Wodensbourne was as different from any house that Colin had ever seen
before, as the low flat country, rich and damp and monotonous, was
unlike the infinitely varied landscape to which his eye had been
accustomed all his life. The florid upholstery of Ardmartin contrasted
almost as strangely with the sober magnificence of the old family-house,
in which the Franklands had lived and died for generations, as did the
simple little rooms to which Colin had been accustomed in his father’s
house. Perhaps, on the whole, Ramore, where everything was for use and
nothing for show, was less unharmonious with all he saw about him than
the equipments of the bran new castle, all built out of new money, and
gilded and lackered to a climax of domestic finery. Colin’s pupil was
the invalid of the family; a boy of twelve, who could not go to Eton
like his brothers, but whom the good-natured baronet thought, as was
natural, the cleverest of his family.--“That’s why I wanted you so
much, Campbell,” Sir Thomas said, by way of setting Colin at ease in
his new occupation; “he’s not a boy to be kept to classics isn’t
Charley--there’s nothing that boy wouldn’t master--and shut up as he has
to be, with his wretched health, he wants a little variety. I’ve always
heard you took a wider range in Scotland; that’s what I want for my
boy.” It was with this exposition of his patron’s wishes that the new
tutor was introduced to his duties at Wodensbourne. But a terrible
disappointment awaited the young man, a disappointment utterly
unforeseen. There was nobody there but Sir Thomas himself, and Charley,
and some little ones still in the nursery. “We’re all by ourselves, but
you won’t mind,” said the baronet, who seemed to think it all the better
for Colin; “my lady and Matty will be home before Christmas, and you can
get yourself settled comfortably in the meantime. Lady Frankland is with
her sister, who is in very bad health. I don’t know what people mean by
getting into bad health--women, too, that can’t go in for free living
and that sort of thing,” said Sir Thomas. “The place looks dreary
without the ladies, but they’ll be back before Christmas,” and he went
to sleep after dinner as usual, and left the young tutor at the other
side of the table sitting in a kind of stupefied amazement and
mortification, in the silence, wondering what he came here for, and
where all his hopes and brilliant auguries had gone.
Perhaps Colin did not know what he himself meant when he accepted Sir
Thomas Frankland’s proposal. He thought he was coming to live in Matty’s
society, to be her companion, to walk with her and talk with her, as he
had done at Ardmartin; but, when he arrived to find Wodensbourne
deserted, with nothing to be seen but Sir Thomas and a nursery
governess, who sometimes emerged with her little pupils from the unknown
regions upstairs, and was very civil to the new tutor, Colin’s
disappointment was overwhelming. He despised himself with a bitterness
only to be equalled by the brilliancy of those vain expectations over
which he laughed in youthful rage and scorn. It was not to be Matty’s
companion he had come; it was not to see, however far off, any portion
of the great world which he could not help imagining sometimes must be
visible from such an elevation. It was only to train Charley’s
precocious intellect, and amuse the baronet a little at dinner. After
dinner Sir Thomas went to sleep, and even Charley was out of the way,
and the short winter days closed down early over the great house, over
the damp woods and silent park, which kept repeating themselves, day by
day, upon Colin’s wearied brain. There was not even an undulation
within sight, nothing higher than the dull line of trees, which after a
while it made him sick to look at. To be sure, the sunshine now and then
caught upon the lofty lantern of Earie Cathedral, and by that means woke
up a gleam of light on the flat country; but that, and the daily
conflict with Charley’s sharp invalid understanding, and the sight of
Sir Thomas sleeping after dinner, conveyed no exhilaration to speak of
to lighten the dismal revulsion of poor Colin’s thoughts. His heart rose
indignant sometimes, which did him more good. This was the gulf of
dismay he tumbled into without defence or preparation after the burst of
hope and foolish youthful delight with which he left Ramore.
As for the society at Wodensbourne, it was at the present moment of the
most limited description. Colin, who was inexperienced, roused up out of
his dullness a little when he heard that two of the canons of Earie were
coming to dinner one evening. The innocent Scotch lad woke himself up,
with a little curiosity about the clerical dignitaries, of whom he knew
nothing, and a good deal of anxiety to comport himself as became the
representative of a Scotch University, about whom he did not doubt the
visitors would be a little curious. It struck Colin with the oddest
surprise and disappointment, to find that the canons of Earie were
perfectly indifferent about the Scotch student. The curate of the
parish, indeed, who was also dining at Wodensbourne that day, was
wonderfully civil to the new tutor. He told him that he understood the
Scotch mountains were very near as fine as Switzerland, and that he
hoped to see them some day, though the curious prejudices about Sunday
and the whisky-drinking must come very much in the way of closer
intercourse; at which speech Colin’s indignation and amusement would
have been wonderful to see, had any one been there who cared to notice
how the lad was looking. On the Sundays, Colin and his pupil went along
the level ways to the quaint old mossy church, to which this same curate
was devoting all his time and thoughts by way of restoration. The Scotch
youth had never seen anything at once so homely and so noble as this
little church in the fen-country. He thought it nothing less than a poem
in stone, a pathetic old psalm of human life and death, joining in for
ever and ever, with the tenderest, sad responses, in the worship of
heaven. Never anywhere had he felt so clearly how the dead were waiting
for the great Easter to come, nor seen Christianity standing so plainly
between the beginning and the end; but when Colin, with his Scotch
ideas, heard the curious little sermons to which his curate gave
utterance under that roof, all consecrated and holy with the sorrows and
hopes of ages, it made the strangest anti-climax in the youth’s
thoughts. He laughed to himself when he came out, not because he was
disposed to laughter, but because it was the only alternative he had;
and Sir Thomas, who had a glimmering perception that this must be
something new to his inexperienced guest, gave a doubtful sort of smile,
not knowing how to take Colin’s strange looks.
“You don’t believe in saints’ days, and such like, in Scotland?” said
the perplexed baronet; “and of course the sermon does not count for so
much with us.”
“No, it does not count for much,” said Colin; and they did not enter
further into the subject.
As for the young man himself, who had still upon his mind the feeling
that he was to be a Scotch minister, the lesson was the strangest
possible; for, being Scotch, he could not help listening to the sermon
according to the usage of his nation. The curate, after he had said
those prayers which are all but divine in their comprehension of the
wants of humanity, told his people how wonderfully their beloved Church
had provided for all their wants; how sweet it was to recollect that
this was the day which had been appointed the Twentieth Sunday after
Trinity--and how it was their duty to meditate a fact so touching and so
important. Colin thought of the Holy Loch, and the minister’s critics
there, and laughed to himself, perhaps a little bitterly. He felt as if
he had given up his own career--the natural life to which he was born;
and at this distance the usual enchantments of nature began to work, and
in his heart he asked himself what he was to gain by transferring his
lot and hopes to this wealthy country, where so many things were fairer,
and after which he had been hankering so long. The curate’s sermons
struck him as a kind of comical climax to his disappointments--and the
curate himself who looked at Colin much as he might have looked at a
South-Sea Islander, and spoke of the Scotch whisky and Scotch Sabbaths.
Poor curate! He knew a great deal more than Colin did about some things,
and, if he did not understand how to preach, that was not the fault of
his college; neither did they convey much information at that seat of
learning about the northern half of the British island--no more than
they did at Glasgow about the curious specimen of humanity which is
known as a curate on the brighter side of the Tweed.
All these things went through Colin’s mind as he sat in the dining-room
after dinner contemplating Sir Thomas’s nap, which was not of itself an
elevating spectacle. He thought to himself at that moment that he was
but fulfilling the office of a drudge at Wodensbourne, which anybody
could fill. It did not require those abilities which had won with
acclamation the prize in the philosophy class to teach Charley Frankland
the elements of science; and all the emulations and glories of his
college career came back to Colin’s mind. The little public of the
University had begun to think of him--to predict what he would do, and
anticipate his success, at home; but here, who knew anything about him?
These thoughts disturbed him much as he sat watching the fire gleam in
the wainscot, and calculating the recurrence of that next great snore
which would wake Sir Thomas, and make him sit up of a sudden and look
fiercely at his companion before he murmured out a “Beg your pardon,”
and went to sleep again. Not an interesting prospect certainly. Should
he go home? should he represent to the baronet, when he woke up for the
night, that it had all been a mistake, and that his present office was
perfectly unsuited to his ambition and his hopes? But then what could he
say? for after all it was as Charley Frankland’s tutor simply, and with
his eyes open, that he came to Wodensbourne, and Sir Thomas had said
nothing about the society of his niece, or any other society, to tempt
him thither. Colin sat in a bitterness of discontent, which would have
been incredible to him a few weeks before, pondering these questions.
There was not a sound to be heard, but the dropping of the ashes on the
hearth, and Sir Thomas’s heavy breathing as he slept. Life went on
velvet slippers in the great house from which Colin would gladly have
escaped (he thought) to the poorest cottage on the Holy Loch. He could
not help recalling his shabby little room in Glasgow, and Lauderdale’s
long comments upon life, and all the talk and the thoughts that made
existence bright in that miserable little place, which Sir Thomas
Frankland’s grooms would not have condescended to live in, but which the
unfortunate young tutor thought of with longing as he sat dreary in the
great dining-room. What did it matter to him that the floor was soft
with Turkey carpets, that the wine on the table was of the most renowned
vintages, and that his slumbering companion in the great easy-chair was
the head of one of the oldest commoner families in England--a baronet
and a county member? Colin after all was only a son of the soil; he
longed for his Glasgow attic, and his companions who spoke the dialect
of that remarkable but unlovely city, and felt bitterly in his heart
that he had been cheated. Yet it was hard to say to any one--hard even
to put in words to himself--what the cheat was. It was a deception he
had practised on himself, and in the bitterness of his disappointment
the youth refused to admit that anybody’s absence was the secret of his
mortification. What was she to him?--a great lady as far out of his
reach as the moon or the stars, and who no doubt had forgotten his very
name.
These were not pleasant thoughts to season the solitude, and he sat
hugging them for a great many evenings before Sir Thomas awoke, and
addressed, as he generally did, a few good-humoured, stupid observations
to the lad whom, to be sure, the baronet found a considerable bore, and
did not know what to do with. Sir Thomas could not forget his
obligations to the young man who had saved Harry’s life; and thus it
was, from pure gratitude, that he made Colin miserable--though there was
no gratitude at all, nor even much respect, in the summary judgment
which the youth formed of the heavy ’squire.
This was how matters were going on when Wodensbourne and the world, and
everything human, suddenly, all at once, sustained again a change to
Colin. He had been living thus, for six weary weeks--during which time
he felt himself getting morose, ill-tempered, and miserable--writing
sharp letters home, in which he would not confess to any special
disappointment, but expressed himself in general terms of bitterness
like a young misanthrope, and in every respect making himself, and those
who cared for him, unhappy. Even the verses, which did very well to
express the tender griefs of sentiment, had been thrown aside at this
crisis; for there was nothing melodious in his feelings, and he could
not say in sweet rhymes and musical cadences how angry and wretched he
was. He was sitting in such a mood one dreary December evening when it
was raining fast outside and everything was silent within--as was
natural in a well-regulated household where the servants knew their
duty, and the nursery was half a mile away through worlds of complicated
passages. Sir Thomas was asleep as usual, and, with his eyes shut and
his mouth open, the excellent baronet was not, as we have already said,
an elevating spectacle; and, at the other end of the table, sat Colin,
chafing out his young soul with such thoughts of what was not, but might
have been, as youth does not know how to avoid. It was just then, when
he was going over his long succession of miseries--thinking of his
natural career cut short for the sake of this dreary penance of which
nothing could ever come--that Colin was startled by the sound of wheels
coming up the wintry avenue. He could not venture to imagine to himself
what it might be, though he listened as if for life and death; he heard
the sounds of an arrival and the indistinct hum of voices which he could
not distinguish, without feeling that he had any right to stir from the
table to inquire what it meant; and there he sat accordingly, with his
hair thrust back from his forehead and his great eyes gleaming out from
the noiseless atmosphere, when the door opened and a pretty figure, all
eager and glowing with life, looked into the room. Colin was too much
absorbed, too anxious, and felt too deeply how much was involved, to be
capable even of rising up to greet her as an indifferent man would have
done. He sat and gazed at her as she darted in like a fairy creature,
bringing every kind of radiance in her train.
“Here they are, aunty!” cried Miss Matty; and she came in flying in her
cloak, with the hood still over her head and great raindrops on it,
which she had caught as she jumped out of the carriage. While Colin sat
gazing at her, wondering if it was some deluding apparition, or, in
reality, the new revelation of life and love that it seemed to be, Matty
had thrown herself upon Sir Thomas and woke the worthy baronet by
kissing him, which was a pretty sight to behold. “Here we are, uncle;
wake up!” cried Matty; “my lady ran to the nursery first, but I came to
you, as I always do.” And the little witch looked up at Colin, with a
glance under which heaven and earth changed to the lad. He stumbled to
his feet, while Sir Thomas rubbed his astonished eyes. What could Colin
say? He stood waiting for a word, seeing the little figure in a halo of
light and fanciful glory. “How do you do? I knew you were here,” said
Miss Matty, putting out two fingers to him while she still hung over her
uncle. And presently Lady Frankland came in, and the room became full of
pleasant din and commotion as was inevitable. When Colin made a move as
if to leave them, fearful of being in the way, Miss Matty called to him,
“Oh, don’t go, please; we are going to have tea, and my lady must be
served without giving her any trouble, and I want you to help me,” said
Matty; and so the evening that had begun in gloom ended in a kind of
subdued glory too sweet to be real; surely too good to be true.
Lady Frankland sat talking to her husband of their reason for coming
back so suddenly (which was sad enough, being an unexpected death in
the house: but that did not make much difference to the two women who
were coming home); Matty kept coming and going between the tea-table and
the fire, sending Colin on all sorts of errands, and making comments to
him aside on what her aunt was saying. “Only fancy the long dreary drive
we have had, and my uncle and Mr. Campbell making themselves so cozy,”
the little siren said, kneeling down before the fire with still one drop
of rain sparkling on her bright locks. And the effect was such that
Colin lost his head altogether, and could not have affirmed, had he been
questioned on his oath, that he had not enjoyed himself greatly all the
time. He took Lady Frankland her tea, and listened to all the domestic
chatter as if it had been the talk of angels; and was as pleased when
the mistress of the house thanked him for his kindness to Charley, as if
he had not thought Charley a wretched little nuisance a few hours ago.
He did not in the least know who the people were about whom the two
ladies kept up such an unceasing talk, and, perhaps, under other
circumstances would have laughed at this sweet-toned gossip, with all
its lively comments upon nothing, and incessant personalities; but, at
the present moment, Colin had said good-bye to reason, and could not
anyhow defend himself against the sudden happiness which seized upon him
without any notice. While Sir Thomas and his wife sat on either side of
the great fire, and Matty kept darting in and out between them, Colin
sat behind near the impromptu tea-table, and listened and felt that the
world was changed. If he could have had time to think, he might have
been ashamed of himself; but then he had no time to think, and in the
meantime he was happy, a sensation not to be gainsaid or rejected; and
so fled the few blessed hours of the first evening of Matty’s return.
When he had gone up stairs, and had heard, at a distance, the sound of
the last good-night, and was fairly shut up again in the silence of his
own room, the youth, for the first time, began to realize what he was
doing. He paused, with a little consternation, a little fright, to
question himself. For the first time, he saw clearly, without any
possibility of self-delusion, what it was which had brought him here,
and which made all the difference to him between happiness and misery.
It was hard to realize now the state of mind he had been in a few hours
before; but he did it, by dint of a great exertion, and saw, with a
distinctness which alarmed him, how it was that everything had altered
in his eyes. It was Matty’s presence that made all the difference
between this subdued thrill of happiness and that blank of impatient and
mortified misery. The young man tried to stand still and consider the
reality of his position. He had stopped in his career, made a voluntary
pause in his life, entered upon a species of existence which he felt in
his heart was not more, but less, noble (for him) than his previous
course--and what was it for? All for the uncertain smile, for the
society--which might fail him at any time--of a woman so far out of his
way, so utterly removed from his reach, as Matilda Frankland? For a
moment, the youth was dismayed, and stopped short, Wisdom and Truth
whispering in his ear. Love might be fair, but he knew enough to know
that life must not be subservient to that witchery; and Colin’s good
angel spoke to him in the silence, and bade him flee. Better to go back,
and at once, to the grey and sombre world, where all his duties awaited
him, than to stay here in this fool’s paradise. As he thought so he got
up, and began to pace about his room, as though it had been a cage. Best
to flee--it might take all the light out of his life and break his
heart, but what else had he to look for sooner or later? He sat up half
the night, still pacing about his room, hesitating over his fate, while
the December storm raged outside. What was he to do? When he dropped to
sleep at last, his heart betrayed him, and strayed away into celestial
worlds of dreaming. He woke, still undecided, as he thought, to see the
earliest wintry gleam of sunshine stealing in through his shutters. What
was he to do? But already the daylight made him feel his terrors as so
many shadows. His heart was a traitor, and he was glad to find it so;
and that moment of indecision settled more surely than ever the bondage
in which he seemed to have entangled his life.