ENGAGED
It greatly depends upon the views held by parents as to the freedom of
action accorded to a daughter during her engagement. Some entertain the
strictest ideas on this head, and strenuously put them in force.
By "strict ideas" is meant that an engaged couple, except in the
presence of a chaperon, are never, under any circumstances, permitted to
enjoy a _tete-a-tete_, sit together, walk together, ride together, or
meet during any part of the day.
Wisdom and common-sense dictate a middle course of action for the
consideration of parents, neither granting too much nor withholding too
much.
=The length of an engagement= determines in most instances the degree of
latitude allowed. If it is to last two months, or even less, it is usual
to permit the engaged couple to be much in each other's society. The
circumstances under which this is accomplished depend upon the position
of the parents; if wealthy, and a country house is part of their
possessions, the young lady's father should invite the gentleman engaged
to his daughter on a visit, or one or two visits, during the engagement.
Or the mother of the bridegroom-elect should invite her future
daughter-in-law to stay with her for ten days or a fortnight.
Etiquette prescribes that a young lady must be chaperoned by one of her
near relatives at all public places of amusement.
If an engaged couple move in the same set, they meet frequently at the
houses of mutual friends; they are sent in to dinner together when
dining out.
To dance with each other at a ball, or dance more than three or four
times in succession, and when not dancing to sit out in tea-rooms and
conservatories, renders an engaged couple conspicuous, and this is
precisely what many mothers are most anxious that their daughters should
avoid being, and would rather that they were over-prudent than that they
should run the gauntlet of general criticism.
=The usual course for engaged couples= to take is to go as little into
society as possible during their engagement, and to make the engagement
as brief as circumstances will permit. If from various causes it must of
necessity be a long one, the only alternative for an engaged couple is
to render themselves as little conspicuous in general society as a
mutual understanding will permit.
=When an engagement is first announced=, if the families are not
previously acquainted, the father, mother, and relatives of the
bridegroom-elect should call on the father and mother of the bride-elect
at an early date, to make the acquaintance of the bride and her family,
and they should write to the bride-elect expressing their approval of
the engagement.
The calls should be returned and the letters answered with the least
possible delay.
The engagement should be announced to relatives and intimate friends by
the mother of the engaged young lady, and if the announcement is to
appear in the papers it should be sent by her.
The bride should ask the sisters and cousins of the bridegroom to act as
bridesmaids in conjunction with her own sisters and cousins.
When an engagement is broken off, all letters and presents should be
returned on both sides.
All wedding presents received by the bride-elect should be likewise
returned to the donors.
The mother of the bride should announce to all whom it may concern, the
fact that the engagement is at an end.