_A Room in Bonifaces Inn,
Knocking without, enter Boniface_.
_Bon_. Coming! Coming!--A coach and six foaming
horses at this time o' night I some great man, as the
saying is, for he scorns to travel with other people.
_Enter Sir Charles Freeman_.
_Sir Chas_. What, fellow! a public house, and abed when
other people sleep?
_Bon_. Sir, I an't abed, as the saying is.
_Sir Chas_. Is Mr. Sullen's family abed, think 'ee?
_Bon_. All but the squire himself, sir, as the saying is;
he's in the house.
_Sir Chas_. What company has he? {10}
_Bon_. Why, sir, there 's the constable, Mr. Gage the
exciseman, the hunch-backed barber, and two or
three other gentlemen.
_Sir Chas_. I find my sister's letters gave me the true
picture of her spouse. [_Aside_.
_Enter Squire Sullen, drunk_.
_Bon_. Sir, here's the squire.
_Squire Sul_. The puppies left me asleep--Sir!
_Sir Chas_. Well, sir.
_Squire Sul_. Sir, I am an unfortunate man--I have three
thousand pounds a year, and I can't get a man to
drink a cup of ale with me. {21}
_Sir Chas_. That's very hard.
_Squire Sul_. Ay, sir; and unless you have pity upon me,
and smoke one pipe with me, I must e'en go home
to my wife, and I had rather go to the devil by half.
_Sir Chas_. But I presume, sir, you won't see your wife
to-night; she 'll be gone to bed. You don't use to
lie with your wife in that pickle?
_Squire Sul_. What I not lie with my wife! why, sir, do
you take me for an atheist or a rake? {30}
_Sir Chas_. If you hate her, sir, I think you had better lie
from her.
_Squire Sul_. I think so too, friend. But I'm a Justice of
peace, and must do nothing against the law.
_Sir Chas_. Law! as I take it, Mr. Justice, nobody
observes law for law's sake, only for the good of those
for whom it was made.
_Squire Sul_. But, if the law orders me to send you to jail
you must lie there, my friend.
_Sir Chas_. Not unless I commit a crime to deserve it
_Squire Sul_. A crime? 'oons, an't I martied? {40}
_Sir Chas_. Nay, sir, if you call a marriage a crime, you
must disown it for a law.
_Squire Sul_. Eh! I must be acquainted with you, sir.--
But, sir, I should be very glad to know the truth of
this matter.
_Sir Chas_. Truth, sir, is a profound sea, and few there
be that dare wade deep enough to find out the
bottom on't. Besides, sir, I 'm afraid the line of
your understanding mayn't be long enough. {50}
_Squire Sul_. Look'ee, sir, I have nothing to say to your
sea of truth, but, if a good parcel of land can entitle
a man to a little truth, I have as much as any He in
the country.
_Bon_. I never heard your worship, as the saying is, talk
so much before.
_Squire Sul_. Because I never met with a man that I
liked before.
_Bon_. Pray, sir, as the saying is, let me ask you one
question: are not man and wife one flesh? {60}
_Sir Chas_. You and your wife, Mr. Guts, may be one
flesh, because ye are nothing else; but rational
creatures have minds that must be united.
_Squire Sul_. Minds!
_Sir Chas_. Ay, minds, sir; don't you think that the mind
takes place of the body?
_Squire Sul_. In some people.
_Sir Chas_. Then the interest of the master must be
consulted before that of his servant {69}
_Squire Sul_. Sir, you shall dine with me to-morrow!--
'Oons, I always thought that we were naturally one.
_Sir Chas_. Sir, I know that my two hands are naturally
one, because they love one another, kiss one another,
help one another in all the actions of life; but I
could not say so much if they were always at cuffs.
_Squire Sul_. Then 'tis plain that we are two.
_Sir Chas_. Why don't you part with her, sir?
_Squire Sul_. Will you take her, sir?
_Sir Chas_. With all my heart. {79}
_Squire Sul_. You shall have her to-morrow morning, and
a venison-pasty into the bargain.
_Sir Chas_. You 'll let me have her fortune too?
_Squire Sul_. Fortune! why, sir, I have no quarrel at her
fortune: I only hate the woman, sir, and none but
the woman shall go.
_Sir Chas_. But her fortune, sir--
_Squire Sul_. Can you play at whisk, sir?
_Sir Chas_. No, truly, sir.
_Squire Sul_. Nor at all-fours?
_Sir Chas_. Neither. {90}
_Squire Sul_. [_Aside_.] 'Oons! where was this man bred?--
[_Aloud_.] Burn me, sir! I can't go home, 'tis but two
a clock.
_Sir Chas_. For half an hour, sir, if you please; but you
must consider 'tis late.
_Squire Sul_. Late! that's the reason I can't go to bed.--
Come, sir! [_Exeunt_.
_Enter Cherry, runs across the stage, and knocks at
Aimwells chamber door. Enter Aimwell in his
nightcap and gown_.
_Aim_. What's the matter? you tremble, child; you're
frighted. {99}
_Cher_. No wonder, sir--But, in short, sir, this very
minute a gang of rogues are gone to rob my Lady
Bountiful's house.
_Aim_. How!
_Cher_. I dogged 'em to the very door, and left 'em breaking in.
_Aim_. Have you alarmed anybody else with the news?
_Cher_. No, no, sir, I wanted to have discovered the whole
plot, and twenty other things, to your man Martin;
but I have searched the whole house, and can't find
him: where is he? {110}
_Aim_. No matter, child; will you guide me immediately
to the house?
_Cher_. With all my heart, sir; my Lady Bountiful is my
godmother, and I love Mrs. Dorinda so well--
_Aim_. Dorinda! the name inspires me, the glory and the
danger shall be all my own.--Come, my life, let me
but get my sword. [_Exeunt_.