"MINSTREL BOY."--You are confusing TENNYSON'S "Brook" with the Tigris. Also
it is the Turkish Army and not the river (which flows the other way) that
is speaking in the famous lines--
"I come from haunts of Kut (return);
I make a sudden sally."
"ANXIOUS INQUIRER."--No, we are without reliable news of FERDIE. But it is
rumoured that he is preparing to conform to the general movement of the
Central Allied Powers, and is therefore taking a little gentle running
exercise in the Vulpedrome at Vienna.
"V.T.C."--We rejoice with you that already--not more than 2½ years since
the revival of the Volunteer Force--the War Office has recognised the
desirability of giving the Volunteer a rifle to shoot with; and it now
seems almost certain that he will receive one, _free of charge_, before the
conclusion of peace. We welcome this wise and generous decision, for though
we have never pretended to be a military authority we have always held the
view that in a tight corner a man with a rifle has an appreciable advantage
over an unarmed man.
"FORTUNE-TELLER."--Like you, we are greatly impressed by the convincing
arguments advanced by our military experts in support of the view that the
Germans are likely to put forth a great effort this year at some point on
one of their fronts; and we share your belief that the time has come when
the Government should supply a long-felt want by establishing a Department
of Intelligent Anticipation. It is a happy suggestion of yours to offer,
for a reasonable consideration, to place at the disposal of such a
Department your admirably-equipped premises in Bond Street.
"SCHNAPPS."--The correct version is:--
"In the matter of U-Boats the fault of the Dutch
Is protesting too little and standing too much."
"CARILLON."--You ask how the Germans will manage for their joy-peals now
that the military authorities have commandeered the church bells. It was
very bright of you to think of this. The answer is that, in view of
pressing national needs, they are going to give up having victories. After
all, this is an age of sacrifice. EDITOR.
* * * * *
Commercial Candour.
"Abandon housekeeping and live in comfort at the hotel ------.
Not too large to give the best of service, and not too small to be
uncomfortable."--_Morning Paper_.
* * * * *
We feel it to be our patriotic duty to call the attention of the FOOD
CONTROLLER to the conduct of a well-known restaurant which blatantly
describes itself on a bill of fare as
"THE GORGE AND VULTURE."
* * * * *
"Women lamplighters will shortly be seen in the submarine districts of
London."--_Bradford Daily Argus_.
But to prevent disappointment we ought to mention that this phenomenon can
only be witnessed by the _Argus_-eyed.
* * * * *
[Illustration: ALSO RAN.
WILLIAM. "ARE YOUR LURING THEM ON, LIKE ME?" MEHMED. "I'M AFRAID I
AM!"]
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