It was in a semi-conscious state that I struck the water head foremost,
and it was by instinct, I suppose, that I immediately started to swim
away from the side of the vessel.
Although I was a powerful swimmer it seemed as if I should never reach
the surface again. The sudden and unexpected plunge had caused me to go
into the sea with my mouth open and thereby swallow a large quantity of
salt water. When almost on the verge of strangulation, however, by a
supreme effort I finally managed to reach the air again, more dead than
alive. It was then some time before I regained my breath and fully
understood what had happened. I assure the reader that it was not a very
pleasant sensation to find myself out in the middle of the ocean without
even the support of a life preserver and the ship sailing away in the
distance. During my adventurous career I had faced death a score of
times without the slightest emotion or semblance of fright, but as I
floated about on that broad expanse of water alone I then realized for
the first time in my life what a tiny, helpless microbe I really was.
Oh, you little mortal known as man; you microscopical mixture of
protoplasm and egotism; you atomical speck of ignorance and avarice; you
who believe that the earth, moon, stars and all creation was
manufactured for your special benefit; if you could only be shown your
actual size in the universe as I was on that occasion, I think it would
result in the eradication of some of your innate vanity and selfishness,
thereby proving an incalculable blessing to you.
And now at last I was placed in a position whereby I could feel and
reflect upon my own littleness. I had absolutely no hope of being saved
from a watery grave, feeling that it was only a matter of an hour or two
before I should succumb to the inevitable and sink to the bottom of the
sea. Still I was unwilling to give up the few bones entrusted to my care
until finally overcome by exhaustion and so I kept afloat by lying on my
back and exerting myself as little as possible.
At length, however, my strength gave way entirely and I felt that the
time had arrived when I must come face to face with the God whom I had
been taught to believe in from infancy according to the Christian faith.
Then it seemed that a million thoughts crowded themselves into my brain
at the same time.
How would He receive me? What dire judgment would He pass upon me? Had I
ever done anything to merit His pleasure? I could not recollect one good
deed I had ever accomplished of sufficient importance to call to His
attention, but on the contrary I recalled a thousand bad acts I should
not have committed. I had spent a roving, aimless existence in which I
had done practically nothing to increase the production or knowledge of
the world, I had lived for myself alone--a life of mere pleasure
seeking, without ever a thought of others' rights or happiness. I
remembered that during a hunting expedition in Africa how I had once
shot and killed seventeen spring-bok in one day, and how I had swelled
up with conceit to know that I had destroyed the lives of that many
living things. True, they were not human beings, but were they not
creatures of nature as well as myself? What right had I to take the life
of any living thing at all, let alone for mere pleasure? What excuse
could I now offer if tried for that cowardly offence? Would I ask God's
forgiveness? If so, would it be any better to ask Him to forgive me just
before I died or immediately afterward? What difference would it make?
Then again I wondered if God would have any more respect for me if after
committing the deed I whined and begged for mercy. Would He not consider
that cowardly on my part? Would He not think better of me if I went
forward bravely and said: Here I am, O God, I know I have done wrong,
now punish me as Thou see'st fit. What would I do if I were to occupy
the Creator's position as supreme judge in a case of that kind? Would I
not think far more of the man who would come forward courageously and
take the punishment he deserved than the creeping, cringing and whining
being who begged for mercy? Would God the Creator be more unreasonable
about the matter than I, whom He had created?
I had always thanked God as well as my parents for the extraordinary
physical strength and courage with which I was endowed, and during my
life of trials and hardships that courage had never been shaken by man
or beast, but now I felt that the crucial test was about to be applied.
Would the courage the Almighty gave me weaken when about to face Him who
had bestowed it upon me?
With these and similar thoughts passing through my mind and my strength
exhausted, I took one long breath and sank beneath the water.