PERIODS OF MOURNING
=The Various Periods of Mourning= for relatives have within the last few
years been materially shortened, and the change generally accepted; but
as some still prefer to adhere to the longest periods prescribed by
custom, in the present chapter both periods are given, and it entirely
depends upon individual feeling and circumstances which of the two
periods is observed.
The time-honoured custom of wearing crape has greatly declined, and with
the exception of widows, many do not wear it at all, while others wear
it as a trimming only.
A slighter change has also taken place in favour of half-mourning
colours, which are now more worn than black and white during the
half-mourning period.
=Court Mourning= when enjoined is imperative, the orders respecting
which are minutely given from the Lord Chamberlain's office and
published in the official _Gazette_; but these orders only apply to
persons connected with the Court, or to persons attending Courts,
Levees, State Balls, State Concerts, etc.
When the order for general mourning is given on the death of any member
of the Royal Family, the order applies to all, although it is optional
whether the general public comply with it or not.
=The Longest Period for a Widow's Mourning= is two years. The shorter
period is eighteen months. Formerly crape was worn for one year and
nine months; for the first twelve months the dress was entirely covered
with crape. The newer fashion in widows' mourning is to wear crape as a
trimming only, and to discontinue its wear after six or eight months,
while some few widows do not wear it at all during their mourning, it
being optional wear.
=Half-Mourning= in the longer period commences after a year and nine
months, and is worn for three months. In the shorter period
half-mourning may commence after fifteen months, and be continued for
three months.
The period for wearing the widow's cap and veil is a year and a day. The
veil may be _crepe lisse_ or _chiffon_ in place of crape. It is now the
fashion for young widows to wear the cap as a head-dress only, while
others do not wear it at all.
Lawn cuffs and collars are worn during the first year, or for six months
only, or not at all. After the first year white neckbands and white
strings to the bonnet may be worn. Also hats in place of bonnets.
Further touches of white may follow during the next three months.
After a year gold ornaments may be worn; diamonds earlier.
=Widowers= should wear mourning for one year; they usually enter society
after three months.
=For a Parent= the period of mourning is twelve months; ten months
black, two months half-mourning, or eight months black and four months
half-mourning. The black may be relieved with touches of white after
three months. Crape is optional; many prefer not to wear it at all,
others as a trimming.
Diamonds--earrings, brooches; etc.--before gold, at the end of three
months.
=For a Son or Daughter= the period of mourning is identical with the
foregoing.
=For very Young Children or Infants= the mourning is frequently
shortened by half this period, or even to three months.
=For a Stepmother.=--The period of mourning depends upon whether the
stepdaughters reside at home or not, or whether their father has been
long married, or whether their father's second wife has filled the place
of mother to them, in which case the period of mourning would be for
twelve months, otherwise the period is six months--four months black
relieved with touches of white after two months, followed by two months
half-mourning.
=For a Brother or Sister= the longest period of mourning is six months,
the shortest period four months.
During the longest period, viz. six months, black should be worn for
five months, with a little white after two months, half-mourning for one
month. After one month diamonds, pins, and brooches, etc.; gold after
two months.
During the shortest period, viz. four months, black should be worn for
two months, half-mourning two months.
=For a Sister-in-law or a Brother-in-law= the period of mourning was
formerly the same as for a brother or sister, but the four months'
period is now the one usually chosen.
=For a Grandparent= the longest period of mourning is six months, the
shortest four months.
During the longest period black should be worn for three months,
relieved with white after six weeks, half-mourning for three months;
diamonds after one month, gold after six weeks or two months.
During the shortest period black should be worn for two months,
half-mourning for two months.
The custom of wearing crape may now be said to have gone out of fashion
as regards etiquette, black being considered adequate mourning, save in
the case of widows.
The former crape periods were six months for parents and children, three
months for brothers and sisters, three months for grandparents.
=For an Uncle or Aunt= the longest period of mourning is three months,
the shortest period six weeks.
During the longest period black (no crape) should be worn for two
months, half-mourning one month.
During the shortest period black for three weeks, half-mourning for
three weeks; diamonds after three weeks.
=For a Nephew or Niece= the periods of mourning are identical with the
foregoing.
=For an Uncle or Aunt by Marriage= the period is six weeks black, or
three weeks black and three weeks half-mourning.
=For a Great Uncle or Aunt= the longest period is two months, the
shortest one month.
During the longest period black for one month, half-mourning for one
month.
During the shortest period black for one month.
=For a First Cousin= the longest period is six weeks, the shortest one
month.
During the longest period black for three weeks, half-mourning for three
weeks.
During the shortest period black for one month.
=For a Second Cousin= three weeks black. Mourning for a second cousin is
not obligatory, but quite optional, and often not worn.
=For a Husband's Relations= the periods of mourning chosen are
invariably the shorter ones.
=For a Daughter-in-law or Son-in-law= the periods are now shortened to
six months; four months black and two months half-mourning, or three
months black and three months half-mourning.
=For the Parents of a Son-in-law or Daughter-in-law= the period is one
month, black.
=For the Parents of a First Wife= a second wife should wear mourning for
one month, black relieved with white.
=For a Brother or Sister of a First Wife= a second wife should wear
mourning for three weeks, but this is not obligatory, and depends upon
the intimacy existing between the two families.
=Much Latitude is allowed to Men= with regard to the foregoing periods
of mourning.
=A Hat-band should be worn= during the whole of each period, but it is
not imperative to wear suits of black longer than half the periods
given, save in the case of widowers.
=Servants' Mourning.=--It is customary to give servants mourning on the
death of the head of the house, which should be worn during the period
the members of the family are in mourning. Mourning given to servants
on the death of a son or daughter is quite an optional matter.
=Seclusion from Society.=--The question as to how soon persons in
mourning should or should not re-enter society is in some measure an
open one, and is also influenced by the rules that govern the actual
period of mourning adopted.
=A Widow is not expected to enter into Society= under three months, and
during that time she should neither accept invitations nor issue them.
Her visiting should be confined to her relations and intimate friends.
After three months she should commence gradually to enter into society,
but balls and dances should be avoided during the first year.
=For a Daughter mourning for a Parent= the period of seclusion is six
weeks as far as general society is concerned; but invitations to balls
and dances should not be accepted until after six months.
=For a Parent mourning for a Son or Daughter= the period of seclusion is
the same as is that of a daughter for a parent.
=For a Brother or Sister= the period of seclusion is three weeks.
=For Grandparents= the period of seclusion is from a fortnight to three
weeks.
=For an Uncle or Aunt= the period is a fortnight to three weeks.
=For all Other Periods of Mourning= seclusion from society is not
considered requisite.
=When Persons in Mourning= intend entering again into society, they
should leave cards on their friends and acquaintances as an intimation
that they are equal to paying and receiving calls.
=When Cards of Inquiry have been left=, viz. visiting cards with "To
inquire after Mrs. A----" written on the top on right-hand corner of the
cards, they should be returned by cards with "Thanks for kind inquiries"
written upon them (see Chapter III.).
Until this intimation has been given, society does not venture to
intrude upon the seclusion of those in mourning.
Relations and intimate friends are exempt from this received rule.
=Funerals.=--When a death occurs in a family, as soon as the day and
hour for the funeral are fixed, a member of the family should write to
those relatives and friends it is desired should follow, and should ask
them to attend, unless the date, time, and place of the funeral, and the
train by which to travel to the cemetery, are mentioned in the
newspaper, together with the announcement of the death.
=It is a Mistake to suppose that Friends= will offer to attend a
funeral, even if they are aware of the date fixed, as they are naturally
in doubt as to whether the mourners are to include the members of the
family only, or whether friends are to be included also.
=In the Country, when a Doctor= has attended a family for some years, it
is usual to invite him to attend the funeral of one of its members. In
town this is seldom done, unless a medical man is the intimate friend of
the family.
In the country the clergyman of the parish reads the funeral service,
but in town, when the funeral takes place at Kensal Green, Brookwood
Cemetery, or elsewhere, a friend of the family is usually asked to
officiate; in which case it is necessary to make an early application at
the office of the cemetery for the use of the chapel at a particular
hour.
=It is customary for Ladies to attend= the funeral of a relative if
disposed to do so, in which case they wear their usual mourning attire,
and follow in their own carriages.
=The Doctor's Certificate= as to the cause of death is of primary
importance, and should be obtained at the earliest possible moment.
=Memorial Cards should not be sent= on the death of a relative, being
quite out of date as regards fashion and custom.
=Wreaths and Crosses= of white flowers are very generally sent by
relatives and friends to a house of mourning the day of the funeral,
unless "No flowers, by request" follows the announcement of the death.
When the funeral takes place before two o'clock, the friends should be
invited to luncheon. When it takes place in the afternoon, they should
be asked to return to the house for tea or light refreshment.