[A certain make of field-glasses is advertised just now as
"suitable for golf-players, enabling them before striking to select
a favourable spot for the descent of their ball." There can be
little doubt that this brilliant hint will be further developed,
with some such results as those outlined in the following
anticipation.]
As I told Jones when he met me at the clubhouse, it was a year or more
since I had last played, so the chances were that I should be a bit
below form. Besides, I was told that the standard of play had been so
raised----
"Raised? I should just think it has!" said Jones. "Why, a year ago they
played mere skittles--not what you could properly call golf. Got your
clubs? Come along then. Queer old-fashioned things they are, too! And
you're never going out without your theodolite?
"Well," I said with considerable surprise, "the fact is, I haven't got
one. What do you use it for?"
"Taking levels, of course. And--bless me, you've no inflater, or
glasses--not even a wind-gauge! Shall I borrow some for you?--Oh, just
as you like, but you won't be able to put up much of a game without
them."
"Does your caddie take all those things?" I asked, pointing to the
curious assortment of machinery which Jones had put together.
"My caddies do," he corrected. "No one takes less than three nowadays.
Good; there's only one couple on the first tee, so we shall get away in
half an hour or so."
"I should hope so!" I remarked. "Do you mean that it will be half an
hour before those men have played two shots?"
"There or thereabouts. Simkins is a fast player--wonderful head for
algebra that man has--so it may be a shade less. Come and watch him;
then you'll see what golf is!"
And indeed I watched him with much interest. First he surveyed the
country with great care through a field-glass. Then he squinted along a
theodolite at a distant pole. Next he used a strange instrument which
was, Jones told me, a wind-gauge, and tapped thoughtfully at a
pocket-barometer. After that he produced paper and pencil, and was
immersed apparently in difficult sums. Finally, he summoned one of his
caddies, who carried a metal cylinder. A golf ball was connected to this
by a piece of india-rubber tubing, and a slight hissing noise was
heard.
"Putting in the hydrogen," explained Jones. "Everything depends upon
getting the right amount. New idea? Not very; even a year ago you must
have seen pneumatic golf balls--filled with compressed air? Well, this
is only an obvious improvement. There, he's going to drive now."
And this he did, using a club unlike anything I had seen before. Then he
surveyed the putting-green--about half a mile away--through his glasses,
and remarked that it was a fairish shot, the ball being within three
inches of the hole. His companion, who went through the same lengthy
preliminaries, was less fortunate. In a tone of considerable disgust he
announced that he had over-driven the hole by four hundred yards.
"Too much hydrogen," murmured Jones, "or else he got his formulae
muddled. Well, we can start now. Shall I lead the way?"
I begged him to do so. He in turn surveyed the country, consulted
instruments, did elaborate sums, inflated his ball.
"Now," he said, at length settling into his stance, "now I'll show you."
And then he missed the ball clean.
... Of course he ought not to have used such language, and yet it was a
sort of relief to find _something_ about the game which was entirely
unchanged.
* * * * *
[Illustration:
A LAST RESORT.--_Miss Armstrong_ (_who has foozled the ball six times
with various clubs_). "And which of the sticks am I to use now?"
_Weary Caddie._ "Gie it a bit knock wi' the bag!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_Caddie_ (_in stage whisper to Biffin, who is frightfully nervous_).
"Don't you get nervous, sir. It's all right. I've told every one of
'em you can't play!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_Fitzfoozle_ (_a beginner, who is "teaching" a lady on the men's links,
and loses a club_). "Pardon me, sir. Have you seen a lady's club
anywhere?"
_Admiral Peppercorn_ (_very irate at being delayed, wishes ladies would
play on their own course_). "No, sir, but there's a goose club at the
'Pig and Whistle,' I believe. Try that!"]
* * * * *
ROYAL AND ANCIENT RECORDS.--The _Glasgow Evening Times_ displayed the
following headings on the occasion of His Majesty's visit to North
Berwick:--