AMONGST the many ill consequences of the treaty of _Utrecht_, it was
within a point of giving my uncle _Toby_ a surfeit of sieges; and
though he recovered his appetite afterwards, yet _Calais_ itself left
not a deeper scar in _Mary_’s heart, than _Utrecht_ upon my uncle
_Toby_’s. To the end of his life he never could hear _Utrecht_
mentioned upon any account whatever,—or so much as read an article of
news extracted out of the _Utrecht Gazette_, without fetching a sigh,
as if his heart would break in twain.
My father, who was a great MOTIVE-MONGER, and consequently a very
dangerous person for a man to sit by, either laughing or crying,—for he
generally knew your motive for doing both, much better than you knew it
yourself—would always console my uncle _Toby_ upon these occasions, in
a way, which shewed plainly, he imagined my uncle _Toby_ grieved for
nothing in the whole affair, so much as the loss of his
_hobby-horse._——Never mind, brother _Toby_, he would say,—by God’s
blessing we shall have another war break out again some of these days;
and when it does,—the belligerent powers, if they would hang
themselves, cannot keep us out of play.——I defy ’em, my dear _Toby_, he
would add, to take countries without taking towns,——or towns without
sieges.
My uncle _Toby_ never took this back-stroke of my father’s at his
hobby-horse kindly.——He thought the stroke ungenerous; and the more so,
because in striking the horse he hit the rider too, and in the most
dishonourable part a blow could fall; so that upon these occasions, he
always laid down his pipe upon the table with more fire to defend
himself than common.
I told the reader, this time two years, that my uncle _Toby_ was not
eloquent; and in the very same page gave an instance to the
contrary:——I repeat the observation, and a fact which contradicts it
again.—He was not eloquent,—it was not easy to my uncle _Toby_ to make
long harangues,—and he hated florid ones; but there were occasions
where the stream overflowed the man, and ran so counter to its usual
course, that in some parts my uncle _Toby_, for a time, was at least
equal to _Tertullus_——but in others, in my own opinion, infinitely
above him.
My father was so highly pleased with one of these apologetical orations
of my uncle _Toby_’s, which he had delivered one evening before him and
_Yorick_, that he wrote it down before he went to bed.
I have had the good fortune to meet with it amongst my father’s papers,
with here and there an insertion of his own, betwixt two crooks, thus
[ ], and is endorsed,
MY BROTHER TOBY’S JUSTIFICATION OF HIS OWN PRINCIPLES AND CONDUCT IN
WISHING TO CONTINUE THE WAR.
I may safely say, I have read over this apologetical oration of my
uncle _Toby_’s a hundred times, and think it so fine a model of
defence,—and shews so sweet a temperament of gallantry and good
principles in him, that I give it the world, word for word
(interlineations and all), as I find it.