WHAT a chapter of chances, said my father, turning himself about upon
the first landing, as he and my uncle _Toby_ were going down stairs,
what a long chapter of chances do the events of this world lay open to
us! Take pen and ink in hand, brother _Toby_, and calculate it
fairly——I know no more of calculation than this balluster, said my
uncle _Toby_ (striking short of it with his crutch, and hitting my
father a desperate blow souse upon his shin-bone)——’Twas a hundred to
one—cried my uncle _Toby_—I thought, quoth my father, (rubbing his
shin) you had known nothing of calculations, brother _Toby_.
a mere chance, said my uncle _Toby_.——Then it adds one to the
chapter——replied my father.
The double success of my father’s repartees tickled off the pain of his
shin at once—it was well it so fell out—(chance! again)—or the world to
this day had never known the subject of my father’s calculation——to
guess it—there was no chance——What a lucky chapter of chances has this
turned out! for it has saved me the trouble of writing one express, and
in truth I have enough already upon my hands without it.—Have not I
promised the world a chapter of knots? two chapters upon the right and
the wrong end of a woman? a chapter upon whiskers? a chapter upon
wishes?——a chapter of noses?—No, I have done that—a chapter upon my
uncle _Toby_’s modesty? to say nothing of a chapter upon chapters,
which I will finish before I sleep—by my great grandfather’s whiskers,
I shall never get half of ’em through this year.
Take pen and ink in hand, and calculate it fairly, brother _Toby_, said
my father, and it will turn out a million to one, that of all the parts
of the body, the edge of the forceps should have the ill luck just to
fall upon and break down that one part, which should break down the
fortunes of our house with it.
It might have been worse, replied my uncle _Toby_.——I don’t comprehend,
said my father.——Suppose the hip had presented, replied my uncle
_Toby_, as Dr. _Slop_ foreboded.
My father reflected half a minute—looked down——touched the middle of
his forehead slightly with his finger——
—True, said he.