CHAPTER VIII

On the 29th of July, 1835, Charlotte, now a little more than nineteen

years old, went as teacher to Miss W---'s. Emily accompanied her as a

pupil; but she became literally ill from home-sickness, and could not

settle to anything, and after passing only three months at Roe Head,

returned to the parsonage and the beloved moors.

Miss Bronte gives the following reasons as those which prevented Emily's

remaining at school, and caused the substitution of her younger sister in

her place at Miss W---'s:--

"My sister Emily loved the moors. Flowers brighter than the rose bloomed

in the blackest of the heath for her;--out of a sullen hollow in a livid

hill-side, her mind could make an Eden. She found in the bleak solitude

many and dear delights; and not the least and best-loved was--liberty.

Liberty was the breath of Emily's nostrils; without it she perished. The

change from her own home to a school, and from her own very noiseless,

very secluded, but unrestricted and unartificial mode of life, to one of

disciplined routine (though under the kindest auspices), was what she

failed in enduring. Her nature proved here too strong for her fortitude.

Every morning, when she woke, the vision of home and the moors rushed on

her, and darkened and saddened the day that lay before her. Nobody knew

what ailed her but me. I knew only too well. In this struggle her

health was quickly broken: her white face, attenuated form, and failing

strength, threatened rapid decline. I felt in my heart she would die, if

she did not go home, and with this conviction obtained her recall. She

had only been three months at school; and it was some years before the

experiment of sending her from home was again ventured on."

This physical suffering on Emily's part when absent from Haworth, after

recurring several times under similar circumstances, became at length so

much an acknowledged fact, that whichever was obliged to leave home, the

sisters decided that Emily must remain there, where alone she could enjoy

anything like good health. She left it twice again in her life; once

going as teacher to a school in Halifax for six months, and afterwards

accompanying Charlotte to Brussels for ten. When at home, she took the

principal part of the cooking upon herself, and did all the household

ironing; and after Tabby grew old and infirm, it was Emily who made all

the bread for the family; and any one passing by the kitchen-door, might

have seen her studying German out of an open book, propped up before her,

as she kneaded the dough; but no study, however interesting, interfered

with the goodness of the bread, which was always light and excellent.

Books were, indeed, a very common sight in that kitchen; the girls were

taught by their father theoretically, and by their aunt, practically,

that to take an active part in all household work was, in their position,

woman's simple duty; but in their careful employment of time, they found

many an odd five minutes for reading while watching the cakes, and

managed the union of two kinds of employment better than King Alfred.

Charlotte's life at Miss W---'s was a very happy one, until her health

failed. She sincerely loved and respected the former schoolmistress, to

whom she was now become both companion and friend. The girls were hardly

strangers to her, some of them being younger sisters of those who had

been her own playmates. Though the duties of the day might be tedious

and monotonous, there were always two or three happy hours to look

forward to in the evening, when she and Miss W--- sat together--sometimes

late into the night--and had quiet pleasant conversations, or pauses of

silence as agreeable, because each felt that as soon as a thought or

remark occurred which they wished to express, there was an intelligent

companion ready to sympathise, and yet they were not compelled to "make

talk."

Miss W--- was always anxious to afford Miss Bronte every opportunity of

recreation in her power; but the difficulty often was to persuade her to

avail herself of the invitations which came, urging her to spend Saturday

and Sunday with "E." and "Mary," in their respective homes, that lay

within the distance of a walk. She was too apt to consider, that

allowing herself a holiday was a dereliction of duty, and to refuse

herself the necessary change, from something of an over-ascetic spirit,

betokening a loss of healthy balance in either body or mind. Indeed, it

is clear that such was the case, from a passage, referring to this time,

in the letter of "Mary" from which I have before given extracts.

"Three years after--" (the period when they were at school together)--"I

heard that she had gone as teacher to Miss W---'s. I went to see her,

and asked how she could give so much for so little money, when she could

live without it. She owned that, after clothing herself and Anne, there

was nothing left, though she had hoped to be able to save something. She

confessed it was not brilliant, but what could she do? I had nothing to

answer. She seemed to have no interest or pleasure beyond the feeling of

duty, and, when she could get, used to sit alone, and 'make out.' She

told me afterwards, that one evening she had sat in the dressing-room

until it was quite dark, and then observing it all at once, had taken

sudden fright." No doubt she remembered this well when she described a

similar terror getting hold upon Jane Eyre. She says in the story, "I

sat looking at the white bed and overshadowed walls--occasionally turning

a fascinated eye towards the gleaming mirror--I began to recall what I

had heard of dead men troubled in their graves . . . I endeavoured to be

firm; shaking my hair from my eyes, I lifted my head and tried to look

boldly through the dark room; at this moment, a ray from the moon

penetrated some aperture in the blind. No! moon light was still, and

this stirred . . . prepared as my mind was for horror, shaken as my

nerves were by agitation, I thought the swift-darting beam was a herald

of some coming vision from another world. My heart beat thick, my head

grew hot; a sound filled my ears which I deemed the rustling of wings;

something seemed near me." {4}

"From that time," Mary adds, "her imaginations became gloomy or

frightful; she could not help it, nor help thinking. She could not

forget the gloom, could not sleep at night, nor attend in the day.

"She told me that one night, sitting alone, about this time, she heard a

voice repeat these lines:

"'Come thou high and holy feeling,

Shine o'er mountain, flit o'er wave,

Gleam like light o'er dome and shielding.'

"There were eight or ten more lines which I forget. She insisted that

she had not made them, that she had heard a voice repeat them. It is

possible that she had read them, and unconsciously recalled them. They

are not in the volume of poems which the sisters published. She repeated

a verse of Isaiah, which she said had inspired them, and which I have

forgotten. Whether the lines were recollected or invented, the tale

proves such habits of sedentary, monotonous solitude of thought as would

have shaken a feebler mind."

Of course, the state of health thus described came on gradually, and is

not to be taken as a picture of her condition in 1836. Yet even then

there is a despondency in some of her expressions, that too sadly reminds

one of some of Cowper's letters. And it is remarkable how deeply his

poems impressed her. His words, his verses, came more frequently to her

memory, I imagine, than those of any other poet.

"Mary" says: "Cowper's poem, 'The Castaway,' was known to them all, and

they all at times appreciated, or almost appropriated it. Charlotte told

me once that Branwell had done so; and though his depression was the

result of his faults, it was in no other respect different from hers.

Both were not mental but physical illnesses. She was well aware of this,

and would ask how that mended matters, as the feeling was there all the

same, and was not removed by knowing the cause. She had a larger

religious toleration than a person would have who had never questioned,

and the manner of recommending religion was always that of offering

comfort, not fiercely enforcing a duty. One time I mentioned that some

one had asked me what religion I was of (with the view of getting me for

a partizan), and that I had said that that was between God and me;--Emily

(who was lying on the hearth-rug) exclaimed, 'That's right.' This was

all I ever heard Emily say on religious subjects. Charlotte was free

from religious depression when in tolerable health; when that failed, her

depression returned. You have probably seen such instances. They don't

get over their difficulties; they forget them, when their stomach (or

whatever organ it is that inflicts such misery on sedentary people) will

let them. I have heard her condemn Socinianism, Calvinism, and many

other 'isms' inconsistent with Church of Englandism. I used to wonder at

her acquaintance with such subjects."

"May 10th, 1836.

"I was struck with the note you sent me with the umbrella; it showed a

degree of interest in my concerns which I have no right to expect from

any earthly creature. I won't play the hypocrite; I won't answer your

kind, gentle, friendly questions in the way you wish me to. Don't

deceive yourself by imagining I have a bit of real goodness about me.

My darling, if I were like you, I should have my face Zion-ward,

though prejudice and error might occasionally fling a mist over the

glorious vision before me--but I _am not like you_. If you knew my

thoughts, the dreams that absorb me, and the fiery imagination that at

times eats me up, and makes me feel society, as it is, wretchedly

insipid, you would pity and I dare say despise me. But I know the

treasures of the _Bible_; I love and adore them. I can _see_ the Well

of Life in all its clearness and brightness; but when I stoop down to

drink of the pure waters they fly from my lips as if I were Tantalus.

"You are far too kind and frequent in your invitations. You puzzle

me. I hardly know how to refuse, and it is still more embarrassing to

accept. At any rate, I cannot come this week, for we are in the very

thickest melee of the Repetitions. I was hearing the terrible fifth

section when your note arrived. But Miss Wooler says I must go to

Mary next Friday, as she promised for me on Whit-Sunday; and on Sunday

morning I will join you at church, if it be convenient, and stay till

Monday. There's a free and easy proposal! Miss W--- has driven me to

it. She says her character is implicated."

Good, kind Miss W---! however monotonous and trying were the duties

Charlotte had to perform under her roof, there was always a genial and

thoughtful friend watching over her, and urging her to partake of any

little piece of innocent recreation that might come in her way. And in

those Midsummer holidays of 1836, her friend E. came to stay with her at

Haworth, so there was one happy time secured.

Here follows a series of letters, not dated, but belonging to the latter

portion of this year; and again we think of the gentle and melancholy

Cowper.

"My dear dear E.,

"I am at this moment trembling all over with excitement, after reading

your note; it is what I never received before--it is the unrestrained

pouring out of a warm, gentle, generous heart . . . I thank you with

energy for this kindness. I will no longer shrink from answering your

questions. I _do_ wish to be better than I am. I pray fervently

sometimes to be made so. I have stings of conscience, visitings of

remorse, glimpses of holy, of inexpressible things, which formerly I

used to be a stranger to; it may all die away, and I may be in utter

midnight, but I implore a merciful Redeemer, that, if this be the dawn

of the gospel, it may still brighten to perfect day. Do not mistake

me--do not think I am good; I only wish to be so. I only hate my

former flippancy and forwardness. Oh! I am no better than ever I was.

I am in that state of horrid, gloomy uncertainty that, at this moment,

I would submit to be old, grey-haired, to have passed all my youthful

days of enjoyment, and to be settling on the verge of the grave, if I

could only thereby ensure the prospect of reconciliation to God, and

redemption through his Son's merits. I never was exactly careless of

these matters, but I have always taken a clouded and repulsive view of

them; and now, if possible, the clouds are gathering darker, and a

more oppressive despondency weighs on my spirits. You have cheered

me, my darling; for one moment, for an atom of time, I thought I might

call you my own sister in the spirit; but the excitement is past, and

I am now as wretched and hopeless as ever. This very night I will

pray as you wish me. May the Almighty hear me compassionately! and I

humbly hope he will, for you will strengthen my polluted petitions

with your own pure requests. All is bustle and confusion round me,

the ladies pressing with their sums and their lessons . . . If you

love me, _do, do, do_ come on Friday: I shall watch and wait for you,

and if you disappoint me I shall weep. I wish you could know the

thrill of delight which I experienced, when, as I stood at the dining-

room window, I saw ---, as he whirled past, toss your little packet

over the wall."

Huddersfield market-day was still the great period for events at Roe

Head. Then girls, running round the corner of the house and peeping

between tree-stems, and up a shadowy lane, could catch a glimpse of a

father or brother driving to market in his gig; might, perhaps, exchange

a wave of the hand; or see, as Charlotte Bronte did from the window, a

white packet tossed over the avail by come swift strong motion of an arm,

the rest of the traveller's body unseen.

"Weary with a day's hard work . . . I am sitting down to write a few

lines to my dear E. Excuse me if I say nothing but nonsense, for my mind

is exhausted and dispirited. It is a stormy evening, and the wind is

uttering a continual moaning sound, that makes me feel very melancholy.

At such times--in such moods as these--it is my nature to seek repose in

some calm tranquil idea, and I have now summoned up your image to give me

rest. There you sit, upright and still in your black dress, and white

scarf, and pale marble-like face--just like reality. I wish you would

speak to me. If we should be separated--if it should be our lot to live

at a great distance, and never to see each other again--in old age, how I

should conjure up the memory of my youthful days, and what a melancholy

pleasure I should feel in dwelling on the recollection of my early

friend! . . . I have some qualities that make me very miserable, some

feelings that you can have no participation in--that few, very few,

people in the world can at all understand. I don't pride myself on these

peculiarities. I strive to conceal and suppress them as much as I can;

but they burst out sometimes, and then those who see the explosion

despise me, and I hate myself for days afterwards . . . I have just

received your epistle and what accompanied it. I can't tell what should

induce you and your sisters to waste your kindness on such a one as me.

I'm obliged to them, and I hope you'll tell them so. I'm obliged to you

also, more for your note than for your present. The first gave me

pleasure, the last something like pain."

* * * * *

The nervous disturbance, which is stated to have troubled her while she

was at Miss W---'s, seems to have begun to distress her about this time;

at least, she herself speaks of her irritable condition, which was

certainly only a temporary ailment.

"You have been very kind to me of late, and have spared me all those

little sallies of ridicule, which, owing to my miserable and wretched

touchiness of character, used formerly to make me wince, as if I had been

touched with a hot iron; things that nobody else cares for, enter into my

mind and rankle there like venom. I know these feelings are absurd, and

therefore I try to hide them, but they only sting the deeper for

concealment."

Compare this state of mind with the gentle resignation with which she had

submitted to be put aside as useless, or told of her ugliness by her

school-fellows, only three years before.

"My life since I saw you has passed as monotonously and unbroken as ever;

nothing but teach, teach, teach, from morning till night. The greatest

variety I ever have is afforded by a letter from you, or by meeting with

a pleasant new book. The 'Life of Oberlin,' and 'Leigh Richmond's

Domestic Portraiture,' are the last of this description. The latter work

strongly attracted and strangely fascinated my attention. Beg, borrow,

or steal it without delay; and read the 'Memoir of Wilberforce,'--that

short record of a brief uneventful life; I shall never forget it; it is

beautiful, not on account of the language in which it is written, not on

account of the incidents it details, but because of the simple narrative

it gives of a young talented sincere Christian."

* * * * *

About this time Miss W--- removed her school from the fine, open, breezy

situation of Roe Head, to Dewsbury Moor, only two or three miles distant.

Her new residence was on a lower site, and the air was less exhilarating

to one bred in the wild hill-village of Haworth. Emily had gone as

teacher to a school at Halifax, where there were nearly forty pupils.

"I have had one letter from her since her departure," writes Charlotte,

on October 2nd, 1836: "it gives an appalling account of her duties; hard

labour from six in the morning to eleven at night, with only one half-

hour of exercise between. This is slavery. I fear she can never stand

it."

* * * * *

When the sisters met at home in the Christmas holidays, they talked over

their lives, and the prospect which they afforded of employment and

remuneration. They felt that it was a duty to relieve their father of

the burden of their support, if not entirely, or that of all three, at

least that of one or two; and, naturally, the lot devolved upon the elder

ones to find some occupation which would enable them to do this. They

knew that they were never likely to inherit much money. Mr. Bronte had

but a small stipend, and was both charitable and liberal. Their aunt had

an annuity of 50_l_., but it reverted to others at her death, and her

nieces had no right, and were the last persons in the world to reckon

upon her savings. What could they do? Charlotte and Emily were trying

teaching, and, as it seemed, without much success. The former, it is

true, had the happiness of having a friend for her employer, and of being

surrounded by those who knew her and loved her; but her salary was too

small for her to save out of it; and her education did not entitle her to

a larger. The sedentary and monotonous nature of the life, too, was

preying upon her health and spirits, although, with necessity "as her

mistress," she might hardly like to acknowledge this even to herself. But

Emily--that free, wild, untameable spirit, never happy nor well but on

the sweeping moors that gathered round her home--that hater of strangers,

doomed to live amongst them, and not merely to live but to slave in their

service--what Charlotte could have borne patiently for herself, she could

not bear for her sister. And yet what to do? She had once hoped that

she herself might become an artist, and so earn her livelihood; but her

eyes had failed her in the minute and useless labour which she had

imposed upon herself with a view to this end.

It was the household custom among these girls to sew till nine o'clock at

night. At that hour, Miss Branwell generally went to bed, and her

nieces' duties for the day were accounted done. They put away their

work, and began to pace the room backwards and forwards, up and down,--as

often with the candles extinguished, for economy's sake, as not,--their

figures glancing into the fire-light, and out into the shadow,

perpetually. At this time, they talked over past cares and troubles;

they planned for the future, and consulted each other as to their plans.

In after years this was the time for discussing together the plots of

their novels. And again, still later, this was the time for the last

surviving sister to walk alone, from old accustomed habit, round and

round the desolate room, thinking sadly upon the "days that were no

more." But this Christmas of 1836 was not without its hopes and daring

aspirations. They had tried their hands at story-writing, in their

miniature magazine, long ago; they all of them "made out" perpetually.

They had likewise attempted to write poetry; and had a modest confidence

that they had achieved a tolerable success. But they knew that they

might deceive themselves, and that sisters' judgments of each other's

productions were likely to be too partial to be depended upon. So

Charlotte, as the eldest, resolved to write to Southey. I believe (from

an expression in a letter to be noticed hereafter), that she also

consulted Coleridge; but I have not met with any part of that

correspondence.

On December 29th, her letter to Southey was despatched; and from an

excitement not unnatural in a girl who has worked herself up to the pitch

of writing to a Poet Laureate and asking his opinion of her poems, she

used some high-flown expressions which, probably, gave him the idea that

she was a romantic young lady, unacquainted with the realities of life.

This, most likely, was the first of those adventurous letters that passed

through the little post-office of Haworth. Morning after morning of the

holidays slipped away, and there was no answer; the sisters had to leave

home, and Emily to return to her distasteful duties, without knowing even

whether Charlotte's letter had ever reached its destination.

Not dispirited, however, by the delay, Branwell determined to try a

similar venture, and addressed the following letter to Wordsworth. It

was given by the poet to Mr. Quillinan in 1850, after the name of Bronte

had become known and famous. I have no means of ascertaining what answer

was returned by Mr. Wordsworth; but that he considered the letter

remarkable may, I think, be inferred both from its preservation, and its

recurrence to his memory when the real name of Currer Bell was made known

to the public.

"Haworth, near Bradford,

"Yorkshire, January 19, 1837.

"Sir,--I most earnestly entreat you to read and pass your judgment

upon what I have sent you, because from the day of my birth to this

the nineteenth year of my life, I have lived among secluded hills,

where I could neither know what I was, or what I could do. I read for

the same reason that I ate or drank; because it was a real craving of

nature. I wrote on the same principle as I spoke--out of the impulse

and feelings of the mind; nor could I help it, for what came, came

out, and there was the end of it. For as to self-conceit, that could

not receive food from flattery, since to this hour, not half a dozen

people in the world know that I have ever penned a line.

"But a change has taken place now, sir: and I am arrived at an age

wherein I must do something for myself: the powers I possess must be

exercised to a definite end, and as I don't know them myself I must

ask of others what they are worth. Yet there is not one here to tell

me; and still, if they are worthless, time will henceforth be too

precious to be wasted on them.

"Do pardon me, sir, that I have ventured to come before one whose

works I have most loved in our literature, and who most has been with

me a divinity of the mind, laying before him one of my writings, and

asking of him a judgment of its contents. I must come before some one

from whose sentence there is no appeal; and such a one is he who has

developed the theory of poetry as well as its practice, and both in

such a way as to claim a place in the memory of a thousand years to

come.

"My aim, sir, is to push out into the open world, and for this I trust

not poetry alone--that might launch the vessel, but could not bear her

on; sensible and scientific prose, bold and vigorous efforts in my

walk in life, would give a farther title to the notice of the world;

and then again poetry ought to brighten and crown that name with

glory; but nothing of all this can be ever begun without means, and as

I don't possess these, I must in every shape strive to gain them.

Surely, in this day, when there is not a _writing_ poet worth a

sixpence, the field must be open, if a better man can step forward.

"What I send you is the Prefatory Scene of a much longer subject, in

which I have striven to develop strong passions and weak principles

struggling with a high imagination and acute feelings, till, as youth

hardens towards age, evil deeds and short enjoyments end in mental

misery and bodily ruin. Now, to send you the whole of this would be a

mock upon your patience; what you see, does not even pretend to be

more than the description of an imaginative child. But read it, sir;

and, as you would hold a light to one in utter darkness--as you value

your own kindheartedness--_return_ me an _answer_, if but one word,

telling me whether I should write on, or write no more. Forgive undue

warmth, because my feelings in this matter cannot be cool; and believe

me, sir, with deep respect,

"Your really humble servant,

"P. B. Bronte"

The poetry enclosed seems to me by no means equal to parts of the letter;

but, as every one likes to judge for himself, I copy the six opening

stanzas--about a third of the whole, and certainly not the worst.

So where he reigns in glory bright,

Above those starry skies of night,

Amid his Paradise of light

Oh, why may I not be?

Oft when awake on Christmas morn,

In sleepless twilight laid forlorn,

Strange thoughts have o'er my mind been borne,

How he has died for me.

And oft within my chamber lying,

Have I awaked myself with crying

From dreams, where I beheld Him dying

Upon the accursed Tree.

And often has my mother said,

While on her lap I laid my head,

She feared for time I was not made,

But for Eternity.

So "I can read my title clear,

To mansions in the skies,

And let me bid farewell to fear,

And wipe my weeping eyes."

I'll lay me down on this marble stone,

And set the world aside,

To see upon her ebon throne

The Moon in glory ride.

Soon after Charlotte returned to Dewsbury Moor, she was distressed by

hearing that her friend "E." was likely to leave the neighbourhood for a

considerable length of time.

"Feb. 20th.

"What shall I do without you? How long are we likely to be separated?

Why are we to be denied each other's society? It is an inscrutable

fatality. I long to be with you, because it seems as if two or three

days, or weeks, spent in your company would beyond measure strengthen

me in the enjoyment of those feelings which I have so lately begun to

cherish. You first pointed out to me that way in which I am so feebly

endeavouring to travel, and now I cannot keep you by my side, I must

proceed sorrowfully alone. Why are we to be divided? Surely, it must

be because we are in danger of loving each other too well--of losing

sight of the _Creator_ in idolatry of the _creature_. At first, I

could not say 'Thy will be done!' I felt rebellious, but I knew it

was wrong to feel so. Being left a moment alone this morning, I

prayed fervently to be enabled to resign myself to _every_ decree of

God's will, though it should be dealt forth by a far severer hand than

the present disappointment; since then I have felt calmer and humbler,

and consequently happier. Last Sunday I took up my Bible in a gloomy

state of mind: I began to read--a feeling stole over me such as I have

not known for many long years--a sweet, placid sensation, like those,

I remember, which used to visit me when I was a little child, and, on

Sunday evenings in summer, stood by the open window reading the life

of a certain French nobleman, who attained a purer and higher degree

of sanctity than has been known since the days of the early martyrs."

"E.'s" residence was equally within a walk from Dewsbury Moor as it had

been from Roe Head; and on Saturday afternoons both "Mary" and she used

to call upon Charlotte, and often endeavoured to persuade her to return

with them, and be the guest of one of them till Monday morning; but this

was comparatively seldom. Mary says:--"She visited us twice or thrice

when she was at Miss W---'s. We used to dispute about politics and

religion. She, a Tory and clergyman's daughter, was always in a minority

of one in our house of violent Dissent and Radicalism. She used to hear

over again, delivered _with authority_, all the lectures I had been used

to give her at school on despotic aristocracy, mercenary priesthood, &c.

She had not energy to defend herself; sometimes she owned to a _little_

truth in it, but generally said nothing. Her feeble health gave her her

yielding manner, for she could never oppose any one without gathering up

all her strength for the struggle. Thus she would let me advise and

patronise most imperiously, sometimes picking out any grain of sense

there might be in what I said, but never allowing any one materially to

interfere with her independence of thought and action. Though her

silence sometimes left one under the impression that she agreed when she

did not, she never gave a flattering opinion, and thus her words were

golden, whether for praise or blame."

"Mary's" father was a man of remarkable intelligence, but of strong, not

to say violent prejudices, all running in favour of Republicanism and

Dissent. No other county but Yorkshire could have produced such a man.

His brother had been a _detenu_ in France, and had afterwards voluntarily

taken up his residence there. Mr. T. himself had been much abroad, both

on business and to see the great continental galleries of paintings. He

spoke French perfectly, I have been told, when need was; but delighted

usually in talking the broadest Yorkshire. He bought splendid engravings

of the pictures which he particularly admired, and his house was full of

works of art and of books; but he rather liked to present his rough side

to any stranger or new-comer; he would speak his broadest, bring out his

opinions on Church and State in their most startling forms, and, by and

by, if he found his hearer could stand the shock, he would involuntarily

show his warm kind heart, and his true taste, and real refinement. His

family of four sons and two daughters were brought up on Republican

principles; independence of thought and action was encouraged; no "shams"

tolerated. They are scattered far and wide: Martha, the younger

daughter, sleeps in the Protestant cemetery at Brussels; Mary is in New

Zealand; Mr. T. is dead. And so life and death have dispersed the circle

of "violent Radicals and Dissenters" into which, twenty years ago, the

little, quiet, resolute clergyman's daughter was received, and by whom

she was truly loved and honoured.

January and February of 1837 had passed away, and still there was no

reply from Southey. Probably she had lost expectation and almost hope

when at length, in the beginning of March, she received the letter

inserted in Mr. C. C. Southey's life of his Father, vol. iv. p. 327.

After accounting for his delay in replying to hers by the fact of a long

absence from home, during which his letters had accumulated, whence "it

has lain unanswered till the last of a numerous file, not from disrespect

or indifference to its contents, but because in truth it is not an easy

task to answer it, nor a pleasant one to cast a damp over the high

spirits and the generous desires of youth," he goes on to say: "What you

are I can only infer from your letter, which appears to be written in

sincerity, though I may suspect that you have used a fictitious

signature. Be that as it may, the letter and the verses bear the same

stamp, and I can well understand the state of mind they indicate.

* * * * *

"It is not my advice that you have asked as to the direction of your

talents, but my opinion of them, and yet the opinion may be worth little,

and the advice much. You evidently possess, and in no inconsiderable

degree, what Wordsworth calls the 'faculty of verse.' I am not

depreciating it when I say that in these times it is not rare. Many

volumes of poems are now published every year without attracting public

attention, any one of which if it had appeared half a century ago, would

have obtained a high reputation for its author. Whoever, therefore, is

ambitious of distinction in this way ought to be prepared for

disappointment.

"But it is not with a view to distinction that you should cultivate this

talent, if you consult your own happiness. I, who have made literature

my profession, and devoted my life to it, and have never for a moment

repented of the deliberate choice, think myself, nevertheless, bound in

duty to caution every young man who applies as an aspirant to me for

encouragement and advice, against taking so perilous a course. You will

say that a woman has no need of such a caution; there can be no peril in

it for her. In a certain sense this is true; but there is a danger of

which I would, with all kindness and all earnestness, warn you. The day

dreams in which you habitually indulge are likely to induce a distempered

state of mind; and in proportion as all the ordinary uses of the world

seem to you flat and unprofitable, you will be unfitted for them without

becoming fitted for anything else. Literature cannot be the business of

a woman's life, and it ought not to be. The more she is engaged in her

proper duties, the less leisure will she have for it, even as an

accomplishment and a recreation. To those duties you have not yet been

called, and when you are you will be less eager for celebrity. You will

not seek in imagination for excitement, of which the vicissitudes of this

life, and the anxieties from which you must not hope to be exempted, be

your state what it may, will bring with them but too much.

"But do not suppose that I disparage the gift which you possess; nor that

I would discourage you from exercising it. I only exhort you so to think

of it, and so to use it, as to render it conducive to your own permanent

good. Write poetry for its own sake; not in a spirit of emulation, and

not with a view to celebrity; the less you aim at that the more likely

you will be to deserve and finally to obtain it. So written, it is

wholesome both for the heart and soul; it may be made the surest means,

next to religion, of soothing the mind and elevating it. You may embody

in it your best thoughts and your wisest feelings, and in so doing

discipline and strengthen them.

"Farewell, madam. It is not because I have forgotten that I was once

young myself, that I write to you in this strain; but because I remember

it. You will neither doubt my sincerity nor my good will; and however

ill what has here been said may accord with your present views and

temper, the longer you live the more reasonable it will appear to you.

Though I may be but an ungracious adviser, you will allow me, therefore,

to subscribe myself, with the best wishes for your happiness here and

hereafter, your true friend,

"ROBERT SOUTHEY."

* * * * *

I was with Miss Bronte when she received Mr. Cuthbert Southey's note,

requesting her permission to insert the foregoing letter in his father's

life. She said to me, "Mr. Southey's letter was kind and admirable; a

little stringent, but it did me good."

It is partly because I think it so admirable, and partly because it tends

to bring out her character, as shown in the following reply, that I have

taken the liberty of inserting the foregoing extracts from it.

"Sir, March 16th.

"I cannot rest till I have answered your letter, even though by

addressing you a second time I should appear a little intrusive; but I

must thank you for the kind and wise advice you have condescended to

give me. I had not ventured to hope for such a reply; so considerate

in its tone, so noble in its spirit. I must suppress what I feel, or

you will think me foolishly enthusiastic.

"At the first perusal of your letter, I felt only shame and regret

that I had ever ventured to trouble you with my crude rhapsody; I felt

a painful heat rise to my face when I thought of the quires of paper I

had covered with what once gave me so much delight, but which now was

only a source of confusion; but after I had thought a little and read

it again and again, the prospect seemed to clear. You do not forbid

me to write; you do not say that what I write is utterly destitute of

merit. You only warn me against the folly of neglecting real duties

for the sake of imaginative pleasures; of writing for the love of

fame; for the selfish excitement of emulation. You kindly allow me to

write poetry for its own sake, provided I leave undone nothing which I

ought to do, in order to pursue that single, absorbing, exquisite

gratification. I am afraid, sir, you think me very foolish. I know

the first letter I wrote to you was all senseless trash from beginning

to end; but I am not altogether the idle dreaming being it would seem

to denote. My father is a clergyman of limited, though competent

income, and I am the eldest of his children. He expended quite as

much in my education as he could afford in justice to the rest. I

thought it therefore my duty, when I left school, to become a

governess. In that capacity I find enough to occupy my thoughts all

day long, and my head and hands too, without having a moment's time

for one dream of the imagination. In the evenings, I confess, I do

think, but I never trouble any one else with my thoughts. I carefully

avoid any appearance of preoccupation and eccentricity, which might

lead those I live amongst to suspect the nature of my pursuits.

Following my father's advice--who from my childhood has counselled me,

just in the wise and friendly tone of your letter--I have endeavoured

not only attentively to observe all the duties a woman ought to

fulfil, but to feel deeply interested in them. I don't always

succeed, for sometimes when I'm teaching or sewing I would rather be

reading or writing; but I try to deny myself; and my father's

approbation amply rewarded me for the privation. Once more allow me

to thank you with sincere gratitude. I trust I shall never more feel

ambitious to see my name in print: if the wish should rise, I'll look

at Southey's letter, and suppress it. It is honour enough for me that

I have written to him, and received an answer. That letter is

consecrated; no one shall ever see it, but papa and my brother and

sisters. Again I thank you. This incident, I suppose, will be

renewed no more; if I live to be an old woman, I shall remember it

thirty years hence as a bright dream. The signature which you

suspected of being fictitious is my real name. Again, therefore, I

must sign myself,

"C. Bronte.

"P.S.--Pray, sir, excuse me for writing to you a second time; I could

not help writing, partly to tell you how thankful I am for your

kindness, and partly to let you know that your advice shall not be

wasted; however sorrowfully and reluctantly it may be at first

followed.

"C. B."

I cannot deny myself the gratification of inserting Southey's reply:--

"Keswick, March 22, 1837.

"Dear Madam,

"Your letter has given me great pleasure, and I should not forgive

myself if I did not tell you so. You have received admonition as

considerately and as kindly as it was given. Let me now request that,

if you ever should come to these Lakes while I am living here, you

will let me see you. You would then think of me afterwards with the

more good-will, because you would perceive that there is neither

severity nor moroseness in the state of mind to which years and

observation have brought me.

"It is, by God's mercy, in our power to attain a degree of

self-government, which is essential to our own happiness, and

contributes greatly to that of those around us. Take care of over-

excitement, and endeavour to keep a quiet mind (even for your health

it is the best advice that can be given you): your moral and spiritual

improvement will then keep pace with the culture of your intellectual

powers.

"And now, madam, God bless you!

"Farewell, and believe me to be your sincere friend,

"ROBERT SOUTHEY.

Of this second letter, also, she spoke, and told me that it contained an

invitation for her to go and see the poet if ever she visited the Lakes.

"But there was no money to spare," said she, "nor any prospect of my ever

earning money enough to have the chance of so great a pleasure, so I gave

up thinking of it." At the time we conversed together on the subject we

were at the Lakes. But Southey was dead.

This "stringent" letter made her put aside, for a time, all idea of

literary enterprise. She bent her whole energy towards the fulfilment of

the duties in hand; but her occupation was not sufficient food for her

great forces of intellect, and they cried out perpetually, "Give, give,"

while the comparatively less breezy air of Dewsbury Moor told upon her

health and spirits more and more. On August 27, 1837, she writes:--

"I am again at Dewsbury, engaged in the old business,--teach, teach,

teach . . . _When will you come home_? Make haste! You have been at

Bath long enough for all purposes; by this time you have acquired

polish enough, I am sure; if the varnish is laid on much thicker, I am

afraid the good wood underneath will be quite concealed, and your

Yorkshire friends won't stand that. Come, come. I am getting really

tired of your absence. Saturday after Saturday comes round, and I can

have no hope of hearing your knock at the door, and then being told

that 'Miss E. is come.' Oh, dear! in this monotonous life of mine,

that was a pleasant event. I wish it would recur again; but it will

take two or three interviews before the stiffness--the estrangement of

this long separation--will wear away."

About this time she forgot to return a work-bag she had borrowed, by a

messenger, and in repairing her error she says:--"These aberrations of

memory warn me pretty intelligibly that I am getting past my prime."

AEtat 21! And the same tone of despondency runs through the following

letter:--

"I wish exceedingly that I could come to you before Christmas, but it

is impossible; another three weeks must elapse before I shall again

have my comforter beside me, under the roof of my own dear quiet home.

If I could always live with you, and daily read the Bible with you--if

your lips and mine could at the same time drink the same draught, from

the same pure fountain of mercy--I hope, I trust, I might one day

become better, far better than my evil, wandering thoughts, my corrupt

heart, cold to the spirit and warm to the flesh, will now permit me to

be. I often plan the pleasant life which we might lead together,

strengthening each other in that power of self-denial, that hallowed

and glowing devotion, which the first saints of God often attained to.

My eyes fill with tears when I contrast the bliss of such a state,

brightened by hopes of the future, with the melancholy state I now

live in, uncertain that I ever felt true contrition, wandering in

thought and deed, longing for holiness, which I shall _never_, _never_

obtain, smitten at times to the heart with the conviction that ghastly

Calvinistic doctrines are true--darkened, in short, by the very

shadows of spiritual death. If Christian perfection be necessary to

salvation, I shall never be saved; my heart is a very hotbed for

sinful thoughts, and when I decide on an action I scarcely remember to

look to my Redeemer for direction. I know not how to pray; I cannot

bend my life to the grand end of doing good; I go on constantly

seeking my own pleasure, pursuing the gratification of my own desires.

I forget God, and will not God forget me? And, meantime, I know the

greatness of Jehovah; I acknowledge the perfection of His word; I

adore the purity of the Christian faith; my theory is right, my

practice horribly wrong."

The Christmas holidays came, and she and Anne returned to the parsonage,

and to that happy home circle in which alone their natures expanded;

amongst all other people they shrivelled up more or less. Indeed, there

were only one or two strangers who could be admitted among the sisters

without producing the same result. Emily and Anne were bound up in their

lives and interests like twins. The former from reserve, the latter from

timidity, avoided all friendships and intimacies beyond their family.

Emily was impervious to influence; she never came in contact with public

opinion, and her own decision of what was right and fitting was a law for

her conduct and appearance, with which she allowed no one to interfere.

Her love was poured out on Anne, as Charlotte's was on her. But the

affection among all the three was stronger than either death or life.

"E." was eagerly welcomed by Charlotte, freely admitted by Emily, and

kindly received by Anne, whenever she could visit them; and this

Christmas she had promised to do so, but her coming had to be delayed on

account of a little domestic accident detailed in the following letter:--

"Dec. 29, 1837.

"I am sure you will have thought me very remiss in not sending my

promised letter long before now; but I have a sufficient and very

melancholy excuse in an accident that befell our old faithful Tabby, a

few days after my return home. She was gone out into the village on

some errand, when, as she was descending the steep street, her foot

slipped on the ice, and she fell; it was dark, and no one saw her

mischance, till after a time her groans attracted the attention of a

passer-by. She was lifted up and carried into the druggist's near;

and, after the examination, it was discovered that she had completely

shattered and dislocated one leg. Unfortunately, the fracture could

not be set till six o'clock the next morning, as no surgeon was to be

had before that time, and she now lies at our house in a very doubtful

and dangerous state. Of course we are all exceedingly distressed at

the circumstance, for she was like one of our own family. Since the

event we have been almost without assistance--a person has dropped in

now and then to do the drudgery, but we have as yet been able to

procure no regular servant; and consequently, the whole work of the

house, as well as the additional duty of nursing Tabby, falls on

ourselves. Under these circumstances I dare not press your visit

here, at least until she is pronounced out of danger; it would be too

selfish of me. Aunt wished me to give you this information before,

but papa and all the rest were anxious I should delay until we saw

whether matters took a more settled aspect, and I myself kept putting

it off from day to day, most bitterly reluctant to give up all the

pleasure I had anticipated so long. However, remembering what you

told me, namely, that you had commended the matter to a higher

decision than ours, and that you were resolved to submit with

resignation to that decision, whatever it might be, I hold it my duty

to yield also, and to be silent; it may be all for the best. I fear,

if you had been here during this severe weather, your visit would have

been of no advantage to you, for the moors are blockaded with snow,

and you would never have been able to get out. After this

disappointment, I never dare reckon with certainty on the enjoyment of

a pleasure again; it seems as if some fatality stood between you and

me. I am not good enough for you, and you must be kept from the

contamination of too intimate society. I would urge your visit yet--I

would entreat and press it--but the thought comes across me, should

Tabby die while you are in the house, I should never forgive myself.

No! it must not be, and in a thousand ways the consciousness of that

mortifies and disappoints me most keenly, and I am not the only one

who is disappointed. All in the house were looking to your visit with

eagerness. Papa says he highly approves of my friendship with you,

and he wishes me to continue it through life."

A good neighbour of the Brontes--a clever, intelligent Yorkshire woman,

who keeps a druggist's shop in Haworth, and from her occupation, her

experience, and excellent sense, holds the position of village doctress

and nurse, and, as such, has been a friend, in many a time of trial, and

sickness, and death, in the households round--told me a characteristic

little incident connected with Tabby's fractured leg. Mr. Bronte is

truly generous and regardful of all deserving claims. Tabby had lived

with them for ten or twelve years, and was, as Charlotte expressed it,

"one of the family." But on the other hand, she was past the age for any

very active service, being nearer seventy than sixty at the time of the

accident; she had a sister living in the village; and the savings she had

accumulated, during many years' service, formed a competency for one in

her rank of life. Or if, in this time of sickness, she fell short of any

comforts which her state rendered necessary, the parsonage could supply

them. So reasoned Miss Branwell, the prudent, not to say anxious aunt;

looking to the limited contents of Mr. Bronte's purse, and the unprovided-

for-future of her nieces; who were, moreover, losing the relaxation of

the holidays, in close attendance upon Tabby.

Miss Branwell urged her views upon Mr. Bronte as soon as the immediate

danger to the old servant's life was over. He refused at first to listen

to the careful advice; it was repugnant to his liberal nature. But Miss

Branwell persevered; urged economical motives; pressed on his love for

his daughters. He gave way. Tabby was to be removed to her sister's,

and there nursed and cared for, Mr. Bronte coming in with his aid when

her own resources fell short. This decision was communicated to the

girls. There were symptoms of a quiet, but sturdy rebellion, that winter

afternoon, in the small precincts of Haworth parsonage. They made one

unanimous and stiff remonstrance. Tabby had tended them in their

childhood; they, and none other, should tend her in her infirmity and

age. At tea-time, they were sad and silent, and the meal went away

untouched by any of the three. So it was at breakfast; they did not

waste many words on the subject, but each word they did utter was

weighty. They "struck" eating till the resolution was rescinded, and

Tabby was allowed to remain a helpless invalid entirely dependent upon

them. Herein was the strong feeling of Duty being paramount to pleasure,

which lay at the foundation of Charlotte's character, made most apparent;

for we have seen how she yearned for her friend's company; but it was to

be obtained only by shrinking from what she esteemed right, and that she

never did, whatever might be the sacrifice.

She had another weight on her mind this Christmas. I have said that the

air of Dewsbury Moor did not agree with her, though she herself was

hardly aware how much her life there was affecting her health. But Anne

had begun to suffer just before the holidays, and Charlotte watched over

her younger sisters with the jealous vigilance of some wild creature,

that changes her very nature if danger threatens her young. Anne had a

slight cough, a pain at her side, a difficulty of breathing. Miss W---

considered it as little more than a common cold; but Charlotte felt every

indication of incipient consumption as a stab at her heart, remembering

Maria and Elizabeth, whose places once knew them, and should know them no

more.

Stung by anxiety for this little sister, she upbraided Miss W--- for her

fancied indifference to Anne's state of health. Miss W--- felt these

reproaches keenly, and wrote to Mr. Bronte about them. He immediately

replied most kindly, expressing his fear that Charlotte's apprehensions

and anxieties respecting her sister had led her to give utterance to over-

excited expressions of alarm. Through Miss W---'s kind consideration,

Anne was a year longer at school than her friends intended. At the close

of the half-year Miss W--- sought for the opportunity of an explanation

of each other's words, and the issue proved that "the falling out of

faithful friends, renewing is of love." And so ended the first, last,

and only difference Charlotte ever had with good, kind Miss W ---.

Still her heart had received a shock in the perception of Anne's

delicacy; and all these holidays she watched over her with the longing,

fond anxiety, which is so full of sudden pangs of fear.

Emily had given up her situation in the Halifax school, at the expiration

of six months of arduous trial, on account of her health, which could

only be re-established by the bracing moorland air and free life of home.

Tabby's illness had preyed on the family resources. I doubt whether

Branwell was maintaining himself at this time. For some unexplained

reason, he had given up the idea of becoming a student of painting at the

Royal Academy, and his prospects in life were uncertain, and had yet to

be settled. So Charlotte had quietly to take up her burden of teaching

again, and return to her previous monotonous life.

Brave heart, ready to die in harness! She went back to her work, and

made no complaint, hoping to subdue the weakness that was gaining ground

upon her. About this time, she would turn sick and trembling at any

sudden noise, and could hardly repress her screams when startled. This

showed a fearful degree of physical weakness in one who was generally so

self-controlled; and the medical man, whom at length, through Miss W---'s

entreaty, she was led to consult, insisted on her return to the

parsonage. She had led too sedentary a life, he said; and the soft

summer air, blowing round her home, the sweet company of those she loved,

the release, the freedom of life in her own family, were needed, to save

either reason or life. So, as One higher than she had over-ruled that

for a time she might relax her strain, she returned to Haworth; and after

a season of utter quiet, her father sought for her the enlivening society

of her two friends, Mary and Martha T. At the conclusion of the

following letter, written to the then absent E., there is, I think, as

pretty a glimpse of a merry group of young people as need be; and like

all descriptions of doing, as distinct from thinking or feeling, in

letters, it saddens one in proportion to the vivacity of the picture of

what was once, and is now utterly swept away.

"Haworth, June 9, 1838.

"I received your packet of despatches on Wednesday; it was brought me

by Mary and Martha, who have been staying at Haworth for a few days;

they leave us to-day. You will be surprised at the date of this

letter. I ought to be at Dewsbury Moor, you know; but I stayed as

long as I was able, and at length I neither could nor dared stay any

longer. My health and spirits had utterly failed me, and the medical

man whom I consulted enjoined me, as I valued my life, to go home. So

home I went, and the change has at once roused and soothed me; and I

am now, I trust, fairly in the way to be myself again.

"A calm and even mind like yours cannot conceive the feelings of the

shattered wretch who is now writing to you, when, after weeks of

mental and bodily anguish not to be described, something like peace

began to dawn again. Mary is far from well. She breathes short, has

a pain in her chest, and frequent flushings of fever. I cannot tell

you what agony these symptoms give me; they remind me too strongly of

my two sisters, whom no power of medicine could save. Martha is now

very well; she has kept in a continual flow of good humour during her

stay here, and has consequently been very fascinating . . . "

"They are making such a noise about me I cannot write any more. Mary

is playing on the piano; Martha is chattering as fast as her little

tongue can run; and Branwell is standing before her, laughing at her

vivacity."

Charlotte grew much stronger in this quiet, happy period at home. She

paid occasional visits to her two great friends, and they in return came

to Haworth. At one of their houses, I suspect, she met with the person

to whom the following letter refers--some one having a slight resemblance

to the character of "St. John," in the last volume of "Jane Eyre," and,

like him, in holy orders.

"March 12, 1839.

. . . "I had a kindly leaning towards him, because he is an amiable

and well-disposed man. Yet I had not, and could not have, that

intense attachment which would make me willing to die for him; and if

ever I marry, it must be in that light of adoration that I will regard

my husband. Ten to one I shall never have the chance again; but

_n'importe_. Moreover, I was aware that he knew so little of me he

could hardly be conscious to whom he was writing. Why! it would

startle him to see me in my natural home character; he would think I

was a wild, romantic enthusiast indeed. I could not sit all day long

making a grave face before my husband. I would laugh, and satirize,

and say whatever came into my head first. And if he were a clever

man, and loved me, the whole world, weighed in the balance against his

smallest wish, should be light as air."

So that--her first proposal of marriage--was quietly declined and put on

one side. Matrimony did not enter into the scheme of her life, but good,

sound, earnest labour did; the question, however, was as yet undecided in

what direction she should employ her forces. She had been discouraged in

literature; her eyes failed her in the minute kind of drawing which she

practised when she wanted to express an idea; teaching seemed to her at

this time, as it does to most women at all times, the only way of earning

an independent livelihood. But neither she nor her sisters were

naturally fond of children. The hieroglyphics of childhood were an

unknown language to them, for they had never been much with those younger

than themselves. I am inclined to think, too, that they had not the

happy knack of imparting information, which seems to be a separate gift

from the faculty of acquiring it; a kind of sympathetic tact, which

instinctively perceives the difficulties that impede comprehension in a

child's mind, and that yet are too vague and unformed for it, with its

half-developed powers of expression, to explain by words. Consequently,

teaching very young children was anything but a "delightful task" to the

three Bronte sisters. With older girls, verging on womanhood, they might

have done better, especially if these had any desire for improvement. But

the education which the village clergyman's daughters had received, did

not as yet qualify them to undertake the charge of advanced pupils. They

knew but little French, and were not proficients in music; I doubt

whether Charlotte could play at all. But they were all strong again,

and, at any rate, Charlotte and Anne must put their shoulders to the

wheel. One daughter was needed at home, to stay with Mr. Bronte and Miss

Branwell; to be the young and active member in a household of four,

whereof three--the father, the aunt, and faithful Tabby--were past middle

age. And Emily, who suffered and drooped more than her sisters when away

from Haworth, was the one appointed to remain. Anne was the first to

meet with a situation.

"April 15th, 1839.

"I could not write to you in the week you requested, as about that

time we were very busy in preparing for Anne's departure. Poor child!

she left us last Monday; no one went with her; it was her own wish

that she might be allowed to go alone, as she thought she could manage

better and summon more courage if thrown entirely upon her own

resources. We have had one letter from her since she went. She

expresses herself very well satisfied, and says that Mrs. --- is

extremely kind; the two eldest children alone are under her care, the

rest are confined to the nursery, with which and its occupants she has

nothing to do . . . I hope she'll do. You would be astonished what a

sensible, clever letter she writes; it is only the talking part that I

fear. But I do seriously apprehend that Mrs. --- will sometimes

conclude that she has a natural impediment in her speech. For my own

part, I am as yet 'wanting a situation,' like a housemaid out of

place. By the way, I have lately discovered I have quite a talent for

cleaning, sweeping up hearths, dusting rooms, making beds, &c.; so, if

everything else fails, I can turn my hand to that, if anybody will

give me good wages for little labour. I won't be a cook; I hate

soothing. I won't be a nurserymaid, nor a lady's-maid, far less a

lady's companion, or a mantua-maker, or a straw-bonnet maker, or a

taker-in of plain work. I won't be anything but a housemaid . . .

With regard to my visit to G., I have as yet received no invitation;

but if I should be asked, though I should feel it a great act of self-

denial to refuse, yet I have almost made up my mind to do so, though

the society of the T.'s is one of the most rousing pleasures I have

ever known. Good-bye, my darling E., &c.

"P. S.--Strike out that word 'darling;' it is humbug. Where's the use

of protestations? We've known each other, and liked each other, a

good while; that's enough."

Not many weeks after this was written, Charlotte also became engaged as a

governess. I intend carefully to abstain from introducing the names of

any living people, respecting whom I may have to tell unpleasant truths,

or to quote severe remarks from Miss Bronte's letters; but it is

necessary that the difficulties she had to encounter in her various

phases of life, should be fairly and frankly made known, before the force

"of what was resisted" can be at all understood. I was once speaking to

her about "Agnes Grey"--the novel in which her sister Anne pretty

literally describes her own experience as a governess--and alluding more

particularly to the account of the stoning of the little nestlings in the

presence of the parent birds. She said that none but those who had been

in the position of a governess could ever realise the dark side of

"respectable" human nature; under no great temptation to crime, but daily

giving way to selfishness and ill-temper, till its conduct towards those

dependent on it sometimes amounts to a tyranny of which one would rather

be the victim than the inflicter. We can only trust in such cases that

the employers err rather from a density of perception and an absence of

sympathy, than from any natural cruelty of disposition. Among several

things of the same kind, which I well remember, she told me what had once

occurred to herself. She had been entrusted with the care of a little

boy, three or four years old, during the absence of his parents on a

day's excursion, and particularly enjoined to keep him out of the stable-

yard. His elder brother, a lad of eight or nine, and not a pupil of Miss

Bronte's, tempted the little fellow into the forbidden place. She

followed, and tried to induce him to come away; but, instigated by his

brother, he began throwing stones at her, and one of them hit her so

severe a blow on the temple that the lads were alarmed into obedience.

The next day, in full family conclave, the mother asked Miss Bronte what

occasioned the mark on her forehead. She simply replied, "An accident,

ma'am," and no further inquiry was made; but the children (both brothers

and sisters) had been present, and honoured her for not "telling tales."

From that time, she began to obtain influence over all, more or less,

according to their different characters; and as she insensibly gained

their affection, her own interest in them was increasing. But one day,

at the children's dinner, the small truant of the stable-yard, in a

little demonstrative gush, said, putting his hand in hers, "I love 'ou,

Miss Bronte." Whereupon, the mother exclaimed, before all the children,

"Love the _governess_, my dear!"

"The family into which she first entered was, I believe, that of a

wealthy Yorkshire manufacturer. The following extracts from her

correspondence at this time will show how painfully the restraint of her

new mode of life pressed upon her. The first is from a letter to Emily,

beginning with one of the tender expressions in which, in spite of

'humbug,' she indulged herself. 'Mine dear love,' 'Mine-bonnie love,'

are her terms of address to this beloved sister.

"June 8th, 1839.

"I have striven hard to be pleased with my new situation. The country,

the house and the grounds are, as I have said, divine; but, alack-a-day!

there is such a thing as seeing all beautiful around you--pleasant woods,

white paths, green lawns, and blue sunshiny sky--and not having a free

moment or a free thought left to enjoy them. The children are constantly

with me. As for correcting them, I quickly found that was out of the

question; they are to do as they like. A complaint to the mother only

brings black looks on myself, and unjust, partial excuses to screen the

children. I have tried that plan once, and succeeded so notably, I shall

try no more. I said in my last letter that Mrs. --- did not know me. I

now begin to find she does not intend to know me; that she cares nothing

about me, except to contrive how the greatest possible quantity of labour

may be got out of me; and to that end she overwhelms me with oceans of

needle-work; yards of cambric to hem, muslin nightcaps to make, and,

above all things, dolls to dress. I do not think she likes me at all,

because I can't help being shy in such an entirely novel scene,

surrounded as I have hitherto been by strange and constantly changing

faces . . . I used to think I should like to be in the stir of grand

folks' society; but I have had enough of it--it is dreary work to look on

and listen. I see more clearly than I have ever done before, that a

private governess has no existence, is not considered as a living

rational being, except as connected with the wearisome duties she has to

fulfil . . . One of the pleasantest afternoons I have spent here--indeed,

the only one at all pleasant--was when Mr. --- walked out with his

children, and I had orders to follow a little behind. As he strolled on

through his fields, with his magnificent Newfoundland dog at his side, he

looked very like what a frank, wealthy, Conservative gentleman ought to

be. He spoke freely and unaffectedly to the people he met, and, though

he indulged his children and allowed them to tease himself far too much,

he would not suffer them grossly to insult others."

(WRITTEN IN PENCIL TO A FRIEND.)

"July, 1839.

"I cannot procure ink, without going into the drawing-room, where I do

not wish to go . . . I should have written to you long since, and told

you every detail of the utterly new scene into which I have lately been

cast, had I not been daily expecting a letter from yourself, and

wondering and lamenting that you did not write; for you will remember it

was your turn. I must not bother you too much with my sorrows, of which,

I fear, you have heard an exaggerated account. If you were near me,

perhaps I might be tempted to tell you all, to grow egotistical, and pour

out the long history of a private governess's trials and crosses in her

first situation. As it is, I will only ask you to imagine the miseries

of a reserved wretch like me, thrown at once into the midst of a large

family, at a time when they were particularly gay--when the house was

filled with company--all strangers--people whose faces I had never seen

before. In this state I had charge given me of a set of pampered,

spoilt, turbulent children, whom I was expected constantly to amuse, as

well as to instruct. I soon found that the constant demand on my stock

of animal spirits reduced them to the lowest state of exhaustion; at

times I felt--and, I suppose, seemed--depressed. To my astonishment, I

was taken to task on the subject by Mrs. --- with a sternness of manner

and a harshness of language scarcely credible; like a fool, I cried most

bitterly. I could not help it; my spirits quite failed me at first. I

thought I had done my best--strained every nerve to please her; and to be

treated in that way, merely because I was shy and sometimes melancholy,

was too bad. At first I was for giving all up and going home. But,

after a little reflection, I determined to summon what energy I had, and

to weather the storm. I said to myself, 'I have never yet quitted a

place without gaining a friend; adversity is a good school; the poor are

born to labour, and the dependent to endure.' I resolved to be patient,

to command my feelings, and to take what came; the ordeal, I reflected,

would not last many weeks, and I trusted it would do me good. I

recollected the fable of the willow and the oak; I bent quietly, and now,

I trust, the storm is blowing over me. Mrs. --- is generally considered

an agreeable woman; so she is, I doubt not, in general society. She

behaves somewhat more civilly to me now than she did at first, and the

children are a little more manageable; but she does not know my

character, and she does not wish to know it. I have never had five

minutes' conversation with her since I came, except while she was

scolding me. I have no wish to be pitied, except by yourself; if I were

talking to you I could tell you much more."

(TO EMILY, ABOUT THIS TIME.)

"Mine bonnie love, I was as glad of your letter as tongue can express: it

is a real, genuine pleasure to hear from home; a thing to be saved till

bedtime, when one has a moment's quiet and rest to enjoy it thoroughly.

Write whenever you can. I could like to be at home. I could like to

work in a mill. I could like to feel some mental liberty. I could like

this weight of restraint to be taken off. But the holidays will come.

Coraggio."

Her temporary engagement in this uncongenial family ended in the July of

this year; not before the constant strain upon her spirits and strength

had again affected her health; but when this delicacy became apparent in

palpitations and shortness of breathing, it was treated as affectation--as

a phase of imaginary indisposition, which could be dissipated by a good

scolding. She had been brought up rather in a school of Spartan

endurance than in one of maudlin self-indulgence, and could bear many a

pain and relinquish many a hope in silence.

After she had been at home about a week, her friend proposed that she

should accompany her in some little excursion, having pleasure alone for

its object. She caught at the idea most eagerly at first; but her hope

stood still, waned, and had almost disappeared before, after many delays,

it was realised. In its fulfilment at last, it was a favourable specimen

of many a similar air-bubble dancing before her eyes in her brief career,

in which stern realities, rather than pleasures, formed the leading

incidents.

"July 26th, 1839.

"Your proposal has almost driven me 'clean daft'--if you don't

understand that ladylike expression, you must ask me what it means

when I see you. The fact is, an excursion with you anywhere,--whether

to Cleathorpe or Canada,--just by ourselves, would be to me most

delightful. I should, indeed, like to go; but I can't get leave of

absence for longer than a week, and I'm afraid that would not suit

you--must I then give it up entirely? I feel as if I _could not_; I

never had such a chance of enjoyment before; I do want to see you and

talk to you, and be with you. When do you wish to go? Could I meet

you at Leeds? To take a gig from Haworth to B., would be to me a very

serious increase of expense, and I happen to be very low in cash. Oh!

rich people seem to have many pleasures at their command which we are

debarred from! However, no repining.

"Say when you go, and I shall be able in my answer to say decidedly

whether I can accompany you or not. I must--I will--I'm set upon

it--I'll be obstinate and bear down all opposition.

"P.S.--Since writing the above, I find that aunt and papa have

determined to go to Liverpool for a fortnight, and take us all with

them. It is stipulated, however, that I should give up the Cleathorpe

scheme. I yield reluctantly."

I fancy that, about this time, Mr. Bronte found it necessary, either from

failing health or the increased populousness of the parish, to engage the

assistance of a curate. At least, it is in a letter written this summer

that I find mention of the first of a succession of curates, who

henceforward revolved round Haworth Parsonage, and made an impression on

the mind of one of its inmates which she has conveyed pretty distinctly

to the world. The Haworth curate brought his clerical friends and

neighbours about the place, and for a time the incursions of these, near

the parsonage tea-time, formed occurrences by which the quietness of the

life there was varied, sometimes pleasantly, sometimes disagreeably. The

little adventure recorded at the end of the following letter is uncommon

in the lot of most women, and is a testimony in this case to the unusual

power of attraction--though so plain in feature--which Charlotte

possessed, when she let herself go in the happiness and freedom of home.

"August 4th, 1839.

"The Liverpool journey is yet a matter of talk, a sort of castle in

the air; but, between you and me, I fancy it is very doubtful whether

it will ever assume a more solid shape. Aunt--like many other elderly

people--likes to talk of such things; but when it comes to putting

them into actual execution, she rather falls off. Such being the

case, I think you and I had better adhere to our first plan of going

somewhere together independently of other people. I have got leave to

accompany you for a week--at the utmost a fortnight--but no more.

Where do you wish to go? Burlington, I should think, from what M.

says, would be as eligible a place as any. When do you set off?

Arrange all these things according to your convenience; I shall start

no objections. The idea of seeing the sea--of being near it--watching

its changes by sunrise, sunset, moonlight, and noon-day--in calm,

perhaps in storm--fills and satisfies my mind. I shall be

discontented at nothing. And then I am not to be with a set of people

with whom I have nothing in common--who would be nuisances and bores:

but with you, whom I like and know, and who knows me.

"I have an odd circumstance to relate to you: prepare for a hearty

laugh! The other day, Mr. ---, a vicar, came to spend the day with

us, bringing with him his own curate. The latter gentleman, by name

Mr. B., is a young Irish clergyman, fresh from Dublin University. It

was the first time we had any of us seen him, but, however, after the

manner of his countrymen, he soon made himself at home. His character

quickly appeared in his conversation; witty, lively, ardent, clever

too; but deficient in the dignity and discretion of an Englishman. At

home, you know, I talk with ease, and am never shy--never weighed down

and oppressed by that miserable _mauvaise honte_ which torments and

constrains me elsewhere. So I conversed with this Irishman, and

laughed at his jests; and, though I saw faults in his character,

excused them because of the amusement his originality afforded. I

cooled a little, indeed, and drew in towards the latter part of the

evening, because he began to season his conversation with something of

Hibernian flattery, which I did not quite relish. However, they went

away, and no more was thought about them. A few days after, I got a

letter, the direction of which puzzled me, it being in a hand I was

not accustomed to see. Evidently, it was neither from you nor Mary,

my only correspondents. Having opened and read it, it proved to be a

declaration of attachment and proposal of matrimony, expressed in the

ardent language of the sapient young Irishman! I hope you are

laughing heartily. This is not like one of my adventures, is it? It

more nearly resembles Martha's. I am certainly doomed to be an old

maid. Never mind. I made up my mind to that fate ever since I was

twelve years old.

"Well! thought I, I have heard of love at first sight, but this beats

all! I leave you to guess what my answer would be, convinced that you

will not do me the injustice of guessing wrong."

On the 14th of August she still writes from Haworth:--

"I have in vain packed my box, and prepared everything for our

anticipated journey. It so happens that I can get no conveyance this

week or the next. The only gig let out to hire in Haworth, is at

Harrowgate, and likely to remain there, for aught I can hear. Papa

decidedly objects to my going by the coach, and walking to B., though

I am sure I could manage it. Aunt exclaims against the weather, and

the roads, and the four winds of heaven, so I am in a fix, and, what

is worse, so are you. On reading over, for the second or third time,

your last letter (which, by the by, was written in such hieroglyphics

that, at the first hasty perusal, I could hardly make out two

consecutive words), I find you intimate that if I leave this journey

till Thursday I shall be too late. I grieve that I should have so

inconvenienced you; but I need not talk of either Friday or Saturday

now, for I rather imagine there is small chance of my ever going at

all. The elders of the house have never cordially acquiesced in the

measure; and now that impediments seem to start up at every step,

opposition grows more open. Papa, indeed, would willingly indulge me,

but this very kindness of his makes me doubt whether I ought to draw

upon it; so, though I could battle out aunt's discontent, I yield to

papa's indulgence. He does not say so, but I know he would rather I

stayed at home; and aunt meant well too, I dare say, but I am provoked

that she reserved the expression of her decided disapproval till all

was settled between you and myself. Reckon on me no more; leave me

out in your calculations: perhaps I ought, in the beginning, to have

had prudence sufficient to shut my eyes against such a prospect of

pleasure, so as to deny myself the hope of it. Be as angry as you

please with me for disappointing you. I did not intend it, and have

only one thing more to say--if you do not go immediately to the sea,

will you come to see us at Haworth? This invitation is not mine only,

but papa's and aunt's."

However, a little more patience, a little more delay, and she enjoyed the

pleasure she had wished for so much. She and her friend went to Easton

for a fortnight in the latter part of September. It was here she

received her first impressions of the sea.

"Oct. 24th.

"Have you forgotten the sea by this time, E.? Is it grown dim in your

mind? Or can you still see it, dark, blue, and green, and foam-white,

and hear it roaring roughly when the wind is high, or rushing softly

when it is calm? . . . I am as well as need be, and very fat. I think

of Easton very often, and of worthy Mr. H., and his kind-hearted

helpmate, and of our pleasant walks to H--- Wood, and to Boynton, our

merry evenings, our romps with little Hancheon, &c., &c. If we both

live, this period of our lives will long be a theme for pleasant

recollection. Did you chance, in your letter to Mr. H., to mention my

spectacles? I am sadly inconvenienced by the want of them. I can

neither read, write, nor draw with comfort in their absence. I hope

Madame won't refuse to give them up . . . Excuse the brevity of this

letter, for I have been drawing all day, and my eyes are so tired it

is quite a labour to write."

But, as the vivid remembrance of this pleasure died away, an accident

occurred to make the actual duties of life press somewhat heavily for a

time.

"December 21st, 1839

"We are at present, and have been during the last month, rather busy,

as, for that space of time, we have been without a servant, except a

little girl to run errands. Poor Tabby became so lame that she was at

length obliged to leave us. She is residing with her sister, in a

little house of her own, which she bought with her savings a year or

two since. She is very comfortable, and wants nothing; as she is

near, we see her very often. In the meantime, Emily and I are

sufficiently busy, as you may suppose: I manage the ironing, and keep

the rooms clean; Emily does the baking, and attends to the kitchen. We

are such odd animals, that we prefer this mode of contrivance to

having a new face amongst us. Besides, we do not despair of Tabby's

return, and she shall not be supplanted by a stranger in her absence.

I excited aunt's wrath very much by burning the clothes, the first

time I attempted to iron; but I do better now. Human feelings are

queer things; I am much happier black-leading the stoves, making the

beds, and sweeping the floors at home, than I should be living like a

fine lady anywhere else. I must indeed drop my subscription to the

Jews, because I have no money to keep it up. I ought to have

announced this intention to you before, but I quite forgot I was a

subscriber. I intend to force myself to take another situation when I

can get one, though I _hate_ and _abhor_ the very thoughts of

governess-ship. But I must do it; and, therefore, I heartily wish I

could hear of a family where they need such a commodity as a

governess."