Elinor, kept in order by a continual expectation of seeing Harleigh,
ceased to require the presence of Juliet; who, but for the sorrows of
her friend, would have experienced a felicity to which she had long been
a stranger, the felicity of being loved because known; esteemed and
valued because tried and proved. The consideration that is the boon of
even the most generous benevolence, however it may soothe the heart,
cannot elevate the spirits: but here, good opinion was reciprocated,
trust was interchanged, confidence was mutual.
The affliction of Gabriella, though of a more permanent nature, because
from an irreparable cause, was yet highly susceptible of consolation
from friendship; and when once the acute emotions, arising from the tale
of woe which she had had to relate, at the meeting, were abated, the
charm which the presence of Juliet dispensed, and the renewal of early
ideas, pristine feelings, and first affections, soon reflected back
their influence upon her own mind; which gradually strengthened, and
insensibly revived.
Juliet immediately resigned her large apartment, and fixed herself in
the small room of Gabriella. There they settled that they would live
together, work together, share their little profits, and endure their
failures, in common. There they hoped to recover their peace of mind, if
not to re-animate their native spirits; and to be restored to the
harmony of social sympathy, if not to that of happiness.
Yet, it was with difficulty that they learnt to enjoy each other's
society, upon such terms as their altered condition now exacted; where
the eye must never be spared from laborious business, to search, or to
reciprocate a sentiment, in those precious moments of endearing
converse, which, unconsciously, swell into hours, ere they are missed as
minutes. Their intercourse was confined to oral language alone. The
lively intelligence, the rapid conception, the arch remark, the cordial
smile; which give grace to kindness, playfulness to counsel, gentleness
to raillery, and softness even to reproach; these, the expressive
sources of delight, and of comprehension, in social commerce, they were
fain wholly to relinquish; from the hurry of unremitting diligence, and
undivided attention to manual toil.
Nevertheless, to inhale the same air, and to feel the consoling
certitude, that they were no longer cast wholly upon pity, or charity,
for good opinion, were blessings that filled their thoughts with
gratitude to Providence, and brought back calm and comfort to their
minds.
Still, at every sun-rise, Gabriella visited the ashes of her little son;
where she poured forth, in maternal enthusiasm, thanks and benedictions
upon his departed spirit, that her earliest friend, the chosen sharer of
her happier days, was restored to her in the hour of her desolation; and
restored to her There,--on that fatal, yet adored spot, which contained
the ever loved, though lifeless remains of her darling boy.
Juliet, in this peaceful interval, learnt, from the voluble Selina, all
that had been gathered from Mrs Golding relative to the seclusion of
Elinor.
Elinor had travelled post to Portsmouth, whence she had sailed to the
Isle of Wight. There, meeting with a foreign servant out of place, she
engaged him in her service, and bid him purchase some clothes of an
indigent emigrant. She then dressed herself grotesquely yet, as far as
she could, decently, in man's attire; and, making her maid follow her
example, returned to the neighbourhood of Brighthelmstone, and took
lodgings, in the character of a foreigner, who was deaf and dumb, at
Shoreham; where, uninterruptedly, and unsuspectedly, she resided. Here,
by means of her new domestic, she obtained constant intelligence of the
proceedings of Juliet; and she was no sooner informed of the musical
benefit, in which an air, with an harp-accompaniment, was to be
performed by Miss Ellis, than she sent her new attendant to the
assembly-room, to purchase a ticket. Golding, who went thither with the
lackey, met Harleigh in the street, as he was quitting the lodgings of
Juliet.
The disguise of the maid saved her from being recognised; but her
tidings set her mistress on fire. The moment seemed now arrived for the
long-destined catastrophe; and the few days preceding the benefit, were
spent in its preparation. Careless of what was thought, Elinor, had
since, casually, though not confidentially, related, that her intention
had been to mount suddenly into the orchestra, during the performance of
Juliet; and thence to call upon Harleigh, whom she could not doubt would
be amongst the audience; and, at the instant of his joining them,
proclaim to the whole world her immortal passion, and expire between
them. But the fainting fit of Juliet, and its uncontrollable effect upon
Harleigh, had been so insupportable to her feelings, as to precipitate
her design. She acknowledged that she had studied how to die without
torture, by inflicting a wound by which she might bleed gently to death,
while indulging herself, to the last moment, in pouring forth to the
idol of her heart, the fond effusions of her ardent, but exalted
passion.
The tranquillity of Elinor, built upon false expectations, could not be
long unshaken: impatience and suspicion soon took its place, and Mr
Naird was compelled to acknowledge, that Mr Harleigh had set out upon a
distant tour, without leaving his address, even at his own house; where
he had merely given orders that his letters should be forwarded to a
friend.
The rage, grief, and shame of the wretched Elinor, now nearly destroyed,
in a moment, all the cares and the skill of Mr Naird, and of her
physician. She impetuously summoned Juliet, to be convinced that she was
not a party in the elopement; and was only rescued from sinking into
utter despair, by adroit exhortations from Mr Naird, to yield patiently
to his ordinances, lest she should yet die without a last view of
Harleigh. This plea led her, once more, though with equal disgust to
herself and to the whole world, to submit to every medical direction,
that might give her sufficient strength to devise means for her ultimate
project; and to put them into practice.
Mr Naird archly confessed, in private, to Juliet, that the real danger
or safety of Miss Joddrel, so completely hung upon giving the reins, or
the curb, to her passions, that she might, without much difficulty, from
her resolution to die no other death than that of heroic love, in the
presence of its idol, be spurred on, while awaiting, or pursuing, its
object, to the verge of a very comfortable old age.
He acknowledged himself, also, secretly entrusted with the abode of Mr
Harleigh.
Elinor, when somewhat calmed, demanded of Juliet when, and how, her
meetings with Harleigh had been renewed.
Juliet recounted what had passed; sparing such details as might be
hurtful, and solemnly protesting that all intercourse was now at an
end.
With a view to draw Elinor from this agitating subject, she then
related, at full length, her meeting, in the church-yard, with the friend
whom she had so long vainly sought.
In a short time afterwards, feeling herself considerably advanced
towards a recovery, Elinor, impetuously, again sent for Juliet, to say,
'What is your plan? Tell it me sincerely! What is it you mean to do?'
Juliet answered, that her choice was small, and that her means were
almost null: but when she lamented the severe DIFFICULTIES of a FEMALE,
who, without fortune or protection, had her way to make in the world,
Elinor, with strong derision, called out, 'Debility and folly! Put aside
your prejudices, and forget that you are a dawdling woman, to remember
that you are an active human being, and your FEMALE DIFFICULTIES will
vanish into the vapour of which they are formed. Misery has taught me to
conquer mine! and I am now as ready to defy the world, as the world can
be ready to hold me up to ridicule. To make people wise, you must make
them indifferent; to give them courage, you must make them desperate.
'Tis then, only, that we throw aside affectation and hypocrisy, and act
from impulse.'
Laughing, now, though with bitterness, rather than gaiety, 'What does
the world say,' she cried, 'to find that I still live, after the pompous
funeral orations, declaimed by myself, upon my death? Does it suspect
that I found second thoughts best, and that I delayed my execution,
thinking, like the man in the song,
That for sure I could die whenever I would,
But that I could live but as long as I could?
'Well, ye that laugh, laugh on! for I, when not sick of myself, laugh
too! But, to escape mockery, we must all be guided one by another; all
do, and all say, the very same thing. Yet why? Are we alike in our
thoughts? Are we alike in our faces? No. Happily, however, that
soporiferous monotony is beginning to get obsolete. The sublimity of
Revolution has given a greater shake to the minds of men, than to the
kingdoms of the earth.'
After pausing, then, a few minutes, 'Ellis,' she cried, 'if you are
really embarrassed, why should you not go upon the stage? You know how
transcendently you act.'
'That which might seem passable in a private representation,' Juliet
answered, 'might, at a public theatre--'
'Pho, pho, you know perfectly well your powers. But you blight them, I
suppose, yourself, with anathemas, from excommunicating scruples? You
are amongst the cold, the heartless, the ungifted, who, to discredit
talents, and render them dangerous, leave their exercise to vice, by
making virtue fear to exert, or even patronize them?'
'No, Madam, indeed,' cried Juliet: 'I admire, most feelingly, the noble
art of declamation:--how, then, can I condemn the profession which gives
to it life and soul? which personifies the most exalted virtues, which
brings before us the noblest characters, and makes us witnesses to the
sublimest actions? The stage, well regulated, would be the school of
juvenile emulation; would soothe sorrow in the unhappy, and afford
merited relaxation to the laborious. Reformed, indeed, I wish it, and
purified; but not destroyed.'
'Why, then, do you disdain to wear the buskins?'
'Disdain is by no means the word. Talents are a constant source to me of
delight; and those who,--rare, but in existence,--unite, to their public
exercise, private virtue and merit, I honour and esteem even more than I
admire; and every mark I could shew, to such, of consideration,--were I
so situated as to bestow, not require protection!--I should regard as
reflecting credit not on them, but on myself.'
'Pen and ink!' cried Elinor, impatiently: 'I'll write for you to the
manager this moment!--'
'Hold, Madam!' cried Juliet smiling: 'Much as I am enchanted with the
art, I am not going to profess it! On the contrary, I think it so
replete with dangers and improprieties, however happily they may
sometimes be combatted by fortitude and integrity, that, when a young
female, not forced by peculiar circumstances, or impelled by resistless
genius, exhibits herself a willing candidate for public applause;--she
must have, I own, other notions, or other nerves, than mine!'
'Ellis, Ellis! you only fear to alarm, or offend the men--who would keep
us from every office, but making puddings and pies for their own
precious palates!--Oh woman! poor, subdued woman! thou art as dependant,
mentally, upon the arbitrary customs of man, as man is, corporally, upon
the established laws of his country!'
She now grew disturbed, and went on warmly, though nearly to herself.
'By the oppressions of their own statutes and institutions, they render
us insignificant; and then speak of us as if we were so born! But what
have we tried, in which we have been foiled? They dare not trust us with
their own education, and their own opportunities for distinction:--I
except the article of fighting; against that, there may, perhaps, be
some obstacles: but to be condemned, as weaker vessels in intellect,
because, inferiour in bodily strength and stature, we cannot cope with
them as boxers and wrestlers! They appreciate not the understandings of
one another by such manual and muscular criterions. They assert not that
one man has more brains than another, because he is taller; that he is
endowed with more illustrious virtues, because he is stouter. They judge
him not to be less ably formed for haranguing in the senate; for
administering justice in the courts of law; for teaching science at the
universities, because he could ill resist a bully, or conquer a footpad!
No!--Woman is left out in the scales of human merit, only because they
dare not weigh her!'
Then, turning suddenly to Ellis, 'And you, Ellis, you!' she cried,
'endowed with every power to set prejudice at defiance, and to shew and
teach the world, that woman and man are fellow-creatures, you, too, are
coward enough to bow down, unresisting, to this thraldom?'
Juliet hazarded not any reply.
'Yet what futile inconsistency dispenses this prejudice! This Woman,
whom they estimate thus below, they elevate above themselves. They
require from her, in defiance of their examples!--in defiance of their
lures!--angelical perfection. She must be mistress of her passions; she
must never listen to her inclinations; she must not take a step of which
the purport is not visible; she must not pursue a measure of which she
cannot publish the motive; she must always be guided by reason, though
they deny her understanding!--Frankness, the noblest of our qualities,
is her disgrace;--sympathy, the most exquisite of our feelings, is her
bane!--'
She stopt here, conscious, colouring, indignant, and dropt the subject,
to say, 'Tell me, I again demand, what is it you mean to do? Return to
your concert-singing and harping?'
'Ah, Madam,' cried Juliet, reproachfully, 'can you believe me not yet
satisfied with attempting any sort of public exhibition?
'Nay, nay,' cried Elinor, resuming her careless gaiety, 'what passed
that evening will only have served to render you more popular. You may
make your own terms, now, with the managers, for the subscription will
fill, merely to get a stare at you. If I were poor myself, I would
engage to acquire a large fortune, in less than a week, by advertising,
at two-pence a head, a sight of the lady that stabbed herself.'
'What, however,' she continued, 'is your purpose? Will you go and live
with Mrs Ireton? She is just come hither to give her favourite lap-dog a
six weeks' bathing. What say you to the place of her toad-eater? It may
be a very lucrative thing; and I can procure it for you with the utmost
ease. It is commonly vacant every ten days. Besides, she has been dying
to have you in her toils, ever since she had known that you spurned the
proposition, when it was started by Mrs Howel.'
Juliet protested, that any species of fatigue would be preferable to
subservience of such a sort.
'Perhaps you are afraid of seeing too much of Ireton? Be under no
apprehension. He makes it a point not to visit her. He cannot endure
her. Besides, 'tis so rustic, he says, to have a mother!'
Juliet answered, that her sole plan, now, was to be guided by her
friend.
'And who is this friend? Is she of the family of the Incognitas, also?
What do you call her?--L.S.?'
Juliet only replied by stating their project of needle-work.
Elinor scoffed the notion; affirming that they would not obtain a morsel
of bread to a glass of water, above once in three days. She felt,
nevertheless, sufficient respect to the design of the noble fugitive, to
send her a sealed note of what she called her approbation.
This note Juliet took in charge. It contained a draft for fifty pounds.
Ah, generous Elinor! thought Juliet, tears of gratitude glistening in
her eyes: what a mixture of contrasting qualities sully, and ennoble
your character in turn! Ah, why, to intellects so strong, a heart so
liberal, a temper so gay, is there not joined a better portion of
judgment, a larger one of diffidence, a sense of feminine propriety, and
a mind rectified by religion,--not abandoned, uncontrolled, to
imagination?
Gabriella, though truly touched by a generosity so unexpected, declined
accepting its fruits; not being yet, she said, so helpless, however
poor, as to prefer pecuniary obligation to industry. She would leave,
therefore, the donation, for those who had lost the resources of
independence which she yet possessed--youth and strength.
The tender admiration of Juliet forbade all remonstrance, and excluded
any surprise. She well knew, and had long seen, that the distress which
is the offspring of public calamity, not of private misfortune, however
it may ruin prosperity, never humbles the mind.
Gabriella, in a letter of elegant acknowledgements, to obviate any
accusation of undue pride, solicited the assistance of Elinor, in
procuring orders for embroidery, amongst the ladies of her acquaintance.
Elinor, zealous to serve, and fearless to demand, instantly attacked,
by note or by message, every rich female at Brighthelmstone; urging the
generous, and shaming the niggardly, till there was scarcely a woman of
fortune in the place, who had not given, or promised, a commission for
some fine muslin-work.
The two friends, through this commanding protection, began their new
plan of life under the most favourable auspices; and had soon more
employment than time, though they limited themselves to five hours for
sleep; though their meals were rather swallowed than eaten; and though
they allowed not a moment for any kind of recreation, of rest, or of
exercise; save the sacred visit, which they unfailingly made together,
at break of day, to the little grave in the church-yard upon the hill.
Yet here first, since her arrival on the British shores, the immediate
rapturous moment of landing, and the fortnight passed with Lady Aurora
Granville excepted, here first sweet contentment, soft hopes, and gentle
happiness visited the bosom of Juliet. No privation was hard, no toil
was severe, no application was tedious, while the friend of her heart
was by her side; whose sorrows she could mitigate, whose affections she
could share, and whose tears she could sometimes chase.
But the relief was not more exquisite than it was transitory; a week
only had passed in delicious repose, when Gabriella received
intelligence that her husband was taken ill.
Whatever was her reluctance to quitting the spot, where her memory was
every moment fed with cherished recollections, she could not hesitate to
depart; but, when Juliet, in consonance with her inclination and her
promise, prepared to accompany her, that hydra-headed intruder upon
human schemes and desires, Difficulty, arose, in as many shapes as she
could form projects, to impede her wishes. Money they had none: even for
the return to town of Gabriella, her husband was fain to have recourse
for aid to certain admirable persons, whose benevolence had enabled her,
upon the illness of her son, to quit it for Brighthelmstone: and, in a
situation of indigence so obvious, could they propose carrying away with
them the work with which they were entrusted? Juliet, indeed, had still
Harleigh's bank notes in her possession; but she turned inflexibly from
the temptation of adopting a mode of conduct, which she had always
condemned as weak and degrading; that of investing circumstance with
decision, in conscientious dilemmas.
These terrible obstacles broke into all their plans, their wishes,
their happiness; involved them in new distress, deluged them in tears,
and, after every effort with which ingenious friendship could combat
them, ended in compelling a separation. Gabriella embraced, with pungent
affliction, the sorrowing Juliet; shed her last bitter tears over the
grave of her lost darling, and, by the assistance of the angelic
beings[18] already hinted at, whose delicacy, whose feeling, whose
respect for misfortune, made their beneficence as balsamic to
sensibility, as it was salutary to want, returned alone to the capital.
[Footnote 18: Residing in, and,--in 1795!--at the foot of Norbury Park.]
Juliet thus, perforce, remaining, and once again left to herself, was
nearly overwhelmed with grief at a stroke so abrupt and unexpected; so
ruinous to her lately acquired contentment, and dearly prized social
enjoyment. Yet she suffered not regret and disappointment to consume her
time, however cruelly they preyed upon her spirits, and demolished her
comfort. Solitarily she continued the employment which she had socially
begun; but without relaxing in diligence and application, without
permitting herself the smallest intermission that could be avoided:
urged not alone to maintain herself, and to replace what she had touched
of the deposit of Harleigh, but excited, yet more forcibly, by the fond
hope of rejoining her friend; to which she eagerly looked forward, as
the result and reward of her activity and labour.