ADIOS!
I
A fruit steamer carried me back to New Orleans.
After several months of travel in Mexico and Central America--travel
marked by many delays, by many postponements until _mañana_, by many
controversies with petty officials, and by many struggles with the
pompous formality of diminutive republics--one looked forward to
landing again in an Anglo-Saxon country.
The steamer docked at eight in the evening. The immigration inspector
had gone home. “How soon may we land?” the passengers inquired.
“To-morrow,” was the answer. We spent the next several hours filling
out an inventory of our personal baggage for the benefit of the
customs’ service. Foreigners answered a lengthy questionnaire
containing such queries as, “Are you an anarchist?”, “Are you a
polygamist?”, and “Do you believe in the overthrow of the United
States’ government by force?” The only officials that were on the job
were the prohibition agents. They came aboard in search of liquor. So
the captain took them to his cabin, and opened a bottle of Scotch.
II
On the Pullman that carried me northward to New York, a traveling man
engaged me in conversation.
“I see you’ve been to South America. I noticed the Nicaragua label on
your suit-case. How’s things down there? Pretty wild bunch, ain’t they?”
And he laid aside his newspaper, which contained accounts of one
lynching, one fist fight on the floor of Congress, four fashionable
divorce scandals, one Ku Klux Klan outrage, sixteen robberies,
two incendiary fires, seven murders, and the innumerable charges
and countercharges of bribery and corruption which distinguish a
presidential campaign.
III
Perhaps, since in my first chapter my destination was Panama, I ought
to mention it. I stopped there for several weeks after my first flight
from Mexico.
The Canal Zone, regarded as an example of what Anglo-Saxon efficiency
can do to the tropics, was quite astounding. The once fever-stricken
swamp had become a well-ordered garden of palm-shaded walks lined with
neat cottages. The screening which inclosed each dwelling was no
longer necessary. The malaria-bearing mosquito had departed. In the
big ditch steamers were handled with the regularity of clockwork. They
plowed into the huge locks; giant doors swung shut behind them; water
poured as though by magic into the artificial pool, raising the vessels
to the higher level of Gatun Lake; the doors opened; the ships steamed
away toward the Pacific. Everything in the Zone ran smoothly, with the
same mechanical precision that marked the operation of the Canal.
But nowhere in the Americanized territory did one find the quiet
contentment of the Latin Countries. Whenever the American employees
wished to enjoy life, they crossed the boundary into the Republic
of Panama, to the land of music, and tinkling fountains, martini
cocktails, and dark-eyed _señoritas_.
IV
Among the many letters awaiting me at home, there was one with a
Mexican postmark. It was from the long-lost Eustace. It said:
“I suppose you’ll wonder why I haven’t written you before. The fact
is, I’ve fallen into the swing of things down here, and keep putting
everything off until _mañana_.
“After I left you in Mexico City that day, ever so long ago, I
reached Manzanillo without difficulty. There was nothing thrilling
about my escape. I simply boarded a steamer and sailed away.
“For a couple of years after that I damned Mexico, and made fun of
it, and talked about its many faults. I told the story of our heroic
flight from Zamorra, and later from Carranza, until I was bored with it
myself. The funny thing is that I presently began to hanker to go back.
There’s something about Mexico. You can’t explain it. And as soon as
Carranza gave place to Obregon, I went back.
“I’m cashier now at a mine in Durango. It belongs to that chap Werner
we met in Mazatlán. Once in a while the _peons_ get drunk and shoot
each other up, but as a rule everything’s quiet. There’s an air of
peace and calm and ease and leisure that you don’t find at home. At
first it gets a _gringo’s_ goat. Then he accustoms himself to it, and
likes it. He doesn’t have to answer an alarm clock, or rush for a
subway train, or reach an office at a prescribed hour, or dash out for
a hasty bite of lunch between business engagements, or punch a time
clock, or take efficiency tests, or come home hanging to a trolley
strap. He can settle any troublesome question in the native fashion by
postponing it until _mañana_.
“I like these people, too. There’s nothing much that a _gringo_ can
say to their credit. But when you get into their ways, they’re mighty
likeable. And I’ve gotten completely into their ways. I’m married.
No, it wasn’t Lolita. When I reached Mazatlán I found that Werner had
married her. When he went around to break the news of our fictitious
death, he got acquainted, and stepped off with my old sweetheart. So
I’ve married Herminia. I’ve told her that our cablegram was sheer bunk,
and that you’re still alive, but the news no longer seems to thrill
her, although she would like to be remembered to you.
“It looks like I’m settled here for life. Whenever I suggest taking a
trip back to California, Herminia is frightened stiff. Every one down
here considers the old U. S. too dangerous a place to visit. Just as we
get mostly the bandit stories from Mexico, so they get all the train
robberies and lynching news from home. Just as our people regard all
Mexicans as chronic revolutionists, so the Mexicans look upon us as a
lot of bank-looters who, when not professionally occupied, take our
diversion in chasing colored people and stringing them to lamp-posts.
“I’ve just received word that our old friend Barlow is dead. Do you
remember how pessimistic he was about the dangers of Mexico? Always
carrying a gun, and warning everybody to take no chances? He went home
to the States last month, and died from drinking wood alcohol.
“Some time ago I met a former acquaintance of ours. It was that oily
little fellow that came to our room in Mexico City--Mario Sanchez,
aide to His Excellency, Venustiano Carranza. I lent him the price of
a square meal. He had lost his job when Carranza ducked out of the
capital with Obregon after him. We got rather chummy, and I asked him
whether he really had been planning to murder us. And what do you
think? Carranza himself believed that yarn about our being captured by
Zamorra. He merely wanted to give us each five hundred dollars to keep
quiet about it! And to think we both went scampering out of Mexico! And
wondered why no one stopped us!
“But I’m pretty well satisfied with the way things have turned out.
And this brings me to the main reason for coming out of my lethargy to
write a letter. I do so from sheer pride. I’ve become a parent. Very
much so. It’s twins. All of which goes to prove your old contention
that this is a country whose charm lies in its habit of providing the
unexpected.
“So good luck, and _Adios_!”
Transcriber’s Notes
Illustrations have been relocated to the most relevant section of the
text. The List of Illustrations has been updated to reflect this change.
“In Its Interior Decoration the Costa Rican National Theatre Equals Any
Play-House in the United States” changed to “In Its Interior Decoration
the Costa Rican National Theater Equals Any Theater in the United
States”
“most of them Pimas and _mestizos_., or mixed-breeds.” changed to “most
of them Pimas and _mestizos_, or mixed breeds.”
“By a process of self-hynotism, he convinces himself” changed to “By a
process of self-hypnotism, he convinces himself”
“distill thereform their _mescal_ and _tequila_” changed to “distill
therefrom their _mescal_ and _tequila_”
“on the count of three, you just accidently miss the other fellow’s
sword” changed to “on the count of three, you just accidentally miss
the other fellow’s sword”
“You will like Tohuantepec” changed to “You will like Tehuantepec”
“As in Guatemala, the way led through a land of volcanos,” changed to
“As in Guatemala, the way led through a land of volcanoes,”
“yet riggled valiantly toward the other,” changed to “yet wriggled
valiantly toward the other,”
““Cut it all off!” he cried wrecklessly.” changed to ““Cut it all off!”
he cried recklessly.”
“in a secret _entente_ against the United States” changed to “in a
secret _entente_ against the United States.”
“and failed to chastize the other man.” changed to “and failed to
chastise the other man.”
“Lake Nicaragua is only a hundred and ten feet above sealevel” changed
to “Lake Nicaragua is only a hundred and ten feet above sea level”
“If all of these republics have their turbulous moments” changed to “If
all of these republics have their turbulent moments”
“IN ITS INTERIOR DECORATION THE COSTA RICAN NATIONAL THEATRE EQUALS ANY
THEATRE IN THE UNITED STATES” changed to “IN ITS INTERIOR DECORATION
THE COSTA RICAN NATIONAL THEATER EQUALS ANY THEATER IN THE UNITED
STATES”
“so small that they suggested Liliputians,” changed to “so small that
they suggested Lilliputians,”
“As soon an an opponent criticizes him” changed to “As soon as an
opponent criticizes him”
“of forrested mountains,” changed to “of forested mountains,”
“perhaps the day after than” changed to “perhaps the day after that”
Inconsistent hyphenation of the same word has been adjusted to use the
more common form in the book; where equal, it has been changed to use
the form more common at the time of original printing.
Accents and spelling of Spanish words have been left as in the
original, even where they are incorrect.