“The question is, will ye go or will ye stay?” said big Colin of Ramore;
“but for this, you and me might have had a mair serious question to
discuss. I see a providence in it for my part. You’re but a callant; it
will do you nae harm to wait; and you’ll be in the way of seeing the
world at--what do they call the place? If your mother has nae
objections, and ye see your ain way to accepting, I’ll be very well
content. It’s awfu’ kind o’ Sir Thomas after the way ye’ve rejected a’
his advances--but, no doubt he’s heard that you got on gey weel, on the
whole, at your ain college,” said the farmer, with a little complacency.
They were sitting late over the breakfast table, the younger boys
looking on with eager eyes, wondering over Colin’s wonderful chances,
and feeling severely the contrast of their own lot, who had to take up
the ready satchel and the “piece,” which was to occupy their healthful
appetites till the evening, and hurry off three miles down the loch to
school. As for Archie, he had been long gone to his hard labour on the
farm, and the mother and father and the visitor were now sitting, a
little committee upon Colin’s prospects, which the lad himself
contemplated with a mixture of delight and defiance wonderful to see.
“It’s time for the school, bairns,” said the farmer’s wife; “be good
laddies, and dinna linger on the road either coming or going. Ye’ll get
apples a-piece in the press. I couldna give ony advice, if you ask me,”
said the Mistress, looking at her son with her tender eyes: “Colin, my
man, it’s no for me nor your father either to say one thing or
another--it’s you that must decide--it’s your ain well-being and comfort
and happiness----.” Here the Mistress stopped short with an emotion
which nobody could explain; and at which even Colin, who had the only
clue to it, looked up out of his own thoughts, with a momentary
surprise.
“Hoot,” said the farmer; “you’re aye thinking of happiness, you women. I
hope the laddie’s happiness doesna lie in the power of a year’s change
one way or another. I canna see that it will do him any harm--especially
after what he was saying last night--to pause awhile and take a little
thought; and here’s the best opportunity he could well have. But he
doesna say anything himself--and if you’re against it, Colin, speak out.
It’s your concern, most of all, as your mother says.”
“The callant’s in a terrible swither,” said Lauderdale, with a smile;
“he’ll have it, and he’ll no have it. For one thing, it’s an awfu’
disappointment to get your ain way just after you’ve made up your mind
that you’re an injured man; and he’s but a callant after all, and kens
no better. For my part, I’m no fond of changing when you’ve once laid
your plans. No man can tell what terrible difference a turn in the road
may make. It’s aye best to go straight on. But there’s exceptions,”
continued Lauderdale, laying his hand on Colin’s shoulder. “So far as I
can see, there’s no reason in this world why the callant should not
stand still a moment and taste the sweetness of his lot. He’s come to
man’s estate, and the heavens have never gloomed on him yet. There’s no
evil in him, that I can see,” said Colin’s friend, with an unusual
trembling in his voice; “but for human weakness, it might have been the
lad Michael or Gabriel, out of heaven, that’s been my companion these
gladsome years. It may be but more sweetness and blessing that’s in
store for him. I know no reason why he shouldna pause while the sun’s
shining, and see God’s meaning. It cannot be but good.”
The lad’s friend who understood him best stopped short, like his mother,
with something in his throat that marred his utterance. Why was it?
Colin looked up with the sunshine in his eyes, and laughed with a little
annoyance, a little impatience. He was no more afraid of his lot, nor of
what the next turn in the path would bring, than a child is who knows no
evil. Life was not solemn, but glorious, a thing to be conquered and
made beautiful, to his eyes. He did not understand what they meant by
their faltering and their fears.
“I feel, on the whole, disposed to accept Sir Thomas’s offer,” said the
young prince. “It is no favour, for I am quite able to be his boy’s
tutor, as he says; and I see nothing particularly serious in it either;
most Scotch students stop short sometime and have a spell of teaching. I
have been tutor at Ardmartin; I don’t mind being tutor at Wodensbourne.
I would not be dependent on Sir Thomas Frankland or any man,” said
Colin; “but I am glad to work for myself, and free you, father. I know
you are willing to keep me at college, but you have plenty to do for
Archie and the rest; and now it is my turn; I may help myself and them
too,” cried the youth, glad to disguise in that view of the matter the
thrill of delight at his new prospects, which came from a very different
source. “It will give us a little time, as you say, to think it all
over,” he continued, after a momentary pause, and turned upon his mother
with a smile. “Is there anything to look melancholy about?” said Colin,
tossing back from his forehead the clouds of his brown hair.
“Oh, no, no, God forbid!” said the Mistress--“nothing but hope and the
blessing of God;” but she turned aside from the table, and began to put
away the things by way of concealing the tears that welled up to her
tender eyes; though neither she nor any one for her could have told why.
“Never mind your mother,” said the farmer, “though it’s out of the
common to see a cloud on her face when there’s no cloud to speak of on
the sky. But women are aye having freits and fancies. I think mysel’
it’s the wisest thing ye can do to close with Sir Thomas’s proposal. I
wouldna say but you’ll see a good deal o’ the world,” said the farmer,
shrewd but ignorant; “not that I’m so simple as to suppose that an
English gentleman’s country-seat will bring you to onything very
extraordinary in the way of company; but still, that class of folk is
wonderfully connected, and ye might see mair there in a season than you
could here in a lifetime. It’s time I were looking after Archie and the
men,” said big Colin; “it’s no often I’m so late in the morning. I
suppose you’ll write to Sir Thomas yourself, and make a’ the
arrangements. Ye can say we’re quite content, and pleased at his
thoughtfulness. If that’s no to your mind, Colin, I’m sorry for it; for
a man should be aye man enough to give thanks where thanks are due.”
With this last admonition big Colin of Ramore took up his hat and went
off to his fields. “I wish the callant didna keep a grudge,” he said to
himself, as he went upon his cheerful way. “If he were to set up in
rivalry wi’ young Frankland!” but with the thought a certain smile came
upon the father’s face. He too could not refrain from a certain contempt
of the baronet’s dainty son; and there was scarcely any limit to his
pride and confidence in his boy.
The Mistress occupied herself in putting things to rights in the parlour
long after her husband had gone to the fields. She thought Lauderdale
too wanted to be alone with Colin; and, with natural jealousy, could not
permit the first word of counsel to come from any lips but her own. The
mistress had no baby to occupy her in these days; the little one whom
she had on her bosom at the opening of our history, who bore her own
name and her own smile, and was the one maiden blossom of her life, had
gone back to God who gave her; and, when her boys were at school, the
gentle woman was alone. There was little doing in the dairy just then,
and Mrs. Campbell had planned her occupations so as to have all the time
that was possible to enjoy her son’s society. So she had no special call
upon her at that moment, and lingered over her little business, till
Lauderdale, who would fain have said his say, strayed out in despair,
finding no room for him. “When you’ve finished your letter, Colin,
you’ll find me on the hill,” he said, as he went out; and could not
refrain from a murmur in his own mind at the troublesome cares of “thae
women.” “They’re sweet to see about a house, and the place is hame where
they are,” said the philosopher to himself with a sigh; “but, oh, such
fykes as they ware their hearts on!” The mistress’s “fykes,” however,
were over when the stranger left the house. She came softly to Colin’s
table, where he was writing, and sat down beside him. As for Colin, he
was so much absorbed in his letter that he did not observe his mother;
and it was only when he lifted his head to consider a sentence, and
found her before him, that he woke up, with a little start, out of that
more agreeable occupation, and asked, “Do you want me?” with a look of
annoyance which went to the mistress’s heart.
“Yes, Colin, I want you just for a moment,” said his mother. “I want to
speak to you of this new change in your life. Your father thinks nothing
but it’s Sir Thomas Frankland you’re going to, to be tutor to his boys;
but, oh, Colin, I ken better! It’s no the fine house and the new life
that lights such light in my laddie’s eye. Colin, listen to me. She’s
far above you in this world, though it’s no to be looked for that I
could think ony woman was above you; but she’s a lady with mony wooers,
and you’re but a poor man’s son. Oh, Colin, my man! dinna gang near that
place, nor put yourself in the way of evil, if you havena confidence
both in her and yoursel’. Do you think you can see her day by day and no
break your heart? or do you think she’s worthy of a heart to be thrown
away under her feet? Or, oh, my laddie! tell me this first of a’--do you
think you could ask her, or she could consent, to lose fortune and
grandeur for your sake? Colin, I’m no joking; it’s awfu’ earnest,
whatever you may think. Tell me--if you’ve ony regard for your mother,
or wish her ony kind of comfort the time you’re away.”
This Mrs. Campbell said with tears shining in her eyes, and a look of
entreaty in her face, which Colin had hard ado to meet. But the lad was
full of his own thoughts, and impatient of the interruption which
detained him.
“I wish I knew what you meant,” he said pettishly. “I wish you would not
talk of--people who have nothing to do with my poor little concerns.
Surely, I may be suffered to engage in ordinary work like other people,”
said Colin. “As for the lady you speak of--”
And here the youth paused with a natural smile lurking at the corners of
his lips--a smile of youthful confidence and self-gratulation. Not for a
kingdom would the young hero have boasted of any look or word she had
ever bestowed upon him; but he could not deny himself the delicious
consciousness that she must have had something to do with this
proposal--that it must have been her suggestion, or at least supported,
seconded by her. Only through her could her uncle have known that he was
tutor at Ardmartin; and the thought that it was she herself who was
taking what maidenly means she could for their speedy reunion was too
sweet to Colin’s heart to be breathed in words, even if he could have
done it without a betrayal of his hopes.
“Ay, Colin, the lady--” said his mother; “you say no more in words, but
your eye smiles, and your mouth, and I see the flush on your cheek.
She’s bonnie and sweet and fair-spoken, and I canna think she means ony
harm; but, oh, Colin, my man, mind what a difference in this world!
You’ve nothing to offer her like what she’s been used to,” said the
innocent woman, “and if I was to see my son come back breaking his heart
for ane that was above his reach, and maybe no worthy!--” She could not
say any more, partly because she had exhausted herself, partly because
Colin rose from the table with a flush of excitement, which made his
mother tremble.
“Worthy of me!” said the young man, with a kind of groan, “worthy of me!
Mother, I don’t think you know what you are saying. I am going to
Wodensbourne whatever happens. It may be for good or for evil; I can’t
tell; but I am going, and you must ask me no further questions--not on
this point. I am to be tutor to Sir Thomas Frankland’s boy,” said Colin,
sitting down, with the smile again in his eyes. “Nothing more--and what
could happen better to a poor Scotch student? He might have had a
Cambridge man, and he chooses me. Let me finish my letter, mother dear.”
“He wouldna get many Cambridge men, or ony other men, like my boy,” said
the mother half reassured; and she rearranged with her hands, that
trembled a little, the writing-desk, which Colin’s hasty movements had
thrust out of the way.
“Ah, mother, but a Scotch University does not count for the same as an
English one,” said Colin, with a smile and a sigh; “it is not for my
gifts Sir Thomas has chosen me,” he added, somewhat impatiently, taking
up his pen again. What was it for? That old obligation of Harry
Frankland’s life saved, which Colin had always treated as a fiction? or
the sweet influence of some one who knew that Colin loved her? Which was
it? If the youth determined it should be the last, could anybody wonder?
He bent his head again over his paper, and wrote, with his heart beating
high, that acceptance which was to restore him to her society. As for
the Mistress, she left her son, and went about her homely business,
wiping some tears from her eyes. “I kenna what woman could close her
heart,” she said to herself, with a little sob, in her ignorance and
innocence. “Oh, if she’s only worthy!” but, for all that, the mother’s
heart was heavy within her, though she could not have told why.
The letter was finished and sealed up before Colin joined his friend on
the hillside, where Lauderdale was straying about with his hands in his
pockets, breathing long sighs into the fresh air, and unable to
restrain, or account for, his own restlessness and uneasiness. One of
those great dramas of sunshine and shadow, which are familiar to the
Holy Loch, was going on just then among the hills, and the philosopher
had made various attempts to interest himself in those wonderful
alternations of gloom and light, but without avail. Nature, which is so
full of interest when the heart is unoccupied, dwindles and grows pale
in presence of the poorest human creature who throws a shadow into her
sunshine. Not all those wonderful gleams of light--not all those clouds,
driven wildly like so many gigantic phantoms into the solemn hollows,
could touch the heart of the man who was trembling for his friend.
Lauderdale roused himself up when Colin came to him, and met him
cheerfully. “So you’ve written your letter?” he said, “and accepted the
offer? I thought as much, by your eye.”
“You did not need to consult my eye,” said Colin, gaily. “I said as
much. But I must walk down the loch a mile or two to meet the postman.
Will you come? Let us take the good of the hills,” said the youth, with
his heart running over. “Who can tell when we may be here again
together? I like this autumn weather, with its stormy colours; and I
suppose now my fortune, as you call it, will lead me to a flat
country--that is, for a year or two at least.”
“Ay,” said Lauderdale, with a kind of groan; “that is how the world
appears at your years. Who can tell when we may be here again together?
Who can tell, laddie, what thoughts may be in our hearts when we _are_
here again? I never have any security myself, when I leave a place, that
I’ll ever dare to come back,” said the meditative man. “The innocent
fields might have a cruel aspect, as if God had cursed them, and, for
anything I know, I might hate the flowers that could bloom, and the sun
that could shine, and had no heart for my trouble. No that you
understand what I’m meaning; but that’s the way it affects a man like
me.”
“What are you thinking of?” cried Colin, with a little dismay; “one
would fancy you saw some terrible evil approaching. Of course the future
is uncertain, but I am not particularly alarmed by anything that appears
to me. What are you thinking of, Lauderdale? Your own career?”
“Oh, ay, just my ain career,” said Lauderdale, with a smile; “such a
career to make a work about! though I am just as content as most men. I
mind when my ain spirit was whiles uplifted as yours is, laddie; it’s
_that_ that makes a man think. It comes natural to the time of life,
like the bright eye and the bloom on the cheek; and there’s no sentence
of death in it either, if you come to that,” he went on to himself after
a pause. “Life holds on--it aye holds on; a hope mair or less makes
little count. And without the struggle, never man that was worth
calling man came to his full stature.” All this Lauderdale kept saying
to himself as he descended the hillside, leaping here and there over a
half-concealed streamlet, and making his way through the withered ferns
and the long tangled streamers of the bramble, which caught at him as he
passed. He was not so skilful in overcoming these obstacles as Colin,
who was to the manner born; and he got a little out of breath as he
followed the lad, who, catching his monologue by intervals in the
descent, looked at the melancholy philosopher with his young eyes, which
laughed, and did not understand.
“I wonder what you are thinking of,” said Colin. “Not of me, certainly;
but I see you are afraid of something, as if I were going to encounter a
great danger. Lauderdale,” said the lad, stopping and laying his hand on
his friend’s arm for one confidential moment, “whatever danger there is,
I _have_ encountered it. Don’t be afraid for me.”
“I was saying nothing about you, callant,” said Lauderdale, pettishly.
“Why should I aye be thinking of you? A man has more things to consider
in this life than the vagaries of a slip of a laddie, that doesna see
where he’s bound for. I’m thinking of things far out of your way,” said
the philosopher; “of disappointments and heart-breaks, and a’ the
eclipses that are invisible to common e’en. I’ve seen many in my day.
I’ve seen a trifling change that made no difference to the world quench
a’ the light and a’ the comfort out of life. There’s more things in
heaven or earth than were ever dreamt of at your years. And whiles a man
wonders how, for very pity, God can stay still in His heavens and look
on--”
Colin could not say anything to the groan with which his friend broke
off. He was troubled and puzzled, and could not make it out. They went
on together along the white line of road, on which, far off in the
distance, the youth already saw the postman whom he was hastening to
meet; and, busy as he was with his own thoughts, Colin had already
forgotten to inquire what his companion referred to, when his attention,
which had wandered completely away, was suddenly recalled again by the
voice at his side.
“I’m speaking like a man that cannot see the end,” said Lauderdale,
“which is clear to Him, if there’s any meaning in life. You’re for
taking your chance and posting your letter, laddie! and you ken nothing
about any nonsense that an old fool like me may be maundering. For one
thing, there’s aye plenty to divert the mind in this country,” said the
philosopher, with a sigh; and stood still at the foot of the long slope
they had just descended, looking with a wistful abstracted look upon the
loch and the hills; at which change of mood Colin could not restrain
himself, but with ready boyish mirth laughed aloud.
“What has this country to do with it all? You are in a very queer mood
to-day, Lauderdale--one moment as solemn and mysterious as if you knew
of some great calamity, and the next talking of the country. What do you
mean I wonder?” But his wonder was not very deep, and stirred lightly in
the heart which was full of so many wishes and ambitions of its own.
With that letter in his hand, and that new life before him, how could he
help but look at the lonely man by his side with a half-divine
compassion?--a man to whom life offered no prizes, and scarcely any
hopes. He was aware in his heart that Lauderdale was anxious about
himself, and the thought of that unnecessary solicitude moved Colin half
to laughter. Poor Lauderdale--upon whom he looked down from the
elevation of his young life with the tenderest pity! He smiled upon his
friend in his exaltation and superiority. “You are more inexplicable
than usual to-day. I wonder what you mean?” said Colin with all the
sunshine of youth and joy, defying evil forebodings, in his eyes.
“It would take a wise man to tell,” said Lauderdale; “I would not
pretend, for my own part, to fathom what any fool might mean--much less
what I mean myself, that have glimmerings of sense at times. Yon
sunshine’s awfu’ prying about the hills. Light’s aye inquisitive, and
would fain be at the bottom of every mystery--which is, maybe, the
reason,” said the speculative observer, “why there’s nae grandeur to
speak of, nor meaning, according to mortal notions, without clouds and
darkness. Yonder’s your postman, callant. Give him the letter and be
done with it. I whiles find myself wondering how it is that we take so
little thought to God’s meanings--what ye might call His lighter
meanings--His easy verses and such-like, that are thrown about the
world, in the winds and the sky. To be sure, I ken just as well as you
do that it’s currents of air, and masses of vapour, and electricity, and
all the rest of it. It’s awfu’ easy learning the words--but will you
tell me there’s no meaning to a man’s heart and soul in the like of
that?” said Colin’s companion, stopping suddenly with a sigh of
impatience and vexation, which had to do with something more vital than
the clouds. Just then, nature truly seemed to have come to a pause, and
to be standing still, like themselves, looking on. The sky that was so
blue and broad a moment since had contracted to a black vault over the
Holy Loch. Blackness that was positive and not a mere negation frowned
out of all the half-disclosed mysterious hollows of the hills. The
leaves that remained on the trees thrilled with a spasmodic shiver, and
the little ripples came crowding up on the beach with a sighing
suppressed moan of suspense and apprehension. So, at least, it seemed to
one if not both of the spectators standing by.
“It means a thunderstorm, in the first place,” said Colin; “look how it
begins to come down in a torrent of gloom over Loch Goil. We have just
time to get under shelter. It is very well for us we are so near
Ramore.”
“Ay--” said Lauderdale. He repeated the syllable over again and again as
they hurried back. “But the time will come, when we’ll no be near
Ramore,” he said to himself as the storm reached him and dashed in his
face not twenty yards from the open door. Colin’s laugh, as he reached
with a bound the kindly portal, was all the answer which youth and hope
gave to experience. The boy was not to be discouraged on that sweet
threshold of his life.