_Consequences of my imprudent Secession.—Reduced to
great Distress.—Become a Billiard-player.—Associate with
Sharpers.—Engage with a Country Attorney.—Take leave of London
once more._
The reader will here observe that I had left behind me, on my desertion,
a valuable chest of clothes, books, _&c._ _&c._, the purchase of which,
but sixteen months before, had cost my affectionate friends a large
sum; and I had now, by this rash act, defeated their fondest hopes, and
brought disgrace as well on them as on the worthy officer who procured
me the appointment. It is impossible, however, for my reader to condemn
my folly, or rather wickedness, in stronger terms than my own conscience
has ever since done. Surely there must, let moralists argue as they
will, be something like a fatality which governs the fortunes of some,
if not all, men; and which impels them headlong to their ruin, against
the voice of reason and of conscience, and the dictates of common sense.
But the retrospect affects me too much: I must not aggravate my present
sufferings by dwelling longer on what will not bear reflection. All I can
now do is to repent of all my errors; and I trust that Divine Power will
accept my repentance who best knows its sincerity.
Before I resume the thread of my narrative, I will just venture to give
the reader a few lines, descriptive of a midshipman’s life, which will
require, I trust, no apology, when I state that they were the production
of some of the junior members of our mess, and composed in the space of
a very few hours.—Of the correctness of the picture therein drawn, I can
truly say, _probatum est_.
VERSES
_Written on Board His Majesty’s Ship, the Astræa, by the younger
Midshipmen of that Frigate, 1798._
I.
When in the Cockpit[7] all was dim,
And not a Mid dar’d shew his glim[8];
A youth was left alone:
He scratch’d his head; survey’d his clothes;
Then took the other cheering dose[9];
And thus began his moan:—
II.
Ah! cursed be that fatal day,
When I from home was led astray,
In this d⸺’d place to dwell:
Oh! had I in the country stay’d
I might have learnt some useful trade,
And scorn’d the white lapelle[10].
III.
When first on board the ship I went,
My belly full, my mind content,—
No sorrows touch’d my heart:
I view’d my coat, so flash and new,
My gay cockade, and hanger too,
And thought them wondrous smart.
IV.
But now, alas! my coat is rent;
My hanger’s pawn’d; my money spent;
My former friends I’ve miss’d;
And when of hardships I complain,
My messmates swear ’tis all in vain;
And cry, “What made you list?”
V.
But hark! I hear the corp’ral’s tread[11]:
Another dose, and then to bed;
Of ev’ry joy bereft;
I shake my bottle with a doubt;
My poor half-pint[12] is quite drain’d out;
Not one kind drop is left!
VI.
The youth with indignation burns;
Into his hated hammock turns;
Alas! not long to sleep:
The quarter-master, with hoarse tongue,
Awakes him; says, “The bell has rung:”
He’s rous’d, his watch to keep.
VII.
Shiv’ring he walks the quarter-deck,
Dreading the stern lieutenant’s check,
Who struts the weather-side[13];
With glass and trumpet in his hand[14],
He bellows forth _his_ harsh command,
With arrogance and pride.
After the first transports of our meeting had subsided, it was mutually
agreed that I should reside altogether with Miss K⸺e, who, being ignorant
of my real circumstances, imagined I was capable of maintaining her and
myself, if not in the most splendid, at least in a comfortable manner. I
should have stated, however, that the pleasure I felt at being once more
free from control, and on my near approach to my favourite spot, London,
added to the passion I had conceived for this young lady, had completely
banished every idea of returning to my ship, long before I was set down
at the obelisk in St. George’s Fields, where I had exchanged my chaise
for a hackney coach, to prevent my being traced.
The following morning I examined into the state of my personal effects;
which I found to consist of a dozen fine shirts, about the same number of
neck-cloths, hose, and waistcoats, a few odd articles of other apparel,
and twenty-one pounds in money, together with an old family gold watch,
and the suit of blue I had on my back.
My fair acquaintance evinced some concern at the rash step I had taken;
which, imputing wholly to my affection for herself, drew from her
professions of gratitude and constancy, which I believe (from her youth
and ingenuous mind) to have been sincere. I determined now to domesticate
myself with this charming woman for a few weeks; as well to make up for
the privations I had suffered for the last sixteen months, by enjoying
every comfort money could procure, as to preclude any risk of being
apprehended for desertion before the ship’s departure.
During this retirement, which I might justly call a honeymoon, from
the happiness I experienced, I obtained from Miss K⸺e some account of
herself, and the misfortunes which had reduced her to the disgraceful
situation in which I found her. The following are the particulars:—
She was the second daughter of a respectable tradesman in the city,
who had placed her, with her elder sister, at a boarding school in
Queen-square, where she had become perfectly accomplished. About a year
before our acquaintance began, she had been accidentally seen walking
in the garden of the square, to which the young ladies had access, by
an officer of dragoons, who, being struck with her beauty, had employed
every art of bribery and intrigue, first to open a correspondence
by letter, and afterwards to obtain a personal interview, of which
opportunity he made such good use that he succeeded in seducing this
amiable child, then just fifteen years of age, to elope from her school,
to sacrifice to him, honour, fortune, and parental affection, and entail
on herself ruin, remorse, and endless shame!
This gallant hero treated her with the fondest attention, and spared no
expense to gratify her every wish, and, by a continual round of splendid
dissipation, to banish any reflections which might otherwise obtrude
themselves; and in this (owing to her youth and the natural levity of her
sex,) he so far succeeded that she felt not, for the first six months,
those compunctions which, sooner or later, must attend conscious guilt.
At the end of that time, however, her protector, being ordered abroad
with his regiment, left her with a slender provision in possession;
but for which he made up with most liberal promises of future bounty.
It is probable he had by this time gratified a passion which was at
first but of a sensual nature; and I am led to think his going abroad
was only a fiction, the better to cover his base design of deserting
her: be this as it might, she had never since heard from him; and,
as her little money was soon exhausted, she found herself alone and
friendless, and now first began to reflect on the consequences of her
imprudence. She had, on quitting the school, assumed the name of K⸺e,
which I have recorded her by, in order to avoid the inquiries of her
family; to whom shame and (perhaps false) delicacy, now deterred her
from a thought of returning. In the late scenes of her guilty prosperity
she had formed an acquaintance with several kept women who were living,
like herself, in elegant infamy. She now had recourse to some of these
friends for temporary assistance; but alas! they soon convinced her how
little is to be expected from such friendship, when adversity renders it
most essential. In a fatal moment she took the usual course of persons
similarly situated; she procured a suitable lodging where her misfortunes
were not known, and frequented the theatres and other public places;
at which (being a new face on the town), she was successful above all
her competitors in attracting the notice of the male sex. The pecuniary
emoluments she thence derived had enabled her to live elegantly; and
her person and carriage were so much above the common class of Cyprians
that she was still, at the time I first saw her, an object of general
admiration. Fortunately also her health was yet untainted, so that, could
I have found means for our mutual support, this connexion promised to
be a source of happiness to us both. She felt happy at the opportunity
of quitting a course of life which had always disgusted her; and little
regret for the past (being ignorant of the true state of my finances)
save when a melancholy thought of her disconsolate family caused a
temporary effusion of grief.
The first month or honeymoon of our connexion being expired, and the
Astræa long departed from the river, I began to revolve in my mind
the means of future subsistence. As I had spared no expense to render
our retirement pleasing, and had purchased for myself a suit of plain
clothes, I now found myself reduced to my last guinea, and I knew that
unless I hit upon some mode of speedily recruiting, I must have recourse
to the pawnbroker for another. These unpleasing reflections gave me
much uneasiness; but I carefully concealed it from my partner, and
preserved the same air of cheerfulness as before. At length came “th’
inevitable hour.” Money was wanting for household purposes, and I was
obliged to raise a few pounds, by depositing my watch in the usual place
of security. I accounted for the absence of this article by a pretence
that it wanted repair. This small supply lasted but a fortnight, as we
retrenched nothing of our mode of living; and I had lately accompanied
my dear Sarah to the theatres, and other places of diversion, for which
amusement she had as violent a passion as myself. But I have now to
relate an event, which no less afflicted than surprised me, and of which
I had not the most distant apprehension.
One night, towards the close of the last mentioned period, we had
returned late from the opera, and, being in high spirits though low in
pocket, I proposed to send for a small collation from the neighbouring
tavern, and to indulge in a little extra festivity: this was approved
of by my charmer, who indeed had no will but mine; and, our little maid
having procured the necessary requisites, we enjoyed a most comfortable
supper; after which we circulated the cheering glass, the wine receiving
an additional zest from the wit and enlivening conversation of my fair
companion. But mark the uncertainty of human happiness!
About two o’clock, as we were on the point of retiring to rest, we were
surprised by a sudden and loud knock at the street door, which being
unusual at so late an hour, caused a momentary alarm to us both. Before
we had time to form any idea of the cause, the door of our apartment
was burst rudely open, and three persons entered, at the sight of whom,
my unfortunate girl fainted in my arms, on the sofa whereon we sat.
One of the three persons, a respectable looking elderly gentleman,
from his tender anxiety, but mixed with some degree of severity, I soon
conjectured to be her unhappy father; in which I was not mistaken.
The other two immediately called the landlady of the house, by whose
assistance they recovered the poor girl from her swoon; which having
accomplished, they instantly hurried her down stairs, the old gentleman
darting an angry look at me, and left me so stupified with grief and
surprise, that I had not power to follow, or notice their proceedings. I
soon afterwards heard a coach drive from the door, on which the latter
was immediately shut, and the landlady coming up, informed me of what she
had gathered during a short conversation from the parties. It appeared
that the young lady had been seen with me the preceding night at the
opera-house, by a friend of her family, who knowing of her elopement, had
officiously followed us home, and then immediately given information to
her father, who applying instantly to Sir William Ford, the Bow-Street
magistrate, that gentleman had detached Messrs. Townshend and Carpmeal
(two of his principal officers) to assist him in the recovery of his lost
child. This they had effected as I have described; the anxiety of her
parent not suffering him to defer the business even till the ensuing day.
The woman added that on learning from her, the life his daughter had led
for some months prior to her acquaintance with me, and that I was not
her original seducer, he had declined the idea of apprehending me, which
the officers were otherwise empowered to do.
This melancholy event was a grievous affliction to me, who had
relinquished an honourable situation, purely on her account; and was now
not only deprived of a beloved object, but reduced to a state of utter
poverty. Notwithstanding every inquiry I could institute, I could never
obtain any further information as to the fate of Miss K⸺e, than what I
extracted by a bribe from one of the officers, who assured me that it
was her father’s intention to send her to a remote part of the kingdom,
where she had a female relation who had undertaken the care of her: but
this man declared that the name of her parents was known only to the
magistrate, which was perhaps true: and the dear girl had never even
disclosed her real name to myself, but had almost promised so to do on a
little longer acquaintance.
I now quitted this lodging, the wearing apparel of my late companion
being claimed by the landlady for some arrears of rent, as the father had
refused to take any thing from the house, and never approached it more. I
engaged a small apartment for myself in a more centrical situation; and,
to supply my immediate wants, deposited one article after another at the
pawnbroker’s, till I had no longer any thing left to deposit.
It was necessary, however, before my appearance became too shabby, to
find some means of support. As to my friends, I had given up every idea
of returning to them, nor did I, for some months after this, acquaint
them of the rash step I had taken: and when I afterwards did so, I amused
my poor grandfather with a fictitious account of my having returned to
the law, and assured him that I was doing well; for as I have before
hinted, I was so sensible of the inconvenience which that worthy man must
unavoidably suffer in his old age, from his too great liberality to me,
that I determined to submit to any hardships rather than be a further
incumbrance upon him.
I had, during my former residence in London, taken great delight in
billiards, and, by a frequent attendance at public tables, had become
a tolerably good player. I had renewed my acquaintance with this game,
since my last arrival in town; and, urged by necessity, I now deemed
it possible to pick up a little money at one of these _boards of green
cloth_. For this purpose I attended daily at the rooms in Bow-Street,
Covent Garden, where, by a few days play with the marker, I gained a
knowledge of the tables; and, as nothing contributes like practice to
improve one at this scientific game, I was soon enabled to engage with
such gentlemen as accidentally dropped in for an hour’s amusement, which
I obligingly afforded them at the expense of a few shillings.
These opportunities, however, only occurred in the early part of
the day; for in the evenings, the tables, as well as the spoil, were
engrossed by a combination of five or six sharpers, who regularly
attended for the same purpose as myself; but their operations were upon a
more extensive scale: by forming sham matches among themselves, engaging
by-standers to bet on either side, and then playing booty, and by various
other expedients, they frequently obtained large sums, and were enabled
to appear genteelly about town. These gentry soon viewed me with a
jealous eye; regarding me, I suppose, as an interloper, who encroached
upon their rights of plunder. I therefore found it would be necessary
to have an understanding with their party, by which means I should reap
a much better harvest than I could do by a mere course of fair play, in
which I was sometimes unavoidably beat. I at length effected my object,
by means of an elderly man, whose good-natured countenance encouraged
me to introduce a conversation on the subject. This person, who was
a veteran in the arts of play, and of some consequence in the gang,
seemed flattered by the respectful manner in which I addressed him, and,
complimenting me on the talents I possessed, assured me I should receive
from himself every advice requisite to render me useful; and that I might
depend on the most equitable treatment in the division of any money I
might be accessary to obtaining.
I was the same evening formally accepted as a member of this sharping
fraternity; and after a libation at the Piazza coffee-house, they
repaired to the scene of action, where I soon afterwards dropped in, as
if by accident; and, having played a few games with the marker, in which
I betrayed great want of skill, I was at length challenged by one of our
party, who had been seen at other times to play well. Of course, bets in
plenty were offered against me; and in the middle of the game, pretending
to be irritated at the general discouragement of the by-standers, I
affected to grow warm, and took odds of several gentlemen, that I won the
game (which was now six to four against me); my antagonist also backed
himself by laying the same odds with some of our confederates, after
which, no more bets being offered, he relaxed a little in his play. I
improved in proportion, and having, for form’s sake, suffered the game
to arrive at twenty all, the flats (or strangers) began to look foolish,
and endeavoured to hedge off, as the phrase is, but without effect. I
therefore made a successful hazard, and decided the game, to the great
chagrin of those who had so warmly opposed me. The person who played with
me, declared I had won by mere luck, and random play, and, throwing down
his bets with a passionate air, swore he would play me the following day
for a larger sum, and give me five points. This finesse prevented any
suspicion in the minds of the losers, whom it was our interest to keep
ignorant of the combination existing. The room soon after getting thin,
we departed one at a time, and meeting at the usual place, apportioned
the division of the evening’s profit, which amounted to about thirty
pounds.
I continued to associate with this knot of gamblers for several weeks;
but I soon found that our success was very uncertain, depending upon
the number of strangers who happened to visit the rooms; as those who
had once been duped by us, were always cautious in future, and would
neither play nor bet with us. It was only, therefore, from gentlemen who
were not in the habit of frequenting this house, that we had a chance of
gaining any thing worth notice: so that upon the whole, what I acquired
was barely sufficient to keep me above want. The summer too, having now
commenced, at which season there is but little company at the billiard
rooms, the confederates to whom I had attached myself, left town upon
a tour to the different races, some with an E O table, others trusting
to their general abilities at hazard playing, cocking, _&c._ As I had
neither found the pleasure or profit which I derived from a connexion
with them to afford that satisfaction I expected, I was not concerned
at a separation from them. I therefore rubbed on as well as I could by
myself, spending my leisure time much in my usual manner, but always
taking care to preserve a genteel appearance, on which I knew every
success depended.
As I was one morning reading the papers at the coffee-house where I
commonly breakfasted, I met with an advertisement for a clerk to an
attorney in the country. As this was a situation I had never held, and
the season of the year was favourable to an excursion, I determined to
offer my services, promising myself, at least, to derive some benefit
to my health, and amusement from changing the scene; but I had always
a partiality for London, and could never wholly reconcile myself to a
country life, since I first tasted of the various pleasures with which
the metropolis abounds.
I immediately applied to the advertising parties, Messrs. Dalton and
Edwards, in King’s Bench Walk, Temple, and was introduced to the latter
gentleman, who informed me it was a Mr. Dalton of Bury St. Edmunds, who
wanted a clerk capable of conducting his business. As I had acquired
a greater share of experience, and a better insight of the different
branches of the profession, than many others would do in a much longer
course of service, I hesitated not to undertake the duties required;
and as expedition was necessary, Mr. Edwards, after some few inquiries,
engaged me immediately at a weekly salary of one pound, which in so cheap
a part of the country, he observed, was equal to twice the sum in London.
He desired me if possible, to set out that very day, and writing a short
letter of introduction to Mr. Dalton, gave it me, together with a small
sum to bear my expenses to Bury. I then took my leave, and having gained
the street, I was curious to know in what terms my credentials ran. The
wafer being still wet, I opened the letter, in which Mr. Edwards had
briefly stated the agreement he had made with me, and concluded in these
words: “I have every reason to believe him an expert clerk, and do not
doubt but he will prove an acquisition.” How far this good gentleman’s
prediction was verified, the next Chapter will disclose. I lost no time
in preparing for my journey, and having but few clothes to pack up, I
took my departure from the Blue Boar in Bishopsgate-street, at seven
o’clock, P. M., and the next morning arrived at St. Edmundsbury.