THE DEATH OF BHOOLMAKAR.
General Flathootly, with his command of 10,000 fletyemings, who was
ordered to pursue and capture the ex-king Bhoolmakar, returned to
Calnogor after a month's absence to report the death of King
Bhoolmakar and Koshnili, together with several hundred of their
followers, and the capture of several thousand wayleals as prisoners.
At a special interview with the general I requested him to report the
story of his defeat of the king's troops and the death of the king.
"Well, yer majesty," said Flathootly, "Oi must first of all
congratulate you on ascendin' the throne of the inimy. It was the
shmartest bit of work Oi've seen iver since Oi lift the other
wurruld."
"The troops behaved nobly," I said, "but I am all anxiety to hear how
you captured the king."
"Well, thin, yer majesty, Oi kim up to him at a place called Gapthis,
about 1,500 miles from here, away beyant on the wild say-shore."
"Had he a large force with him?" I asked.
"Bedad an' he had. He had a body-guard of about 5,000 wayleals, but
shure, we made short work of the flyin' sojers."
"Well, tell me exactly what happened," I said.
"Troth, an' Oi will, yer majesty; shure our flyin' sailors are darlin'
fellows! We skirmished up to the inimy until we got him between us an'
the say an' thin we fell to. The bloody rascals tried to spear us, an'
did kill about a dozen or two of the bhoys, but we touched thim up
lively wid our pitchforks, an' begorra they didn't loike that at all,
at all.
"A wee red-faced captain called out that they were goin' to fight for
their king to the last. 'How long are ye goin' to last yerself,
sonny?' says Oi, an' afore the words were out of me mouth somebody
laid the wee fellow out as nate as a funeral. Well, we fell upon thim
front an' rear, as the sayin' is, an' be jabers, Oi killed a man wid
the first blow.
"'Walk right into thim!' Oi shouted, an' there we wor, fightin' an'
slashin' an' killin' wan another as if it wor a mere matther of
business. If the king's sojers flew up, why, we flew up too, an'
chased thim down ag'in. It was loike a pandemonium of fightin' cocks.
"There was a big fellow who made a slash at me wid his sword, but Oi
lifted him on me fork, an' he very nicely showed me the whites of his
eyes. The best part of the performance was ould Bhooly, who had
himself in the middle of his body-guard, an', waving a toy sword,
asked his kind friends to kill us.
"Well, to make a long shtory short, the inimy being very badly beaten,
threw up their arms, an' we captured the entire lot, excipt about five
hundred wayleals who flew away as fast as their heels cud carry thim."
"How did the king conduct himself when captured?" I inquired.
"He came up to me, an' bowin' very nicely, offered me his sword. He
said he was glad to surrender to a brave gineral an' hoped Oi would
give him the honors of war.
"'Be jabers, Oi will that,' said Oi; 'but that'll be afther we thry ye
by coort-martial. But where's Mrs. Bhooly?' says Oi.
"'Does your excellency mean her late majesty?' said Bhooly; 'if so, Oi
regret to say the unhappy fate which has overtaken both myself and my
counthry prostrated her so much that she died.'
"'Well, thin,' said Oi, 'where's that other conspirator, Koshnili?'
"'Oi am here, your excellency,' said he, steppin' forward an' handin'
me his sword, 'an' Oi also surrender.'
"'You do well,' said Oi, 'to give up yer sword, for it saves me the
throuble of takin' it from you.
"'An' now, me rascals,' Oi said, 'we're goin' to save the throuble of
lookin' afther you by thryin' you by coort-martial. Let the coort be
formed,' said Oi, 'an' bring forth the prisoners.' The king's sojers
were disarmed, an' their wings taken off, an' were assimbled in a
circle undher guard. Bhooly an' Koshnili, undher a special guard,
stood in the middle of the ring.
"'Now, bhoys,' said Oi, 'fair play an' no favor. Who has got a charge
agin' the prisoners?' Wid that, wan of me min stepped forward an' said
that Bhooly an' Koshnili had organized resistance to a change of
government an' religion, thereby blockin' the wheels of reform, an'
furthermore had conspired to murdher, an', be jabers, did murdher, her
holiness the goddess, of blessed memory, who, although alive ag'in,
was undoubtedly kilt.
"When Bhooly an' Koshnili heard that the goddess was alive ag'in their
knees knocked together wid fear.
"'This is a terrible charge agin' ye both,' said Oi. 'Oi don't know
which offince is the greatest--killin' a dacent goddess or blockin'
the wheels of reform; annyhow, the wan crime is as bad as the other.
Who supports this charge?' Oi added in thunderin' tones.
"Well, ivery sojer on the spot volunteered to give evidence as to the
blockin' of the wheels of reform, but nobody saw the murdher
committed.
"'Now,' said Oi, addressin' the prisoners, 'did yez murdher the
goddess or did yez not? By yer sowls, tell the truth. Guilty or not
guilty?'
"'Guilty,' said both prisoners.
"'Thin, by yer own mouths be ye condimned,' said Oi. 'The sintince of
this coort is that ye both be beheaded on the mortal spot.'"
"I think, Flathootly," said I, "that you rather exceeded your duty in
so hastily condemning the prisoners. You should have brought them to
Calnogor for proper trial and execution."
"Shure, Oi knew that, but, to tell yer majesty the truth, it wudn't
have added to yer credit to have ordhered the execution of Bhooly, an'
so Oi took the responsibility of the whole thing on meself. Oi made
Bhooly an' Koshnili kneel down, an' a sojer tied their hands behind
their backs. Then Oi ordhered a wayleal to behead thim wid their own
swords. Afther some hot work the heads av both murdherers rolled on
the ground."
"Why didn't you shoot them or kill them at once with your spears?"
"Oi considered it too aisy a death for thim. Oi didn't want thim to
die widout knowin' they were gittin' hurt."
I forgave Flathootly his too hasty execution of the ex-king, as he had
undoubtedly saved me a very disagreeable duty, and the hasty taking
off of his ex-majesty prevented any demonstration in his favor.
[Illustration: I MADE BHOOLY AN' KOSHNILI KNEEL DOWN AN' A SOJER TIED
THEIR HANDS BEHIND THEIR BACKS. THEN I ORDHERED A WAYLEAL TO BEHEAD
THEM WID THEIR OWN SWORDS.]
To assure the people of my anxiety for a popular government, I issued
a proclamation ordering a general election, to create a new
Borodemy in place of the assembly whose members had disappeared, or
were made prisoners of war, or were dead. In thus providing for a
constitutional government, I granted the nation not only all its
ancient privileges, but added new and more important measures of
political liberty.
As the revenues of Atvatabar amounted to $8,000,000,000 per annum,
there was no danger of myself or comrades of the _Polar King_ falling
short of handsome revenues.
The re-establishment of the government, the reorganization of the
army, navy, and police, together with the care of the palaces of
Calnogor and Tanje and the new ritual for the Bormidophia and
Egyplosis, occupied my attention for a longer period than I at first
contemplated. While these things were being accomplished I gave a
grand public reception and royal banquet to Captain Adams and Sir John
Forbes and the officers and seamen of the ships _Mercury_ and _Aurora
Borealis_, in acknowledgment of their great services to our cause. At
the same time I did not forget to give our friends a more solid proof
of my gratitude in the shape of a large bounty in gold.