REFUSING INVITATIONS
Many reasons exist for declining invitations other than the plea of a
prior engagement.
"Mrs. M. regrets ('much regrets,' or 'very much regrets') that a
previous engagement prevents her having the pleasure of accepting Mrs.
N.'s 'invitation,' or 'kind invitation.'" When on more intimate terms,
Mrs. M. should write in the first person when declining an invitation.
It is an open question whether the nature of the engagement should be
stated or not. Even intimate friends often confine themselves to the
statement of the bare fact only that a prior engagement exists; others,
on the contrary, state the nature of the engagement, and there is no
doubt that this latter course considerably softens a refusal and lessens
the disappointment experienced, and therefore, when practicable, should
always be followed.
When a prior engagement cannot be made the basis of a refusal, then the
refusal must rest on other lines; ill health, a severe cold, etc., are
valid excuses. Failing these, the refusal should be as follows:--"Mrs.
Z. regrets she is unable to accept Mrs. X.'s kind invitation, etc."
It occasionally happens that it is desirable to break an engagement,
circumstances having changed the aspect of things. The invitation,
perhaps, was a verbal one, and a refusal was not easy at the moment.
Again, impromptu invitations are sometimes refused, having been too
hastily accepted--the servant who brought the note waited for an
answer, and on the impulse of the moment an affirmative answer was
given; the wife had not time to consult her husband, and accepted for
him as well as for herself; or perhaps some potent domestic reason that
could not be explained induced a subsequent refusal.
The fashionable world accepts refusals as a matter of course, and fills
up the gaps with other invitations.
Refusals of dinner invitations from those for whom a dinner-party was
partly originated are always disappointing, even to the most popular of
dinner givers, in the same way that the absence of the principal
neighbour from a county entertainment is felt to cast a shadow over the
proceedings of the day.
Although printed cards of acceptance and of refusal are in general use,
yet many cases arise which render written refusals imperative.
As regards the refusal of invitations asked for, such requests should
not be made unless on very safe ground, and with a certainty of meeting
with acquiescence, yet occasionally these requests are either unwelcome
or inadmissible, and refusals are consequently given; but, unless worded
with tact and good nature, they are often the cause of strained
relations between both friends and acquaintances.