ALL invitations, excepting dinner invitations, are issued in the
name of the lady of the house alone. Dinner invitations are issued
in the name of the gentleman and lady of the house, or when
extended to gentlemen only, in the name of the host alone. Answers
to invitations, excepting such dinner invitations as are issued in
the name of the gentleman only, must be addressed to the lady of
the house.
When invitations are issued in the height of a fashionable season,
it is best to send them out at least a fortnight beforehand. For a
small company, and when gayety is not at its height, a week's
notice is sufficient. For a costume ball, private theatricals or
any occasion when elaborate dresses or preparations are needed, a
month should be given.
Printed cards of invitation are not _en regle_, excepting for
public occasions. A small note paper is the only appropriate one,
and may have the initial letter or monogram stamped upon it, and
the envelope. Any more fanciful decoration is in excessively bad
taste.
The proper form for a dinner invitation is:
"Mr. and Mrs. G--- request the favor of Mr. and Mrs. L---'s
company at dinner, on Tuesday, the 8th of January, at 5 o'clock."
Or,
"Mr. G--- requests the pleasure of Mr. L ---'s company at dinner,
on Tuesday, the 8th of January, at 5 o'clock."
The answer accepting the invitation should run as follows:
"Mr. and Mrs. L--- have much pleasure in accepting Mr. and Mrs. G-
--'s kind invitation to dinner on the 8th of January."
If declined, the following form must be used:
"Mr. and Mrs. L--- regret that a prior engagement (or other reason
stated) will prevent their accepting Mr. and Mrs. G---'s kind
invitation to dinner on the 8th of January."
Should the invitation be declined, some reason for the refusal
must be given, and, unless an excuse (which always savors more or
less of the untruthful) be wanted, it is the truest politeness to
assign the cause which actually is the preventive. Whatever the
cause--sickness, domestic trouble, business or any other--it
should be stated as concisely as possible in the answer, which in
any case should be dispatched as soon as possible (certainly the
next day) after the receipt of the invitation, that the hostess
may have time to summon other guests in the stead of those
declining her first invitations.
After an invitation is once accepted, it should be scrupulously
observed. Nothing but the most absolute necessity should prevent
you from going, and when such necessity arises, it should be
communicated directly, with a full explanation of the preventing
cause even if it is within half an hour of the appointed dinner
time. If earlier, send the explanation as soon as possible.
Invitations to dinner and the answers must be sent by a special
messenger. The post is proverbially uncertain, and the non-arrival
of an expected invitation or its answer, may cause lasting
offence.
It is a breach of etiquette, to say nothing of practical
inconvenience, to bring an unassorted company together at dinner.
Great people, public characters, literary celebrities or
distinguished guests from any cause should not be invited merely
because they are such. They will be uncomfortable if the guests
summoned to meet them are not congenial, and the remainder of your
company equally so. No one guest should be too conspicuous. A
harmonious blending of tastes and qualities should be the object
in view. Persons moving in one circle of society should not, as a
general rule, be invited to meet those who move in another circle.
A man of strong political bias in one direction, should not be
invited to meet a party opposed to his views; persons of known and
marked differences in religious matters should not be invited to
meet each other, and above all, avoid the social collision of
those whom you know to be personal enemies. The best guide in such
matters is common sense, coupled with a little judicious
forethought.
Invitations to large balls should be sent out at least a fortnight
before the time appointed, and are worded thus:
"Mrs. L---'s compliments to Miss G---, and requests the pleasure
of her company at a ball, on Wednesday, the 7th of March, at 9
o'clock."
The answer is as follows:
"Miss G---'s compliments to Mrs. L---, and accepts with pleasure
her kind invitation for Wednesday, March 7th."
Or,
"Miss G--- regrets a recent death in her family will prevent her
accepting Mrs. L---'s kind invitation for March 7th."
An invitation to an evening party is worded:
"Mrs. S--- compliments to Mr. and Mrs. T---, and requests the
pleasure of their company on March 9th, at 8 o'clock."
Such an invitation calls for full evening dress. The answer is the
same as for a ball invitation.
Invitations to pic-nics, private theatricals, concerts, tea
parties and other entertainments, generally state the nature of
such entertainment, and are a little less formal than those
already given.
For a musical party:
"Mrs. R-- requests the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. P---'s company, on
Thursday evening, Feb. 10th, at 8 o'clock, to meet the members of
the Harmonia Musical Society."
And if you have a programme of the concert, enclose it.
Or,
"Mrs. F--- expects a few friends on Monday evening next, at 8
o'clock, to take part in some dramatic readings, and would be
happy to have Miss B--- join the party."
Or,
"Mrs. S---'s compliments to Miss P---, and would be pleased to
have her join a pic-nic party to Pine Grove, on Wednesday, June
14th. Carriages start from Mrs. S---'s at 9 o'clock, and a place
will be reserved for Miss P---."
Notes of invitation must always be dated, and your address in full
written in one corner, thus:
"Feb. 6th, 18--.
"Miss M---. requests the pleasure of Miss N---'s company to a
small evening party, on Friday evening next, at 8 o'clock.
"No. 762 R--- Street."
The body of the invitation must be in the middle of the sheet, and
date a little above to the right, the address a little below to
the left.
The envelopes containing invitations must be directed always to
the private residence of the person invited, never to a place of
business or office.
When the officers of a regiment or a ship are invited to an
entertainment, and it is not possible to invite them all, it is
customary to send an invitation to the Colonel or Commander,
accompanied by a certain number of blank tickets, if it be a
public ball, or by an intimation that the host would be glad to
see Colonel or Captain --- and so many of the officers of the
regiment or ship.
Invitations by a regiment to a ball, to be given by the officers,
are worded as follows:
"Col. and the officers of the --- Regiment, U. S. A. (or other
branch of the service), request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. C---
's company on the 7th of December, at 9 o'clock.
"R--- Barracks, corner of --- and --- Streets."
Answers should be addressed to the Colonel of the regiment, and
worded thus:
"Mr. and Mrs. C's compliments to Colonel -- and the officers of
the - Regiment, U. S. A., and accept with pleasure their polite
invitation for the 7th of December."
In case an officer desires to invite his personal friends, he
encloses his own card in the invitation, but these must all be
issued in the form already given, the card explaining to which
officer the compliment is to be attributed.
Invitations to a Naval ball are issued in the name of the "Captain
and officers of the U. S. Ship ---," or simply in the name of "The
Officers of the U. S. Ship ---."
On the corner of the card the name of the officer to whom the
answers are to be sent, should be written.
An officer of higher rank, or a public official of high position,
will signify on his card what aide-de-camp or clerk is to receive
the answers to his invitations, and will issue them in the joint
name of himself and wife, thus:
"General and Mrs. E--- request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. D---'s
company, on Thursday, the 6th of November, at 8 o'clock.
"Direct answers to Capt. E. C---."
Verbal invitations are given only when the occasion is a very
informal one, and imply plain dress, early hours and a small
company.
Invitations to concerts, theatre or opera, should be sent in time
to secure good seats, if accepted, The usual style is:
"Mr. G would be much pleased to have Mrs. and Miss Hunt's company
at the opera, on Wednesday evening, when La Trovatore will be
performed by the Italian troupe at the Academy of Music."
Such an invitation calls for an immediate answer from the elder
lady, and should be as follows:
"Mrs. and Miss Hunt accept with pleasure Mr. G---'s polite
invitation to listen to a favorite opera on Wednesday evening."
Or if declined:
"Mrs. Hunt regrets that a prior engagement will prevent her own
and Miss Hunt's acceptance of Mr. G---'s polite invitation for
Wednesday evening."
For a general reception, invitations are printed upon cards, thus:
"Wednesday Evening, January 14th, No. 348 --- STREET."
Such cards do not require any answer.