THE form of invitations will be found on page 49.
An invitation to a ball should be sent out from two to three weeks
before the evening, and should be answered within a day or two of
being received.
As to the number of guests to be invited, no precise rules can be
laid down. The size of your room does not seem to be any guide.
The custom is to ask rather more than twice as many as your rooms
will hold; but one-third more will be enough, as it will allow of
disappointments at the last moment, even if all have accepted the
invitations. Besides, during the gayest of the season, the fashion
of going to several balls in one night necessitates ensuring the
presence of a sufficiently large number of guests all through the
evening. If you really wish for dancing, do not exceed the last
limits. If, however, your aim is to have the largest ball of the
season, a crush and crowd, to make a sensation, then invite your
entire visiting list, and endure the consequences.
A hundred guests constitute a "ball;" over that, a "large ball;"
under that, merely a "dance."
One of the first requisites of a ball-room is thorough
ventilation, especially if there is a prospect of a large number
of guests.
One of the most desirable points in a ball is to have a
beautifully arranged room. The floor must be well waxed, and
perfectly even, and it is well to draw a cord across two-thirds of
it, not admitting more than can dance inside the space so cut off
at once. The French make their ball-rooms perfect flower-gardens.
Every comer has its immense bouquet; the walls are gracefully
wreathed; bouquets, baskets, and exquisitely decorated pots of
growing plants are placed in every available place. The
staircases, landings, and supper-room are all filled with floral
treasures, harmonizing with fine effect with the brilliant lights
and gay the dresses of the ladies. It adds to the effect to
conceal the musicians behind a screen of evergreen and flowers.
The dressing-rooms should be provided with two servants apiece,
and small cards, with the names of the invited guests upon them,
should be in readiness to pin to the wraps of each one.
In each dressing-room, have plenty of water, soap, and towels upon
the washstand, several brushes and combs, small hand-mirrors, pin-
cushions well filled, and stick pomade upon the bureau. The
ladies' room should also have hair-pins, a work-box in readiness
to repair any accidental rip or tear; cologne, hartshorn, and
salts, in case of faintness. The gentlemen's room should be
provided with a boot-jack, a whisk, and a clothes-brush.
No one should accept an invitation to a ball who cannot or who
will not dance. They are mere encumbrances. Nothing is more trying
to the feelings of a hostess than to see a number of wallflowers
ornamenting (?) her ball-room.
The hour at which one may go to a ball varies from ten o'clock in
the evening until daybreak. Any one who attends several balls in
one evening will, of course, find it impossible to appear at an
early hour at each one.
The lady of the house--who should, if possible, know the name of
everybody who enters the room--must stand near the door, so as to
receive her guests, to each of whom she must find something to
say, no matter how trifling. The host must also be near, to
welcome arrivals, and the sons to introduce people. The young
ladies must see that the dances are kept up, and should not dance
themselves till they have found partners for all their friends.
They may with perfect propriety ask any gentleman present to be
introduced to a partner, and he is bound to accept the invitation;
but the lady must be careful whom she asks. Many present may be
entire strangers to her. Miss A. has brought her betrothed; Miss
B. introduces her cousin, Captain ---, on a short leave of absence
from his regiment in Texas; Miss C. presents her brother, just
returned from California; Miss D. begs leave to introduce a cousin
on a short visit to the city; Miss E., a belle, has informed a
dozen or two of her admirers where they may bow to her on the
evening of the ball. All these strangers bow to the hostess, and
must be provided with partners. The "Man in the Club Window" says:
"I have known a case where a distinguished-looking young man,
having declined the lady's invitation to dance, but being pressed
by,' I can't make up the lancers without you,' somewhat
reluctantly accepted, performed his part so well that his partner
was quite _eprise_ with him, and even ventured on a little
flirtation. You can imagine her dismay when, a little later in the
evening, she saw her charming acquaintance carrying up a pile of
plates from the kitchen to the supper-room. For the first time in
her life, she had danced with an occasional waiter."
If a gentleman act as escort to a lady, he must call at her house,
at the hour she appoints, with a carriage, and he is expected to
send a bouquet in the course of the afternoon. Upon reaching the
house of the hostess for the evening, he must escort his fair
charge to the dressing-room, leave her at the door, make his own
toilet as rapidly as possibly, and return to meet the lady at the
dressing-room door again, escort her to the ball-room, and at once
to the hostess. She is obliged by etiquette to dance the first
dance with him; but after that, he may with propriety allow her
liberty to select other partners, always watching, however, to see
that she is never neglected. He must be her escort to supper, and
ready at any moment to leave the ball-room to escort her home
again.
If a gentleman is unaccompanied by a lady, he must invite one of
the ladies of the house for the first dance, and yield gracefully
if she declines on the plea of want of room or partners for all
her guests, consenting smilingly if she requests him to lead out
the homeliest and most awkward of her wall-flowers.
The music must be first a march, then a quadrille, a polka, a
waltz, a galop, and so on, with two or three round dances to each
quadrille, until fourteen dances are completed, when another march
announces supper. Seven to ten dances may follow supper. Each
guest must be provided with a ball-card with a printed programme
of the dances, and space for the engagements upon it, and a tiny
pencil attached to it. Many ladies carry their own engagement-
card; but they must depend upon the programme for the order of
dances. The fashion of hanging a few printed programmes in the
room is not considered _en regle_.
The supper-room must be thrown open at midnight, and remain open
until the ball closes. It is, however, an extreme of bad taste and
low breeding for gentlemen to cluster round the table in groups
and remain there. It is one of the duties of the hostess to see
that no young lady loses her supper for want of an escort to the
slipper-room. If there are no young gentlemen in the family, she
must request one of her guests to go to the rescue of the forlorn
maiden.
No gentleman must wait until the music has commenced before
selecting his partner.
A lady who declines dancing on the pretext of fatigue must dance
no more, unless she has said she wished to rest for that dance
alone.
If a lady decline dancing with a gentlemen, it is rude for him to
turn from her to another lady who has heard the refusal, and
invite her to dance. If the first lady has a prior engagement, he
must seek another partner in another part of the room; if she
refuses from fatigue or a disinclination to dance that set, it is
a compliment to her for him to remain beside her, and endeavor to
entertain her while the dance is in progress.
A lady should never give her bouquet, gloves, and fan to a
gentleman to hold during a dance, unless he is her husband,
brother, or escort for the evening.
A gentleman, in waltzing with a young lady, must never encircle
her waist until the dance actually commences, and drop his arm
from around her as soon as the music ceases. American gentlemen
would do well to study the waltz with a German teacher, as they
understand more perfectly than any others the most delicate way of
dancing this objectionable dance, and, above all, how to hold a
lady lightly and firmly without embracing her.
When a lady expresses a desire to sit down before the close of a
dance, it is exceedingly rude for a gentlemen to insist upon a
continuation of the dance. He must escort her to a seat at once,
and then express his regret at the interrupted pleasure. She may
with propriety release him to seek another partner, but it is a
poor compliment for him to accept the proposal.
A gentleman should never invite a lady to be his partner in a
dance with which he is not perfectly familiar. It is tiresome in
the extreme to guide a partner through a dance, and the ballroom
is not a dancing-school for practice.
If a gentleman takes a lady's seat during a dance, he must rise
from it as soon as the dance is over, not waiting for her to
actually return to it, as she may hesitate to do if she sees that
it is occupied.
No lady must enter or cross a ball-room unescorted.
No lady may refuse to be introduced to a gentleman at a private
ball; but at a public ball she may with perfect propriety refuse
any introduction made by the master of ceremonies, or by mere
acquaintances.
Confidential conversation in a ball-room is in extreme bad taste.
Do not be too particular about dancing. Taking steps in a
quadrille is out of date, all the figures being executed to a
graceful walk.
To remain too late at a ball is not well-bred, and seems to imply
that you are unaccustomed to such pleasures. Do not engage
yourself, therefore, for the last two or three dances.
No gentleman should take the vacant seat next to a lady unless he
is acquainted with her, and not then without first asking
permission.
A gentleman must offer his arm, never his hand, to lead a lady to
and from the dance.
A lady must be very careful not to engage herself to two gentlemen
for the same dance, unless, for a round dance, she states: "I am
engaged for the first half of the waltz, but will dance the second
part with you." In that case, she must tell her first partner of
her second engagement, that she may not offend him when she takes
another partner after leaving him.
If a lady wishes to decline dancing, whether from dislike to the
gentleman who invites her, or from whatever cause, she must make
some excuse; but she must never refuse point blank, nor must she,
after having refused to dance with one gentleman, consent to dance
with another.
When introduced, it is sufficient for a gentleman to say to a
lady, "May I have the pleasure of dancing this waltz with you,
Miss C---?" or if the lady be engaged for the first dance
following the introduction, he may request the favor of putting
his name upon her engagement card for another.
A young lady should not dance more than twice with the same
gentleman, unless she wants to be noticed, or is indifferent
whether she be so or not.
A lady may consult her own pleasure about recognizing a ballroom
acquaintance at a future meeting.
Every gentleman must make a point of inviting the ladies of the
house to dance; and if he be kind, he will certainly devote
himself--for a portion of the evening, at least--to those ladies
for whom the May of life has bloomed and passed away, and who
generally sit round the room looking wistfully disconsolate.
After every dance following the announcement of supper, offer your
partner your arm, and invite her to the supper-room (at a ball,
refreshments are never handed round). Should she decline going, or
has already been there, take her back to her chaperon, or party,
and, procuring a seat for her, thank her for the pleasure the
dance has afforded you.
No lady should detain her partner long in the supper-room; she may
be thus forcing him to be guilty of the rudeness of breaking an
engagement with another lady for the following dance.
No gentleman should linger round the supper-table. Your hostess
invites you to a ball to dance, and be agreeable, not to haunt her
supper-room, as if you were starving.
Avoid all absence of mind, staring, listlessness, and other
eccentricities.
Never swing your arms about, and try to avoid being conspicuous in
any way.
Take the partner with whom you may happen to be dancing when
supper is announced to the supper-table, unless she has come with
a gentleman, in which case you must not usurp his privilege. If
she is disengaged, escort her to a seat in the supper-room, if
possible, and see that she is served with the dishes she selects.
Do not take your own supper at the same time; wait till the lady
has finished; then take her back to the ball-room, and repeat the
process, if necessary, with some other lonely damsel. When all the
ladies have been once to the supper-room, the gentlemen may think
of their own supper.
Gloves of white kid must be worn during the entire evening, and it
is well to have a fresh pair in readiness to put on after supper.
On quitting a ball, it is not necessary to take a formal leave of
the hostess. Indeed, it is preferable to make your departure as
quietly as possible, in order to prevent the others from thinking
it later than perhaps it is, and so breaking up the ball at an
earlier hour than the hostess may desire.
If a gentleman escorts a lady home from a ball, she is not obliged
to invite him to enter, and if she does so, he must decline the
invitation. He must, however, request permission to call the
following day or evening, and he must make that call.
A gentleman in a ball-room cannot be too careful not to injure the
delicate fabric worn by the ladies around him. Spurs are in bad
taste, even if a cavalry officer is otherwise in full uniform.
While one dance is in progress, it is not in good taste to make
arrangements for another.
It is a gross breach of etiquette on the part of either a lady or
a gentleman to forget a ball-room engagement.
It is not according, to etiquette for married people to dance
together at either a private or a public ball.