that awful
court, a neighbour of mine was telling me, that it gave him a notion of
the ancient grandeur of the English hospitality, to see Westminster Hall
a dining-room.[139] There is a cheerfulness at such repasts, which is
very delightful to tempers which are so happy as to be clear of spleen
and vapour; for to the jovial to see others pleased, is the greatest of
all pleasures.
But since age and infirmities forbid my appearance at such public
places, the next happiness is to make the best use of privacy, and
acquit myself of the demands of my correspondents. The following letter
is what has given me no small inquietude, it being an accusation of
partiality, and disregard to merit, in the person of a virtuoso, who is
the most eloquent of all men upon small occasions, and is the more to be
admired for his prodigious fertility of invention, which never appears
but upon subjects which others would have thought barren. But in
consideration of his uncommon talents, I am contented to let him be the
hero of my next two days, by inserting his friends' recommendation of
him at large:
"DEAR COUSIN, "Nando's,[140] _Feb. 28, 1709_.
"I am just come out of the country, and upon perusing your late
Lucubrations, I find Charles Lillie to be the darling of your
affections, that you have given him a place, and taken no small
pains to establish him in the world; and at the same time have
passed by his namesake[141] at this end of the town, as if he was a
citizen defunct, and one of no use in a commonwealth. I must own,
his circumstances are so good, and so well known, that he does not
stand in need of having his fame published to the world; but being
of an ambitious spirit, and an aspiring soul, he would be rather
proud of the honour, than desirous of the profit, which might
result from your recommendation. He is a person of a particular
genius, the first that brought toys in fashion, and baubles to
perfection. He is admirably well versed in screws, springs, and
hinges, and deeply read in knives, combs or scissors, buttons or
buckles. He is a perfect master of words, which, uttered with a
smooth voluble tongue, flow into a most persuasive eloquence;
insomuch that I have known a gentleman of distinction find several
ingenious faults with a toy of his, and show his utmost dislike to
it, as being either useless, or ill-contrived; but when the orator
behind the counter had harangued upon it for an hour and a half,
displayed its hidden beauties, and revealed its secret
perfections, he has wondered how he had been able to spend so great
a part of his life without so important an utensil. I won't pretend
to furnish out an inventory of all the valuable commodities that
are to be found at his shop.
"I shall content myself with giving an account of what I think most
curious. Imprimis, his pocket-books are very neat, and well
contrived, not for keeping bank bills or goldsmiths' notes,[142] I
confess; but they are admirable for registering the lodgings of
Madonnas, and for preserving letters from ladies of quality: his
whips and spurs are so nice, that they'll make one that buys them
ride a fox-hunting, though before he hated noise and early rising,
and was afraid of breaking his neck. His seals are curiously
fancied, and exquisitely well cut, and of great use to encourage
young gentlemen to write a good hand. Ned Puzzlepost had been
ill-used by his writing-master, and writ a sort of a Chinese, or
downright scrawlian: however, upon his buying a seal of my friend,
he is so much improved by continual writing, that it is believed in
a short time one may be able to read his letters, and find out his
meaning, without guessing. His pistols and fusees are so very good,
that they are fit to be laid up among the finest china. Then his
tweezer-cases are incomparable: you shall have one not much bigger
than your finger, with seventeen several instruments in it, all
necessary every hour of the day, during the whole course of a man's
life. But if this virtuoso excels in one thing more than another,
it is in canes; he has spent his most select hours in the knowledge
of them, and is arrived at that perfection, that he is able to hold
forth upon canes longer than upon any one subject in the world.
Indeed his canes are so finely clouded, and so well made up, either
with gold or amber heads, that I am of the opinion it is impossible
for a gentleman to walk, talk, sit or stand as he should do,
without one of them. He knows the value of a cane, by knowing the
value of the buyer's estate. Sir Timothy Shallow has two thousand
pounds per annum, and Tom Empty one. They both at several times
bought a cane of Charles: Sir Timothy's cost ten guineas, and Tom
Empty's five. Upon comparing them, they were perfectly alike. Sir
Timothy surprised there should be no difference in the canes, and
so much in the price, comes to Charles. 'Damn it, Charles,' says
he, 'you have sold me a cane here for ten pieces, and the very same
to Tom Empty for five.' 'Lord, Sir Timothy,' says Charles, 'I am
concerned that you, whom I took to understand canes better than any
baronet in town, should be so overseen;[143] why, Sir Timothy,
yours is a true jambee, and Squire Empty's only a plain
dragon.'[144]
"This virtuoso has a parcel of jambees now growing in the East
Indies, where he keeps a man on purpose to look after them, which
will be the finest that ever landed in Great Britain, and will be
fit to cut about two years hence. Any gentleman may subscribe for
as many as he pleases. Subscriptions will be taken in at his shop
at ten guineas each joint. They that subscribe for six, shall have
a dragon gratis. This is all I have to say at present concerning
Charles' curiosities; and hope it may be sufficient to prevail
with you to take him into your consideration, which if you comply
with, you will oblige,
"Your humble Servant.
"N.B. Whereas there came out last term several gold snuff-boxes and
others: this is to give notice, that Charles[145] will put out a
new edition on Saturday next, which will be the only one in fashion
till after Easter. The gentleman that gave fifty pounds for the box
set with diamonds, may show it till Sunday night, provided he goes
to church; but not after that time, there being one to be published
on Monday which will cost fourscore guineas."
[Footnote 137: See No. 137. In No. 140 there was the following
advertisement: "At the request of all the ladies of quality, who are at
present engaged in politics, the benefit night for Cavalier Nicolini is
put off to Tuesday the 7th instant."]
[Footnote 138: Cf. "Wentworth Papers," p. 113. "Sacheverell will make
all the Ladys good huswis, they goe att seven every mornin'," says Lady
Wentworth.]
[Footnote 139: The spectators brought their lunch with them.]
[Footnote 140: A coffee-house in Fleet Street, at the east corner of
Inner Temple Lane.]
[Footnote 141: Charles Mather, the toyman (see Nos. 27, 113).]
[Footnote 142: Goldsmiths' receipts for coin lodged with them as bankers
were sometimes transferred from hand to hand, but this was always
limited to a few merchants.]
[Footnote 143: Deceived.]
[Footnote 144: A dragon is a small malacca cane, so called from its
blood-red colour. It comes from Penang, Singapore, and other islands in
the Straits of Malacca. A jambee, on the contrary, is a knotty bamboo of
a pale brown hue. As an article of commerce it is now extinct. The
"clouded cane" of Sir Plume was a large malacca artificially coloured
(Dobson).]
[Footnote 145: Charles Mather.]
No. 143. [STEELE.
From _Tuesday, March 7_, to _Thursday, March 9, 1709-10_.
* * * * *
_Sheer Lane, March 8._
I was this afternoon surprised with a visit from my sister Jenny, after
an absence of some time. She had, methought, in her manner and air,
something that was a little below that of the women of first breeding
and quality, but at the same time above the simplicity and familiarity
of her usual deportment. As soon as she was seated, she began to talk to
me of the odd place I lived in, and begged of me to remove out of the
lane where I have been so long acquainted; "for," said she, "it does so
spoil one's horses, that I must beg your pardon if you see me much
seldomer, when I am to make so great a journey with a single pair, and
make visits and get home the same night." I understood her pretty well,
but would not; therefore desired her to pay off her coach, for I had a
great deal to talk to her. She very pertly told me, she came in her own
chariot. "Why," said I, "is your husband in town? And has he set up an
equipage?" "No," answered she, "but I have received L500 by his order;
and his letters, which came at the same time, bade me want for nothing
that was necessary." I was heartily concerned at her folly, whose
affairs render her but just able to bear such an expense. However I
considered, that according to the British custom of treating women,
there is no other method to be used in removing any of their faults and
errors, but conducting their minds from one humour to another, with as
much ceremony as we lead their persons from one place to another. I
therefore dissembled my concern, and in compliance with her, as a lady
that was to use her feet no more, I begged of her, after a short visit,
to let me persuade her not to stay out till it was late, for fear of
catching cold as she went into her coach in the dampness of the evening.
The Malapert knew well enough I laughed at her, but was not ill-pleased
with the certainty of her power over her husband, who, she knew, would
support her in any humour he was able, rather than pass through the
torment of an expostulation, to gainsay anything she had a mind to. As
soon as my fine lady was gone, I writ the following letter to my
brother:
"DEAR BROTHER,
"I am at present under very much concern at the splendid appearance
I saw my sister make in an equipage which she has set up in your
absence. I beg of you not to indulge her in this vanity; and desire
you to consider, the world is so whimsical, that though it will
value you for being happy, it will hate you for appearing so. The
possession of wisdom and virtue (the only solid distinctions of
life) is allowed much more easily than that of wealth and quality.
Besides which, I must entreat you to weigh with yourself, what it
is that people aim at in setting themselves out to show in gay
equipages, and moderate fortunes. You are not by this means a
better man than your neighbour is; but your horses are better than
his are. And will you suffer care and inquietude, to have it said
as you pass by, 'Those are very pretty punch nags!'[146] Nay, when
you have arrived at this, there are a hundred worthless fellows who
are still four horses happier than you are. Remember, dear brother,
there is a certain modesty in the enjoyment of moderate wealth,
which to transgress, exposes men to the utmost derision; and as
there is nothing but meanness of spirit can move a man to value
himself upon what can be purchased with money, so he that shows an
ambition that way, and cannot arrive at it, is more emphatically
guilty of that meanness. I give you only my first thoughts on this
occasion, but shall, as I am a censor, entertain you in my next
with my sentiments in general upon the subject of equipage; and
show, that though there are no sumptuary laws amongst us, reason
and good sense are equally binding, and will ever prevail in
appointing approbation or dislike in all matters of an indifferent
nature, when they are pursued with earnestness. I am,
"Sir," &c.