_Monday, February 26th._--The new Member for Roscommon has not yet appeared
in the House, but he is nevertheless doing his bit more effectively,
perhaps, than some of his compatriots. The SPEAKER'S ruling is "No seat, no
salary"; so Count PLUNKETT will have the satisfaction of knowing that by
his self-sacrificing absence he is paying the expenses of the War for at
least five seconds.
With suitable solemnity Sir EDWARD CARSON gave a brief account of the
exploits of the German destroyer squadrons. One of them, comprising several
vessels, had engaged a single British destroyer for several minutes before
cleverly executing a strategic movement in the direction of the German
coast; while another had simultaneously bombarded the strongholds of
Broadstairs and Margate, completely demolishing two entire houses. The
damage would have been still more serious but for the fortunate
circumstance that the fortresses erected on the foreshore last summer by an
army of youthful workpeople had been subsequently removed.
Any gloom engendered by the fore-going announcement was quickly dissipated
by Mr. BONAR LAW, who read a telegram from General MAUDE, announcing the
fall of Kut-el-Amara.
The rest of the afternoon was chiefly occupied by a further combat over the
merits of Lord FISHER. Although, as Dr. MACNAMARA subsequently remarked,
"this is not the time for fighting battles along the Whitehall front," I am
afraid the House thoroughly enjoyed Sir HEDWORTH MEUX'S discursive account
of his relations with the late FIRST SEA LORD, who really seems to be quite
a forgiving person. At least it is not everybody who, after being greeted
at a garden-party with "Come here, you wicked old sinner," would afterwards
invite his accuser to lunch at the Ritz.
In the first statement of policy made by Mr. LLOYD GEORGE after his
appointment as Prime Minister he said that the primary step towards a
settlement of an age-long Irish trouble would be the removal of the
suspicion of Irishmen by Irishmen. Mr. DILLON'S notion of contributing to
that desirable end is to accuse Sir BRYAN MAHON, who has had to deport
certain recidivist Sinn Feiners, of being the tool of a Dublin Castle gang.
Not, of course, that Mr. DILLON is in sympathy with Sinn Feiners; on the
contrary he dislikes them so much that he would like to keep St. George's
Channel between them and himself. But by his own speeches he has hypnotized
himself into the belief that everything done by the British Government in
Ireland must have a corrupt motive. His colleague from West Belfast is not
much wiser, to judge by the tone of his speech to-night; and I think Mr.
DUKE, who is doing his best to reconcile the irreconcilable, must have been
tempted to adapt one of MR. DILLON'S phrases and to say that Ireland was
between the DEVLIN and the deep sea.
_Tuesday, February 27._--The capture of Kut has had an exhilarating effect
upon Lord CREWE. Not long ago he was warning us against excessive
jubilation over the British advance in that region. Now he justified his
title by coming out as a regular _Chanticleer_, and invited Lord CURZON to
tell the assembled Peers that we might be confident of regaining
predominance in the whole of Mesopotamia.
[Illustration: LORD BUCKMASTER'S DREAM OF A BRIGHTENED HOUSE OF LORDS.]
In these times the Lords can refuse nothing to the Ladies. In moving the
second reading of a Bill to enable women to become solicitors Lord
BUCKMASTER may have approached his subject in the spirit of a cautious
knight-errant, as Lord SUMNER said, but he carried his argument. He owed
something, perhaps, to the unintentional assistance of his opponents. Lord
BUCKMASTER had incidentally mentioned that a woman once sat on the
Woolsack, and there administered such very odd law that the City of London
rose in mutiny. This shocked the historical sense of Lord HALSBURY, who
hastened to point out that the lady in question had left the Woolsack for a
reason entirely creditable to her sex, namely to become the mother of one
of our greatest Kings. Then Lord FINLAY, who now occupies the seat alleged
to have been filled by ELEANOR of Provence, endeavoured to frighten their
Lordships by the thin end of the wedge argument. If women were admitted
solicitors they would next want to practise at the Bar, and even become
Judges. But the Peers refused to be intimidated, and gave the Bill a second
reading.
Mr. MACCALLUM SCOTT'S colossal intellect, like the elephant's trunk, can
grapple with the most minute objects. Yesterday it was the shortage of
sausage-skins; this afternoon it was the grievance of Scottish bee-keepers,
who are deprived of sugar for their charges, and compelled to put up with
medicated candy at twice the price. In spite of the FOOD CONTROLLER, I
understand that MR. SCOTT has no intention of parting with the very
promising swarm that he carries in his national headgear.
_Wednesday, February 28th._--Mr. WATT was seized with a bright idea this
afternoon. The CHIEF SECRETARY FOR IRELAND had explained to Mr. GINNELL,
that certain men had been convicted of having attempted to cause
disaffection by singing disloyal songs. "Will the right hon. and learned
gentleman give the House a sample?" interjected Mr. WATT. The notion of Mr.
DUKE, _vir pietate gravis_, if ever there was one, indulging in ribald
melody, caused much laughter, which was increased when the right hon.
gentleman in his most portentous manner implied that his only reason for
not granting the request was fear that the SPEAKER might intervene.
[Illustration: SIR FREDERICK BANBURY AND COLONEL MARK LOCKWOOD CONSULT THE
WATER LIST.]
A brief recrudescence of the MEUX-CHURCHILL duel was not much to the taste
of the House, which is evidently of opinion that LORD FISHER might now be
left alone both by foes and by friends. Members were glad to seek solace in
the drink question, and gave a sympathetic hearing to the proposal of Mr.
WING that they should voluntarily submit to the same restricted hours of
consumption as they had imposed on the outside world. Mr. WING is a
temperance reformer, but on this occasion he had the redoubtable assistance
of Mr. GEORGE FABER, a stout friend of the "trade" whose hair had grown
white, he declared (though in other respects he still looks delightfully
juvenile), in fighting the Licensing Bill of 1908. In his opinion the House
could no longer keep itself in a compartment apart--especially as it was
not a watertight compartment. Sir FREDERICK BANBURY, who is naturally a
champion of cakes--and ale--made a despairing effort to preserve the
privileges of the Palace of Westminster, but did not carry his protest to a
division; and after a few valedictory remarks from Colonel LOCKWOOD,
including two quotations from LUCRETIUS (derived from a crib, as he
modestly explained), the House unanimously decided that its habits should
be in conformity with its debates--dry with moist intervals.
_Thursday, March 1st._--Copies of the unexpurgated edition of the Report of
the Dardanelles Commission marked "confidential" are to be sent to the
SPEAKER and to the leader of every political party in the House. If Mr.
BONAR LAW thought by this announcement to allay curiosity he was
disappointed. Requests for a definition of the term "political party"
rained upon him from all quarters. It really is a rather nice point. Mr.
ASQUITH, Mr. REDMOND and Mr. WARDLE will, of course, receive their copies
of the _editio princeps_. But what about Mr. WILLIAM O'BRIEN, who commands
a bare half-section, even if one includes Mr. T.M. HEALY as odd file? What,
too, of the Peace-without-Victory party, which is all leaders? The case of
Mr. PRINGLE and Mr. HOGGE, which was publicly mentioned, presents little
difficulty. Much as they love one another, neither is prepared to
acknowledge the other as his leader.
The greatest crux is furnished by Mr. GINNELL and Mr. PEMBERTON-BILLING.
Each of them leads a distinct party, making up by its activity and
volubility for its comparative lack of size. Logically they may look
forward to receiving copies of the "confidential" document too sacred for
the inspection even of Peers and Privy Councillors. But I should not
encourage them to hope.
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[Illustration: _Maid._ "THE DOCTOR HAS CALLED TO SEE YOU, SIR."
_Government Official (faintly)._ "TELL HIM TO FILL UP A FORM, STATING THE
NATURE OF HIS BUSINESS AND IF BY APPOINTMENT."]
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[Illustration: _Boss (to typist, a war flapper, who is very late)._ "EH,
YE'VE COOM AT LAST. WE WERE JUST TALKIN' ABOOT YE."
_Typist._ "AH, I WONDERED WHAT MADE MY EAR BURN." ]
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