We have just returned from another of those little expeditions which are
becoming almost a habit with the ---- Frontier Force when in search of
an enemy whose discretion is only rivalled by that of the German High
Seas Fleet. We moved out four days ago with all the pomp of war--horse,
foot and guns, ambulances and long trains of transport waggons, the
fierce vivid fighting of the desert before us. We rode seventeen miles
that day and camped at some wells. As we rolled ourselves in our
blankets round the camp-fires to rest for the glorious contest of the
morrow our hearts should have been filled with dreams of undying fame.
But we were really wondering when the squadron transport would arrive
with our porridge and sausages for breakfast.
Next morning we were in the saddle by 3 A.M., and after some ten or
twelve hours of unbroken and undisputed progress we captured two Arab
shepherds in charge of as many as eight sheep. This _succès fou_ was the
cause of justifiable satisfaction.
In the first place we scented liver and bacon for breakfast. In the
second place it seemed to promise a settlement of the long-standing
dispute between me and the General. The General has a preposterous
theory about the existence and hostility of a vast number of mythical
Arabs in our immediate neighbourhood. Now this is obviously absurd. With
the exception of three palm-trees, which belong to us, there is nothing
but sand for about two hundred miles in all directions, and even an Arab
cannot subsist entirely on sand. Of course, if there were any Arabs near
us, they would be so enraged at finding themselves at a spot two hundred
miles from anything except sand that they would be violently hostile to
anyone, especially to the people who had engaged the only three
palm-trees in the neighbourhood. But it is their existence that I
dispute with the General. It is true he took a most unfair dialectical
advantage, about a fortnight ago, by having a large battle. But my
contention is that the enemy on this occasion were merely orange-sellers
from the nearest town, hired by the General for the purpose of argument.
These two shepherds, however, did seem to support his theory of the
existence of Arabs, but as to their hostility there was still room for
doubt. They were both extraordinarily old and unbelievably dirty. Also
they were, as was very natural, extremely frightened. Seeing that they
knew themselves to be the only living people for quite a number of miles
round, it must have appeared to them that the entire ---- Frontier Force
had come out solely for the purpose of capturing them, and that, as it
had ridden some forty miles to do it, it would not be in a good temper.
It was therefore rather hard to judge of their hostility, because as
soon as they were confronted with the General and the interpreter they
gave one yell of "Allah!" and fell flat, face downwards, in the sand,
from which position they refused to move. They would not even budge when
the interpreter took all their clothes off with a view to searching
them. They probably thought this was merely a preliminary to skinning
them. When they were finally induced to speak, I believe they were
understood to say that we were the first men they'd seen for eight
years. I don't wonder they were frightened. If you have lived all your
life all alone in the middle of a howling desert with Grandfather it's a
very frightening thing when a complete Frontier Force marches forty
miles for the sole purpose of capturing you.
But the day's excitement was not over yet. Towards evening I took my
troop off at a gallop in person and captured a camel. It was a very
young camel, hardly bigger than a sheep on stilts, and it cried like a
child at the sight of me. This, I hope, was not so much due to my
frightful appearance in my red moustaches as to the fact that it had
probably never seen a man at all (not being eight years old), let alone
an army.
The curious aversion which it conceived for my moustache threatened to
hold up the entire Frontier Force for the rest of the day, for it would
neither be led nor driven. Fortunately, however, we had a very black
Soudanese camel-driver with us as guide, and he came and spat at it,
which soothed it considerably, and it followed him like a lamb. We got
it back to camp next day and it is tied up near my tent. It has
apparently made up its mind to waive the moustache question, and we now
spit at one another in the friendliest fashion whenever I pass. I hope
in time to train it to bring up my bath water in the morning from the
three palm-trees.
_Later._--The camel was the last episode of the campaign, and we
returned to ---- yesterday. The total bag of a four days' expedition
was--sheep, 8; shepherds, 2; camel, 1. The human section was
subsequently released on the grounds that their political views were
satisfactory.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A well-known octopus family, having heard of the undersea
photography, decides to pose.]
* * * * *