Left thus to herself, and devoted to incessant work, Juliet next, had
the vexation to learn, how inadequate for entering into any species of
business was a mere knowledge of its theory.
She had concluded that, in consecrating her time and her labours to so
simple an employment as needle-work, she secured herself a certain,
though an hardly earned maintenance: but, as her orders became more
extensive, she found that neither talents for what she undertook, nor
even patronage to bring them into notice, was sufficient; a capital also
was requisite, for the purchase of frames, patterns, silver and gold
threads, spangles, and various other articles; to procure which, she was
forced, in the very commencement of her new career, again to run in
debt.
Alas! she cried, where business is not necessary to subsistence, how
little do we know, believe, or even conceive, its various difficulties!
Imagination may paint enjoyments; but labours and hardships can be
judged only from experience!
She was equally, also, unprepared for continual and vexatious delays of
payment. Her work was frequently, when best executed; or set apart for
some distant occasion, and forgotten; or received and worn, with no
retribution but by promise. Even the few who possessed more
consideration, seemed to estimate her time and her toil as nothing,
because she was brought forward by recommendation; and to pay debts of
common justice, with the parade of generosity.
Yet, vanity and false reasoning set apart, the ladies for whom she
worked were neither hard of heart nor illiberal; but they had never
known distress! and were too light and unreflecting to weigh the
circumstances by which it might be produced, or prevented.
To save time, and obviate innumerable mortifications, Juliet, at first,
employed a commissioner to carry home her work, and to deliver her
bills; but he returned always with empty messages, that if Miss Ellis
would call herself, she should be paid. Yet when, with whatever
reluctance, she complied, she was ordinarily condemned to wait in
passages, or anti-chambers, for whole hours, and even whole mornings;
which were commonly ended by an excuse, through a footman, or lady's
maid, that Lady or Miss such a one was too much engaged, or too much
indisposed, to see her till the next day. The next day, when, with
renewed expectation, she again presented herself, the same scene was
re-acted; though the passing to and fro of various comers and goers,
proved that it was only to herself her fair creditor was invisible.
Nevertheless, if she mentioned that she had some pattern, or some piece
of work, finished for any other lady to exhibit, she was immediately
admitted; though still, with regard to payment, she was desired to call
again in the evening, or the next morning, with a new bill; her old one
happening, unluckily, to be always lost or mislaid; and not seldom,
while stopping in an anti-room, to arrange her packages, she heard
exclamations of 'How amazingly tiresome is that Miss Ellis! pestering
one so, always, for her money!'
Is it possible, thought Juliet, that common humanity, nay, common sense,
will not tell these careless triflers, that their complaint is a lampoon
upon themselves? Will no reflexion, no feeling point out to them, that
the time which they thus unmercifully waste in humiliating attendance,
however to themselves it may be a play-thing, if not a drug, is, to
those who subsist but by their use of it, shelter, clothing, and
nourishment?
If sometimes, in the hope of exciting more attention from this
dissipated set, she ventured to drop a mournful hint, that she was a
novice to this hard kind of life; the warm compassion that seemed
rapidly kindled, raised expectations of immediate assistance; but the
emotion, though good, took a direction that made it useless; it merely
played about in exclamations of pity; then blazed into curiosity, vented
itself in questions,--and evaporated.
She soon, therefore, ceased all attempt to obtain regard through
personal representations; feeling yet more mortified to be left in
passages, or recommended to domestics, after avowing that her lowly
state was the effect of misfortune; than while she permitted it to be
presumed, that she had nothing to brook but what she had been born and
bred to bear.
Some, indeed, while leaving their own just debts unpaid and unnoticed,
would have collected, from their friends, a few straggling half-crowns;
but when Juliet, declining such aid, modestly solicited her right, they
captiously disputed a bill which had been charged by the strictest
necessity; or offered half what they would have dared propose to any
ordinary and hired day-jobber. And whatever admiration they bestowed
upon the taste and execution of work prepared for others, all that she
finished for themselves, was received with that wary precursor of
under-valuing its price, contempt; and looked over with fault-finding
eyes, and unmeaning criticism.
Yet, if the following day, or even the following hour, some sudden
invitation to a brilliant assembly, made any of these ladies require her
services, they would give their orders with caressing solicitations for
speed; rush familiarly into her room, three or four times in a day, to
see how she went on; supplicate her to touch nothing for any other human
being; load her with professions of regard; confound her with hurrying
entreaties; shake her by the hand; tap her on the shoulder; call her the
best of souls; assure her of their eternal gratitude; and torment her
out of any time for sleep or food:--yet, the occasion past, and the work
seen and worn, it was thought of no more! Her pains and exertions, their
promises and fondness, sunk into the same oblivion; and the commonest
and most inadequate pay was murmured at, if not contested.
Now and then, however, she was surprised by sudden starts of kindness,
and hasty enquiries, eagerly made, though scarcely demanding any answer,
into her situation and affairs; followed by drawing her, with an air of
confidence, into a dressing-room or closet:--but there, when prepared
for some mark of favour or esteem, she was only asked, in a mysterious
whisper, whether she could procure any cheap foreign lace, or French
gloves? or whether she could get over from France, any particularly
delicate paste for the hands.
To ladies and to behaviour of this cast, there were, however,
exceptions; especially amongst the residents of the place and its
neighbourhood, who were not there, like the visitors, for dissipation or
irregular extravagance, that, alternately, causes money to be loosely
squandered, and meanly held back. But this better sort was rare, and
sufficed not to supply employment to Juliet for her maintenance, though
the most parsimonious. Nor were there any amongst them that had the
leisure, or the discernment, to discover, that her mind both required
and merited succour as much as her circumstances.
Yet there was the seat of what she had most to endure, and found hardest
to sustain. Her short, but precious junction with her Gabriella, gave
poignancy to every latent regret, and added disgust to her solitary
toil. Thoughts uncommunicated, ideas unexchanged, fears unrevealed, and
sorrows unparticipated, infused a heaviness into her existence, that not
all her activity in business could conquer; while slackness of pay, by
rendering the result of her labours distant and precarious, robbed her
industry of cheerfulness, and her exertions of hope. With an ardent love
of elegant social intercourse, she was doomed to pass her lonely days in
a room that no sound of kindness ever cheered; with enthusiastic
admiration of the beauties of Nature, she was denied all prospect, but
of the coarse red tilings of opposite attics: with an innate taste for
the fine arts, she was forced to exist as completely out of their view
or knowledge, as if she had been an inhabitant of some uncivilized
country: and fellow-feeling, that most powerful master of philanthropy!
now taught her to pity the lamentations of seclusion from the world,
that she had hitherto often contemned as weak and frivolous; since now,
though with time always occupied, and a mind fully stored, she had the
bitter self-experience of the weight of solitude without books, and of
the gloom of retirement without a friend.
During this period, the only notice that she attracted, was that of a
gouty old gentleman, whom she frequently met upon the stairs, when
forced to mount or descend them in pursuit of her fair heedless
creditors. She soon found, by the manner in which he entered, or
quitted, at pleasure, the apartment that she had recently given up, that
he was her successor. He was evidently struck by her beauty, and, upon
their first meeting, looked earnestly after her till she was out of
sight; and then, descended into the shop, to enquire who she was of Miss
Matson. Miss Matson, always perplexed what to think of her, gave so
indefinite, yet so extraordinary an account, that he eagerly awaited an
opportunity of seeing her again. Added examination was less calculated
to diminish curiosity, than to change it into pleasure and interest; and
soon, during whole hours together, he perseveringly watched, upon the
landing-places, for the moments of her going out, or coming back to the
house; that, while smiling and bowing to her as she passed, he might
obtain yet another, and another view of so singular and so lovely an
Incognita.
As he annexed no fixed idea himself to this assiduity, he impressed none
upon Juliet; who, though she could not but observe it, had a mind too
much occupied within, for that mental listlessness that applies for
thoughts, conjectures, or adventures from without.
Soon, however, becoming anxious to behold her nearer, and, soon after,
to behold her longer, he contrived to place himself so as somewhat to
obstruct, though not positively to impede, her passage. The modest
courtesy, which she gave to his age, when, upon her approach, he made
way for her, he pleased himself by attributing to his palpable
admiration; and his bow, which had always been polite, became
obsequious; and his smile, which had always spoken pleasure, displayed
enchantment.
Still, however, there was nothing to alarm, and little to engage the
attention of Juliet; for though ostentatiously gallant, he was
scrupulously decorous. His manners and deportment were old-fashioned,
but graceful and gentleman-like; and his eyes, though they had lost
their brilliancy, were still quick, scrutinizing, and, where not
softened by female attractions, severe.
One day, upon her return from a fruitless expedition, as fearfully,
while ascending the stairs, she opened a paper that had just been
delivered to her in the shop, her deeply absorbed and perplexed air, and
the sigh with which she looked at its contents, induced him, with
heightened interest, to attempt following her, that he might make some
enquiry into her situation. He had discerned, as she passed, that what
she held was a bill; he could not doubt her poverty from her change of
apartment; and he wished to offer her some assistance: but finding that
he had no chance of overtaking her, before she reached her chamber, he
gently called, 'Young lady!' and begged that she would stop.
With that alacrity of youthful purity, which is ever disposed to
consider age and virtue as one, she not only complied, but, seeing the
difficulty with which he mounted the stairs, respected his infirmities,
and descended herself to meet him, and hear his business.
To a younger man, or to one less experienced, or less sagacious, this
action might have appeared the effect of forwardness, of ignorance, or
of levity; but to a man of the world, hackneyed in its ways, and
penetrating into the motives by which it is ordinarily influenced, it
seemed the result of innocence without suspicion; yet of an innocence to
which her air and manner gave a dignity that destroyed, in its birth,
all interpretation to her disadvantage. His purse, therefore, which
already he held in his hand, he felt must be offered with more delicacy
than he had at first supposed to be necessary; and, though he was by no
means a man apt to be embarrassed, he hesitated, for a moment, how to
address a forlorn young stranger.
That moment, however, sufficed to determine him upon making an apology,
with the most marked respect, for the liberty which he had taken in
claiming her attention. The look with which she listened rewarded his
judgment: it expressed the gratitude of feelings to which politeness was
a pleasure; but not a novelty.
'I think--I understand, Ma'am,' he then said, 'you are the lady who
inhabited the apartment to which, most unworthily, I have succeeded?'
Juliet bowed.
'I am truly concerned, Ma'am, at a mistake so preposterous in our
destinies, so diametrically in opposition to our merits, as that which
immures so much beauty and grace, which every one must wish to behold,
in the attics; while so worn-out, and good-for-nothing an old fellow as
I am, from whom every body must wish to turn their eyes, is perched,
full in front, and precisely on the very spot so every way your
superiour due. Whatever wicked Elf has done this deed, I confess myself
heartily ashamed of my share in its operation; and humbly ready, should
any better genius come amongst us, with a view to putting things into
their proper places, to agree, either that you should be lodged, in the
face of day, in the drawing-room, and I be jammed, out of sight, in the
garret; or--that you should become gouty and decrepit, and I grow
suddenly young and beautiful.'
Juliet could not but smile, yet waited some explanation without
speaking.
Charmed with the smile, which his own rigid features immediately caught,
'I have so frequently,' he continued, 'pondered and ruminated upon the
good which those little aerial beings I speak of might do; and the
wrongs which they might redress; were they permitted to visit us, now
and then, as we read of their doing in days of yore; that, sometimes, I
dream while wide awake, and fancy I see them; and feel myself at the
mercy of their antic corrections; or receive courteous presents, or
wholesome advice. Just this moment, as you were passing, methought one
of them appeared to me!'
Juliet, surprised, involuntarily looked round.
'And it said to me, "Whence happens it, my worthy antique, that you grow
as covetous as you are rich? Bear, for your pains, the punishment due to
a miser, of receiving money that you must not hoard; and of presenting,
with your own avaricious hand, this purse to the fair young creature
whose dwelling you have usurped; yet who resides nearest to those she
most resembles, the gods and goddesses."'
With these words, and a low bow, he would have put his purse into her
hand; but upon her starting back, it dropt at her feet.
Surprized, yet touched, as well as amused, by a turn so unexpected to
his pleasantry, Juliet, gracefully restoring, though firmly declining
his offer, uttered her thanks for the kindness of his intentions, with a
sweetness so unsuspicious of evil, that they separated with as strong an
impression of wonder upon his part, as, upon hers, of gratitude.
Anxious to relieve the perplexity thus excited, and to settle his
opinion, he continued to watch, but could not again address her; for
aware, now, of his purpose, she fled down, or darted up stairs, with a
swiftness that defied pursuit; yet with a passing courtesy, that marked
respectful remembrance.
Thus, in a life of solitary hardship, with no intermission but for
mortifying disappointment, passed nearly three weeks, when Juliet found,
with affright and astonishment, that all orders for work seemed at an
end. It was no longer the season for Brighthelmstone, whose visitors
were only accidental stragglers, that, here to-day, and gone to-morrow,
had neither care nor leisure but for rambling and amusement. The
residents, though by no means inconsiderable, were soon served; for
Elinor was removed to Lewes, and her influence was lost with her
presence. Some new measure, therefore, for procuring employment, became
necessary; and Juliet, once more, was reduced to make application to
Miss Matson.
In passing, therefore, one morning, through the shop, with some work
prepared for carrying home, she stopt to open upon the subject; but the
appearance of Miss Bydel at the door, induced her, with an hasty
apology, to make an abrupt retreat; that she might avoid an encounter
which, with that lady, was always irksome, if not painful, from her
unconstrained curiosity; joined to the grossness of her conceptions and
remarks.