beastly generation are scarse comparable to these prating Pallyardes.
All for _th_e most parte of these wil either lay to their legs an herb
called Sperewort, eyther Arsnicke, which is called Ratesbane. The nature
of this Spereworte wyll rayse a great blister in a night vpon the
soundest part of his body; and if the same be taken away, it wyl dry vp
againe and no harme. But this Arsnicke will so poyson the same legge or
sore, that it will euer after be incurable: this do they for gaine and
to be pitied. The most of these that walke about be Walchmen.
[Header: HARMAN. A FRATER.]
[P] A FRATER. Cap. 8.
SOme of these Fraters will cary blacke boxes at their gyrdel, wher in
they haue a briefe of the Queenes maiesties letters patentes, geuen to
suche[83] poore spitlehouse for the reliefe of _th_e poore there, whiche
briefe is a coppie of the letters patentes, _and_ vtterly fained, if it
be in paper or in[84] parchment without the great seale. Also, if the
same brief be in printe,[85] it is also of auctoritie. For the Printers
wil see _and_ wel vndersta_n_d, before it come in presse, that the same
is lawfull. Also, I am credibly informed that the chiefe Proctors of
manye of these houses, that seldome trauel abroad the_m_ selues, but
haue their factors to gather for the_m_, which looke very slenderly to
the impotent and miserable creatures committed to their charge, _and_
die for want of cherishing; wheras they _and_ their wiues are wel
cra_m_med _and_ clothed, _and_ will haue of the best. And the founders
of euery such house, or the chiefe of the parishe wher they be, woulde
better see vnto these Proctors, that they might do their duty, they
should be wel spoken of here, and in the world to come abou_n_dantly
therefore rewarded. I had of late an honest man, and of good wealthe,
repayred to my house to common wyth me aboute certeyne affaires. I
inuited the same to dinner, and dinner beinge done, I demaunded of hym
some newes of these[86] parties were hee dwelte. "Thankes be to God,
syr," (saith he); "all is well _and_ good now." "Now!" (quoth I) "this
same 'nowe' *[leaf 13]* declareth _tha_t some things of late hath not
bene wel." "Yes, syr," (q_uoth_ he) "the[87] matter is not great. I had
thought I should haue bene wel beaten within this seuenth night." "How
so?" (quoth I). "Mary, syr," sayd he, "I am Counstable for fault of a
better, and was commaunded by the Iusticer to watch. The watch being
set, I toke an honest man, one of my neighbors, with me, and went vp to
the ende of the towne as far as the spittle house, at which house I
heard a great noyse, and, drawing nere, stode close vnder the wall, and
this was at one of the clocke after midnight. Where he harde swearinge,
pratinge, and wagers laying, and the pot apase walkinge, and xl. pence
gaged vpon a matche of wrastling, pitching of the barre, and casting of
the sledge. And out they goe, in a fustian fume, into the backe syde,
where was a great Axiltrye,[88] and there fell to pitching of the barre,
being thre to thre. The Moone dyd shine bright, the Counstable with his
neighboure myght see and beholde all that was done. And howe the wyfe of
the house was rostinge of a Pyg, whyle her gestes were in their matche.
At the laste they coulde not agree vpon a caste, and fell at wordes, and
from wordes to blowes. The Counstable with his[89] fellowe runnes vnto
them, to parte them, and in the partinge lyckes a drye blowe or two.
Then the noyse increased; the Counstable woulde haue had them to[90] the
stockes. The wyfe of the house runnes out with her goodman to intreat
the Counstable for her gestes, and leaues the Pyg at the fyre alone. In
commeth two or three of the next neighboures, beinge waked wyth this
noise, and into the house they come, and fynde none therein, but the
Pygge well rosted, and carieth the same awaye wyth them, spyte and all,
with suche breade and drinke also as stoode vpon the table. When the
goodman and the goodwyfe of the house hadde intreated and pacified the
Counstable, shewinge vnto him that they were Proctors and Factores all
of Spyttell houses, and that they taryed there but to breake theyr fast,
and woulde ryde awaye immediatelye after, for they had farre to goe, and
therefore mente to ryde so earlye. And comminge into their house agayne,
fyndinge the Pygge wyth bread and drincke all gonne, made a greate
exclamation, for they knewe not who had the same.
[P] The Counstable returning and hearinge the lamentable wordes of the
good wyfe, howe she had lost both meate and drinke, and sawe it was so
in deede, hee laughed in his sleue, and commaunded her to dresse no more
at vnlawfull houres for any gestes. For hee thought it better bestowed
vppon those smell feastes his poore neighboures then vppon suche
sturdye Lubbares. The nexte mornynge betymes the *[leaf 13, back]*
spitte and pottes were sette at the Spittle house doore for the owner.
Thus were these Factours begyled of theyr breakefast, and one of them
hadde well beaten an other; "And, by my trouth," (quoth thys Counstable)
"I was gladde when I was well ryd of them." "Why," quoth I, "coulde
the[y] caste the barre and sledge well?" "I wyll tell you, syr," (quoth
hee) "you knowe there hath bene manye games this Sommer. I thinke
verely, that if some of these Lubbars had bene there, and practysed
amongest others, I beleue they woulde haue carryed awaye the beste
games. For they were so stronge and sturdye, that I was not able to
stande in their handes." "Well" (quoth I) "at these games you speake of,
both legges and armes bee tryed." "Yea," quoth this offycer, "they bee
wycked men. I haue seene some of them sithens wyth cloutes bounde aboute
theyr legges, and haltynge wyth their staffe in their handes. Wherefore
some of theym, by GOD, bee nought all."
[Header: HARMAN. A ABRAHAM MAN.]
[P] A ABRAHAM MAN. Cap. 9.
THese Abrahom men be those that fayne themselues to haue beene mad, and
haue bene kept eyther in Bethelem or in some other pryson a good tyme,
_and_ not one amongst twenty that euer came in pryson for any such
cause: yet wyll they saye howe pitiously and most extreamely they haue
bene beaten, and dealt with all. Some of these be merye and verye
pleasant, they wyll daunce and sing; some others be as colde and
reasonable to talke wyth all. These begge money; eyther when they come
at Farmours howses they wyll demaunde Baken, eyther cheese, or wooll, or
any thinge that is worthe money. And if they espye small company within,
they wyll with fierce countenau_n_ce demau_n_d some what. Where for
feare the maydes wyll geue theym largely to be ryd of theym.
{[P] If they maye conuenyently come by any cheate, they wyl
{picke and steale, as the v[p]right man or Roge, poultrey or
lynnen. And all wemen that wander bee at their commaundemente. Of all
that euer I saw of this kynde, one naminge him selfe Stradlynge is the
craftiest and moste dyssemblyngest Knaue. Hee is able wyth hys tounge
and vsage to deceaue and abuse the wysest man that is. And surely for
the proporcion of his body, with euery member there vnto appertayninge,
it cannot be a mended. But as the prouerbe is "God hath done his part."
Thys Stradlyng sayth he was the Lord Sturtons man; and when he was
executed, for very pensiuenes of mynde, *[leaf 14]* he fell out of his
wytte, and so continued a yeare after and more; and that with the very
greefe and feare, he was taken wyth a marueilous palsey, that both head
and handes wyll shake when he talketh, with anye and that a pase or
fast, where by he is much pytied, and getteth greately. And if I had not
demaunded of others, bothe men and women, that commonly walketh as he
doth, and knowen by them his deepe dissimylation, I neuer hadde
vnderstand the same. And thus I end wyth these kynde of vacabondes.
[Header: HARMAN. A WHIPIACKE.]
[P] A FRESHE WATER MARINER OR WHIPIACKE. Cap. 10.
THese Freshwater Mariners, their shipes were drowned in the playne of
Salisbery. These kynde of Caterpillers counterfet great losses on the
sea; these bee some Western men, and most bee Irishe men. These wyll
runne about the countrey wyth a counterfet lycence, fayninge either
shypwracke, or spoyled by Pyrates, neare the coaste of Cornwall or
Deuonshyre, and set a lande at some hauen towne there, hauynge a large
and formall wrytinge, as is aboue sayd, with the names and seales of
suche men of worshyppe, at the leaste foure or fiue, as dwelleth neare
or next to the place where they fayne their landinge. And neare to those
shieres wyll they not begge, vntyll they come into Wylshyre, Hamshyre,
Barkeshyre, Oxfordshyre, Harfordshyre, Middelsex, and so[91] to London,
and downe by the ryuer to seeke for their shyppe and goods that they
neuer hade: then passe they through Surrey, Sossex, by the sea costes,
and so into Kent, demaunding almes to bring them home to their country.
[P] Some tyme they counterfet the seale of the Admiraltie. I haue diuers
tymes taken a waye from them their lycences, of both sortes, wyth suche
money as they haue gathered, and haue confiscated the same to the
pouerty nigh adioyninge to me. And they wyll not beelonge with out
another. For at anye good towne they wyll renewe the same. Once wyth
muche threatninge and faire promises, I required to knowe of one
companye who made their lycence. And they sweare that they bought the
same at Portsmouth, of a Mariner there, and it cost them[92] two
shillinges; with such warrantes to be so good and efectuall, that if any
of the best men of lawe, or learned, aboute London, should peruse the
same, they weare able to fynde no faute there with, but would assuredly
allow the same.
[Header: HARMAN. N. BLUNT, N. GENYNGES.]
*[leaf 14, back]*[93]
[Illustration: =A vpright man=
=Nicolas Blunt=
{=The co[=u]terfet Cranke=
{=Nicolas Genynges=]
These two pyctures, lyuely set out,
One bodye and soule, god send him more grace.
This mounstrous desembelar, a Cranke all about.
Vncomly couetinge, of eche to imbrace,
Money or wares, as he made his race.
And sometyme a marynar, and a saruinge man,
Or els an artificer, as he would fayne than.
Such shyftes he vsed, beinge well tryed,
A bandoninge labour, tyll he was espyed.
Conding punishment, for his dissimulation,
He sewerly receaued with much declination.[94]
[Header: HARMAN. A COUNTERFET CRANKE.]
*[leaf 15]* [P] A COUNTERFET CRANKE. Cap. 11.
THese that do counterfet the Cranke be yong knaues and yonge harlots,
that depely dissemble the falling sicknes. For the Cranke in their
language is the falling euyll. I haue seene some of these with fayre
writinges testimoniall, with the names and seales of some men of worshyp
in Shropshyre, and in other Shieres farre of, that I haue well knowne,
and haue taken the same from them. Many of these do go without
writinges, and wyll go halfe naked, and looke most pitiously. And if any
clothes be geuen them, the[y][95] immediatly sell the same, for weare it
they wyll not, because they would bee the more pitied, and weare fylthy
clothes on their heades, and neuer go without a peece of whyte sope
about them, which, if they see cause or present gaine, they wyll priuely
conuey the same into their mouth, and so worke the same there, that they
wyll fome as it were a Boore, _and_ maruelously for a tyme torment them
selues; and thus deceiue they the common people, and gayne much. These
haue commonly their harlots as the other.
Apon Alhollenday in the morning last Anno domini. 1566, or my[96] booke
was halfe printed, I meane the first impression, there came earely in
the morninge a Counterfet Cranke vnder my lodgynge at the whyte Fryares,
wythin the cloyster, in a lyttle yard or coorte, where aboutes laye two
or thre great Ladyes, beyng without the lyberties of London, where by he
hoped for the greatter gayne; this Cranke there lamentably lamentinge
and pitefully crying to be releued, declared to dyuers their hys
paynfull and miserable dysease. I being rysen and not halfe ready, harde
his dolfull wordes and rufull mornings, hering him name the falling
sicknes, thought assuredlye to my selfe that hee was a depe desemblar;
so, comminge out at a sodayne, and beholdinge his vgly and yrksome
attyre, hys lothsome and horyble countinance, it made me in a meruelous
parplexite what to thinke of hym, whether it were fayned or trouth,--for
after this manner went he: he was naked from the wast vpward, sauyng he
had a old Ierken[97] of leather patched, and that was lose[98] about
hym, that all his bodye laye out bare; a filthy foule cloth he ware on
his head, being cut for the purpose, hauing a narowe place to put out
his face, with a bauer made to trusse vp his beard, and a stryng that
tyed the same downe close aboute his necke; with an olde felt hat which
he styll caried in his hande to receaue the charytye and deuotion of the
people, for that woulde he hold out from hym; hauyng hys face, from the
eyes downe ward, all smerd with freshe bloud, *[leaf 15, back]* as
thoughe he had new falen, and byn tormented wyth his paynefull
panges,--his Ierken beinge all be rayde with durte and myre, and hys
hatte and hosen also, as thoughe hee hadde wallowed in the myre: sewerly
the sighte was monstrous and terreble. I called hym vnto me, and
demaunded of hym what he ayled. "A, good maister," quoth he, "I haue the
greuous and paynefull dyseas called the falynge syckenes." "Why," quoth
I, "howe commeth thy Ierken, hose, and hat so be rayd with durte and
myre, and thy skyn also?" "A, good master, I fell downe on the backesyde
here in the fowle lane harde by the watersyde; and there I laye all most
all night, and haue bled all most all the bloude owte in my bodye." It
raynde that morninge very fast; and whyle I was thus talkinge with hym,
a honest poore woman that dwelt thereby brought hym a fayre lynnen
cloth, and byd hym wype his face therewyth; and there beinge a tobbe
standing full of rayne water, offered to geue hym some in a dishe that
he might make hym selfe cleane: hee refuseth[99] the same. "Why dost
thou so?" quoth I. "A, syr," sayth he, "yf I shoulde washe my selfe, I
shoulde fall to bleedinge a freshe againe, and then I should not stop my
selfe:" these wordes made me the more to suspecte hym.
Then I asked of hym where he was borne, what is name was, how longe he
had this dysease, and what tyme he had ben here about London, and in
what place. "Syr," saythe he, "I was borne at Leycestar, my name is
Nycholas Genings,[100] and I haue had this falling sycknes viij. yeares,
and I can get no remedy for the same; for I haue it by kinde, my father
had it and my friendes before me; and I haue byne these two yeares here
about London, and a yeare and a halfe in bethelem." "Why, wast thou out
of thy wyttes?" quoth I. "Ye, syr, that I was."
"What is the Kepars name of the house?" "Hys name is," quoth hee, "Iohn
Smith." "Then," quoth I, "hee must vnderstande of thy dysease; yf thou
hadest the same for the tyme thou wast there, he knoweth it well." "Ye,
not onely he, but all the house bee syde," quoth this Cranke; "for I
came thens but within this fortnight." I had stande so longe reasoning
the matter wyth him that I was a cold, and went into my chamber and made
me ready, and commaunded my seruant to repayre to bethelem, and bringe
me true worde from the keper there whether anye suche man hath byn with
him as a prisoner hauinge the dysease aforesayd, and gaue hym a note of
his name and the kepars also: my seruant, retorninge to my lodginge, dyd
assure me that neither was there euer anye such man there, nether yet
anye keper of any suche name; but hee that was there keper, he sent me
hys name in writing, afferming that hee letteth no man depart from hym
vnlesse he be fet a waye by *[leaf 16]* hys freendes, and that none that
came from hym beggeth aboute the Citye. Then I sent for the Printar of
this booke, and shewed hym of this dyssembling Cranke, and how I had
sent to Bethelem to vnderstand the trouth[101], and what aunsweare I
receaued againe, requiringe hym that I might haue some seruant of his to
watche him faithfully that daye, that I might vnder stand trustely to
what place he woulde repaire at night vnto, and thether I promised to
goe my selfe to see their order, and that I woulde haue hym to associate
me thether: hee gladly graunted to my request, and sent two boyes, that
both diligently and vygelantly accomplisht the charge geuen them, and
found the same Cranke aboute the Temple, where about the most parte of
the daye hee begged, vnlesse it weare about xii. of the clocke he went
on the backesyde of Clementes Ine without Temple barre: there is a lane
that goeth into the Feldes; there hee renewed his face againe wyth
freshe bloud, which he caried about hym in a bladder, and dawbed on
freshe dyrte vpon his Ierken, hat, and hoson.
[P] And so came backe agayne vnto the Temple, and sometyme to the
Watersyde, and begged of all that passed bye: the boyes behelde howe
some gaue grotes, some syxe pens, some gaue more; for hee looked so
ougleie and yrksomlye, that euerye one pytied his miserable case that
beehelde hym. To bee shorte, there he passed all the daye tyll night
approched; and when it began to bee some what dark, he went to the water
syde and toke a Skoller,[102] and was sette ouer the Water into Saincte
Georges feldes, contrarye to my expectatian; for I had thought he woulde
haue gonne into Holborne or to Saynt Gylles in the felde; but these
boyes, with Argues and Lynces eyes, set sewre watche vppon him, and the
one tooke a bote and followed him, and the other went backe to tell his
maister.
The boye that so folowed hym by Water, had no money to pay for his Bote
hyre, but layde his Penner and his Ynkhorne to gage for a penny; and by
that tyme the boye was sette ouer, his Maister, wyth all celeryte, hadde
taken a Bote and followed hym apase: now hadde they styll a syght of the
Cranke, wych crossed ouer the felddes towardes Newyngton, and thether he
went, and by that tyme they came thether it was very darke: the Prynter
hadde there no acquaintance, nether any kynde of weapon about hym,
nether knewe he[103] how farre the Cranke woulde goe, becawse hee then
suspected that they dogged hym of purposse; he there stayed hym, and
called for the Counstable, whyche came forthe dylygentelye to inquyre
what the matter was: thys zelous Pryntar charged thys offycer *[leaf 16,
back]* wyth hym as a malefactor and a dessemblinge vagabonde--the
Counstable woulde haue layde him all night in the Cage that stode in the
streate. "Naye," saythe this pitifull Prynter, "I praye you haue him
into your house; for this is lyke to be a cold nyght, and he is naked:
you kepe a vytellinge house; let him be well cherished this night, for
he is well hable to paye for the same. I knowe well his gaynes hath byn
great to day, and your house is a sufficient pryson for the tyme, and we
wil there serche hym. The Counstable agreed there vnto: they had him in,
and caused him to washe him selfe: that donne, they demaunded what money
he had about hym. Sayth this Cranke, "So God helpe me, I haue but xii.
pence," and plucked oute the same of a lytle pursse. "Why, haue you no
more?" quoth they. "No," sayth this Cranke, "as God shall saue my soule
at the day of iudgement." "We must se more," quoth they, and began to
stryp hym. Then he plucked out a nother purse, wherin was xl. pens.
"Toushe," sayth[104] thys Prynter, "I must see more." Saythe this
Cranke, "I pray God I bee dampned both body[105] and soule yf I haue
anye more." "No," sayth thys Prynter, "thou false knaue, here is my boye
that dyd watche thee all this daye, and sawe when such men gaue the
peeses of sixe pens, grotes, and other money; and yet thou hast shewed
vs none but small money." When thys Cranke hard this, and the boye
vowinge it to his face, he relented, and plucked out another pursse,
where in was eyght shyllings and od money; so had they in the hole
_that_ he had begged that day xiij. shillings iii. [106]pens
halfepeny[106]. Then they strypt him starke naked, and as many as sawe
him sayd they neuer sawe hansommer man, wyth a yellowe flexen
beard[107], and fayre skynned, withoute anye spot or greffe. Then the
good wyfe of the house fet her goodmans[108] olde clocke, _and_ caused
the same to be cast about him, because the sight shoulde not abash her
shamefast maydens, nether loth her squaymysh sight.
{Thus he set[109] downe at the Chemnes end, and called for a
{potte of Beere, and dranke of a quarte at a draft, and
called for another, and so the thyrde, that one had bene sufficient for
any resonable man, the Drynke was so stronge.[110] I my selfe, the next
morninge, tasted thereof; but let the reader iudge what and howe much he
would haue dronke and he had bene out of feare. Then when they had thus
wrong water out of a flint in spoyli_n_g him of his euyl gotten goods,
his passing pens[111], _and_ fleting trashe, The printer with this
offecer were in gealy gealowsit[112], and deuised to search a barne for
some roges and vpright men, a quarter of a myle from the house, that
stode a lone in the fieldes, and wente out about their busines, leauing
this cranke alone with his wyfe and maydens: this crafty Cra_n_ke,
espying al gon, requested _the_ good wife that *[leaf 17]* hee might goe
out on the backesyde to make water, and to exonerate his paunche: she
bad hym drawe the lache of the dore and goe out, neither thinkinge or
mistrusting he would haue gon awaye naked; but, to conclude, when hee
was out, he cast awaye the cloke, and, as naked as euer he was borne, he
ran away, [113]that he could[114] neuer be hard of [115]againe.[113]
Now[115] the next morning betimes, I went vnto Newington, to
vndersta_n_d what was done, because I had word or it was day that there
my printer was; and at my comming thether, I hard the hole
circumstaunce, as I aboue haue wrytten; and I, seing the matter so fall
out, tooke order with the chiefe of the parish that this xiij. shyllings
_and_ iij. [116]pens halfpeny[116] might the next daye be equally
distributed, by their good discrecions, to the pouertie of the same
parishe,[117] and so it was done.
[Header: HARMAN. A DOMMERAR.]
[P] A DOMMERAR. Cap. 12.