NEVER introduce people to each other unless you are sure the
acquaintance so commenced will be mutually agreeable.
A person who, from youth, social position or any other cause,
stands in the inferior position of the two persons to be
introduced to each other, must be introduced to the superior. A
gentleman is always to be introduced to a lady, never a lady to a
gentleman.
At a ball, it is the part of the host and hostess to make
introductions amongst the guests; but guests may with perfect
propriety introduce friends to each other. Gentlemen must never
introduce friends to ladies, without first obtaining special
permission to do so, and this permission should be always granted,
unless there is a very strong reason for the refusal. The French,
and in a great measure the English, dispense with introductions at
a private ball. It is taken for granted that the hostess has
invited to her ball only such people as are fit to be mutually
acquainted, and the fact that they have been invited to meet each
other is a sufficient warrant for self-introduction. This practice
saves a great deal of trouble, but it applies only to balls in
private houses. At any public ball, partners must be introduced to
each other; indeed it is better for ladies at such entertainments,
to dance only with the gentlemen of their own party, or with whom
they had a previous acquaintance. Special introductions may,
however, be made with propriety by the master of ceremonies.
When introducing two gentlemen, look first to the elder, or, if
there is any difference in social standing, to the superior, and
with a slight bow say to him: "Allow me to introduce my friend,
Mr. Jones, to you;" then turning to your friend, repeat his name,
and follow it by that of the gentleman to whom he is introduced,
thus: "Mr. Smith, allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Jones, to
you. Mr. Jones, Mr. Smith." In introducing a gentleman to a lady,
bow slightly to the latter, saying, "Miss---, allow me to
introduce Mr.---; Mr.---, (bowing to him) Miss---."
When several persons are introduced to one, it is sufficient to
name the single individual once, repeating all the names of the
others, thus: "Mr. Johnson, allow me to introduce Mr. and Mrs.
James, Miss Smithson, Mr. Lewis, Mr. Johnson," bowing slightly to
each when named.
Shaking hands after an introduction has taken place is merely
optional, not necessary; and is forbidden to an unmarried lady to
whom a gentleman is introduced. A bow is all that etiquette
requires. In introducing young persons to elder ones of good
social standing, it is often a kindly act of encouragement for the
latter to shake hands, with a few cordial words.
It is not necessary to introduce people who meet at your house on
morning calls, though it may be done with propriety if the
introduction has been previously ascertained to be mutually
pleasant.
It is optional after such an introduction, with the parties
introduced, to continue or drop the acquaintance so formed.
Without a formal introduction, the merely meeting at the house of
a mutual friend, does not warrant any future recognition. It
rests, however, after an introduction with the lady, if between
lady and gentleman, with the married or elder lady, if between
lady and lady, and with the elder, if between gentlemen, to
continue or drop the acquaintance.
Gentlemen who meet at the house or rooms of a mutual friend are
not obliged to recognize one another if they meet again elsewhere.
There is no rule forbidding their doing so, if agreeable to both
parties, but there is no requirement of etiquette obliging them to
appear as if they had even met before.
A lady is not obliged to afterwards recognize a partner with whom
she may have danced at a ball. It is entirely optional with her to
do so or not; and if she has danced several times with the
gentlemen, it will be a question between her and her conscience
how far she may consider herself justified in passing by without
notice one who has extended to her so much courtesy at a ball.
Etiquette, however, does not require even the slightest
recognition.
When strangers in a city are introduced to residents it is
customary to name the place from which they come, thus: "Allow me
to introduce to you my friend Mr. Schmidt, from Germany. Mr.
Schmidt, Mr. Popking;" or if introducing a traveller, "Allow me to
introduce my friend Mr. Robinson, lately returned from Egypt." A
pleasant opening is thus offered for conversation, and a foreigner
may have the pleasure of a salutation in his own language.
An important duty in introducing friends is to pronounce the name
of each party clearly and distinctly, that no error or necessity
for repetition may occur.
It is often a positive kindness to take advantage of the etiquette
which dispenses with introductions at morning calls. Many a witty,
talented person has had a stupid bore pursue him upon such an
introduction, and even the one necessary conversation following an
introduction is a painful effort, owing to the entire
uncongeniality of the parties introduced.
A friend visiting at your house must be introduced to all callers,
who are bound to continue the acquaintance as long as the friend
is your guest. So, if when calling upon a friend, you are
introduced to a visitor, you are bound to extend all courtesies
and attentions which you would desire paid to your visitors in
similar circumstances.
Introductions, given at a party to a stranger visiting in a city,
must be followed by recognition as long as the visit continues.
If, when walking with one friend, you should meet another, it is
not necessary to introduce them; indeed, you should not do so
without special reason for it. Never, even after an introduction,
start a long conversation, unless all continue the walk in the
same direction.
Should you, when walking with a friend, meet a lady who desires to
speak to you, your friend must stop with you, yet an introduction
under such circumstances does not exact any future recognition.
Sisters, brothers or other relatives may always be introduced to
friends when met casually.
If friends meet at public places of amusement and are accompanied
by strangers, introductions are not required by etiquette, and if
made do not oblige any future acquaintance.
It is not necessary to have an introduction in order to pay your
respects to the President of the United States, excepting that of
the master of ceremonies at the receptions. He will receive your
card and present you. For a private interview it is better to be
introduced by a Senator or a member of the House of
Representatives.
In visiting foreign courts, introductions are more a matter of
ceremony than in this country. If you wish to obtain an
introduction to the Emperor of France, you must address your
request to the Grand Chamberlain, which may be done personally or
by letter.
Your statement that you are an American citizen, and a reference
to the American Consul will procure you an interview. Punctuality
to the hour appointed for the interview is essential, and ladies
present themselves in full dress; gentlemen in a dress suit of
black, white vest, gloves and neck-tie.
The ceremony of presentation will be explained before you are
presented.
In the English court, the ladies must be presented by a lady;
gentlemen by a gentleman. Strangers must have credentials from the
Consul before they can be introduced.
If at a dinner, a ball, or upon any occasion you are introduced,
at a friend's house, to one with whom you are not on good terms,
though it be your bitterest enemy, etiquette requires you to
salute him or her courteously, and make no sign of resentment
whilst under your friend's roof.
If you are introduced as a petitioner to any one in authority,
that introduction does not authorize you in claiming an
acquaintance afterwards.
Never introduce persons who may be related to you, without calling
their full name. It is done very often, even amongst well-bred
people, from thoughtfulness, as, "Mrs. James, allow me to
introduce my cousin Frank; Frank, Mrs. James," and poor Mrs. James
is left entirely ignorant of cousin Frank's name. The proper way
is to name the relationship and also the surname of the relative.
If you introduce a brother or sister even, marriage may have
changed the name of one. You should say: "Mrs. James, allow me to
introduce to you my sister, Miss Curtis; Miss Curtis, Mrs. James."
If you are introduced to the relative of a friend, etiquette
requires you to consider that relative an acquaintance, unless
there is some special reason to the contrary.
It is best to avoid introductions in a public conveyance, as few
people like to have their names called out in such places. If such
introductions are made, however, it should be done as quietly as
possible.
To introduce to a friend a person who is in any way objectionable,
is an insult which fully justifies a withdrawal of friendship.
A gentleman should always raise his hat, if introduced in the
street, to either lady or gentleman.
If introducing a foreigner or a gentleman in this country, whose
position gives him an honorary title, always give the title. Thus,
if a member of Congress, meeting a German baron at your house, you
introduce them, you say: "Mr. Somers, allow me to introduce to you
my friend, the Baron von Schmidt; Baron von Schmidt, the Honorable
Mr. Somers."