—CAN you tell me, quoth _Phutatorius_, speaking _to Gastripheres_ who
sat next to him——for one would not apply to a surgeon in so foolish an
affair——can you tell me, _Gastripheres_, what is best to take out the
fire?——Ask _Eugenius_, said _Gastripheres._——That greatly depends, said
_Eugenius_, pretending ignorance of the adventure, upon the nature of
the part——If it is a tender part, and a part which can conveniently be
wrapt up——It is both the one and the other, replied _Phutatorius_,
laying his hand as he spoke, with an emphatical nod of his head, upon
the part in question, and lifting up his right leg at the same time to
ease and ventilate it.——If that is the case, said _Eugenius_, I would
advise you, _Phutatorius_, not to tamper with it by any means; but if
you will send to the next printer, and trust your cure to such a simple
thing as a soft sheet of paper just come off the press—you need do
nothing more than twist it round.—The damp paper, quoth _Yorick_ (who
sat next to his friend _Eugenius_) though I know it has a refreshing
coolness in it—yet I presume is no more than the vehicle—and that the
oil and lamp-black with which the paper is so strongly impregnated,
does the business.—Right, said _Eugenius_, and is, of any outward
application I would venture to recommend, the most anodyne and safe.
Was it my case, said _Gastripheres_, as the main thing is the oil and
lamp-black, I should spread them thick upon a rag, and clap it on
directly.——That would make a very devil of it, replied _Yorick._——And
besides, added _Eugenius_, it would not answer the intention, which is
the extreme neatness and elegance of the prescription, which the
Faculty hold to be half in half;——for consider, if the type is a very
small one (which it should be) the sanative particles, which come into
contact in this form, have the advantage of being spread so infinitely
thin, and with such a mathematical equality (fresh paragraphs and large
capitals excepted) as no art or management of the spatula can come up
to.——It falls out very luckily, replied _Phutatorius_, that the second
edition of my treatise _de Concubinis retinendis_ is at this instant in
the press.——You may take any leaf of it, said _Eugenius_——no matter
which.——Provided, quoth _Yorick_, there is no bawdry in it.——
They are just now, replied _Phutatorius_, printing off the ninth
chapter——which is the last chapter but one in the book.——Pray what is
the title of that chapter? said _Yorick;_ making a respectful bow to
_Phutatorius_ as he spoke.——I think, answered _Phutatorius_, ’tis that
_de re concubinaria._