AT the end of the last chapter, my father and my uncle _Toby_ were left
both standing, like _Brutus_ and _Cassius_, at the close of the scene,
making up their accounts.
As my father spoke the three last words,——he sat down;—my uncle _Toby_
exactly followed his example, only, that before he took his chair, he
rung the bell, to order Corporal _Trim_, who was in waiting, to step
home for _Stevinus_:—my uncle _Toby_’s house being no farther off than
the opposite side of the way.
Some men would have dropped the subject of _Stevinus_;—but my uncle
_Toby_ had no resentment in his heart, and he went on with the subject,
to shew my father that he had none.
Your sudden appearance, Dr. _Slop_, quoth my uncle, resuming the
discourse, instantly brought _Stevinus_ into my head. (My father, you
may be sure, did not offer to lay any more wagers upon _Stevinus_’s
head.)——Because, continued my uncle _Toby_, the celebrated sailing
chariot, which belonged to Prince _Maurice_, and was of such wonderful
contrivance and velocity, as to carry half a dozen people thirty
_German_ miles, in I don’t know how few minutes,——was invented by
_Stevinus_, that great mathematician and engineer.
You might have spared your servant the trouble, quoth Dr. _Slop_ (as
the fellow is lame) of going for _Stevinus_’s account of it, because in
my return from _Leyden_ thro’ the _Hague_, I walked as far as
_Schevling_, which is two long miles, on purpose to take a view of it.
That’s nothing, replied my uncle _Toby_, to what the learned
_Peireskius_ did, who walked a matter of five hundred miles, reckoning
from _Paris_ to _Schevling_, and from _Schevling_ to _Paris_ back
again, in order to see it,—and nothing else.
Some men cannot bear to be out-gone.
The more fool _Peireskius_, replied Dr. _Slop._ But mark, ’twas out of
no contempt of _Peireskius_ at all;——but that _Peireskius_’s
indefatigable labour in trudging so far on foot, out of love for the
sciences, reduced the exploit of Dr. _Slop_, in that affair, to
nothing:—the more fool _Peireskius_, said he again.—Why so?—replied my
father, taking his brother’s part, not only to make reparation as fast
as he could for the insult he had given him, which sat still upon my
father’s mind;——but partly, that my father began really to interest
himself in the discourse.——Why so?——said he. Why is _Peireskius_, or
any man else, to be abused for an appetite for that, or any other
morsel of sound knowledge: For notwithstanding I know nothing of the
chariot in question, continued he, the inventor of it must have had a
very mechanical head; and tho’ I cannot guess upon what principles of
philosophy he has atchieved it;—yet certainly his machine has been
constructed upon solid ones, be they what they will, or it could not
have answered at the rate my brother mentions.
It answered, replied my uncle _Toby_, as well, if not better; for, as
_Peireskius_ elegantly expresses it, speaking of the velocity of its
motion, _Tam citus erat, quam erat ventus_; which, unless I have forgot
my Latin, is, _that it was as swift as the wind itself._
But pray, Dr. _Slop_, quoth my father, interrupting my uncle (tho’ not
without begging pardon for it at the same time) upon what principles
was this self-same chariot set a-going?—Upon very pretty principles to
be sure, replied Dr. _Slop_:—And I have often wondered, continued he,
evading the question, why none of our gentry, who live upon large
plains like this of ours,—(especially they whose wives are not past
child-bearing) attempt nothing of this kind; for it would not only be
infinitely expeditious upon sudden calls, to which the sex is
subject,—if the wind only served,—but would be excellent good husbandry
to make use of the winds, which cost nothing, and which eat nothing,
rather than horses, which (the devil take ’em) both cost and eat a
great deal.
For that very reason, replied my father, “Because they cost nothing,
and because they eat nothing,”—the scheme is bad;—it is the consumption
of our products, as well as the manufactures of them, which gives bread
to the hungry, circulates trade,—brings in money, and supports the
value of our lands;—and tho’, I own, if I was a Prince, I would
generously recompense the scientifick head which brought forth such
contrivances;—yet I would as peremptorily suppress the use of them.
My father here had got into his element,—and was going on as
prosperously with his dissertation upon trade, as my uncle _Toby_ had
before, upon his of fortification;—but to the loss of much sound
knowledge, the destinies in the morning had decreed that no
dissertation of any kind should be spun by my father that day,——for as
he opened his mouth to begin the next sentence,