As I look up, I see my triptych opened again and all the thousands of
little pictures seem to be transformed. Each one is speaking to me of
God's goodness and tenderness and love. How good it is to turn away from
my own misery to His infinite mercy; yea, more--to recognize that the
one is the cause of the other! And this is what He wants. If the sight
of self does not lead me instinctively to look at Christ, it is a very
dangerous thing, for it can only lead to despondency and discouragement.
The object of looking at self and its deeds is so to look that
everything good or evil may shrivel up and disappear, till self is there
no longer, but Christ only and all _He_ has done either for or through
me. As I gaze now at the picture, I no longer see the places on earth
which have known me for short periods of time, but my place in Heaven
which by His mercy, if I persevere to the end, is to know me through all
eternity; not my dear ones as I saw them on earth, but as they are now
in my heavenly country waiting for me; not my innumerable sins of
omission, nor my "good works" done to please self, but the work of Him
who always pleased His Father, work which has made up for all my
omissions, and which shines through every thing that I have done for
Him, making it, too, acceptable to His Father. It seems to me now that I
want to linger over the picture, for His mercies are indeed infinite,
and I shall never be able to thank Him enough for them.
But does He, the God of infinite mercy and plenteous redemption, never
look at my pictures? He says: "I will forgive their iniquity, and I will
remember their sin no more" (Jer. XXXI. 34); and it is true. He will
never open my triptych for the sake of looking at my sins, but may He
not open it for the joy of seeing each of those thousands of pictures
shining with pearls--the tears of contrition? Do not let me disappoint
Him. This is the chalice of consolation which I can offer to the Sacred
Heart in reparation.
_Colloquy_ with JESUS thanking Him for making me look at my triptych and
for all that He has taught me in it.
_Resolution._ Never to look at my sins without at once seeing
_Christ_--a sight which will necessarily produce humility, gratitude and
contrition.
_Spiritual Bouquet._ "My sin is always before me" but "Thou shalt give
joy and gladness.... and my mouth shall declare Thy praise" (Ps. L. 5,
10, 17).