CVI. TO GUSTAVE FLAUBERT, at Croissset
Nohant, 24 February, 1869
I am all alone at Nohant as you are all alone at Croisset. Maurice
and Lina have gone to Milan, to see Calamatta who is dangerously
ill. Should they have the misfortune to lose him, they will have to
go to Rome to settle his estate, an irksome task added to a sorrow,
it is always like that. That sudden separation was sad, my poor Lina
weeping at leaving her daughters and weeping at not being with her
father. They left me the care of the children whom I rarely leave
and who only let me work when they sleep; but I am happier at having
this care on my shoulders to console me. I have, every day, in two
hours news from Milan by telegram. The patient is better; my
children are only as far as Turin today and do not know yet what I
know. How this telegraph changes one's idea of life, and when the
formalities and formulas are still more simplified, how full
existence will be of facts and how free from uncertainties.
Aurore, who lives on adorations in the lap of her father and mother
and who weeps every day when I am away, has not asked a single time
where they are. She plays and laughs, then she stops; her great eyes
stare, she says: MY FATHER? another time she says: MAMMA? I distract
her, she thinks no more of it, and then she begins again. They are
very mysterious, children! They think without understanding. Only
one sad word is needed to bring out their sorrow. She carries it
unconsciously. She looks in my eyes to see if I am sad or anxious; I
laugh and she laughs, I think that we must keep her sensitiveness
asleep as long as possible, and that she never would weep for me if
they did not speak of me.
What is your advice, you who have brought up an intelligent and
charming niece? Is it wise to make them loving and affectionate
early? I thought so formerly: I was afraid when I saw Maurice too
impressionable and Solange too much the opposite, and resisting
affection. I would like little ones to be shown only the sweet and
the good of life, until the time when reason can help them to accept
or to fight the bad. What do you say?
I embrace you and ask you to tell me when you are going to Paris, my
trip is delayed as my children may be absent a month; I shall be
able, perhaps, to meet you in Paris.
Your old solitary,