His next letter is dated from Niagara, and I know every one will relish
his allusion to oysters with wet feet, and his reference to the
squeezing of a Quaker.
Clifton House, Niagara Falls, 29th April, 1842.
My Dear Felton: Before I go any farther, let me explain to you what
these great enclosures portend, lest--supposing them part and parcel
of my letter, and asking to be read--you shall fall into fits, from
which recovery might be doubtful.
They are, as you will see, four copies of the same thing. The nature
of the document you will discover at a glance. As I hoped and
believed, the best of the British brotherhood took fire at my being
attacked because I spoke my mind and theirs on the subject of an
international copyright; and with all good speed, and hearty private
letters, transmitted to me this small parcel of gauntlets for
immediate casting down.
Now my first idea was, publicity being the object, to send one copy
to you for a Boston newspaper, another to Bryant for his paper, a
third to the New York Herald (because of its large circulation), and
a fourth to a highly respectable journal at Washington (the property
of a gentleman, and a fine fellow named Seaton, whom I knew there),
which I think is called the Intelligencer. Then the Knickerbocker
stepped into my mind, and then it occurred to me that possibly the
North American Review might be the best organ after all, because
indisputably the most respectable and honorable, and the most
concerned in the rights of literature.
Whether to limit its publication to one journal, or to extend it to
several, is a question so very difficult of decision to a stranger,
that I have finally resolved to send these papers to you, and ask
you (mindful of the conversation we had on this head one day, in
that renowned oyster-cellar) to resolve the point for me. You need
feel no weighty sense of responsibility, my dear Felton, for
whatever you do is _sure_ to please me. If you see Sumner, take him
into our councils. The only two things to be borne in mind are,
first, that if they be published in several quarters, they must be
published in all _simultaneously_; secondly, that I hold them in
trust, to put them before the people.
I fear this is imposing a heavy tax upon your friendship; and I
don't fear it the less, by reason of being well assured that it is
one you will most readily pay. I shall be in Montreal about the 11th
of May. Will you write to me there, to the care of the Earl of
Mulgrave, and tell me what you have done?
So much for that. Bisness first, pleasure artervards, as King
Richard the Third said ven he stabbed the tother king in the Tower,
afore he murdered the babbies.
I have long suspected that oysters have a rheumatic tendency. Their
feet are always wet; and so much damp company in a man's inside
cannot contribute to his peace. But whatever the cause of your
indisposition, we are truly grieved and pained to hear of it, and
should be more so, but that we hope from your account of that
farewell dinner, that you are all right again. I _did_ receive
Longfellow's note. Sumner I have not yet heard from; for which
reason I am constantly bringing telescopes to bear on the ferryboat,
in hopes to see him coming over, accompanied by a modest
portmanteau.
To say anything about this wonderful place would be sheer nonsense.
It far exceeds my most sanguine expectations, though the impression
on my mind has been, from the first, nothing but beauty and peace. I
haven't drunk the water. Bearing in mind your caution, I have
devoted myself to beer, whereof there is an exceedingly pretty fall
in this house.
One of the noble hearts who sat for the Cheeryble brothers is dead.
If I had been in England, I would certainly have gone into mourning
for the loss of such a glorious life. His brother is not expected to
survive him. I am told that it appears from a memorandum found among
the papers of the deceased, that in his lifetime he gave away in
charity £600,000, or three millions of dollars!
What do you say to my _acting_ at the Montreal Theatre? I am an old
hand at such matters, and am going to join the officers of the
garrison in a public representation for the benefit of a local
charity. We shall have a good house, they say. I am going to enact
one Mr. Snobbington in a funny farce called A Good Night's Rest. I
shall want a flaxen wig and eyebrows; and my nightly rest is broken
by visions of there being no such commodities in Canada. I wake in
the dead of night in a cold perspiration, surrounded by imaginary
barbers, all denying the existence or possibility of obtaining such
articles. If ---- had a flaxen head, I would certainly have it
shaved and get a wig and eyebrows out of him, for a small pecuniary
compensation.
By the by, if you could only have seen the man at Harrisburg,
crushing a friendly Quaker in the parlor door! It was the greatest
sight I ever saw. I had told him not to admit anybody whatever,
forgetting that I had previously given this honest Quaker a special
invitation to come. The Quaker would not be denied, and H. was
stanch. When I came upon them, the Quaker was black in the face, and
H. was administering the final squeeze. The Quaker was still rubbing
his waistcoat with an expression of acute inward suffering, when I
left the town. I have been looking for his death in the newspapers
almost daily.
Do you know one General G.? He is a weazen-faced warrior, and in his
dotage. I had him for a fellow-passenger on board a steamboat. I had
also a statistical colonel with me, outside the coach from
Cincinnati to Columbus. A New England poet buzzed about me on the
Ohio, like a gigantic bee. A mesmeric doctor, of an impossibly great
age, gave me pamphlets at Louisville. I have suffered much, very
much.
If I could get beyond New York to see anybody, it would be (as you
know) to see _you_. But I do not expect to reach the "Carlton" until
the last day of May, and then we are going with the Coldens
somewhere on the banks of the North River for a couple of days. So
you see we shall not have much leisure for our voyaging
preparations.
You and Dr. Howe (to whom my love) MUST come to New York. On the 6th
of June, you must engage yourselves to dine with us at the
"Carlton"; and if we don't make a merry evening of it, the fault
shall not be in us.
Mrs. Dickens unites with me in best regards to Mrs. Felton and your
little daughter, and I am always, my dear Felton,
Affectionately your friend,