——THAT provision should be made for continuing the race of so great, so
exalted and godlike a Being as man—I am far from denying—but philosophy
speaks freely of every thing; and therefore I still think and do
maintain it to be a pity, that it should be done by means of a passion
which bends down the faculties, and turns all the wisdom,
contemplations, and operations of the soul backwards——a passion, my
dear, continued my father, addressing himself to my mother, which
couples and equals wise men with fools, and makes us come out of our
caverns and hiding-places more like satyrs and four-footed beasts than
men.
I know it will be said, continued my father (availing himself of the
_Prolepsis_), that in itself, and simply taken——like hunger, or thirst,
or sleep——’tis an affair neither good or bad—or shameful or
otherwise.——Why then did the delicacy of _Diogenes_ and _Plato_ so
recalcitrate against it? and wherefore, when we go about to make and
plant a man, do we put out the candle? and for what reason is it, that
all the parts thereof—the congredients—the preparations—the
instruments, and whatever serves thereto, are so held as to be conveyed
to a cleanly mind by no language, translation, or periphrasis whatever?
——The act of killing and destroying a man, continued my father, raising
his voice—and turning to my uncle _Toby_—you see, is glorious—and the
weapons by which we do it are honourable——We march with them upon our
shoulders——We strut with them by our sides——We gild them——We carve
them——We in-lay them——We enrich them——Nay, if it be but a _scoundrel_
cannon, we cast an ornament upon the breach of it.—
——My uncle _Toby_ laid down his pipe to intercede for a better
epithet——and _Yorick_ was rising up to batter the whole hypothesis to
pieces——
——When _Obadiah_ broke into the middle of the room with a complaint,
which cried out for an immediate hearing.
The case was this:
My father, whether by ancient custom of the manor, or as impropriator
of the great tythes, was obliged to keep a Bull for the service of the
Parish, and _Obadiah_ had led his cow upon a _pop-visit_ to him one day
or other the preceding summer——I say, one day or other—because as
chance would have it, it was the day on which he was married to my
father’s house-maid——so one was a reckoning to the other. Therefore
when _Obadiah_’s wife was brought to bed—_Obadiah_ thanked God——
——Now, said _Obadiah_, I shall have a calf: so _Obadiah_ went daily to
visit his cow.