As for SENS——you may dispatch—in a word——“_’Tis an archiepiscopal
see._”
——For JOIGNY—the less, I think, one says of it the better.
But for AUXERRE—I could go on for ever: for in my _grand tour_ through
_Europe_, in which, after all, my father (not caring to trust me with
any one) attended me himself, with my uncle _Toby_, and _Trim_, and
_Obadiah_, and indeed most of the family, except my mother, who being
taken up with a project of knitting my father a pair of large worsted
breeches—(the thing is common sense)—and she not caring to be put out
of her way, she staid at home, at SHANDY HALL, to keep things right
during the expedition; in which, I say, my father stopping us two days
at _Auxerre_, and his researches being ever of such a nature, that they
would have found fruit even in a desert——he has left me enough to say
upon AUXERRE: in short, wherever my father went——but ’twas more
remarkably so, in this journey through _France_ and _Italy_, than in
any other stages of his life—his road seemed to lie so much on one side
of that, wherein all other travellers have gone before him—he saw kings
and courts and silks of all colours, in such strange lights——and his
remarks and reasonings upon the characters, the manners, and customs of
the countries we pass’d over, were so opposite to those of all other
mortal men, particularly those of my uncle _Toby_ and _Trim_—(to say
nothing of myself)—and to crown all—the occurrences and scrapes which
we were perpetually meeting and getting into, in consequence of his
systems and opiniotry—they were of so odd, so mix’d and tragi-comical a
contexture—That the whole put together, it appears of so different a
shade and tint from any tour of _Europe_, which was ever executed—that
I will venture to pronounce—the fault must be mine and mine only—if it
be not read by all travellers and travel-readers, till travelling is no
more,—or which comes to the same point—till the world, finally, takes
it into its head to stand still.——
——But this rich bale is not to be open’d now; except a small thread or
two of it, merely to unravel the mystery of my father’s stay at
AUXERRE.
——As I have mentioned it—’tis too slight to be kept suspended; and when
’tis wove in, there is an end of it.
We’ll go, brother _Toby_, said my father, whilst dinner is coddling—to
the abbey of Saint _Germain_, if it be only to see these bodies, of
which Monsieur _Sequier_ has given such a recommendation.——I’ll go see
any body, quoth my uncle _Toby;_ for he was all compliance through
every step of the journey——Defend me! said my father—they are all
mummies——Then one need not shave; quoth my uncle _Toby_——Shave!
no—cried my father—’twill be more like relations to go with our beards
on—So out we sallied, the corporal lending his master his arm, and
bringing up the rear, to the abbey of Saint _Germain._
Every thing is very fine, and very rich, and very superb, and very
magnificent, said my father, addressing himself to the sacristan, who
was a younger brother of the order of _Benedictines_—but our curiosity
has led us to see the bodies, of which Monsieur _Sequier_ has given the
world so exact a description.—The sacristan made a bow, and lighting a
torch first, which he had always in the vestry ready for the purpose;
he led us into the tomb of St. _Heribald_——This, said the sacristan,
laying his hand upon the tomb, was a renowned prince of the house of
_Bavaria_, who under the successive reigns of _Charlemagne, Louis le
Debonnair_, and _Charles the Bald_, bore a great sway in the
government, and had a principal hand in bringing every thing into order
and discipline——
Then he has been as great, said my uncle, in the field, as in the
cabinet——I dare say he has been a gallant soldier——He was a monk—said
the sacristan.
My uncle _Toby_ and _Trim_ sought comfort in each other’s faces—but
found it not: my father clapped both his hands upon his cod-piece,
which was a way he had when any thing hugely tickled him: for though he
hated a monk and the very smell of a monk worse than all the devils in
hell——yet the shot hitting my uncle _Toby_ and _Trim_ so much harder
than him, ’twas a relative triumph; and put him into the gayest humour
in the world.
——And pray what do you call this gentleman? quoth my father, rather
sportingly: This tomb, said the young _Benedictine_, looking downwards,
contains the bones of Saint MAXIMA, who came from _Ravenna_ on purpose
to touch the body——
——Of Saint MAXIMUS, said my father, popping in with his saint before
him,—they were two of the greatest saints in the whole martyrology,
added my father——Excuse me, said the sacristan——’twas to touch the
bones of Saint _Germain_, the builder of the abbey——And what did she
get by it? said my uncle _Toby_——What does any woman get by it? said my
father——MARTYRDOME; replied the young _Benedictine_, making a bow down
to the ground, and uttering the word with so humble, but decisive a
cadence, it disarmed my father for a moment. ’Tis supposed, continued
the _Benedictine_, that St. _Maxima_ has lain in this tomb four hundred
years, and two hundred before her canonization——’Tis but a slow rise,
brother _Toby_, quoth my father, in this self-same army of martyrs.——A
desperate slow one, an’ please your honour, said _Trim_, unless one
could purchase——I should rather sell out entirely, quoth my uncle
_Toby_——I am pretty much of your opinion, brother _Toby_, said my
father.
——Poor St. _Maxima!_ said my uncle _Toby_ low to himself, as we turn’d
from her tomb: She was one of the fairest and most beautiful ladies
either of _Italy_ or _France_, continued the sacristan——But who the
duce has got lain down here, besides her? quoth my father, pointing
with his cane to a large tomb as we walked on——It is Saint _Optat_,
Sir, answered the sacristan——And properly is Saint _Optat_ plac’d! said
my father: And what is Saint _Optat_’s story? continued he. Saint
_Optat_, replied the sacristan, was a bishop——
——I thought so, by heaven! cried my father, interrupting him—Saint
_Optat!_——how should Saint _Optat_ fail? so snatching out his
pocket-book, and the young _Benedictine_ holding him the torch as he
wrote, he set it down as a new prop to his system of Christian names,
and I will be bold to say, so disinterested was he in the search of
truth, that had he found a treasure in Saint _Optat_’s tomb, it would
not have made him half so rich: ’Twas as successful a short visit as
ever was paid to the dead; and so highly was his fancy pleas’d with all
that had passed in it,—that he determined at once to stay another day
in _Auxerre._
—I’ll see the rest of these good gentry to-morrow, said my father, as
we cross’d over the square—And while you are paying that visit, brother
_Shandy_, quoth my uncle _Toby_—the corporal and I will mount the
ramparts.