TODD TAKES HIS LAST WALK UP FLEET STREET AND TO BELL YARD.
The twelve o'clock batch of pies went up, and down came the little
missive of Mrs. Lovett respecting the four o'clock lot to the cook; but
no Mrs. Lovett made her appearance, to relieve Mrs. Stag from her duties
in the shop.
"Ah," said that elongated lady, "it's all very well of Mrs. L. to say
she would pay me for the day. I suppose she means to make a day of it,
and that's the reason. Now, young man, what's for you?"
"A pork with a nob of veal in it to give it a relish," was the reply of
the young scion of the law, to whom Stag had addressed herself.
"Go along with you, I don't want none o' your impertinence."
"Now, ma'am, look alive. Two veals if you please. One pork--five
porks--four veals. Do you make half a veal?"
"No we don't."
"A hot pork--three porks--two porks--eight veals. Don't be pushing in
that way--four porks--smash. There, now, I've dropped mine, and it's all
along of you."
"Do be quiet," said Stag, "gentlemen do be quiet; 'patience,' says Paul,
'and I'll soon serve you all.' What are you laughing at, you little
jackanapes? You ought to be ashamed of yourself to be making faces at a
female twice you age."
"And three times your size," said a voice.
There was a great roar of laughter at this, but by degrees poor Stag got
through the business of the twelve o'clock batch, and sat down with a
sigh, to console herself, by eating two or three of the most
luscious-looking that remained.
"It ain't to be denied," said Stag, "but they are good. I never met with
such gravy in all my life as is in 'em. Yes, they are first-rate. I'll
just put one in the crown of my bonnet, for there's no knowing a minute
now when Mrs. L. may pop in upon one at unawares-like. It's a comfort to
have one of these pies, promiscous like, at one's hand, to lay hold of
just in this sort of way, and pass in one's mouth in this kind of way.
Oh, heart alive, but this is a good one. I declare the gravy is running
out of it like water from a plug, when there's no house on fire, and it
ain't wanted."
Mrs. Stag would have done very well indeed if she could but have got
something to drink. That certainly was a drawback, that at first the
lady's ingenuity did not present any means of speedily overcoming; but
as necessity is the mother of invention, Mrs. Stag at last hit upon a
plan.
"There's plenty of money in the till, of course," she said, "and suppose
I stand at the door, and wait, till some wretch of a boy passes, and
then give him a halfpenny for himself, just to run to the corner and get
me a drop of something warm and comfortable."
Mrs. Stag had no sooner started this "suppose," than she felt a burning
desire to carry it out; and accordingly, history says, that at a quarter
to one she might have been seen at the door of Mrs. Lovett's pie-shop,
with a shilling in one hand, a halfpenny in another, and a bottle
concealed in her pocket, looking like an ogress at every boy who passed,
and who looked as though he wanted a halfpenny, and consequently would
go upon the secret message, for the purpose of earning one there and
then.
Presently one came along the centre of Bell Yard, who seemed just the
sort of person.
"Boy, boy!" cried Mrs. Stag.
"Well, old 'un," he replied, "what do you bring it in--Wilful Murder
with the chill off, or what?"
"Don't be owdacious. If you want to earn a penny--I mean a
halfpenny--honestly, take this shilling and this bottle, and go to the
corner, and get a quartern of the best."
"The best what?"
"Oh, you foolish boy. Gin, of course; but remember that my eye is upon
you."
It was well that Mrs. Stag spoke in the singular regarding her optical
organ, for she had but one. The boy professed a ready acquiescence, and
away he went, with the bottle and the shilling. Alas! Mrs. Stag was left
lamenting. He came not back again, and from thenceforward Mrs. Stag lost
the small amount of faith she had had in boyhood. The well-concocted
scheme had failed, and there she was, with countless halfpence in the
till, and so thirsting for strong water, that she was half inclined to
make a grand rush herself to the nearest public-house, and chance any
one in the interim helping themselves to the pies _ad lib_.
But she was not reduced to that extremity. Suddenly the window was
darkened by a shadow, and through one of the topmost panes an immense
hideous face, with an awful grin upon it, confronted Mrs. Stag.
The good lady was fascinated--not in an agreeable sense, but in quite
the reverse--she could not take her eyes from off the hideous gigantic
face, as it placed itself close to the frame of ill-made greenish glass,
in order to get a good view into the shop.
"Goodness gracious, it's _Luficer_ himself!" said Mrs. Stag. "I'm a lost
woman. Quite a lost woman. I'm undone. It's _Luficer_ himself, I'm sure
and certain!"
Probably the hideous eyes that belonged to the hideous face, conveyed
the impression to the brain behind them that Mrs. Stag was in a state of
apprehension; for suddenly the face was withdrawn, and Todd--yes, Todd
himself, for to whom else could such a face belong?--made his way into
the shop.
Mrs. Stag groaned again, and in a stammering voice, said--
"If you please, sir. I--I ain't ready yet."
"Ready for what?" said Todd.
"To go to--to--the brimstone beds, if you please, sir. I haven't done
half enough yet."
"Pho!" said Todd. "My good woman, you don't surely take me for the
devil? I am an old friend of Mrs. Lovett's, and a neighbour. I have just
stepped in to ask her how she does to day."
Mrs. Stag drew a long breath of relief as she said--
"Well, really, sir, I begs your parding. It must have been the pane of
glass that--that--that--"
"Threw my face out of shape a little," said Todd, making one of his most
hideous contortions, and finishing it off with a loud "Ha!"
Mrs. Stag nearly fell off her chair. But it was not Todd's wish to
frighten her, although he had, in the hilarity of his heart, yielded,
like Lord Brougham, to the speculative fun of the moment. He now tried
to reassure her.
"Don't be at all alarmed at me, madam," he said. "Mrs. Lovett laughs
often at my little funny ways. Is she at home?"
Todd knew what sort of home he had provided Mrs. Lovett with, and this
visit to Bell Yard was one partly of curiosity and partly of triumph, to
ascertain how she had left things in her absence from her establishment.
"No, sir," said Mrs. Stag, replying to the question of Todd; "she is not
at home, sir."
"Dear me, I thought she was always in at this time of the day. When,
madam, do you expect her?"
"Leastways," said Mrs. Stag, "I don't know, sir."
"Were you here, madam, when she left home?"
"Yes, I _were_."
"Oh, and did she leave any message, madam, in case Mr. Todd from Fleet
Street should call? Pray recollect yourself, my dear madam, as it may
possibly be important. I do not say that it is, but it may be."
"No, sir," replied Mrs. Stag; "oh dear, no. All she said was, that she
was going to a christening."
"A christening? Ha! She has been christened!"
"Sir!"
"I only said she had been christened, and no stint of the water, that
was all, madam; but I perfectly understand you. Mrs. Lovett has gone to
the christening of some one of those sweet little innocents, all perfume
and flabbiness, that take one's heart completely by storm. Ah, my dear
madam, when one looks at the slumbering infant, how one feels an
irresistible desire to smother it."
"Lor, sir!"
"With soft kisses, my dear madam. Only fancy me now a baby!"
Todd made so awful a contortion of visage contingent upon this
supposition that poor Mrs. Stag, in the nervous condition which the
whole adventure had thrown her into, nearly fainted right away. Indeed,
the only thing that recovered her was hearing her visitor say--
"I am really very thirsty to-day. How do you feel, madam?"
These were delightful words.
"Oh, sir," she said, "how very odd. I am thirsty likewise."
"Well, that is remarkable," said Todd. "Now, my dear madam, I don't make
a common thing of saying as much to anybody, but you, who are a lady
evidently of refined taste and intellectual capabilities, I am sure,
will understand me, and make allowances for my feelings when I say that
I prefer to anything else--gin!"
"You don't mean it, sir?"
"Indeed, but I do."
"Oh, how could I mistake you for anything but a very nice man indeed,
and a perfect gentleman. It's one of the most singular things in all the
world, but I never do hardly take anything, yet what I do take is--is--"
"Gin."
Mrs. Stag nodded and smiled faintly.
"Well, my dear madam, I don't see why we should not have a drop while I
wait for Mrs. Lovett. Don't you trouble yourself, my dear madam. Now
really do not. I know that you will like to have to say to that good,
delightful, Mrs. Lovett, that you have not left the shop since she was
absent; I will get it. They will lend me a bottle, and I have capacious
pockets."
"But for you, sir, to--"
Todd was gone.
"Well, really, he is a very nice sort of conversable man," said Mrs.
Stag to herself, "when you come to know him, and he ain't near so ugly
as he looks after all. I do hope Mrs. Lovett won't trouble herself to
come home for the next half hour, since Mr. Todd has been so good as to
call and to make himself so very agreeable about the--the gin."
Todd went into Fleet Street for the gin, and he returned by the dark
archway leading into Bell Yard. It was darker then than it is now, and
in the deepness of an ancient doorway, he paused to drop into the
gin--not a deadly poison--but such a potion as he knew would soon wrap
up the senses of Mrs. Lovett's substitute in oblivion.
This narcotic he took from a small phial he had in his breast-pocket.
He did not say anything, but he gave one laugh, and then he walked on to
the pie-shop, where he was eagerly and warmly welcomed by Mrs. Stag, who
very assiduously placed a chair for him, saying, as she did so, that
"Mrs. Lovett would quite stare if she were to pop in just then, and see
them enjoying themselves, in a manner of speaking, in so delightful a
manner."
"I should stare!" said Todd.
"You would, sir?"
"Yes; I rather am inclined to think that that christening business will
detain her. By this time she has got into the thick of it, my dear
madam, you may depend, although I am quite certain she will be strictly
temporate, and take nothing but water."
"Do you think so, sir?"
"I am sure of it. Can you find a glass, madam? I have not the happiness
of knowing your name."
"Stay, if you please, sir. I have one glass here without a foot. It's an
odd thing, but Mrs. Lovett shuts up the place when she goes out, as if
we were all thieves and murderers."
"Does she really? Well--well, we will manage with one glass, my dear
Mrs. Stag. It is the first time we have had a drop together, and I have
only to hope that it will not be the last. I ought not, perhaps, to say
it before your face, but you are the most entertaining company that I
have met with for a long time.--Drink, madam."
"After you, sir."
"No--no, I insist."
Mrs. Stag drank off the full glass that Todd presented her with, and
then affecting to pour one out for himself, but dexterously keeping the
bottle between him and the lady, he only carried the empty glass to his
lips. Now, Mrs. Stag was a decided connoisseur in gin, and she suddenly
assumed a thoughtful air, and looked up to the ceiling as she slightly
moved her lips.
"Rather an unusual taste after it's down, don't you think, sir?" she
said.
"Has it? Well, I don't know. Perhaps you have been tasting a pie, madam,
and that may have influenced the flavour. Try it again. You never can
tell the taste of a glass of gin, in my opinion, until you have taken
two at least. Try this, Mrs. Stag."
"Really I--I. Thank you, sir."
Off went a second glass, and then Todd glared at her with the eyes of a
fiend, as he said, placing the bottle upon the counter, "That ought to
be a dose, I think."
"Sir?" stammered Mrs. Stag. "I--I--God bless me--I--sir--gin--I--that is
lots of pies--gin--gravy. Mrs. Lovett--in the crown of a bonnet--I--my
dear, my dear--Bless us all. Lock it all up--no--no--no. Gin--I--good
again--Pies--gravy."
Todd caught her by the throat or she would have fallen; and then, as she
became quite insensible, he thrust her under the counter.
[Illustration: Todd Performs An Operation On Mrs. Stag.]