9. It is a mark of low breeding to fidget either with the hands or
feet; to play with the watch-chain, toss the gloves, suck the head
of a cane or handle of a parasol, or to fuss with a collar or
necktie. Nothing is a more certain sign of gentle breeding than
quiet ease without stiffness or fidgetting.
10. To swing the foot, or tap monotonously with the feet, to drum
with the fingers on a table or window, are all breaches of
etiquette.
11. It is ill-bred to speak of persons with whom you are but
slightly acquainted by their first name.
12. No true lady will ever allow herself to speak of a gentleman
by his surname without a prefix. To hear a lady talking of Holmes
or Warren, instead of Mr. Holmes or Dr. Warren, gives the
impression that she is low-bred.
13. No gentleman will ever criticize a wine offered to him, no
matter how poor it may be. We give an instance of undaunted
etiquette, which proves to what an extent a well-bred man may
carry his courtesy: "In England during the French Revolution, the
Duke of Bedford invited the emigrant Duc de Grammont to a splendid
dinner, one of those magnificent entertainments which Englishmen
pride themselves on giving to crowned heads, and their good
feeling prompts them to offer to exiles. During dessert, a bottle
of Constantia was produced, which for age and flavor was supposed
to be matchless. It was liquid gold in a crystal flagon--a ray of
the sun descending into a goblet; it was nectar which was worthy
of Jove, and in which Bacchus would have revelled. The noble head
of the house of Russell himself helped his guest to a glass of
this choice wine, and de Grammont, on tasting it, declared it to
be excellent. The Duke of Bedford, anxious to judge of its
quality, poured out a glass, which no sooner approached his lips
than, with a horrible contortion, he exclaimed: 'Why, what on
earth is this?' The butler approached, took the bottle and applied
it to his nostrils, and, to the dismay of his master, pronounced
it to be castor-oil. The Duc de Grammont had swallowed this horrid
draught without wincing."
14. Flattery is a breach of etiquette. Johnson says: "Of all wild
beasts, preserve me from a tyrant; and of all tame, a flatterer."
15. No gentleman may ever break an engagement, whether it be one
of business or pleasure, with a lady, or with another gentleman.
If not blessed with a retentive memory, he must carry a note-book
and record therein all his appointments, guarding, by frequent
reference, against making two for the same day and hour. To break
an engagement with a lady is almost certain to give lasting
offence, and with good cause.
16. Irritability is a breach of good manners. Watts says: "To be
angry about trifles is mean and childish; to rage and be furious
is brutish, and to maintain perpetual wrath is akin to the
practice and temper of fiends; but to prevent and suppress rising
resentment is wise and glorious, is manly and divine."
17. Nothing marks a gentleman more truly than a strict punctuality.
To keep another waiting is a breach of etiquette, as well as often a
positive unkindness.
18. "Fine feathers make fine birds," the old proverb tells us; but
no amount of fine dressing will ever _make_ a lady. True
politeness, gentle courtesy and refinement may be as marked in a
lady wearing a calico dress and a sun-bonnet as in one in full
gala dress. Mrs. Thorpe, the celebrated English authoress, tells
of an interview with Mrs. Washington, than whom no more perfect
lady, in the true acceptance of the term, ever lived. She says:
"As Mrs. Washington was said to be so grand a lady, we thought we
must put on our best bibs and bands; so we dressed ourselves in
our most elegant ruffles and silks, and were introduced to her
ladyship; and don't you think we found her knitting, and with her
check apron on! She received us _very graciously and easily_; but
after the compliments were over, she resumed her knitting. There
we were without a stitch of work, and sitting in state; but
General Washinton's lady, with her own hands, was knitting
stockings for her husband."
19. To answer a civil question rudely, or even impatiently, is a
gross breach of etiquette. Even if it inconveniences you or
interrupts you, it will take no longer to answer kindly or
politely than to wound or offend by crustiness.
20. No gentleman may ever refuse an apology. No matter how great
the offence, how deep the resentment, an apology can never be
rejected. It may not again revive friendship; but it must prevent
quarrelling.
21. It is a breach of etiquette to intrude upon a business man
during business hours.
22. An invalid, an elderly person, or a lady must be given the
most comfortable chair in the room, must be allowed to select the
light and temperature, and no true lady or gentleman will ever
object to the exercise of the privilege.
23. It is a breach of etiquette, as well as an impertinence ever
to question a child or servant upon family affairs.
24. It is a breach of etiquette to examine a card-basket. It is
true they are generally exposed in the drawing-room; but no true
lady or gentleman will ever turn them over.
25. It is a breach of etiquette to consult a watch when in
company. To do so, and then take leave, is an absolute
impertinence, as a pleasant circle may be broken at an early hour,
under the impression that "it must be late; Mr. C--- hurried away
so, when he saw what time it was."
26. It is a breach of etiquette when in company to try to attract
the attention of one person by signals, a cough, a poke, or a
nudge. Any appearance, indeed, of privacy or mystery is rude in
company.
27. It is a breach of etiquette to assume a lazy, lounging
attitude in company. If any one is too weak or too ill to sit up
and assume a proper position, he had better stay at home until he
is stronger or in better health.