_A Bedchamber in Lady Bountifuls House.
Mrs. Sullen and Dorinda discovered undressed;
a table and lights_.
_Dor_. 'Tis very late, sister, no news of your spouse yet?
_Mrs. Sul_. No, I 'm condemned to be alone till towards
four, and then perhaps I may be executed with his
company.
_Dor_. Well, my dear, I'll leave you to your rest; you 'll
go directly to bed, I suppose?
_Mrs. Sul_. I don't know what to do.--Heigh-ho!
_Dor_. That's a desiring sigh, sister.
_Mrs. Sul_. This is a languishing hour, sister.
_Dor_. And might prove a critical minute if the pretty
fellow were here. {11}
_Mrs. Sul_. Here! what, in my bedchamber at two o'clock
o' th' morning, I undressed, the family asleep, my
hated husband abroad, and my lovely fellow at my
feet!--O 'gad, sister!
_Dor_. Thoughts are free, sister, and them I allow you.--
So, my dear, good night.
_Mrs. Sul_. A good rest to my dear Dorinda!--[_Exit
Dorinda_.] Thoughts free! are they so? Why,
then, suppose him here, dressed like a youthful, gay,
and burning bridegroom, {21}
[Here Archer steals out of a closet behind.
with tongue enchanting, eyes bewitching, knees
imploring.]
--[_Turns a little on one side and sees
Archer in the posture she describes_.]--Ah!--[_Shrieks,
and runs to the other side of the stage_.] Have my
thoughts raised a spirit?--What are you, sir, a man
or a devil?
_Arch_. A man, a man, madam. [_Rising_.
_Mrs. Sul_. How shall I be sure of it?
_Arch_. Madam, I'll give you demonstration this minute.
[_Takes her hand_.
_Mrs. Sul_. What, sir! do you intend to be rude? {31}
_Arch_. Yes, madam, if you please.
_Mrs. Sul_. In the name of wonder, whence came ye?
_Arch_. From the skies, madam--I'm a Jupiter in love,
and you shall be my Alcmena.
_Mrs. Sul_. How came you in?
_Arch_. I flew in at the window, madam; your cousin
Cupid lent me his wings, and your sister Venus
opened the casement.
_Mrs. Sul_. I 'm struck dumb with wonder! {40}
_Arch_. And I--with admiration!
[_Looks passionately at her_.
_Mrs. Sul_. What will become of me?
_Arch_. How beautiful she looks!--The teeming jolly
Spring smiles in her blooming face, and, when she
was conceived, her mother smelt to roses, looked on
lilies--
Lilies unfold their white, their fragrant charms,
When the warm sun thus darts into their arms.
[_Runs to her_.
_Mrs. Sul_. Ah! [_Shrieks_.
_Arch_. 'Oons, madam, what d' ye mean? you 'll raise the
house. {51}
_Mrs. Sul_. Sir, I 'll wake the dead before I bear this!--
What! approach me with the freedom of a keeper!
I 'm glad on't, your impudence has cured me.
_Arch_. If this be impudence--[_Kneels_.] I leave to your
partial self; no panting pilgrim, after a tedious,
painful voyage, e'er bowed before his saint with
more devotion. {58}
_Mrs. Sul_. [_Aside_.] Now, now, I 'm ruined if he kneels!
--[_Aloud_.] Rise, thou prostrate engineer, not all
thy undermining skill shall reach my heart.--Rise,
and know I am a woman without my sex; I can
love to all the tenderness of wishes, sighs, and tears
--but go no farther.--Still, to convince you-that
I'm more than woman, I can speak my frailty,
confess my weakness even for you, but--
_Arch_. For me! [_Going to lay hold on her_.
_Mrs. Sul_. Hold, sir! build not upon that; for my most
mortal hatred follows if you disobey what I command you
now.--Leave me this minute.--[_Aside_.]
If he denies I 'm lost. {71}
_Arch_. Then you 'll promise--
_Mrs. Sul_. Anything another time.
_Arch_. When shall I come?
_Mrs. Sul_. To-morrow--when you will.
_Arch_. Your lips must seal the promise.
_Mrs. Sul_. Psha!
_Arch_. They must! they must! [_Kisses her_.]
--Raptures and paradise!--And why not now, my angel? the
time, the place, silence, and secrecy, all conspire.
And the now conscious stars have preordained this
moment for my happiness. [_Takes her in his arms_.
_Mrs. Sul_. You will not! cannot, sure! {83}
_Arch_. If the sun rides fast, and disappoints not mortals
of to-morrow's dawn, this night shall crown my
joys.
_Mrs. Sul_. My sex's pride assist me!
_Arch_. My sex's strength help me!
_Mrs. Sul_. You shall kill me first!
_Arch_. I 'll die with you. [_Carrying her off_.
_Mrs. Sul_. Thieves! thieves! murder! {91}
_Enter Scrub in his breeches, and one shoe_.
_Scrub_. Thieves! thieves! murder! popery!
_Arch_. Ha! the very timorous stag will kill in rutting
time. [_Draws, and offers to stab Scrub_.
_Scrub_. [_Kneeling_.] O pray, sir, spare all I have, and
take my life!
_Mrs. Sul_. [_Holding Archer's hand_.] What does the
fellow mean?
_Scrub_. O madam, down upon your knees, your marrow-bones!
--he 's one of 'em. {100}
_Arch_. Of whom?
_Scrub_. One of the rogues--I beg your pardon, one of
the honest gentlemen that just now are broke into
the house.
_Arch_. How!
_Mrs. Sul_. I hope you did not come to rob me?
_Arch_. Indeed I did, madam, but I would have taken
nothing but what you might ha' spared; but your
crying 'Thieves' has waked this dreaming fool, and
so he takes 'em for granted. {110}
_Scrub_. Granted! 'tis granted, sir; take all we have.
_Mrs. Sul_. The fellow looks as if he were broke out of
Bedlam.
_Scrub_. 'Oons, madam, they 're broke into the house with
fire and sword! I saw them, heard them; they 'll
be here this minute.
_Arch_. What, thieves!
_Scrub_. Under favour, sir, I think so.
_Mrs. Sul_. What shall we do, sir?
_Arch_. Madam, I wish your ladyship a good night {120}
_Mrs. Sul_. Will you leave me?
_Arch_. Leave you! Lord, madam, did not you command
me to be gone just now, upon pain of your
immortal hatred?
_Mrs. Sul_. Nay, but pray, sir---- [_Takes hold of him_.
_Arch_. Ha! ha! ha! now comes my turn to be ravished.
--You see now, madam, you must use men one way
or other; but take this by the way; good madam,
that none but a fool will give you the benefit of his
courage, unless you'll take his love along with it.
--How are they armed, friend? {131}
_Scrub_. With sword and pistol, sir.
_Arch_. Hush!--I see a dark lantern coming through the
gallery--Madam, be assured I will protect you, or
lose my life.
_Mrs. Sul_. Your life! no, sir, they can rob me of
nothing that I value half so much; therefore now,
sir, let me entreat you to be gone. {138}
_Arch_. No, madam, I'll consult my own safety for the
sake of yours; I 'll work by stratagem. Have you
courage enough to stand the appearance of 'em?
_Mrs. Sul_. Yes, yes, since I have 'scaped your hands, I
can face anything.
_Arch_. Come hither, brother Scrub! don't you know me?
_Scrub_. Eh, my dear brother, let me kiss thee.
[_Kisses Archer_.
_Arch_. This way--here----
[Archer and Scrub hide behind the bed.
_Enter Gibbet, with a dark lantern in one hand, and
a pistol in the other_.
_Gib_. Ay, ay, this is the chamber, and the lady alone.
_Mrs. Sul_. Who are you, sir? what would you have?
d' ye come to rob me? {149}
_Gib_. Rob you! alack a day, madam, I 'm only a
younger brother, madam; and so, madam, if you
make a noise, I 'll shoot you through the head; but
don't be afraid, madam.--[_Laying his lantern and
pistol upon the table_.] These rings, madam; don't
be concerned, madam, I have a profound respect
for you, madam; your keys, madam; don't be
frighted, madam, I 'm the most of a gentleman.
--[_Searching her pockets_.] This necklace, madam;
I never was rude to any lady;--I have a veneration
--for this necklace-- {160}
[_Here Archer having come round, and seized the
pistol takes Gibbet by the collar, trips up his
heels, and claps the pistol to his breast_.
_Arch_. Hold, profane villain, and take the reward of thy
sacrilege!
_Gib_. Oh! pray, sir, don't kill me; I an't prepared.
_Arch_. How many is there of 'em, Scrub?
_Scrub_. Five-and-forty, sir.
_Arch_. Then I must kill the villain, to have him out of
the way.
_Gib_. Hold, hold, sir, we are but three, upon my honour.
_Arch_. Scrub, will you undertake to secure him?
_Scrub_. Not I, sir; kill him, kill him! {170}
_Arch_. Run to Gipsy's chamber, there you'll find the
doctor; bring him hither presently.--[_Exit Scrub,
running_.] Come, rogue, if you have a short prayer,
say it.
_Gib_. Sir, I have no prayer at all; the government has
provided a chaplain to say prayers for us on these
occasions.
_Mrs. Sul_. Pray, sir, don't kill him: you fright me as
much as him. {179}
_Arch_. The dog shall die, madam, for being the occasion
of my disappointment.--Sirrah, this moment is your
last.
_Gib_. Sir, I 'll give you two hundred pounds to spare my
life.
_Arch_. Have you no more, rascal?
_Gib_. Yes, sir, I can command four hundred, but I must
reserve two of 'em to save my life at the sessions.
_Re-enter Scrub and Foigard_.
_Arch_. Here, doctor, I suppose Scrub and you between
you may manage him. Lay hold of him, doctor.
[_Foigard lays hold of Gibbet_.
_Gib_. What! turned over to the priest already!--
Look 'ee, doctor, you come before your time; I an't
condemned yet, I thank ye. {192}
_Foi_. Come, my dear joy; I vill secure your body and
your shoul too; I vill make you a good catholic,
and give you an absolution.
_Gib_. Absolution! can you procure me a pardon, doctor?
_Foi_. No, joy--
_Gib_. Then you and your absolution may to the devil!
{199}
_Arch_. Convey him into the cellar, there bind him:--
take the pistol, and if he offers to resist, shoot him
through the head--and come back to us with all
the speed you can.
_Scrub_. Ay, ay, come, doctor, do you hold him fast, and
I 'll guard him.
[_Exit Foigard with Gibbet, Scrub following_.
_Mrs. Sul_. But how came the doctor--
_Arch_. In short, madam--[_Shrieking without_.] 'Sdeath!
the rogues are at work with the other ladies--I 'm
vexed I parted with the pistol; but I must fly to
their assistance.--Will you stay here, madam, or
venture yourself with me? {211}
_Mrs. Sul_. [_Taking him by the arm_.] Oh, with you, dear
sir, with you. [_Exeunt_.