——I THINK it a very unreasonable demand—cried my great-grandfather,
twisting up the paper, and throwing it upon the table.——By this
account, madam, you have but two thousand pounds fortune, and not a
shilling more—and you insist upon having three hundred pounds a year
jointure for it.—
—“Because,” replied my great-grandmother, “you have little or no nose,
Sir.”—
Now before I venture to make use of the word _Nose_ a second time—to
avoid all confusion in what will be said upon it, in this interesting
part of my story, it may not be amiss to explain my own meaning, and
define, with all possible exactness and precision, what I would
willingly be understood to mean by the term: being of opinion, that
’tis owing to the negligence and perverseness of writers in despising
this precaution, and to nothing else——that all the polemical writings
in divinity are not as clear and demonstrative as those upon _a Will o’
the Wisp_, or any other sound part of philosophy, and natural pursuit;
in order to which, what have you to do, before you set out, unless you
intend to go puzzling on to the day of judgment——but to give the world
a good definition, and stand to it, of the main word you have most
occasion for——changing it, Sir, as you would a guinea, into small
coin?—which done—let the father of confusion puzzle you, if he can; or
put a different idea either into your head, or your reader’s head, if
he knows how.
In books of strict morality and close reasoning, such as I am engaged
in—the neglect is inexcusable; and Heaven is witness, how the world has
revenged itself upon me for leaving so many openings to equivocal
strictures—and for depending so much as I have done, all along, upon
the cleanliness of my readers imaginations.
——Here are two senses, cried _Eugenius_, as we walk’d along, pointing
with the fore finger of his right hand to the word _Crevice_, in the
one hundred and seventy-eighth page of the first volume of this book of
books,——here are two senses—quoth he.—And here are two roads, replied
I, turning short upon him——a dirty and a clean one——which shall we
take?—The clean, by all means, replied _Eugenius. Eugenius_, said I,
stepping before him, and laying my hand upon his breast——to define—is
to distrust.——Thus I triumph’d over _Eugenius;_ but I triumph’d over
him as I always do, like a fool.——’Tis my comfort, however, I am not an
obstinate one: therefore
I define a nose as follows—intreating only beforehand, and beseeching
my readers, both male and female, of what age, complexion, and
condition soever, for the love of God and their own souls, to guard
against the temptations and suggestions of the devil, and suffer him by
no art or wile to put any other ideas into their minds, than what I put
into my definition—For by the word _Nose_, throughout all this long
chapter of noses, and in every other part of my work, where the word
_Nose_ occurs—I declare, by that word I mean a nose, and nothing more,
or less.