——SEE if he is not cutting it into slips, and giving them about him to
light their pipes!——’Tis abominable, answered _Didius;_ it should not
go unnoticed, said doctor _Kysarcius_—— => he was of the _Kysarcii_ of
the Low Countries.
Methinks, said _Didius_, half rising from his chair, in order to remove
a bottle and a tall decanter, which stood in a direct line betwixt him
and _Yorick_——you might have spared this sarcastic stroke, and have hit
upon a more proper place, Mr. _Yorick_—or at least upon a more proper
occasion to have shewn your contempt of what we have been about: If the
sermon is of no better worth than to light pipes with——’twas certainly,
Sir, not good enough to be preached before so learned a body; and if
’twas good enough to be preached before so learned a body——’twas
certainly Sir, too good to light their pipes with afterwards.
——I have got him fast hung up, quoth _Didius_ to himself, upon one of
the two horns of my dilemma——let him get off as he can.
I have undergone such unspeakable torments, in bringing forth this
sermon, quoth _Yorick_, upon this occasion——that I declare, _Didius_, I
would suffer martyrdom—and if it was possible my horse with me, a
thousand times over, before I would sit down and make such another: I
was delivered of it at the wrong end of me——it came from my head
instead of my heart——and it is for the pain it gave me, both in the
writing and preaching of it, that I revenge myself of it, in this
manner—To preach, to shew the extent of our reading, or the subtleties
of our wit—to parade in the eyes of the vulgar with the beggarly
accounts of a little learning, tinsel’d over with a few words which
glitter, but convey little light and less warmth——is a dishonest use of
the poor single half hour in a week which is put into our hands—’Tis
not preaching the gospel—but ourselves——For my own part, continued
_Yorick_, I had rather direct five words point-blank to the heart.—
As _Yorick_ pronounced the word _point-blank_, my uncle _Toby_ rose up
to say something upon projectiles——when a single word and no more
uttered from the opposite side of the table drew every one’s ears
towards it—a word of all others in the dictionary the last in that
place to be expected—a word I am ashamed to write—yet must be
written——must be read—illegal—uncanonical—guess ten thousand guesses,
multiplied into themselves—rack—torture your invention for ever, you’re
where you was——In short, I’ll tell it in the next chapter.