"A motor car repairer," says Mr. Justice BRAY, "is like a plumber. Once you
get him into the house you cannot get him out."... Unless, of course, you
show him a burst bath pipe, when he will immediately go out to fetch his
mate.
***
According to Herr WILDRUBE, a member of the Reichstag, Germans should
"rejoice at the departure of Mr. GERARD and his pro-Entente espionage
bureau." They have some rubes in the U.S.A., but nothing quite so wild as
this.
***
An historical film, called "The Discovery of Germany," is being exhibited
widely through the Fatherland under the auspices of the Government. A
further discovery of Germany--that she has been fatally misled by her
rulers--has not at present received the approval of the Imperial House.
***
The German Army authorities have issued an urgent warning to the public not
to discuss military matters. Their own communiqués are to be taken as a
model of the right kind of reticence.
***
An American film syndicate have overcome their difficulty in finding a man
to take the place of CHARLIE CHAPLIN. They have decided to do without.
***
In Vienna, so as not to infuriate the indigent poor, tables are no longer
placed near the window of the dearer restaurants. Similar establishments in
Germany for the same reason were long ago made sound-proof.
***
We note that German and Turkish diplomats have been engaged in conference
for the purpose of drawing the two countries closer together. Any little
pressure from outside (as on the Tigris and the Ancre) is doubtless welcome
as contributing to this end.
***
"The right way to dissipate the submarine nightmare" is how a contemporary
describes the new restrictions on imports. The embargo on tinned lobster
should certainly have that effect.
***
A museum is to be established at Stuttgart "to interest the masses of the
people in overseas Germans and their conditions of life." Several Foreign
Governments, it is understood, have expressed their willingness to supply
specimens in any reasonable quantity.
***
Lively satisfaction is being expressed among members of the younger set at
the appointment of Mr. ALFRED BIGLAND, M.P., as Controller of Soap. They
are now discussing a resolution calling for the abolition of nurse-maids,
who are notorious for using soap to excess.
***
A Bill has been introduced into the House of Lords with the object of
admitting women to practise as solicitors. The raising of the statutory fee
for a consultation to 6_s._ 8¾_d._ is also under consideration.
***
At Old Street Police Court a man charged with bigamy pleaded that when a
child he had a fall which affected his head. It is not known why other
bigamists do it.
***
At Haweswater, Westmoreland, some sheep were recently dug out alive after
being buried in a snow-drift forty days. It is thought that a morbid fear
of being sold as New Zealand mutton caused the animals to make a supreme
struggle for life.
***
A lady correspondent of _The Daily Telegraph_ suggests that tradesmen
should economise paper by ceasing to send out a separate expression of
thanks with every receipted bill. A further economy is suggested by a
hardened creditor, who advocates the abolition of the absurd custom of
sending out a quarterly statement of "account rendered."
***
Beer bottles are now said to be worth more than the beer they contain, and
apprehension is being felt lest the practice shall develop of giving away
the contents to those who consent to return the empty bottles.
***
Difficulty having been found in replacing firemen called up for military
service, the Hendon Council, it is rumoured, are requesting the residents
not to have any conflagrations for the present at least.
***
Mr. JOHN INNS, of Stevenage, has just purchased the whole parish of
Caldecote, Herts; but the report that he had to do this in order to obtain
a pound of sugar proves incorrect.
* * * * *